Cathy sighed. Matt hadn’t been in good shape when she left for college, but he’d been functioning.
She sat down on his bed and shook him. “Matt?”
“Wha—?” Matt sat up. He rubbed his eyes. “Cathy?”
“Hey,” she said. “Um, it’s two in the afternoon. You usually sleep this late?”
Matt tumbled out of bed. “I didn’t know you were coming back today.”
She nodded. “Have you fed Gage today?”
He glared at her. “I take care of the kid. I do. I just took a nap after I gave him lunch is all.” He shoved past her, out of the bedroom.
She followed him downstairs.
He went into the kitchen and got a beer out of the refrigerator. He cracked it open and took a drink. “That’s better.” He smiled at her. “Hi there, Cathy. How’s school?”
His drinking was worse.
“Look,” she said. “If you expect me to clean up this kitchen, you’re sorely mistaken.”
Matt looked around. “Guess it’s a little messy.”
The phone rang.
Saved by the bell, she thought. She answered it. “Hello?”
“You miss me?” said Eli’s voice.
“Yes, the thirty minutes since you dropped me off have been interminable. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it without you.”
He laughed. “I’m calling because I just found out from Isabella that my parents are spending the summer in the Hamptons, and so I think you should stay here instead.”
She peered around at the kitchen. “Yeah? That might not be a bad idea. I’m not sure this is the best place to be pregnant.”
“To be what?” said Matt.
“But I have to come back and check on Gage every so often,” she said.
“I take care of the kid,” said Matt indignantly.
“Hope you didn’t unpack your stuff,” said Eli.
* * *
She expected Matt to be more affected by the news of her pregnancy, but once he found out that she was moving in with Eli, he seemed fine with it. He mumbled something about not needing any more hungry mouths around the farmhouse and went back to his beer.
That was that.
The farm wasn’t in the greatest of shape.
She didn’t think that Matt had bothered with planting this year. He appeared to be living on the money he’d gotten from his last sale to the Linton family. The farm was shrinking slowly but surely. Unless someone came in to turn things around, it wasn’t going to be a farm much longer.
That was okay with Cathy, she decided. The damned farm was eating her family alive. Watching Matt drink that much reminded her of her father. It was eerie and disturbing.
But staying with Eli and Isabella was wonderful. She and Eli could share a bed, something they’d never been able to do permanently. She like waking up next to him, rolling over to kiss him awake or to snuggle close.
And she liked falling asleep with him as well, something that led to their messing around more often than not. At first, Eli was a little shy about it, claiming he felt like it was weird with the baby “in there.” But wriggling her naked body against his had soon cured him of his hesitancy.
Overall, they were probably having more sex than they ever had, and they didn’t have to bother with condoms anymore. Which was fabulous, because she hadn’t believed sex would really feel that much better without them. But it did. Way better.
It made her think about the first attempts at intimacy between her and Eli, when she was only getting close to him to try to get money for her and Heath.
Well, that was what she’d told herself, anyway. But if she hadn’t had any feelings for Eli, she wouldn’t have stayed with him.
Now, when she fell asleep wrapped in his arms, or when she ran her fingers through his blond hair, she thought about happy he made her. Being with Eli wasn’t like being with Heath had been. It wasn’t as intense or as exciting. But it wasn’t anywhere near as painful. With Eli, she could relax. She could be happy. And Eli would make a great dad for her baby.
She tried to imagine Heath as a father. She couldn’t do it.
May melted into June, and she and Eli were happy as peas in a pod. She put pictures of her sonograms on the refrigerator. Isabella squinted at them, trying to see the baby. No matter how many times Cathy pointed out the head and the toes to her, Isabella couldn’t see them.
“I’m hopeless with this,” Isabella said. “I’ll just plan out your baby shower instead.”
Which was fine with Cathy. She and Isabella poured over catalogs together, trying to decide if they wanted circus animals or Winnie the Pooh for the baby’s room. They folded down the corners of pages of cribs and strollers.
One afternoon, they were sitting out by the pool, drinking daiquiris. Cathy’s was nonalcoholic, but both Isabella and Eli were imbibing, and the alcohol made Isabella even more chatty than usual.
She sat at the edge of the pool, dangling her legs in the water. “So, what are you going to do about school?”
“We’re transferring to Shepherd so we can commute from here.” Cathy sat in the shade of an umbrella.
“I already started the paperwork,” said Eli. He was lounging in the sun, reading some thriller novel.
“And that doesn’t upset you?” said Isabella. “I mean, didn’t you guys go to Baltimore because you wanted to be in a city, Cathy?”
Cathy shrugged. “The city thing doesn’t seem as important anymore. I think it was some dream I had when I was a kid. I might be growing out of it. Besides, I hate driving there.”
Eli chuckled. “Always keeping me on my toes. That’s why I love you.”
She beamed at him. “I love you loving it.”
“I love you loving me loving it,” said Eli.
Isabella made retching noises. “Stop it. You guys are gross with your intense happiness.”
Cathy smiled. “I am happy. Really happy.”
“Didn’t I tell you that you guys were going to fall madly in love the first time I met you?” Isabella asked.
“Yes, you’re very smart,” said Cathy.
And then she looked up, and Heath was walking across the lawn towards the pool.
She recognized him right away, even though he looked different. He was taller, and his shoulders were even broader. He wasn’t wearing his ratty flannel shirt and jeans. Instead, he had on a button-up shirt and linen pants. His hair was longer, gathered into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, and he’d turned his stubble into a nicely trimmed beard.
She made a strangled, choking noise and got up out of her chair, knocking it over in the process.
Then she ran to him.
He caught her, pulling her into a tight embrace. “Cathy,” he whispered in her ear.
She couldn’t talk. There was a lump in her throat, and tears were spilling out of her eyes.
He squeezed her.
She buried her face in his shoulder.
He kissed her forehead.
She pulled back. “It’s you. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe…” She brushed at her tears.
He touched her face.
“Cathy?” Eli’s voice.
She turned.
He was standing a few feet behind her, his arms folded over his chest. His voice was like ice.
She looked at Heath. “You remember Eli, right?”
There was something hard in Heath’s black eyes. But he smiled, the rest of his face perfectly relaxed. And he walked past Cathy, holding out his hand. “Eli, good to see you. Long time.”
Eli stared down at Heath’s hand warily.
It was funny to see them next to each other. It was funny how Heath made Eli look so slender, so immature. Had they always looked so different? Or had Heath simply grown more than Eli in the past two years?
Eli put his hand in Heath’s. He glowered at him.
Heath grinned easily. “How have you been?”
Isabella scampered over, inserting herself in front of Eli. “Hi there, Heath. Y
ou might not remember me, but I’m—”
“Isabella Linton,” said Heath. “Of course I know who you are.”
She beamed. “Would you like a daiquiri?”
“I’m sure he doesn’t have time for that,” said Eli.
“I’ve got nothing but time,” said Heath. “I’d love a daiquiri.”
They all sat down together under the umbrella, their drinks melting on the glass table. It was awkward. Cathy wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sure how she felt. But she couldn’t stop looking at him. She held his hand on top of the table, afraid that if she let go of him, she’d find out he wasn’t real.
“What brings you here?” said Eli.
Heath shrugged. “Well, I, um, have some business I’m going to take care of. And, of course, it’s always good to catch up with old friends.”
“Where have you been?” said Isabella. “It’s been two years.”
“Around,” said Heath. “All over, really.”
“You look good,” said Cathy. “You look like you’ve got—”
“Money?” said Heath, fixing her with a pointed stare. “I’ve been lucky.”
She bit her lip. There was something about the way he was looking at her. She wasn’t sure she liked it.
“So, you just came to my house,” said Eli. “Forgive me, but I’m surprised I warranted a visit.”
“Oh, I stopped by the farmhouse first,” said Heath. “Actually, I ran into Matt the other night at a poker game in town. He told me I should come to the house. Naturally, while I was there, I asked after Cathy. And he told me she was here. I wish I could say I was surprised, but somehow… I wasn’t.” That look again. Like he was staring into her soul, and he didn’t like what he saw there.
But wait. What had he said? “Matt told you to stop by?” said Cathy. “But…” Matt hated Heath. He’d never ask him to come to the house.
Heath smiled. “Matt is desperately in need of beer money, it seems. I’m going to be renting out the tenant house. I made him an offer he found agreeable.”
Isabella smiled. “So you’re going to be sticking around?”
“For a while,” said Heath. “Like I said, I have business.”
Eli grimaced. “How wonderful.”
And then there was more awkward silence.
Cathy smiled at him. “I’m not going to believe it tomorrow. I’m going to think it was all a dream.”
“Wouldn’t that be a shame,” said Eli.
She stirred her daiquiri, which was mostly melted by now. And nearly empty.
Heath pushed his toward her. “Would you like mine? It looks like you’re almost out. And I’m going to be driving, so it’s probably not smart for me to have too much to drink.”
“Oh… I…”
“She can’t drink that,” said Eli.
“She can’t?” Heath looked at Eli, mild amusement on his face. “I’d think she’d be able to decide for herself, wouldn’t she? Or do you give her permission for everything these days? For instance, if I asked her if she wanted to go on a drive with me—”
“She can’t drink alcohol.” Eli smiled at Heath—a smug, self-satisfied smile. “Because of the baby.”
Heath stiffened.
“My baby,” said Eli.
Heath glanced at her, and she saw that his calm demeanor had melted away. He looked completely shaken. At least for that instant. Then he looked away from her, and he was calm again. “Really.”
“Tell him, Cathy,” said Eli.
“I’m pregnant,” she said dully.
Heath looked down at his hands. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
More silence.
Cathy cleared her throat. “I would go on a drive with you, though. I’m sure Eli would understand that you’re a very dear, old friend, and that we have a lot to catch up on.”
Heath curled his lips into something like a sneer. “Well, maybe it would be too much excitement for you. In your delicate condition.”
She was stunned. He didn’t want to see her anymore? She looked up at him, hurt.
He met her gaze fiercely, angrily.
She had to look away. She realized what the hard thing was that was hidden in his black eyes. It was hate. He hated her. And it was like something inside her had broken.
Heath stood up. “I’ve imposed on you too much. I’ll be going.”
“Oh, too bad,” said Eli, grinning.
Heath turned and walked away. On the other side of the pool, he turned back around. “I might come by tomorrow. If you wouldn’t mind my company.”
Eli clenched his jaw.
Cathy’s heart leapt. Maybe he didn’t hate her after all.
“That would be great,” said Isabella.
Heath smiled. “Have a lovely afternoon.”
* * *
Cathy shrugged her nightgown over her head. She was standing inside the closet in the room she shared with Eli.
“You’ve been quiet all afternoon.” Eli was lying on the bed wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms.
She looked at his bare chest, and she thought of Heath, and how virile and powerful he had seemed—hulking under his civilized clothes, like a beast dressed in silk. Eli was beautiful, she’d always thought so, but he was lean and sinewy, not burly. “Sorry,” she said.
“You’re thinking about him.”
She shrugged. “I’m happy to see him. We were very close friends.”
Eli snorted. “Friends. You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?”
She lay down next to him on the bed. “Of course not. I don’t think anything like that about you.” She put a hand on his chest. He was smooth and hairless, and she ran her fingers over his satin skin.
He caught her hand, stopping its movement. “When he left, you weren’t yourself for months. Maybe you thought I didn’t notice, but I did. You were a shell. You barely ate, you barely smiled. I had to force you to go back to school.”
She rolled onto her back, extricating herself from his grasp. She hardly remembered that period of time in her life. She thought perhaps that her mind had wiped it away because the trauma was too much for her. “And that’s when I knew how much I needed you. You were so good to me, and I wouldn’t have made it without you.”
“He wasn’t just a friend, Cathy. We both know that.” He sighed. “I don’t like him.”
“You don’t know him the way I do.”
“I think I know him well enough. I think you don’t see him clearly. I think he left you to punish you for choosing me. He’s got a cruel streak, and I don’t think he cares about you. Not the way I do.”
“He’s only a friend, Eli. It doesn’t matter who cares more about me. I’m your girlfriend. We’re having a baby together. You don’t have to be insecure.”
“I’m not insecure.” Eli was defensive. He rolled over on his side and gathered her into his arms. “Well, okay, it’s nice to hear you say that. I have to admit that I thought he’d snap his fingers for you, and you’d run to him.”
She snuggled into him, breathing in his mix of soap and deodorant. He always smelled so clean and fresh. “I didn’t. I’m here.”
But Heath hadn’t wanted her, either. She’d seen that look in his eyes. Eli was right. There was a cruel, vicious part of Heath. She’d seen him throw her own father down the steps. Admittedly, Heath had done it to protect her, but he’d never shown even the slightest bit of regret for his actions.
Eli’s hand stroked her skin, bringing her back to the present and away from thoughts of Heath. He kissed her, and she felt delight wash through her. Eli made her feel grounded and safe. He tethered her to the world. She was in love with him.
She opened her mouth to him and deepened their kiss.
His fingers traveled over her body to the hem of her nightgown. He gathered the fabric into a fist and eased it up over her thighs and hips, baring her stomach. He put his hand over the small swell of her belly.
She sighed. She loved it when he touched her lik
e that.
He lowered his mouth, kissing her stomach. “Go to sleep, little one. Mommy and Daddy have things to do that you shouldn’t see.”
She giggled, shoving his shoulder playfully. “You’re so silly, Eli.”
He kissed her, his hands traveling inside her nightgown to find her breasts. “You love how silly I am.”
She gasped. “I do. I love it.”
His fingers found her nipples, stroking and teasing them stiff with the expertise that only came from the fact that he knew her body so well.
She gasped again, her breath getting labored. Since getting pregnant, her breasts had been so sensitive and tender, and even the slightest touch was magnified. What he was doing felt very nice.
She helped him pull her nightgown over her head. He put his mouth on her breasts, his tongue nudging her wetly, making pleasure run through her, making her feel tight and warm between her legs.
She ran her fingers over his bare skin, over his wiry muscles, slick and sinuous under her touch.
His mouth traveled down her body. He peeled away her underwear and planted a kiss on the skin he’d bared.
She shuddered.
There were different kinds of love, she mused as his mouth moved between the lips of her sex. There were loves that came on you fast and fierce, like raging fire. They burned everything in their wake and left you empty and dead afterwards. Then there were slower loves, loves that required tending, like a tiny campfire. They built slowly, and you had to watch them, feed them kindling and blow on them. But eventually, they burned bright and bold as well. And they gave off a warmth that sustained life rather than destroying it.
Her love for Eli was a slow growing fire. It had started weakly, but it was real now, and it made her happy. She didn’t want to lose it.
He dragged his tongue over her, and she cried out. “I love you, Eli,” she gasped. “So, so much.”
* * *
“I’ll raise,” said Heath, eyeing Matt over his cards. They were in the tenant house, and the game of poker they were playing was down to the two of them.
Matt was drunk. He reached for his beer and nearly knocked it over. One of the other men who’d dropped out of the game handed it to him.
There were at least four other guys there, watching the two of them.
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