by Bev Marshall
Mr. Albright had asked for three days’ grace period for Mama to put her affairs in order before she had to report to the jail to begin serving her time. I was one of the affairs, and I waited to see what order she was going to make of my life. I wasn’t her first priority. She phoned Mervin and Papaw and the bank before she finally called me into the kitchen, where she sat at the table in her best blue dress with the ruffle above her breasts. “Where you going all dressed up?”
Mama smiled. “Nowhere. I’m going to wear the prettiest things in my closet for the next three days. I’ll be wearing prisoner’s garb for three whole months.” I looked down at her lavender-bordered stationery. My name was on the top of her list with a question mark behind it. “Right now, we’ve got to talk about you, not me. I was thinking you could stay with Pop and Louise until I come home.What do you think? Would you like to live with them while I’m gone?”
I thought of Jehu and June. I’d never see them stuck out in the country with Papaw’s cows and pigs. “Sure,” I said. “Whatever you want me to do is fine.”
“Pop will love having you back, and think of how good you’ll be eating with Louise cooking for you every night.”
MAMA WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE FOOD. That night Miss Louise brought over a chicken casserole, snap beans, and corn on the cob, and Papaw carried in a sweet potato pie he said was the best we’d ever eat. Hugs, tears, and laughter multiplied around the kitchen table as we sat nibbling at our food. Mervin couldn’t keep his hands off Mama. He’d take a bite of casserole and stroke her arm as he chewed. Papaw eyed the cigar lying beside his plate as though he’d much rather have it in his mouth than a forkful of beans.
They’d all three been shocked when Mama told them about our going to Mr. Abadella’s office.When Mama explained that she did it because she didn’t want me to testify, Papaw nodded his approval. “Your mother would be proud of you,” he said.“And she’d have done the same for you.”
“I know,” Mama said. “I thought of her all morning.”
When she fell silent, Papaw leaned over and kissed her cheek.
Then we all fell mute with our private worries and thoughts, and Miss Louise tried to lighten the heavy air lying like a cloak over our table. In a cheerful tone, she said, “Layla Jay, we’ll go to Montgomery Ward and pick out some pretty curtains and a bedspread to match for your room. We could even paint over that awful yellow on the walls. Maybe a soft pink.What do you think?”
I tried to act like I really cared what color the room I’d be sleeping in for three months was. “That’d be cool,” I said. But I knew that nothing would be cool again until Mama got out of jail.
THE NEWS TRAVELED FAST. The sentence was printed in The Lexie Journal on page four, and anyone who didn’t buy a paper received a phone call from someone who did. June called me first. She couldn’t quite hide her relief that she wasn’t going to have to testify, but her voice broke when she said how sorry she was that Mama was going to jail. “I don’t know how I would feel if it was my mother. I can’t imagine it.”
“I don’t know how I feel either,” I said. “At least she’s not going far off to prison. We can visit her in Magnolia, and she’ll be home for Christmas anyway.”
When I told her I’d be living with Papaw and Miss Louise, June said I could stay at her house as often as I wanted. “After school starts, you can come home with me whenever you want to.”
“Thanks,” I said. “But you’d better ask your mother first. She might not want the daughter of a criminal in her house.”
“Layla Jay, what an awful thing to say.Your mother isn’t a criminal. Your stepfather was the criminal, not her.”
“I know.You’re right. I’m just mad, so mad that this happened, that Mama and I will be branded like cattle for the rest of our lives.You know how mean people can be.”
June’s voice wavered. “I do know, and I’m going to be branded, too. For you know what.”
She was right again. And when I hung up the phone, I thanked God that at least He hadn’t made me a lesbian. I had Jehu’s love. Or did I? He hadn’t called, and now I worried that, after his dad told him about our meeting, he’d changed his mind about loving someone whose mother was going to jail.
Mervin brought over Murphy, the dwarf I’d help make.“Wanted you to have him,” he said.“You can take him with you to your grandpa’s and he’ll keep you company.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I wish Murphy was a real flesh-and-blood dwarf, and I was in a fairy tale, and all of this was just pretend.”
Mervin hugged me for the first time ever. “It is. The next three months don’t exist. I’m pretending that your mother is just going on a long trip, and when she comes back to us, we’re going to get married, build that house she wants, and the three of us will live happily ever after, just like in a fairy tale.”
“Did you ask her to marry you?”
“Not yet, but tonight, after she gets back, I’m going to get down on my knees and beg her to have me. Bought the ring already.Think she’ll say yes?”
I smiled.“I know she will.You’re the only man she’s ever loved since my daddy. She told me.”
“She told me, too. I’m the luckiest man in the world. Just have to get through the next three months is all. And we’ll do it together. I’ve promised your mama I’ll take care of everything while she’s gone, and that includes anything you need. Anything at all.”
When he said that, I smiled for the first time since Mama and I had sat in Mr. Abadella’s office. I held out my arms for a second hug, and as I laid my head against his chest, I knew that this feeling of comfortable love that was blooming inside me meant that God had sent me a real father at last.
MAMA TOLD ME that when Mervin asked her to marry him that night, she cried so hard, she couldn’t say yes right away. On Sunday afternoon she asked me to keep her ring while she was serving her time. “They’ll take it anyway, and I’d rather know it was here with you than in some envelope that says ‘Personal Effects.’ ”
It was a small diamond, but it sparkled like the brightest star in the sky. “I’ll take good care of it,” I said.
“We’ll celebrate our engagement with you tonight,” Mama said. “Why don’t you invite Jehu over?”
“I’m scared to. He hasn’t called.”
“Well then, you’ll just have to call him, won’t you? Tell him to come early, five. Mervin is bringing over barbecued ribs and we’ll have a picnic in the backyard.”
“You sure you want company? It being your last night and all.”
“I wouldn’t have said to call if I didn’t.We’ll have a little party.” She pushed me toward the phone. “Now go pick up that phone.”
My entire being filled with dread. I couldn’t take any more bad news, and if Jehu didn’t love me, I didn’t see how I could survive the months that loomed ahead. I’d skipped church this morning, partly because I couldn’t face the curious looks I imagined I’d see on the faces of the members of Pisgah Methodist Church, and partly because I was afraid that Jehu would be there. I imagined how he’d be embarrassed he’d fallen for a girl whose mother was going to jail. He’d be polite and say Hello, Layla Jay like I was someone he barely knew. My hands were sweating and I wiped them on my shorts before I lifted the receiver.
When he answered, I sank to the floor and pushed my back into the wall. “Hey, it’s me,” I said.
“Oh, thank God,” he said.“When you didn’t show up at church and I hadn’t heard from you in so long, I was so worried.”
“You were?” The gift of his worrying was the best present I’d ever gotten.
“Yeah, when my dad told me the news about your mother, I wanted to call you so bad, but I figured you might not feel like talking about it. I didn’t know what to do or say.”
“Come to me,” I said. “Can you come over?”
“Faster than a speeding bullet. Open the
door and I’ll be there,” he said.
IT WAS A PERFECT NIGHT for an outdoor picnic.There was a full moon, so many stars scattered across the clear sky, I wondered if God had sprinkled an extra few among the constellations just for us to admire on this our last night together. Fall hadn’t quite arrived, but there was a hint of chill in the air that warded off the mosquitoes that usually plagued us after the sun set.We sat cross-legged on an old patchwork quilt Grandma had made years before, licking our fingers as we ate the barbecued ribs Mervin had brought. He’d also brought corn on the cob drenched in butter and cole slaw that tasted nearly as good as Miss Louise’s. Every now and then one of us would remember that this was our last night together and a sadness would pass over our faces, but for most of the meal, we laughed and joked about what Mama would do in jail. “She’ll have all the women doing the watusi in no time,” Mervin said.
“I’ll trade them lessons for cigarettes,” Mama said, standing up and shimmying before she fell back on the quilt.
“I’ve got a surprise,” Mervin said. He went into the house and brought out a tray that held four hot fudge sundaes. “Stopped by the Tastee-Freez after I picked up the barbecue,” he said.“I snuck them into the freezer while you were bringing the food out.”
“How did you know about our sundaes?” I asked.
“Frieda told me. She asked me to bring her one every time I came to visit her. I thought I’d get an early start.”
Mama popped the cherry on top of her sundae into her mouth. “And Layla Jay, you’re to bring one for both of us every time you visit, too. I can’t stand the thought of my daughter having the blues while I’m gone. Promise?”
“I promise,” I said.
Before the party ended, Mervin ran back into the house for another surprise. It was a bottle of champagne, and after he popped the cork with a lot of effort and much laughter from everyone, we toasted his and Mama’s engagement and then we toasted the future. After clinking our glasses and taking a sip, Jehu leaned over and kissed me. Mama and Mervin didn’t notice because they were kissing, too.
Around nine o’clock, Jehu said he had to leave. I walked with him as far as the corner of our block where he kissed me again. “I’ll call you,” he said. “I love you and I’ll be here for you always.”
When I returned to the backyard to help clean up, Mama stood up. “That can wait,” she said. She leaned over, put her arms around Mervin, and kissed his nose. “Can you disappear for a little while? There’s something Layla Jay and I have to do alone.”
“Sure,” he said. “I understand. “You need some time. I’ll run down and get you some more cigarettes to take with you tomorrow.”
Mama waited until we heard the Caddy’s motor purring in the driveway, and then she grabbed my hand.“It’s time,” she said, pulling me back into the kitchen.
She pointed to the wall where the remnants of our life with Wallace were stacked.We lugged the garbage bags out into the backyard, to a spot Mama chose about ten feet to the right of the oak tree, and there we dumped everything into a pile as high as our waists. Mama doused it with the can of lighter fluid and struck a kitchen match. She held it above the pile and turned to me. “You ready?”
“Ready,” I said.
She struck two more matches and tossed them onto the pile. Wallace’s plaid shirt went up in flames, next a pair of undershorts, and then the navy blue nylon robe he never wore caught fire. After a few minutes the flames began to spread and in no time we had a huge bonfire going that shot sparks out into the darkness surrounding us.
Mama’s face lit by the firelight wavered from one emotion to another. Sorrow, anger, and satisfaction, all that I was feeling, too. She squeezed her lips together and put her arm around my shoulders. As we stood watching the flames burning away our former lives, Mama whispered, “It’s not exactly the celebration we’d planned, but it’s still a fine way to say good riddance to our past.” She kissed my forehead. “I love you. I’ll miss you so much.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand.“But you’ll come visit. We Andrews women are tough; got Claude Whittington blood in us.We’ll get through it, and we’ll put all of this behind us. It’ll be c’est la vie from then on.”
“I don’t know if I can c’est la vie. I don’t feel so tough,” I said.“I feel like a baby who needs her mama.”
“You don’t need me nearly as much as you think.You’re just about all grown up now.”
When we heard Mervin’s car in the drive, she let go of me. “He’s back. I’m going in.You coming?”
“No, I want to stay out here a little longer.You go ahead,” I said.
As I stood alone in the backyard watching the fire slowly dying, I walked a full circle around it.With each step I heard Mama’s words.“All grown up now, all grown up.” And I had turned out to be a grown-up liar with secrets that would weigh heavily on my heart for the rest of my life. I vowed that night that I would return the things I’d taken from June’s house one by one. I wouldn’t be a thief after everything was back where it belonged, but I’d still be a liar, a sinner. I couldn’t help wondering, if Mama hadn’t accepted the plea bargain and gone to trial with a jury instead, if maybe they would have found her not guilty. But I also knew that they could have found her guilty and she’d be going to prison for a long time.What might have been? What would have happened? I’d never know, and I’ll live out my life always wondering what might have been.
I looked over at the house just as the light in Mama’s bedroom went out. I doubted Mama or Mervin would sleep tonight.They’d hold on to each other trying to make each minute memorable to carry them through the coming days. I knew that Mama was scared of what the morning would bring. Her hands had trembled earlier in the day when she crossed off the last item on her list. “Done,” she’d said. “Everything’s taken care of now.”
Everything was done that needed to be done. My suitcase was packed.The phone would be disconnected tomorrow, and Papaw would come to return me to where I’d begun. But Grandma wouldn’t be there and neither would Mama, nor was the girl who had left nearly a year ago coming back.
The fire had died down to embers now, small orange glows of light winked out of the burned circle of ashes. I knelt on the ground and bowed my head. “Please take care of Mama. Don’t let anything happen to her in jail. Thank you for sending Mervin and Jehu to us and help June to find happiness, and bless Papaw and Miss Louise and Mr. Albright.” I lifted my head. I knew there was more to say, but I couldn’t form the words. Grandma said them for me. “That which you’ve been praying for all these months, you already had, Layla Jay. God answered your prayers long ago.” I could feel her strength and her faith pouring into me, and a kind of serenity I’d never known settled deep inside me. I knew that tomorrow my fears would return, and God wouldn’t answer all of my prayers. But some days He’d take away my fears and answer my prayers and on those days I’d have c’est la vie in my heart.
For the women who share my sundaes, Shirley, Mandy, Tana, Jan, and Andreé, with love and gratitude
In memory of my brother-in-law, James B. Marshall, who could eat sundaes faster than any of us
Acknowledgments
My heartfelt gratitude goes to Allison Dickens, my editor and friend. Her enthusiasm and sense of humor buoyed me through long days and problematic times, and her keen insights and incomparable editing skills made this novel far, far better than it might have been. My publicist, Cindy Murray, is just about perfect in every way, except for making her own reservations. And as if I weren’t blessed enough, there is a warm support system for lucky Random House/Ballantine Books authors that includes Gina Centrello, Nancy Miller, Kim Hovey, Johanna Bowman, and Ingrid Powell. Thanks to all of you and to the staff members in various departments who work so hard to publish quality books.
And then there is Lisa Bankoff. If she liked chocolate, I’d send her a hot fudge sundae every day. She’s my agent,
my friend, my adviser, and the woman I most like to dream about. Thanks, Lisa. And thanks to Tina Dubois at ICM for graciously and promptly answering every SOS e-mail!
Working with gifted author Silas House was great fun and a true honor. Bless you, Silas.
The St. Tammany Writers Group are the most dedicated, loyal group of writers in Louisiana, and I thank each of the members for their encouragement and sharp critiquing skills. Tracy Amond, Andreé Cosby, Lin Knutson, Karen Maceira, Mark Monk, and Katie Wain-wright all read parts of this novel and contributed significantly to my revision. Special thanks and love to members Tana Bradley and Jan Chabreck, who read the entire first draft and made great critical and editorial suggestions.
My outstanding support system includes the board members of the Tennessee Williams New Orleans Literary Festival, especially Paul Willis, Jim Davis at the Jefferson Parish Library, Eric Johnson and cuz Dayne Sherman at Sims Library on Southeastern Louisiana University’s campus, all the book sellers and reviewers I appreciate so much, and my wonderful and talented author friends. I wish I had space to name them all.
At Southeastern Louisiana University I am overjoyed to be the recipient of the warm support of Dr. Joan Faust, Dr. Tammy Bourg, Dr. Jeanne Dubino, and the English faculty, whose excellence is unequalled. Your friendship is sincerely appreciated, and I look forward to working with all of you in the coming months.
I am indebted to Rammie (Bubba) Gauchier for teaching me about molds and cement mixing and for sharing his life story with me one fine afternoon, and to Chris Forrest, who explained court procedures so well that, for the first time ever, I understood legalese jargon. I’m so lucky to be your aunt!
As always, my dear friends and wonderful family cheered me on and nourished me with their love. With my love in return, I thank Mandy and Joey Marshall, Shirley and Irvin Tate, Jim Forrest and Don Gouger, Zora Marshall, Cathy and Maria Marshall, David Acosta, Tana and George Bradley, Jan and Dickie Chabreck, Andreé Cosby, Emily Heck-man, and the gang at Oak Knoll.