She warned, “Don’t come any closer. You can talk from over there.”
Fletch raised his palms in a gesture of truce and began talking as if he understood his time allotment was ticking away.
“When Marshall asked me to take pictures of sick animals for his fund-raiser film, I knew it was wrong. It made me sick to my stomach to betray a farmer’s trust and right of privacy. But Marshall is special to me, my best friend ever. It was the only thing he’d ever asked from me.”
“I understand that. But why our farm? Didn’t we mean anything to you?” She realized one farm wasn’t worse than another, but going behind a friend’s back seemed worse.
“Because Vic let me come to your farm alone. It was the only place I could take the video. I was going to ask Matt’s permission, but that day we got into a little spat. It was about you, and I never got the chance. If I could turn back time, believe me, I would tell Marshall no.”
Lil saw the yearning in his expression. She remembered the story Megan told her about the little boy who had to talk to animals because nobody listened to him, and her heart melted.
He went on. “It’s true I hid that from you, but I didn’t lie about my attraction to you. That’s real. You must remember that our meeting was purely accidental.”
“Very funny.”
He gave a dimpled, playful smile, and in Lil’s opinion, an adorable and endearing shrug. Then his moonlit features grew serious. “I couldn’t deny the instant attraction.”
“To Jezebel, you mean?” Don’t tell me you love me. Please say it, her conflicted heart begged.
He gave a nervous laugh.
“Attraction isn’t the most important thing in a relationship,” she pointed out, mimicking what he’d once told her and forcing herself to remember his shortcomings before she threw herself in his arms.
“I’m just saying I didn’t go after you intentionally to use you or trick you. I wish there was a way that we could start over.”
Lil’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears. His explanation was reasonable. What he’d done didn’t seem nearly as unforgivable as it had appeared that day in the barn when she caught him filming. “My brothers are stubborn. And now my entire family is set against you. I don’t think they trust you anymore.”
“I promised Matt I’d destroy the video. I want to talk to your dad and your other brothers, but Vic ordered me to stay away from the farm. I’ve got myself in a tight spot.”
“I can see that. Matt’s right. Destroying the video would be a start.”
“I need to tell you what I already told Matt.”
She listened to his explanation about Marshall being in the hospital. She thought he might not go through with it. The thought leaped into her mind that he might be trying to make amends only to restore his good name with the farmers and with Vic. Confused, she needed time to think and pray. She swiped her arm across her cheeks. “Thanks for the explanation. I have to go now.” She turned and started toward the house. But the flashlight slipped out of her hands. She knelt, groping the ground under a patch of tall, brittle weeds.
“Ouch!” She drew back her hand, now filled with fine stickers.
“Here.” Fletch moved into her vision and found the flashlight. “At least let me walk you back to the house.”
She took it from him and flashed it across her pathway, walking silently.
“I don’t want to make you mad, but there’s something I have to tell you.”
“I’m listening.”
“I thought you were the sunshine in my life, but when I said that, I was thinking of the way you made me feel, all tingly. But tonight, in the moonlight. You’re …”
She looked at his face, so serene, and felt her breath catch. When he hesitated, she pressed. “What?”
“Don’t you know?”
He touched her cheek, and she gasped.
“Your light goes deeper than skin. You touch my heart.”
“How can you say such things,” she blurted out in a Dutchy accent. “We don’t even go to the same church!” The house was looming ahead. “I have to go.” She sprinted for the house, never looking back.
CHAPTER 21
On the drive home from his midnight rendezvous with Lil, Fletch’s mind was determined. The very first thing he was going to do when he reached his apartment was to erase the video. Regardless of the consequences. He was going to act like a man and do the right thing. No matter how much he wanted to please Marshall or pay him back for his years of support, he had to do the right thing before God and the people in this community. Surely, Marshall would understand his decision.
He kept to the deserted country road, automatically watching for deer that might leap across the dark road, and remembered a game he used to play with his sister. It was their version of Pick Up Sticks they’d seen in the States. They would collect straight twigs, dump them in a tight pile, and take turns trying to remove one stick without moving any of the others. But sometimes the entire stack tumbled down.
Fletch knew that his next move would bring the stack down, and he would have to pick up the pieces of his life, but as much as he loved Marshall, he couldn’t hurt the Landis family. He needed to make this right. He needed to erase the video he had taken even if it caused his veterinary career to come crashing down. He couldn’t disappoint Lil and Matt one more day. One more hour. With his decision came relief.
He turned into a parking space, turned off the ignition, and locked the car. Walking briskly, he started toward his apartment. But a dark shadow moved on his door stoop, causing him to slow warily. The black silhouette moved. A man larger than himself blocked his door. He was sitting, hunched over, and Fletch couldn’t see his face. He wondered if it was a homeless man. Unless he planned to spend the night in his car, he would have to find out. Swallowing, Fletch ventured closer. “Hello, there?”
The man looked up.
“Marcus?” Fear clutched him. “What on earth are you doing?”
“I’m sorry, man. I know it’s late. I just need to talk.”
Dread crept up Fletch’s spine. “Let’s go inside.” Marcus stood and stepped aside, swiping his arm across his face. Fletch couldn’t remember ever seeing his friend break down before, even as kids. He worked the key in his lock. “Come in.”
Inside, they went to the small table, and Fletch moved his laptop out of the way. “Want some coffee?”
“No. You can make some for yourself.”
Fletch thought better of it and took the chair across from Marcus. “Is this about your dad?” he asked.
Marcus nodded and broke down again. Fletch waited while the other man fought for control of his voice. “He’s been diagnosed with lung cancer.”
Fletch closed his eyes in despair. “Oh no. Are they sure? I mean …”
“Yeah, man. He’s sure.”
Fletch didn’t know much about cancer, but it sounded serious.
“It’s deadly. Probably those stupid cigars,” Marcus bemoaned. “He always thought going to the gym would make up for it.”
Fletch felt stricken. “Is he in pain?”
“He has a lot of coughing and chest pain.”
“Is there a treatment?”
Marcus stared at his folded hands. “It’s his call. Without chemo, the doctors claim he won’t last more than four months.”
The prognosis hit Fletch like a blow. “And with it?”
“Probably not any longer than five years.”
“Well then he needs to do it.”
“That’s why I need to go home. That’s why I need your help.”
It was the early hours of the morning before Lil could finally sleep. Her Romeo and Juliet rendezvous with Fletch was paramount in her waking mind. The things that man could say, calling her sunshine and moonbeam. No wait, a light that goes deeper than skin and touches his heart. She wished there were no obstacles to overcome, only blissful romance. But that wasn’t the truth of the matter. Like the fictional Romeo and Juliet, they had their problems.<
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She’d already forgiven Fletch. She did that the night Megan told her his story. But everything was befuddled. If Lil jumped into the fray with him and all his unsolved issues, her heart might become the real victim. Yet she was drawn to him, like basil to tomato sauce. Even her job and doddy house plans were trifles compared to her feelings for him. The words he’d confessed were the feelings in her own heart. He was her sunshine. His light touched her heart. She was falling in love with him.
And so the day lagged on, tamping down longings and rehashing his explanations. It lagged through the ironing and her trip to the grocery store, and by three o’clock, she was desperate to break the cycle. “I’m off to work, Mom,” she called, snatching her purse in the mudroom and heading outdoors.
In the circle lane, however, she saw Fletch’s Focus parked near the barns, where he used to park when he came to care for the animals. Her heart tripped with anxiety as she hurried past Jezebel—all thoughts of work gone—moving purposefully toward the first barn. At the open door, familiar voices made her hesitate.
Lil placed her back to the barn and prepared to eavesdrop.
“I can’t do this to him now. He’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer.”
“I’m sorry. I know what he means to you.”
Lil couldn’t figure out who had cancer. Marshall? Why hadn’t Fletch mentioned it to her?
“Look, this is very sad news. But the video still needs to be destroyed.”
“I know. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right with your family and Lil.”
“Lil? You agreed to back off.”
“I can’t.”
“It’s wrong to pursue my sister when you don’t even know if you have a job. You need to get things straightened out. I don’t want her hurt any more than she already is.”
Their voices stilled, and Lil’s heart ached for Fletch. Would he do what Matt asked and pull away from her? She swallowed a thick lump in her throat.
“What about the farm? Have you isolated the hogs?”
“We started to, but we’ve run out of room.”
“Hoop farming, Matt. It’s cheaper. Maybe the Plain City Bank, the one that already knows your family, will finance a couple hoop barns.”
“How do you know so much about this?”
“We studied it under our agricultural section. On the metal barns, the slatted floors are uncomfortable and dangerous for the animals. It prohibits them from following their natural instincts of rooting and nesting. The animals injure themselves on the metal stalls because when they are confined they bite the walls and attack each other. The slats allow the waste to collect. If for nothing else, your family would someday regret the slatted floor for the smell. But with hoop barns, you could isolate the animals. When you get your contract, you could expand without really changing your present methods.”
“Why are you, just now, telling me all this?”
“Matt, I tried. You wouldn’t listen before.”
Lil’s insides twisted. Poor Fletch.
“And you think those integrator companies would go for hoop farming?”
“It’s cutting edge, but I think you should at least check into it. I’ve got to meet Vic just down the road. He’s probably already there….”
Not wanting to get caught at her eavesdropping, Lil took off for her car. A thunderclap sounded, and a small flock of frightened chickens ran in front of her. With a shriek, she threw up her hands. The chickens scattered, but the rooster went after her ankle. “Oh no, you don’t, you irritating alarm clock.” She swung her purse at him, and he flew off after his hens.
Dark clouds churned over the farm. Lil jumped into Jezebel and shimmied her door closed. If it stormed, the freeway would be congested. While she had been eavesdropping, she had lost track of time. She was going to be late to work even without a storm. As quickly as possible, she coaxed her rattletrap out of the lane and set the dust to flying.
Fletch met Vic at the dairy farm, one of the vet’s biggest accounts. He had accompanied him on several of the routine herd checks, and this one wasn’t much different. Fletch followed Vic along the row of bovine backsides, while the herdsman walked along the cow’s heads. He pointed out the ones who hadn’t come into heat and needed pregnancy checks.
As they worked, Vic explained some things about udder health and how to check for food consumption, and then they switched places with the herdsman and checked eyes and ears. There wasn’t an opportunity for any personal discussion until they headed back to the vehicles.
“Late night?” Vic asked.
Fletch quickly covered his yawn. “Marcus came to my apartment last night. Marshall has lung cancer.”
Various emotions flitted across Vic’s face before he ventured a reply. “I only met him once. He took me to dinner. Afterward he smoked a cigar in the parking lot.” He sighed. “I wouldn’t be a vet if I enjoyed suffering. I’m sorry.”
Vic’s behavior was a mystery to Fletch. At times, the vet was easily provoked to anger. Other times, he displayed compassion. Fletch was appreciative for Vic’s show of sympathy. “Marcus is going home to try to convince Marshall to take chemo. Marcus asked me for a favor. But I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
Vic took off his hat and swatted at flies. “What does he want?”
“He asked me to stay at the shelter while he’s gone, just in case something comes up. They have a couple of volunteers there and Ashley.”
“Thanks for running it by me. I don’t blame you for everything that’s happened, but this is a sticky situation. It reminds me of the Menno Coblentz farm. It has a shallow pond that’s more of a mudhole than anything. In the heat, it lures the livestock in, and the animals get stuck, like they’re in quicksand.”
“Why don’t they fence it off?”
“They do. That’s not the point. That shelter is your quicksand.”
Fletch saw truth in the statement and nodded.
“Did he say how long?”
“Three or four days.”
“As far as I’m concerned, we didn’t have this conversation. I’m not responsible for where you sleep nights. But if this all comes crashing down on my reputation and practice, you won’t be getting a passing grade. And you won’t be practicing in this county.”
“I understand.” Fletch grinned. “Kind of like the CIA.”
Vic rolled his gaze toward the sky. “I wouldn’t know about that.”
“I’ll be discreet as I can. And I’ll try not to get my boots muddy either. Thanks.”
Vic waved his hat in front of his face. “Pesky flies. Let’s head back to the clinic. Then go together to the Miller farm.”
Fletch started to nod, but it turned into another yawn.
CHAPTER 22
The storm had passed. Its minty-musty smell seeped through Jezebel’s open window. Giovanni had reacted to Lil’s lateness with silence and a steely gaze. Someone had whispered that he was having trouble at home, but Lil knew he was watching her, expecting her to fall into her old habits. It hurt that she had disappointed him. But as she started home, the landscape was peaceful and soothing to her weary soul. She breathed it in and tried to shake off her stress.
She watched her headlights illuminate the road’s dotted white lines, her mind drifting until it latched on to the conversation she’d overheard in the barn. She sympathized with Fletch and wanted to fan the indomitable flame of romantic hope that should have been snuffed out long before now.
If her family accepted Fletch’s apology for the filming, would they be able to accept him as a possible son-in-law? That’s where Lil’s mind was headed. If she dated Fletch again, it would be with permanent intentions, at least on her part.
If they married, they would have to choose a church to attend. Did she want to raise her children within the restrictions of the Conservative Mennonite Church? If she didn’t, she would stir up a heap of trouble at the Landis house. Once such trouble wouldn’t have bothered her. Lately she was more cautious.
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Or did she want to raise her children in a progressive Mennonite church like the one that Fletch attended? Such a church would allow more freedom for their members to recognize sin by their hearts’ own interpretations of the Bible. At least that’s how she imagined it would be. Lil thought she could trust her own heart, but could she risk giving such freedom to her children?
If she extinguished the flame of romantic hope, she wouldn’t have to make that decision now. But her life would be cold and painful. She was so tired of the pain.
Lord, she prayed, Fletch told me my dreams come from You. I want to believe that You formed me in my mom’s belly like the prophet Jeremiah wrote about in the Bible. That my personality is not a mistake. I see the fields and woods all around me, so diverse and interesting. I find it hard to believe that You would want me to walk a boring restricted path when creation beckons me to come and explore life.
I’m not an outsider; I don’t want to be one either. I agree with the beliefs that set the Mennonites apart from other denominations. I want to walk the life You created for me. Not my mom’s or my dad’s. Or the elders’. Just mine. Help me make the right choices. I don’t want to be disrespectful and disobedient. I believe Your Spirit lives in me and is molding me to be a better person.
She turned onto a road that no longer had the hypnotic white ribbon. Lingering clouds made the night pitch-black. She blinked back tears. Don’t let me fall away from You again. Please don’t lose me.
You can see into my heart. I can’t deny it to You. I want Fletch, Lord. I think he wants me, too. You put his face in my mind’s eye many years ago. I called him Rollo. Fletch is part of my dream. If You love me, please help us. And, please, don’t lose me.
Lil felt God’s peace so strongly that she pulled over to the side of the road to bask in His presence. It was a rare moment for her. One in which she would willingly give up all her dreams, if He asked. She wasn’t foolish enough to believe that she lived in this serene, almost holy place. But in this moment, her soul cried out for God’s truth. She trusted the God of grace as the Father of her spirit.
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