A familiar song plays overhead—“The Piña Colada Song”—and I pull back and lift a brow at Lex. “Does this remind you of anything?”
Lex’s mouth falls open, and she gasps. “The Black Bear! That first day we met and you accosted me with French fries and threatened to feed me to a bear in the woods.”
I frown slightly at her version of the truth. “I did not threaten to feed you to a bear. For your information, had the opportunity risen, I would have formally introduced you.”
“As a tasty piece of a—”
I cut her off with a laugh and save her from having to finish the colorful word. “As I was about to say”—I wince because for the life of me I wish there was a better segue to what I’m about to do—“I spoke with Marlin today.”
Her eyes pop wide. “As in my brother Marlin?” She gives me a quick once-over. “Clearly you have all your limbs, so you managed to live to tell about it.”
“Correct.” I grimace. “But you haven’t seen your brother, now have you?”
“Ha-ha.” She pinches my ribs. “Go on. You’ve got my attention, Collins.”
I bear into Lex Maxfield’s beautiful eyes. “I wanted to ask his—”
She slaps her fingers over her lips. “Blessing for my hand in marriage?”
And there you have it. This woman cannot handle a single surprise. I give a dull laugh. “His assistance in bringing peace back to your neighborhood.”
“What?” She slaps me hard over the arm. “Are you the reason there wasn’t a single protester in front of my house to greet me this morning?”
“And The Pelican.” I tip my forehead to hers. “But as much as I’d like to take all the credit, it was Marlin who put the official kibosh on the operation. It turns out the ringleader was wanted for parking violations. Rumor has it, she both ceased and desisted faster than you can say Stumpy go home.”
“Stumpy.” Lex bites down over her bottom lip as her eyes sparkle with tears. “You did that for me?”
I give a slight nod. “Were you hoping I had asked Marlin for your hand in marriage?”
Those full hot pink lips twist in a knot, and I’m dying to take a bite out of them myself. “Sort of—but only because I’m old-fashioned that way.” She makes a face.
“Good. Because I’m old-fashioned that way, too.” I tip my head as I soak in her beauty. “That’s why I did it.”
“Did what?” Her eyes are back to widening in disbelief, twin expansive emeralds. Lex has never appreciated a good surprise, and for that alone I’m walking on eggshells.
“Asked Marlin for your hand in marriage.”
Her mouth opens wide in a perfect O, and about a dozen perverse thoughts run through my mind—and then one pathetic one. I still haven’t proposed.
“So what do you say?” My muscles tense, my body breaks out into hot bites of sweat. “You—me? A tuxedo and a wedding gown?”
Her left eye comes shy of winking. I can tell she’s eating this up. “Is this a proposal or a costume roll call?”
I casually move us back toward the arch dripping with baby pink roses and pretend to trip, landing carefully on one knee. I look up at Lex, the roses enwreathing her from above, and for a moment I’m speechless. And then I remember my purpose in life and pull that ring out of my pocket that I’ve been saving for six long years.
“I believe this belongs to you.” I hold it between us. “Alexa Ximena Maxfield—I would be honored to spend my life with you. I will love you more than any man could ever imagine. I promise to worship you and be the best father to our children. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Lex takes in a never-ending breath, her fingers lightly covering her mouth.
“Oh my God!” a shrill female voice screams from our left, and we look over to see both Low and Levi standing there, stunned, with a photographer positioned behind them snapping a picture of us of all people. “Well?” Low jumps over and smacks Lex with her bouquet, and it rains pink petals all over Lex’s beautiful feet. “Get to it, sister!”
Lex looks back to me and gives a circular nod, tears glossing her eyes. “Yes!”
“Yes?” My heart thumps back to life, and I rise to my feet to meet her.
“Hell yes.” She wraps her arms around me so tight it feels as if she’s about to slip right through me.
“Hell yes!” I pick her up and spin her as the crowd screams and howls in our honor.
Lex smashes a dozen kisses over my face before pulling back. “Make it small and quick before I change my mind.” She gives a little wink.
Low jumps in. “No way! Not until I get back from my honeymoon. This is one wedding I’m not going to miss.”
“Fine,” Lex says without taking her sparkling eyes off mine. The joy she’s exuding is palpable. “Strudel will be the ring bearer.”
“Done,” I say before landing my lips to hers—to my fiancée’s. Lex and I kiss through the next six songs as the reception rages around us. Low leaned in and whispered that we couldn’t have given her and Levi a better wedding gift—but asked us politely not to beat them to the fun part of the night right here on the dance floor. I think that was code for get a room.
At the end of the night, not long after Low and Levi take off for Key Largo, Lex and I take off, each with a piña colada in hand, and we head out into the night—as serendipity would have it, getting caught in the rain.
We make love at midnight—long after midnight, until we greet the sun.
Lex is the love that I’ve looked for all my life, and now that I have her in my heart again, in my bed, there is no escape.
Lex is mine, and I am hers—forever.
*Need more Hollow Brook Kisses? Read Raven and Brody’s story NOW! Dirty Deeds (3:AM Kisses, Hollow Brook 3)
Dirty Deeds (Preview)
Addison Moore
Broke and Hitched
Raven
“JUDAS PRIEST!” I howl at the top of my lungs until my throat burns from the effort. The tiny dots on the ceiling spin like stars as the pain envelops me, bone deep.
“Cheese and rice!” Lex shrills so loud my eardrums sear, threatening to bleed, and oddly it distracts from the bodily devastation occurring to me at the moment.
“You heartless witch!” I howl over at her. Lex lies next to me on a massage table, much like my own, in the buff and beautifully bronzed, her wild red hair spraying around her head as if she were electrocuted. She’s an exotic beauty, but at this moment her beauty betrays her and clues the rest of the world in on her insanity as well. “Let’s do some female bonding, my ass!” And, oh my sweet goodness, does my ass ever sting like a mother.
The beady-eyed clinician staring at me from between my legs gives the glimmer of a wicked grin. “On three,” she trills. “Three.” She pulls the cotton strip off my pink parts, and it feels as if a demon from the pit of hell just breathed the fire of a thousand suns onto my poor vagina.
“GOD ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN! Please strike this woman to my right with a very lively, very white-hot bolt of lightning!” My voice penetrates the walls so thoroughly the windows shake from the effort.
Lex perks up on her elbows to garner a better look in my direction. “Did you just cast a pox on me?”
Without missing a beat, the evil clinician darts to Lex and rips her tender bits to pieces as well, and this time it’s Lex moaning like a dying animal.
“Damn right, I cast a pox on you, and a hex, and whatever the hell else the universe allows. You, my friend—no—my ex-friend, will have hell to pay once we leave this dungeon of darkness.”
Lex chortles at the thought as the clinician tends to our raw undercarriages and quickly soothes us with warm oil and heated towels.
“Dear God,” I pant as I fall back onto the poor excuse for a spa bed and contemplate all of the bad decisions I’ve made thus far in my twenty-seven years. And, believe you me, bar none befriending this she-devil at my side is by far the worst of the worst. “Most mean girls traditionally give me the side-eye and
the occasional finger. You really know how to go the whole nine hairless yards.”
“Oh, quit your bitchin’.”
I suck in a quick breath as I roll onto my side to get a better look at her, and a dirty bomb goes off on that landing strip I just scalped. UGH!
Honest to God, if a single pubic hair ever grows back, it will be a miracle worthy to report to the Vatican.
“Excuse me.” I take a moment to appropriately stare her down. “Did you—the queen of all things prissy and proper, just let an expletive fly?” I’ve lived with Lex long enough to know she’s allergic to colorful language. Lex Ximena Maxfield is a mean girl to be reckoned with. And honestly, it’s why I like her best. She’s not my typical kind of girlfriend. We met quite accidentally through my best friend, Harlow—Low, once they haphazardly befriended one another. Whether Lex wants to admit it or not, most things in her life unravel haphazardly. And sadly that, right there, is something we have in common.
“Listen, Raven”—she rolls over casually and winces as the bite of pain sinks in, and don’t think the sarcastic inflection over my name wasn’t noticed either—“the real reason I pulled you out of that pizza box fort you built in my living room, out of those two-week jammies that had adhered to your body—”
“Oh, come on. I hit Hallowed Grounds every single day for coffee, and you know it!” I might have been wearing the aforementioned jammies, but that’s not any of her beeswax.
She scoffs. “Whatever. The bottom line is both Strudel and I have decided it’s time for you to go.”
The world stops a moment. Her words sting just as efficiently as that slap Hilda dealt my pretty pink parts every three seconds for a hellish five minutes.
“Go? Does that mean what I think it means?” My mind reels. I knew as soon as Lex started dating—became engaged to Axel Collins, that my days as her cozy little roomie were numbered, but deep down I envisioned her moving in with Axel, and me having her place all to myself for a while—read forever.
She blinks those wildly long lashes my way. “If you think it means I’ve already packed your belongings and set them in the trunk of your car—then yes, it means what you think it means.”
“You what?” I squawk so loud my voice comes back as an echo.
“Relax,” she hisses, waving me down as if trying to curb my panicked enthusiasm. And am I ever enthused in a very bad way. “I took the time to gather your toiletries. And I also did you a solid by washing that snake-like creature comprised of fruity colored thongs you let breed all over the floor. My God, it’s like playing a game of Candyland just trying to go to the kitchen.” She falls back and tosses her arms up over her eyes with exasperation.
Her words sink in, and that panic she incited just bolstered itself into hysterically dangerous levels.
“But where will I go? What will I do?”
“Gee, I don’t know…” Her voice drips with that sarcastic charm I once thought was oh-so-cute, but now I see it for what it really is—wicked. “But I’m sure between your billionaire mother and billionaire brothers, you’ll come up with a penthouse or two. I’ve already put my place on the market, so don’t boo-hoo to me about moving. You’re not the only one doing the real estate shuffle.”
“On the market?” A dull moan comes from the pit of my stomach as a sharp bite of nausea rolls through me. “Oh my God, this is real. This is happening. I’ve got my MBA from one of the top business schools in the country, and I’m officially homeless.”
“Please, you were homeless just a few months ago before you stormed into my living room. It’s practically a tradition with you by now.”
“You know what else is a tradition? Me seeking revenge on women who choose to take out their anger on my nether regions.”
No sooner do I sit back up on my elbows than Hilda stomps back in slapping on a pair of latex gloves, the look of vengeance on her face as well.
“Oh, thank God,” I say as she whips the towel off my lady parts, and what feels like an arctic breeze takes over. She parts my legs at the knees and pushes them back to my chest. I swear on all things holy, I have never been so roughed up by another human being. A vision of Brody Wolf doing that exact same action, with those bedroom eyes, that perfect dark hair runs through my mind, and my sweet spot bounces with pleasure.
Did I just? Dear God—I did.
I glare over at Lexy, my new archenemy, for putting me in a position where I O in front of a perfect stranger.
Lex giggles as if she heard me, and I gift her the finger.
“Okay!” Hilda barks with glee, and I recognize that evil look in her eye. “On three!”
“Oh no, no, no!” I shake my hand at her spastically, trying to stop this runaway pubic train before it leaves the painful wax station. “We’re done, remember?” Just my luck to have a clinician with short-term memory loss.
A disturbingly warm feeling melts over the no-fly zone as she slathers something over it.
“Oh God!” I bark as I back up, far the hell away from Hilda and that giant cotton swab in her hand. “Somebody call the police! Call Adult Protective Services! She just sealed my asshole shut!”
Lex tips her head back, laughing like a loon. And I watch, stunned, as Hilda goes over and does the exact same thing to Little Miss Priss. Next time someone says she’s got a stick up her butt, I’ll think of how literal it really is in this moment.
A sudden burst of fire hits my newly sealed off bottom, followed by a bizarre cooling sensation. It amplifies in acres, and soon I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and Hilda is spraying me down with a water bottle she was sipping from just a half hour earlier.
“Holy hell! Lex! What have you done to me?”
“Enough!” Lex thunders so loud I stop all movement, and my lungs refuse their next breath. “I pitched in for the anal bleaching. You now have an immaculately clean, pretty little bung hole.” Her lips pull into a line. “You’re welcome.”
“Oh, geez.” I fall back over the table and let out a horrible groan.
On second thought, maybe a little distance from this maniac isn’t the worst thing in the world.
I’ll simply…
I’ll get into my car and I’ll…
I’m sure my…
Crap. I am all out of money, single friends, and options.
One thing that isn’t an option at all is the aforementioned billionaire family. We’re a far cry from billionaires, and Lord knows my mother won’t give me a dime.
Nope.
All out of options, pubic hair, and color where the sun don’t shine.
Something tells me I am in for a real crap ride.
*Need more Hollow Brook Kisses? Read Raven and Brody’s story NOW! Dirty Deeds (3:AM Kisses, Hollow Brook 3)
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Cozy Mysteries
Meow for Murder
An Awful Cat-titude
A Dreadful Meow-ment
A Claw-some Affair
A Haunted Hallow-whiskers
A Candy Cane Cat-astrophe
Country Cottage Mysteries
Kittyzen’s Arrest
Dog Days of Murder
Santa Claws Calamity
Bow Wow Big House
Murder Bites
Felines and Fatalities
A Killer Tail
Cat Scratch Cleaver
Just Buried
Butchered After Bark
A Frightening Fangs-giving
Country Cottage Boxed Set 1
Country Cot
tage Boxed Set 2
Murder in the Mix Mysteries
Cutie Pies and Deadly Lies (Murder in the Mix 1)
Bobbing for Bodies (Murder in the Mix 2)
Pumpkin Spice Sacrifice (Murder in the Mix 3)
Gingerbread & Deadly Dread (Murder in the Mix 4)
Seven-Layer Slayer (Murder in the Mix 5)
Red Velvet Vengeance (Murder in the Mix 6)
Bloodbaths and Banana Cake (Murder in the Mix 7)
New York Cheesecake Chaos (Murder in the Mix 8)
Lethal Lemon Bars (Murder in the Mix 9)
Macaron Massacre (Murder in the Mix 10)
Wedding Cake Carnage (Murder in the Mix 11)
Donut Disaster (Murder in the Mix 12)
Toxic Apple Turnovers (Murder in the Mix 13)
Killer Cupcakes (Murder in the Mix 14)
Pumpkin Pie Parting (Murder in the Mix 15)
Yule Log Eulogy (Murder in the Mix 16)
Pancake Panic (Murder in the Mix 17)
Sugar Cookie Slaughter (Murder in the Mix 18)
Devil’s Food Cake Doom (Murder in the Mix 19)
Snickerdoodle Secrets (Murder in the Mix 20)
Strawberry Shortcake Sins (Murder in the Mix 21)
Cake Pop Casualties (Murder in the Mix 22)
Flag Cake Felonies (Murder in the Mix 23)
Peach Cobbler Confessions (Murder in the Mix 24)
Poison Apple Crisp (Murder in the Mix 25)
Spooky Spice Cake Curse (Murder in the Mix 26)
Pecan Pie Predicament (Murder in the Mix 27)
Christmas Fudge Fatality (Murder in the Mix)
Murder in the Mix Boxed Set (Books 1-3)
Murder in the Mix Boxed Set (Books 4-6)
Summer Breeze Kisses Page 102