“You have Mace?” Raven intrigues me just a little bit more each time she opens her mouth.
“Never mind that.” Low kicks off her heels and crawls under the comforter to my right. Low and Raven are finally proving to be the bookends I’ve always known them to be. “Why the heck wasn’t I invited to this lovefest and”—she pulls back the covers a notch before pulling them snug to her chest—“my word, that is a bush staring back at me!” She leans forward and looks to Raven intently. “Where are Lex’s panties and what have you done to her?”
Raven rolls her eyes. “Believe it or not, she came home dressed this way. She spent the night with—”
“Axel,” I cut her off. Tears well up in my eyes, and a knot quickens in my throat. “I lost my mind and let him have his way with me.”
Low gasps so loud you’d think I were confessing a felony. And in a way, I am. “Well—did you get to have your way with him?”
A devilish grin percolates on my lips. “More than once, and sadly, not quite enough.” A shiver runs through me at the memory of his strong, weighted frame over mine. Axel made love to me with his whole body. He’s a master between the sheets. Not that I have anything to compare him with, but innately I know that Axel Collins is a force to be reckoned with in bed. A force I rather enjoyed reckoning with come to think of it.
“Holy crap!” Low gives me a hard shove into Raven’s arms. “What the heck are you doing here? You should be holed up in bed with that boy, wrapped in his arms, and whatever other body parts he held you hostage with.”
“I would have been if Raven hadn’t sent my big brother after him.”
A shouting match ensues in which Raven attempts to apologize and simultaneously fill Low in on all the ridiculous details.
“Wow.” Low fans herself with a fashion catalog sitting on my nightstand. “But I don’t get it. After Marlin left, you could have easily stayed with Axel.” She leans in with that nosy look on her pert little face. “What happened? You can tell us.”
Raven gently picks up my hand and clamps both of hers over mine, and something about the act warms me. “We’re your friends, Lex. Whatever happened once Marlin left, we’ll support you no matter what.”
“I’ll kill Axel if he hurt you,” Low offers quickly as if it were a given. “Actually, I’ll probably have Levi do it since death can get messy. Plus, he’s known him longer and can really cut to his weakness.”
“His weakness.” A dull laugh dies in my chest. “I suppose that would be me.” I give a guilty shrug just before segueing into the fact that I dumped Axel all over again before stomping out of his penthouse this afternoon.
“Oh, Lex.” Low drops her head in her hands, and her dirty blonde curls spill over the bed. “That boy loves you, and you love him. I’m sorry, but I’m calling it like I see it. Why the heck wouldn’t you want to have everything with him?”
Raven wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Because that’s what she does—she pushes people away.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. And in the first time in forever it feels as if someone understands me completely.
I look over at her. Raven has a sweetness about her that reminds me of both Serena and Sunday on a painful level. I already have two girls to look after. I don’t need yet another set. And that’s when it hits me. Raven doesn’t need me to look after her. She’s a grown woman. Raven is simply being—dare I say, a friend? I glance to Low as the same realization hits. Raven and Low are truly there for me. Not as family—as friends. It feels unforgivably strange, and yet it feels right.
I take a deep breath as if I were about to dive belly first into ice-cold waters. “She’s right. I push people away.” A hot tear rolls down my cheek and it feels good, as if I’ve finally lanced a blister that’s been tormenting me for the last decade or so of my life.
Raven lays her head on my shoulder, and her dark hair spills between us like shards of black glass. “It’s because your mother left you. How could you possibly trust another adult? Let alone another human being.”
I give a hard sniff, nodding, suddenly unable to speak at all. It’s as if Raven knows me better than I know myself.
Low grunts as if she were kicked in the gut. “And you mentioned to me a few months back about your father passing. You had to do it all—be both mother and father to your siblings. Not to mention your aunt’s kids.” I filled Low in on my sordid family history a few months ago while she was temporarily separated from Levi. It was the night I kissed him, but we don’t talk about that anymore.
“You put up a wall.” Raven nods knowingly. “To protect yourself. If you’re not in charge—well, neither is anyone else.”
“Yes.” I sit up with the epiphany. “I mean, I’ve always known it deep down inside, but just hearing it like this—it really paints a picture.”
Low scoots in close to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “And that’s why you pushed Axel away this afternoon. He was getting too close to home, wasn’t he?”
“He was.” The words come out smaller than a whisper. The truth is, Axel had infiltrated the deepest part of me both physically and emotionally. He did years ago, and I’ve never been able to fully evict him.
“Let him in.” Raven glides her arms around me as well, and it feels nice being wrapped in a hug from both Raven and Low. Especially now when I need it most. “Let him love you.”
Low chuckles. “Heck, that boy wants to worship you.”
Raven leans in with those intense sea blue eyes. “Do you love him?”
“Of course.” My fingers tap over my lips. “Oh my God, I do. I didn’t even have to think about it.”
“You never stopped.” Low scolds with her finger, and the three of us share a quiet laugh.
“I didn’t, did I?” It feels as if a freight train just smacked into my face. “I have never stopped loving Axel Collins. I love him still. I love him so much it hurts to think of all the agony I’ve put us through.” Tears buck through me as both Raven and Low join in on the cryingfest.
“So now what?” Low hiccups into my ear.
“First thing tomorrow, I’ll head over to The Pelican and tell him how I feel.”
“First thing tomorrow?” Raven is protesting the idea simply with her tone.
“That’s right.” I fall back onto the pillow mountain, and the two of them do the same. “Right now, I need to finish up a rom-com marathon with my two best friends.”
“Aww!” they both coo in unison as we engage in a three-way embrace.
Raven sighs heavily as she looks up. “Still so impressed by the bush.”
I kick her knee off my stomach, and the three of us share another laugh. It feels good. Heck, it feels great. Just the thought of two people whom I’m not blood-related to caring anything about me is pretty darn amazing. It feels downright special.
But the real reason I didn’t speed right over to Axel’s penthouse with my new heart-shaped epiphany is far less easier to finger than a simple rom-com with friends. I suppose at the end of the day it has more to do with fear than anything else. What exactly is it about having a relationship with Axel Collins that frightens me?
Everything.
The Sloppy Pelican is quiet just an hour after opening. It’s noon and the lunch crowd hasn’t quite streamed in. Mojo let me know that Ax was across the street at the bank depositing last night’s take, so I make myself comfortable at a booth near the back. I pull out my laptop and open the file that reads Epicurean Elite. Now that I’ll have Axel back—undoubtedly—hopefully, and not to mention the fact I have two bonus besties—I can focus in on fulfilling my personal goals and dreams. I giggle to myself for a moment. Just the thought makes me giddy, and I’ve long hated anything associated with that word. It’s strange. It’s as if during this, the most tumultuous time in my life, I’ve actually become the person I’ve always wanted to be—free from all of that heaviness my mother hung me with before she left. All of the angst, the sarcasm, the outright hatred was a millstone she placed aro
und my neck before shoving me into the deep end of life.
“Epicurean Elite?” a light female voice snips from over my shoulder, and I turn to find Abby Wilcox tee-heeing to herself. “What’s this? Some snazzy new place you hope to land yourself a job?” She plops down next to me, elbow-to-elbow, and it’s all I can do not to knock her onto the floor with my hip. I may have forged two solid friendships, but I’ve hit my limit. Abby Wilcox is no friend. There’s something smarmy about her I can’t quite put my finger on.
“It’s actually something I’m thinking of starting myself.”
“What?” She leans in and scours the first few lines before I snap the laptop shut. “A search engine for great food,” she muses at the tagline. It still needs work. I’d never put it out there without polishing it first. “Sounds like something that’s already in existence.” She clears her throat with a haughty air about her. There. That’s exactly why I can’t stand her. She’s haughty to the max. A self-satisfied smile comes to my lips.
“It might already exist, but my site will be better. It will purely be comprised of food specialists that I’ll personally vet myself.”
“And how exactly will this make money?” She shakes her head, doubtful of my financial return as if she had a right to be so judgmental.
“It’s ad based—details in which I won’t bore you with.” A familiar face brightens the room, and I’m filled with both delight and grief simultaneously. “Teagan!” I flag her over. “Look.” I nudge Abby out of the booth in order to plot my own escape. “I need to help someone out with a little party planning.” I gather my things before giving Teagan a heartfelt embrace. I close my eyes, and for a moment I fool myself into believing it was Emilia I was locked in a hug with. I guess you could say Emilia was my first real friend. I think she’d be thrilled to know that after all these years I’ve made a couple more. Not to mention the fact I bet she’d be tickled to know that Axel and I are back on for good—I hope.
“I’m not dying, am I?” Teagan pulls back with a laugh that sounds exactly like Emilia’s once did. I can’t imagine the bitter pain her parents must feel, that Axel must feel.
“Nope, I’m just glad to see you. I’ve got a million ideas about your eighteenth birthday party.”
“Good.” She leads us off in the direction of the room in the back. “Because my party is next weekend and I need this thing to rock. And I’ve decided that I’m going to call it my Freedom Fest.”
“Eighteen and free at last?” I can’t help but laugh. “Was it hard time?”
“Ugh.” She slings her arm over her forehead and pretends to faint. “The hardest!”
Teagan and I go over everything from flowers to the band. You would think she were marrying British royalty the way Pinterest boards were being formed and analyzed.
Teagan slaps her hand to her cheek as we study the vast array of images we’ve managed to compile in the short hour we’ve been at it. “Do you really think this could all come together that quickly?”
“Are you kidding?” I close my laptop as we both stand for the first time in an hour. “I’m a pro at making things happen. I’m organized to a fault, and believe me, I’ll use this superpower to make sure your birthday goes off without a hitch.”
“Thank you.” She throws her arms around me tight as if I were her Freedom Fest savior, and I just might be. She was looking into mouth blown balloons and crepe paper before she met me.
“You’re welcome.” And now is a perfect time to segue into a quick sound bite for Barnes. It’s never too early to indoctrinate the youth as far as higher education goes. Now that Axel and I are practically back together, Teagan is family. And just like Teagan, there’s no way I’d want her anywhere near Whitney Briggs. My heart pinches because Sunday just so happens to attend that sexed-up university. But it’s a longstanding Knight family tradition, so I didn’t dare interfere. Plus, her big brother Rush is there. What could go wrong? But as far as Serena and Teagan go, nope. It’s Barnes all the way. Just as I open my mouth to get the indoctrination underway, Shep pops up.
“There you are. Come on, kiddo. I need to get you back to the office before Dad turns you into a pumpkin.”
“Ugh,” she grunts at the thought. “That’s right. Dad’s got some big acquisition meeting this afternoon. A million new ideas by a million new people. It’s safe to say my father very much enjoys riding the coattails of others.” She sticks her finger down her throat and wretches.
“Text me if you need anything,” I say as she speeds back out into the restaurant, but Shep takes a few steps back.
“I talked to Mortgage Mergers. They said you haven’t filed for the refi. I can help you with the paperwork if you’d like.” He ticks his head in the exact way that Axel does. It’s a bit unnerving how much alike Axel, Shep, and Teagan are. And come to think of it, one of my favorite things about Emilia was how much she reminded me of Axel.
“I think I have someone to help me out with that.” I swallow hard because I can feel it coming. “You know, I sort of just learned about Emilia’s passing, and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am.”
Shep’s cheek flinches. “We all are. Thank you.” He steals a quick embrace. “You have a beating heart after all.” He gives a playful wink as we head back out to the bar. “There were bets in place at one time.”
I belt out a laugh. “Did you make any money?”
“I took the over-under. Nothing too exciting happened.”
We share a laugh as we step out into the dining room, and I freeze solid once I see him. There he is, Axel—speaking sweetly to his baby sister. My adrenaline kicks in because I know what’s coming. The time has arrived for me to make things right between us.
Shep and Teagan say goodbye as they hit the door, and it’s just Axel and me locked in a gaze.
“Hey, Lex.”
“Hey.” I swallow hard, trying to quickly factor how to unravel this knot. “You know, I hear the overlook is beautiful this time of year.”
His head inches back, and his brows knit with confusion. I couldn’t have stunned him more if I pulled a gun on him.
I step in close and take up both his hands. My breathing grows erratic, and my lip quivers—a nervous twitch I loathe because it forever eats away at my self-confidence. “Remember that hike you offered up the first day we met at the Black Bear?” My entire body shakes as I ask the question. I might as well have taken off all my clothes and splayed myself naked over a pool table, and I wouldn’t feel half as vulnerable.
His eyes enlarge as the implications of my chaste proposition settle in.
“Are you asking me out on a date?” His lips cinch with a grin, and a swell of relief fills me.
“Only if you’re accepting. Do you think you can sneak away for an hour? I hear the owner who runs this place is a real jerk.”
Axel’s chest rumbles with a dry laugh, his eyes never leaving mine. “I think I can take him if he gives us any trouble.” He holds an arm out. “Shall we?”
I link my arm through his, and it feels comfortable, right. “We shall.”
Hollow Brook has always held a special charm. A small town perched on a mountaintop, hillsides abounding, lakes just a stone’s throw away, and if you drive down the mountain and head east, you will inevitably hit a beach. But today, the only body of water we’ll be seeing is that of the Witch’s Cauldron. Thoughts of our last encounter there permeate my mind, and I carefully push them all away.
Axel and I don’t say much on the way up. I think he’s too afraid I’ll ask him to turn the car around, and I’m too afraid he might be right. Axel carefully bypasses the Witch’s Cauldron and her sister thermal springs and parks near the hiking trails up by the overlook. Wise choice. And by that small action, I’m no longer worried about dredging up the awful past. I’m not ready to, nor do I ever want to. I like the thought of new beginnings.
We get out, and I stretch back to life while inhaling vats full of crisp autumn air. A burst of color snags my attention from do
wn the mountain, and I gasp.
“Look at that!” I marvel, and we head to the overlook and take in the fall splendor that’s covering the world below. Maples, liquid ambers, oaks, and aspens all have traded their lime green leaves for bold hues of gold, red, and tangerine. It’s so beautiful I don’t want to move a single step away from here. How could a world that holds so much fragile beauty be so broken and cruel? In the end that’s what I had become, broken and cruel.
“It’s nice.” Axel wraps his arms around me from behind, and his warm breath trickles over my neck. “But it has nothing on you.” He spins me into him, those bright eyes of his sealed over mine.
Axel is a gorgeous man—one I’ve always felt was far too handsome for me. But I’ve noticed more often than not an ever-present sadness lurking beneath the surface when he looks at me. I’ve hurt him, I know. But it’s deeper than that. He’s afraid he won’t ever reach me. That I won’t ever stop hurting him. And a part of me is terrified of just that. People don’t change overnight. Some people never change. My mother couldn’t love her own children. How far could I have rolled from the family tree? After all, I’ve got her blood in me.
My mouth opens to say something, but Axel gently lands a finger over my lips, and I take the opportunity to steal a kiss.
“I owe you an apology.” He winces before closing his eyes a moment. “I’m sorry about the other night. I should never have let things go that far.”
“What?” I squawk so loud a flock of sparrows darts out of the evergreen above us. “If you’re about to break into the I-think-we-should-just-be-friends speech, I might be moved to toss you off the side of this cliff.”
He bucks with a warm laugh. “That’s what I love about you—you’ve got some fight in you.”
A breath of frustration strums from me. “It’s also what killed us.”
“I’m not giving you the let’s-be-friends speech.” His hands warm me as they glide over my back. “I’m giving you the I-wish-I-didn’t-take-advantage-of-you-the-other-night speech. The I-think-we-need-to-take-things-slow speech. I’m in love with you, Lex.”
Summer Breeze Kisses Page 94