by J. G. Sumner
“Where’s my baby?” Kate questions. She’s out of breath and the frown on her forehead lets me know that she’s hotheaded and angry.
“The doctor is still in with him. It’ll just be a few more minutes before we can go in.” I reach in to embrace her, but Kate pulls away from me.
“Don’t touch me!” Kate yanks her arm free of my touch.
I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know what to do or say, because I’m not exactly sure what she’s upset about. It could be multiple things. I start with the most obvious and see if that’s what’s wrong.
“The doctor said AJ will be fine. He just needs some hydration, nutrition, and a little help with his breathing for a while. I don’t want you to worry. He’s going to pull through this.” I think about taking her hands in mine or trying to hold her, but think better of it for the time being.
Kate gets closer to me. There’s fire in her eyes. I’ve never seen her like this before.
“This is all your fault! You’re responsible for whatever happens to him.” Kate points at my chest. “This is your cross to bear, not mine!”
This is not the Kate I know or have ever seen. When I look at her all I see is a monster spitting hate when she talks, gnashing her teeth. Where did this person come from? What happened to her?
“Kate, I—I don’t know what to say. Perhaps you don’t understand what happened. I did everything I could to protect him.” I fold my arms across my chest and look around. Jasper is tucked away in an alcove and people are starting to stare at us. “Maybe we should take this elsewhere so I can explain what happened.”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore. It was one thing when you brought chaos into my life, but now your past is catching up with our children. Their lives are in jeopardy because of poor choices you’ve made. They don’t deserve that!”
The finger is back and I swear that thing is going to poke a hole right through my chest.
“I’m so sorry. There’s no way I could’ve predicted this would happen. Had I known, I would’ve done anything to prevent it. I hadn’t seen or heard from Emilia since the fire. I thought it had been a clean break. Who would’ve thought she’d come searching for me. She’s crazy. The woman honestly thought AJ was hers.”
I’ve obviously said the wrong thing because Kate’s eyes grow big. “What did she do to my son?”
I don’t dare to fill her in on how Emilia tried to breastfeed him. That was almost more than I could handle. It would definitely throw Kate over the edge. “I’m not sure. She had me tied up in a room the entire time. I only got to see AJ two or three times. I begged for her to let us go. The first opportunity that was presented, I got loose and was able to overtake and tie her up. Jasper’s men are with her now waiting for the police to get there.”
“Jasper told me most of this, but what I don’t know is why? Why did she come back for you now? I’ve never even heard of this woman before now.”
I take a deep breath and prepare the crazy story that I can’t comprehend. I’m still not sure what caused Emilia to lose it the way she did. Not contacting her after the fire was a horrible way to end things, but bad breakups happen all the time, and people don’t go bat-shit crazy.
“It was a Sunday. My entire family was watching futbol and getting ready for the weekly dinner.” I pause, remembering the bickering and laughing that took place over the game that was on television. My family was a happy one. I’ve been trying to erase that memory from my mind for so long, that I haven’t bothered to think about the good times. A flood of emotions washes over me as I recollect the smiles on everyone’s faces that fateful day.
I push away the tears that have warmed my cheeks and start again. “I got a call from Emilia and decided to step outside. She was angry that I hadn’t invited her over for dinner and that I always left her out of the family activities. We had been dating a couple of years and she wanted more—the proposal, kids, and the entire package I wasn’t ready to give her. She was busy yelling when the house exploded. I dropped the phone and never picked it up. For all she knew, I also died in that fire.”
I pause again trying to prevent becoming a sobbing mess right in the middle of the emergency department. I pinch the bridge of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to gain some control over the tidal wave of emotions threatening to wash me away when it occurs to me that I haven’t dealt with the past. Had I not tried so hard to forget about everything, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
“This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let Emilia think I was dead. When I was in the hospital, I should’ve let her know I was alive and ended things in a different way.” Throughout the entire explanation, I’ve been lost in my head, and for the first time, I make eye contact with Kate. Her expression is blank.
“She already knew you were alive then. Your face was scattered all over the newspaper.” Kate’s voice is without emotion.
I’ve never seen this side of her and it terrifies me that I may be what has destroyed the woman who has always been so full of life, so genuine and compassionate. Do I wreck everything I come in contact with? Am I going to be a good father to my children or will I ruin their lives as well?
“You still didn’t answer the question. Why did she come back now?”
I mull over the things Emilia said while she held me captive including her crazy thoughts of AJ being hers and wanting to have our family back together in Italy.
“She visited me in San Diego when I was in a drunken stupor. I don’t remember ever seeing her there, but now she’s claiming to be pregnant with my child. She also thinks AJ is hers, and wants us back together.”
Kate gasps. Her legs begin to buckle and I rush over to prevent her from falling to the floor. “Get your hands off me!” Kate rips her arms from my grasp. “It’s bad enough you run out when you find out I’m pregnant, but then you go sleep with someone else and knock her up? Who the hell are you? I thought we had something. I thought I knew you.”
“Kate, please listen. I don’t remember her being there. That wasn’t me with her. My heart has always been with you. You, AJ, and Abby are the only people that matter to me. That crazy bitch means nothing. I didn’t want her then and I certainly don’t want her now!” I grab onto Kate’s arms for dear life in fear that if I let go, I’ll lose her forever.
“She’s the mother of your unborn child. She’s got to mean something.” Kate bores her eyes into mine. “I don’t want you anywhere near us. You’re toxic and destroy everything you come in contact with. My babies and I will be just fine without you.”
“Kate, you can’t do this!”
Kate turns around just as the doctor exits the room. “Mr. and Mrs. Bertalucci? You can come in now. AJ is stable.”
Kate glares at me over her shoulder. “Don’t even think about it. You’ve done enough damage.”
“You can’t do this. They’re my children too. I have a right to know how he’s doing and be a part of their lives. The three of you are the only family I have.”
“Well, you should’ve thought of that before you knocked up some other woman.” Kate enters AJ’s room, leaving the doctor staring at me like the piece of shit I am.
A firm hand grasps my shoulder. “Give her some time. She’ll calm down. Kate’s just upset having two babies in the hospital fighting for their lives. All of this is taking a toll on her.” Jasper’s familiar British accent comforts me in an odd way.
“Come on, let’s get out of here and get down to the police station. I’m sure they have plenty of questions for you.” Jasper pats my back and I realize that I may have lost my entire family in that fire, but my brother is standing here with me in this very moment.
“I can’t. I can’t leave them again. I don’t care if Kate doesn’t want me here. I’m staying.” I sit down in the chair a nurse provided next to the room.
“You can’t push her. She needs time to process everything that’s happened. These are her kids whose lives are in jeopardy. It’s only natural
she’s going to be the mamma lion, and then there’s the depression and the meds. Kate’s a bit unpredictable right now.”
Jasper stands over me wearing a gray suit with a red shirt and handkerchief in his front pocket. He has matching white shoes and a fedora. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen him this dressed up.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
A sheepish grin consumes Jasper’s face. “You don’t want to know.”
Despite all the madness going on around me, I can’t help but chuckle. “Did Kendall have something to do with this?”
“I’m supposed to be attending a charity function her dad is putting on.” Jasper smiles like a little kid in a candy shop.
I stand up in utter disbelief. “You like this one. I’ve never seen you this way before.”
Jasper coyly stares down at his feet. “She’s gotten under my bloody skin. When I’m away from Kendall, I can’t get her out of my mind. Her scent is on my skin, words in my head, and she’s dug her fingers in my heart and won’t let go. I’m whipped.”
I stand up and give my best friend a bro hug, complete with a tough pat on the back. “Holy crap! I never thought I’d see this day!”
“Yeah, well I guess the playboys have to grow up at some point. Look at you! You’ve got a family.”
For a brief moment, I forgot about all the problems I’ve been dealing with. It’s nice to hear some good news, especially since nothing seems to be going right. “Hey, why don’t you get out of here and go to that fundraiser?”
Jasper finally makes eye contact and grows more serious. “No, mate. You need me here.”
I let out a heavy sigh as I contemplate the path my life has taken. “You’ve done enough for me. The rest are fences that I need to mend. It’s time to enjoy your own life and to not constantly deal with my problems.”
“It’s no bother. That’s what friends are for. Besides, you pay me very well to be there for you and your family.” Jasper smiles.
“Jasper…get out of here, or I’m going to have to fire you.” The least I can do is not screw up his life. I’ve done enough to my own.
“Are you sure? Because I…”
“I insist. Your men are handling Emilia, and I can take care of things here. Get out of here.” I wave Jasper off.
Jasper winks at me before turning around and heading out the doors of the emergency department. I swear the man is skipping. It’s amazing the control the right woman can have over a guy. I just hope Kendall doesn’t abuse her power and destroy what I consider one of the best and most loyal people in the world.
Dr. Jones rushes out of AJ’s room and I grab his arm just in time. “How’s my son?”
Dr. Jones looks at his watch and then looks across the emergency department before hurriedly giving me an answer. “He’s doing much better. I think he’ll just need some time to recover. We’ll be taking him upstairs to the pediatric floor soon. If you don’t mind, I’ve got to take care of a patient who isn’t doing well.” Dr. Jones rushes off.
I sigh with relief knowing AJ is going to make it. I want more than anything to go in there and hold his little hand, but the fear of upsetting Kate more, pushes me to go check on Abby. I haven’t seen her in days and almost forget what she looks like. Thankfully her twin is a constant reminder.
When I get up to the NICU, the nurses greet me with a smile. I guess they remember me from the first couple of days. I can only imagine what they think since I haven’t been back.
“Mr. Bertalucci, she’s right over here.” The nurse walks me to Abby’s little clear plastic bassinet. “She’s grown so much—almost three pounds!”
While it doesn’t seem like a lot to me, I guess in baby terms it’s monumental. “Can I hold her?”
“Of course, but please wash your hands first. We don’t want to risk her coming down with something.” The nurse smiles as she points to the sink.
I spend a couple of minutes ensuring my hands are germ free, before drying them and making my way over to Abby. I can’t believe how much she’s changed in the space of a week. She is a spitting image of Kate with crystal-blue eyes and blonde peach-fuzz lining her head.
I pick her up, inhale the wonderful baby scent, and bring her close to me. Her heart is beating so fast and I just want to hold and protect her in a cocoon from the world forever. I lay soft kisses on Abby’s forehead and thank my lucky stars that both of my children are going to be okay.
My angel fought her way into this world and continued the struggle to live. The fighter in her gives me the inspiration to do the same for my family. It’s the least I can do for my kids. I just hope Kate will agree.
I sit down in the recliner next to Abby’s bed and rock her. She lets out the sweetest little coos. Her lips pucker and relax as though she’s learning how to use each little part of her body. This is perhaps the first time I’ve been able to sit with one of my children and really study and enjoy just being with them without being fatigued or having to worry about their safety. Another moment to remind me just how precious life is and how blessed we are.
I’m not sure how long Kate has been standing there staring at me and Abby because I’ve been so lost in watching every precious move my daughter makes. I glance up at Kate and don’t know if I should smile or duck for cover. Her face remains expressionless, but tension fills the space between us. I don’t say a word. Instead, I continue to hold Abby, refusing to break the comforting bond that has formed between us as though we’ve known each other for years.
“I thought I told you to leave us alone.” Even though she speaks in barely a whisper, Kate’s words are harsh and come thundering down on me.
I give Abby a kiss on the head before standing up and placing her little body in the large bassinet in which she and her brother could both fit comfortably in. I motion for Kate to follow me out of the NICU. The last thing Abby needs is to hear her parents arguing and upset any sense of security or happiness she may have.
Once out in the hallway, I put my hands on Kate’s shoulders and stare directly into her eyes. Abby has prepared and given me the strength for this battle. I refuse to let her down.
“I’m their father. I will not leave them for anything. The three of you are the only family I have, and I refuse to let go of it no matter how hard you try to push me away. I’m. Not. Leaving.” A weight I didn’t even know was there has been lifted off my chest. I can breathe. I’m invigorated to fight for my family.
“We don’t need you here. Every moment you’re around is like being subjected to a toxic virus and you’re infecting the family. It’s bad enough when I was the only one caught in the pathway of your disease, but I’ll be damned if you burden my children with it.” Kate pushes my arms away before resting her hands on her hips.
“I get it probably appears that way, but I assure you I’ve done everything and will continue to do what’s needed to protect you and our kids.” I provide a reassuring smile and I’m completely confident with my ability to do what I’ve promised.
Kate’s face turns red and for a second, I think she might explode. “Little good your efforts have done. I was still kidnapped and raped over and over, and you and my son have supposedly been kidnapped and God knows what happened. I’m guessing you were hoping for some rendezvous with your ex and when it didn’t work out, you came crawling back to me and Abby. Well, I don’t want sloppy seconds and your ability to protect us is nonexistent.”
I gasp as her words stab through my heart like a knife. I double over at the realization that Kate no longer has feelings for me. “Do you really hate me this much?”
“I’ve spent the last two years of my life delusional and thinking you were the man of my dreams—the man who loved me to the depths of his core and would do anything for us. Instead, you’re just like every other asshole out there! All you care about is you.” Her face is scrunched and angry. Tears are threatening to form in her eyes and I wonder if she really believes this or if she’s trying to push me away.
“I don’t know how you could possibly think that. I’d do anything for you. Please don’t talk about us like it never meant anything and you didn’t feel the connection between us. When you’re not with me, I can’t breathe, and the only thing I think about is when we can be together again. Goose bumps line my flesh as the electricity lights up my body when you come close. When we’re together my entire world is complete and whole. There’s nothing like it and I don’t want to spend another second without feeling the heat of your skin against mine.”
Kate stands before me a broken woman. I’ve done this to her. I made a once soft and caring individual into a hard and callous woman. The fun-loving Kate I helped break out of her shell in Italy has all but disappeared. What did I expect? There’s only so much one individual can take and I pushed Kate way past her limits.
“I’m sorry, but this is over.” Kate moves her hand between us. “You’re going to need to find someplace else to stay, and I’d prefer that you stay as far away from the kids and me as possible. You’ve already ruined my life. At least give them a chance at happiness.”
Another blow to my gut. Only now, she’s reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and stomped on it. I don’t know what to do. Part of me doesn’t want to push her any further. The other wants to fight for our babies.
“I’ll move out of the apartment, but I’m not going stay away from AJ or Abby. I’m their father and I will be a part of their lives. You can’t keep them from me.” I decide to stand my ground.
“You just watch! No court in their right mind would give you custody after everything you’ve put me through. I’ll use every ounce of my family influence to ensure just that!”
Regardless of what has happened, Kate is nowhere near the same person she used to be. Maybe Jasper was right and the medications have changed her. Perhaps she needs a little time to calm down. I don’t know, but she’s not going to get away with threatening me. That’s where I put my foot down.
“Look, you have been a victim of the people from my past. I won’t deny that. However, I’ve had no control over it nor is any part of it my fault. No judge in their right mind would hold me accountable for your kidnapping especially when I did everything in my power to protect and then find you. Yes, they might look down on the fact that I abandoned you during your pregnancy, but I have been here every day since for these kids and you.” I pause as a staff member walks by and gives us a dirty look. I lower my voice when I speak again. “Even when Emilia kidnapped me, I was still trying to protect AJ and Abby. Emilia didn’t know we had a daughter and I made sure she never found out. The question to ask yourself, is what judge is going to give complete custody to someone with such severe postpartum depression they couldn’t even take care of themselves much less two infants?”