The zoo is on a huge site and at the top of one of the paths it boasts great views over the city. The sun is pale in the sky, but the air warm. I don’t fight Aiden’s constant contact, and by the afternoon, I find I’m seeking his touch as much as he seeks mine. A shift, or realignment has occurred while wandering around the animals. I couldn’t define it, but it was evident in the way I’d softened.
Neither of us brought up the subject of us for the rest of the day. Aiden wasn’t needy. He didn’t’ need explanations or reasurances. It is an inner strength he possesses. A confidence that carries through all parts of him.
By the time we are back at the hotel, I can’t keep my hands off him.
The shift in my heart has grown. My acknowledgement had given it the power to spread through every fibre of my body. Now all I want is skin on skin. A connection that reflects how we both feel.
“Whoa, slow down.” Aiden stalls my hands as I tear the shirt from his jeans while slamming the door to our room shut.
I look at him and arch my brow.
“Or not. Whatever.”
I pull against his neck and kiss his lips. A punishing kiss that blisters our skin. Our arms lock around each other, and we grind against one another, desperate to get closer.
We both fumble with buttons, zips, and belts while remaining as connected as possible. My pussy throbs, and my nipples are tight and sensitive under my satin bra.
Aiden’s cock bobs against his stomach as I rip down his boxers to free him. I unclasp my bra and slide my thong from my hips. The scorch from Aiden’s eyes warm my skin, sending a flush over my body.
We didn’t need to talk. There would be time for words later.
I back Aiden against the bed and push against his chest. My eyes rake over his muscled torso until he’s lying in the middle of the bed. I straddle him and sit just above his cock.
“Hands over your head. This might be more about sex, but you know who I am.”
Aiden obeys, and his eyes light up with lust.
I scrape the tip of my nails down his chest and across my thighs either side of his waist. I trail up my stomach and pull at my swollen breasts. Each nipple is hard and over-sensitive. The barest touch sends pulses to my clit, making me slick and hot.
“God, is this another form of punishment?” Aiden groans.
“No.” I can’t help smiling though. I continue to tease my nipples with my fingers, tweaking and rubbing.
I ease up on my knees and position myself, so I can slide down on Aiden’s cock. His body is rigid with tension, just on the edge of snapping. It fills me with an overwhelming sensation, and I push down, sheathing myself. His thick cock slides deep inside, sparking bolts of electricity as he goes deeper. Aiden’s hands scrunch the duvet up in his fists, resisting the urge to grab me.
I keep still, accustoming myself and enjoying the fullness. I lock my eyes with his as I run my palms over his chest and shoulders, making sure I touch as much of his body as I can. All the while he stays ram-rod hard inside of me.
My hips flex, and I begin a slow grind against him, pressing the base of his cock against my clit. I repeat the movement and build to a faster, more urgent pace. Heat flares through me as the desire takes over. My movements become less controlled. Less planned. My eyes struggle to stay locked and begin to flutter closed as I lose myself in the sheer perfection of fucking Aiden.
“Please… let me touch you.”
“Try again.”
“Miss Natasha , please let me touch you.”
“You may.”
Aiden’s arms lock around my waist like steel girders. He pulls me down into him as he sits up, bringing us chest to chest. He seeks out my lips, and our tongues tangle in a frenzy. Sweat, lips, teeth, hands all collide as we work each other up to the peak. My muscles tense and strain as I feel the build of my orgasm deep in my stomach.
Aiden drops back onto the bed but bucks his hips with each grind of mine, spearing me with sharp thrusts I feel all the way in my womb.
“Arrr, yes! Yes!” my mouth falls open as I cry out. Sparks detonate in my core, rippling out through every muscle and curling my toes. My pussy pulses and throbs as my orgasm spins wildly through my body. Aiden grabs my waist, anchoring me to him as he moans out his own release.
I am only conscious of muffled breathing and my racing heartbeat. My black hair blocks my vision as I peek through my lashes.
I’m lying, slumped over Aiden, my legs still wrapped around him.
A gentle touch has my lids fluttering open. Aiden sweeps my hair from my face, and I see the sexy smile on his lips.
The words are right there. But I know once I say them, there’s no taking them back. I love this woman, and it isn’t just the post-sex high talking. She’s dynamic and complicated and cloaks me in comfort while at the same time making my heart pound in my chest. No one but her has ever had such an effect on me.
At least the trip has done what I wanted—made Natasha realise I’m fully in with her. No messing around. She might have thought this was all play before the weekend. No fucking way now. Not after tonight. I could feel her reserve soften as the day went on. I knew she felt the same as I did, she just needed to reach the conclusion herself.
“You okay?” she asks.
I’d be content to spend the rest of the night like this, but I knew Natasha would push for space. “Yes. You?”
“Great. I’m going to try and move.” She untwists her legs and pulls herself from my chest. She heads into the bathroom. I give her a few minutes and then follow. I want a shower, and I want one with Natasha.
She’s already set the water running in the huge enclosure “Good, you’ve saved me from having to collect you.” She smiles before stepping behind the half screen and under the spray.
I step in behind her, content in the knowledge that I’ll probably follow her anywhere.
The water glistens on her porcelain skin, and I can’t help but raise my hand to trace the water flowing over her shoulder. She dips her head under the torrent, turning her sex-messed raven hair into a glossy black waterfall down her back.
I grab the shampoo from the side and lather up the soap in my hands before massaging Natasha’s head and hair. She lets me clean her, and I make sure my feelings for her are evident in every touch and movement.
Natasha might not need looking after, or rely on a boyfriend in the traditional sense, but I want to be there for her. I want to matter to her, more than just a plaything. I’ve made that clear and realized the shift in her this weekend. I just hope that things won’t revert when we leave the hotel.
Sunday morning is spent wrapped up in bed, lazing around before heading to the airport. Natasha seems to have drunk a gallon of coffee which means she has something on her mind. She drinks more of the stuff when she’s working something out. It’s a habit I’ve noticed.
The flight back home is uneventful. When we arrive at her house, I don’t give her the chance to send me home. I take our bags up to the room before she says anything. I grab a couple of take-out menus from the shelf in her kitchen and put them on the side while I make her coffee.
“Take out sounds perfect.”
“Indian? Chinese?” I hold up both options for her.
“Chinese. Noodles for me. Spring rolls and prawn crackers.” She reels off her favourites. “Thank you for the coffee. I can open a bottle of wine when the food comes?” She’s changed into a loose top that slips off one of her shoulders and black leggings. Her hair is in a messy knot with tendrils of black curls framing her face.
She’s the sexiest woman in the world.
“Perfect. I’ll order, and we can get it delivered.”
I watch the television while Natasha checks on her emails. Her feet are up resting on my thighs, and I squeeze them, rubbing any tension away. My fingers itch to try and capture her on paper in this relaxed, carefree state, but that would involve a conversation about what I do for a living. I want to show her my apartment and the pieces I’d started
rather than tell her about my art. I know she’d made assumptions about my work, together with age. It didn’t bother me before. Now it does. Now I want her to see there’s no reasons why we shouldn’t be together properly, rather than the strange arrangement that has grown between us. I want her to see me as I see her. Excepting of everything and still wanting more.
One thing’s for sure; I won’t be leaving tonight.
Gentle vibrations pull me from my slumber. I ease myself out of Aiden’s reach and stretch for the phone. I swipe and answer with my eyes still half closed.
“Hello.”
“Ms Devlin, this is Maggie from The Pines.” The cool edge to her voice tells me something is off.
“Yes, Maggie, it’s rather late.” I try and orientate myself as my mind clicks in.
“Yes, I’m afraid it concerns your mother. I’m sorry to say that we found Agatha in her room a little earlier on, and... she’s passed away.”
“I’m sorry, I’ve just woken up. Can you repeat that?” I pull myself up in bed and wait for the same words to repeat from Maggie’s voice.
“Of course. I’m terribly sorry to have to tell you that your mother passed away this evening.”
My eyes haven’t adjusted to the darkness, but it wouldn’t matter. Salt stings my eyes as tears collect and fall like raindrops onto my cheeks.
“You can come and sit with her. We have notified the doctor, but you have time to visit.” The words are hollow. They aren’t what I want to hear, but I try and focus on her voice as she gives me information.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” I choke the words through my throat. Each one tears through my skin as I fight to be heard. Then I hang up. The phone falls from my hand as I stare into the wavering darkness.
I pull my legs from the bed and tread through to my dressing room to grab some clothes. I tie my hair in a messy top-knot and go back into the bedroom. I search for my phone on the bed, still struggling through my watery eyes.
“Hey, what you doing?” Aiden’s groggy voice doesn’t keep me from my task. “Natasha?” He captures my hand in his and halts me. “What’s going on?”
“I have to go to The Pines.”
“Why? Has something happened?” The alarm in his voice constricts my chest, my heart ready to burst. Something has happened, but it’s beyond my control or power to do anything to change it.
“My…” I start but my voice cracks. I don’t want to cry in front of Aiden. I snatch my hand back and fumble for my phone. The cool metal finally touches my hand, and I wrap my fingers around it for dear life. I turn away and dust my cheeks dry. My heart pounds and nausea rolls in my stomach.
“Natasha?”
“My mother died. I need to go.” I spit the words. Bile burns my gut as saliva pools in my mouth. I turn and run for the bathroom. My knees smack onto the ceramic floor as I lift the toilet seat and vomit. Sweat clings to my forehead and chest as my stomach clenches, and I heave time after time.
Aiden’s hand on my back doesn’t provide the comfort I know he’s trying to offer. I shrug him off. “No. Go.” My voice echoes, and my scorched throat rasps as I send him away.
I breathe through my mouth as I sit back on my feet and try to regulate my body. I swallow a few times and crawl to the sink to wash out my mouth and clean my face. I take another minute to settle myself, drawing on all my inner strength to walk out and leave.
I collect my phone for the second time and head down stairs.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.”
“Are you sure, I don’t mind. I’m so sorry…I…”
“No. I’m fine. Let yourself out when you’re ready.”
I grab my bag and pick up my keys and slam the door as I leave. It’s a rush to the car with the fewest of words spoken as possible.
Quiet.
I stand at the edge of her room, and I can’t hear anything. No gentle rustle as she turns in bed or the soft exhale as she takes a breath.
My feet won’t move past the threshold of her room. If I stay here, I can pretend that she’s still sleeping. Her body is resting peacefully on her bed. I don’t need to take notice of the stillness of her chest.
I turn away and walk through the gloomy corridors until I’m in front of the kitchen door. I punch in the code and open it. George isn’t here. It’s nearly 2:00 a.m. Why would he be? The stainless-steel work tops are clear, ready for whatever George will prepare when he arrives. The coffee machine sits on the side, no lingering aroma to comfort my senses.
I close my eyes and retreat the way I came and walk right into my mum’s room. I lower myself into the chair next to her bed. I hold the air from my last breath in my lungs until I feel like the pressure will burst them.
I know I must say goodbye. That’s what I’m here to do, right? That’s what the doctor and Maggie wait for. But I don’t want to do it. The last few weeks have been good. She was settled and fitting in. She had more good days than bad. This wasn’t meant to happen. I needed more time. I wanted to show her how I’d be there for her. Make up for the periods when I wasn’t. Too busy off making my life what it is, and too busy to check on Mum. I should have kept a watchful eye on her.
Anger bursts through my veins at how unfair the circumstances are, but it fuels my courage for what I need to do next.
I steel myself and stand up. My toes inch toward the bed until I’m standing over her. She looks so peaceful. Her hair is pushed back from her face, her features soft and relaxed. My tears sting my dry eyes and trickle down my nose as I fight them back. I lean my body forward and touch my lips to her head.
The chill of her skin darkens my heart.
“Bye, Mum,” I whisper.
The tears flow freely now like the words released an internal damn. I hurry out of the room and down the hall. I barrel into Maggie in my attempt to escape, but she stops me.
“Ms Devlin, I’m so sorry for your loss. Have you had the time you need to say goodbye? There’s no rush to leave.” She clasps my hand as she speaks.
“Yes.” I pull it back, not wanting the comfort offered.
“Are you sure? The doctor is due shortly. He’ll pronounce the death, and then we’ll…”
“Yes, I’m fine. You can deal with the necessary requirements.” I step around her and dash out into the frigid air. My deep breaths attack my lungs, and I gulp the air down like I’ve just surfaced from deep underwater.
I make my way back home and hope that Aiden will have already left.
His car isn’t parked outside. I head upstairs unchallenged and collapse onto the bed. I curl my knees to my chest to comfort myself and slacken the tight reins I’ve had to keep on my emotions.
My body floods with thoughts and feelings which keep the tears tumbling down my face. I haven’t cried for years. I couldn’t even remember the last time I cried. I curl in on myself further and bury my head in the pillow.
I was too young to understand the death of my dad properly. A sense of sorrow and loss were all I can remember. Now I didn’t have either of my parents.
I am alone. And for the first time in forever, I feel lost in the world.
It’s 9:30 a.m.
I’ve been lying in bed awake for the last twenty minutes, but I don’t want to move or get up. If I do that, I’ll have to face the reality that last night did, in fact, happen. I don’t want to.
My phone has three new messages. Two from Aiden and one from Seb.
If you want your space, I’ll respect that. But I’d really like to be there for you. If you need anything, say. I can bring you breakfast? Aiden
I’m going to come over about 10 just on the off chance. Aiden.
So, Aiden? You kept him quiet. I’m pleased you have someone. It’s long overdue. Seb
I pushed Aiden away last night. It was instinctual, from years of being the strong one, the one who’s in control. It’s been my responsibility to look out for my submissives and ensure their safety and well-being. Having them offer it to m
e isn’t something I am comfortable with yet.
I get dressed and pull my hair back into a plait. I’d shower later. I switch to autopilot as I go to the kitchen and turn on the coffee. It starts to whir and hiss as the water seeps through the grounds and into the pot.
I’m prepared for the knock on the door at 9:55 a.m. and let Aiden in. I widen the door for him to enter, and he pulls me into his chest before I can do anything to stop him. His arms surround me and radiate comfort and soothe me in a way I didn’t expect.
“I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I’m so, so sorry.” His words string together as he mumbles into my hair while planting kisses and pulling me even tighter to him. His firm hold doesn’t ease, and I allow myself to sink into him. He’s strong enough to hold me. The brave face of last night crumbles against his genuine concern, and I wrap my arms around him.
The next few days are a blur of numb.
My phone buzzes on the side table, and I muster up the energy to answer it.
“Morning, Seb.”
“Good morning. I just wanted to call and update you. The funeral can’t be finalised until they can conduct the post-mortem.” Seb’s words sink in and turn my stomach. I don’t want to think about my mum having such an invasive procedure. I remember watching Silent Witness and Amelia Fox cutting into the cadavers on her table to uncover their hidden secrets.
It’s a morbid image, and I try and erase it from my minds-eye, but I can’t. Aiden enters the room with two cups of what I assume is coffee. He perches on the edge of the bed. He’s barely left my side, looking after me as if I were a princess.
“Natasha? Are you there?”
“Yes, sorry. I heard you. Do they know when?”
“Next week, most likely.”
“Will you keep me updated?”
“Sure. Are you happy with me…”?
“Yes,” I snap, before he asks me again. “I can’t face it all, Seb. if you don’t mind.” I soften my tone. He’s been a fabulous support. I knew I could manage these things on my own. But I didn’t want to.
Finally More: The Evermore Series Book 5 Page 15