“So I hear Shep and Shea are on their way to Denver?” Decker asked after a few moments of peaceful silence.
“Yeah. I called him up and asked for them to come.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but it clearly did to all of them more than they wanted to admit. “Dad hasn’t met Shea yet, and though Shep’s parents are in Oregon now and he’s been in New Orleans for going on ten years, Denver is home.”
“I get it, man. He’s needed here, even if it’s just for a smile and a hug. Besides, I can’t wait to meet the woman who tied Shep down.”
Austin ran his tongue over his teeth. “I would’ve thought Shep would be doing the tying.”
“Ha ha,” Decker said dryly. “You know he isn’t into kink as much as we are. But I meant with the marriage thing.”
Decker wasn’t wrong when it came to kink, but the idea of marriage being a burden? Austin wasn’t sure about that anymore. Not that he’d recently had a good experience with women, considering Shannon was his latest girlfriend.
Sierra came to mind, and he frowned. He hardly knew the woman, and yet her face came to mind when he thought of forever. Not something he wanted to think too hard about. Or did he?
“What’s that frown for?”
“Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Marriage, I guess.”
Decker whistled softly. “Thinking about giving up the single life then?”
Austin slid Decker a look. “You’re complaining a bit much about marriage if you ask me. Don’t tell me you’re planning on living the single life forever?”
Decker shrugged then looked away uncomfortably. “You know where I came from, Austin. You think I really want to force that on a woman I love?”
Austin cursed under his breath. “You won’t become your father if you marry someone, Deck. Your dad’s a drunk, abusive asshole, but you aren’t. You’ve never raised your hand to a woman, and you never would.”
Decker shook his head. “And that’s the crowning example of what a man I am? Or why I should be married? Mom always said Dad never hit her when they were dating. It came afterward.”
Austin stood up, towering over Decker. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Your dad was always a mean son of a bitch, and you know it.”
“You weren’t there.”
“No I wasn’t, but you don’t just grow into that kind of mean overnight.” Austin sighed then gentled his voice. “You’re not your father, Deck.”
Decker met his gaze. “And you’re more yours than you know. Have you talked to Harry since he told us he was sick?”
Austin looked away, the twisted ball of guilt in his stomach rolling at the change of subject. “No,” he muttered.
“Fuck, Austin. Talk to him. He’s going to be okay, damn it. We aren’t going to lose him to this. He’s starting treatment in two weeks since they had to wait until the next cycle started and had to get him ready for it. He’s not alone, not with all of us around him, but you can’t hide from him. Got me?”
Austin nodded then went to the couch, resting his head in his hands. “What if he doesn’t make it, Deck? What if he’s not strong enough?”
“He’s the strongest man we know.”
“Yeah? Did you see him in that living room? I’ve never seen him look like that. He looked so…small.”
Decker let out a breath as they sat there in silence. Austin hadn’t voiced his fears to anyone yet, though he’d almost done so to Sierra in the shop when she’d begun to voice her own. Decker would listen to him and not rail on him too hard. Or maybe just hard enough for what he needed. If Austin spoke to any of his siblings about his thoughts, well, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He needed to be the strong one like he’d always been, and right then, he wasn’t acting like it.
And he hated it.
“Don’t kill your father, Austin. He’s not dead. He’s not going to fucking die. We’re going to beat this, and then we’re going to kick your ass for putting him in the grave before you even talked to him.”
“Fuck you, Decker. I’m not killing him. How could you even say that?”
Decker met his gaze, a fire in his eyes Austin didn’t quite understand. “You’re thinking about the worst before letting what’s in front of you happen. That’s a kind of killing in my book.”
Austin ran his hand over his face. “I’m an idiot.”
“Yes. Yes, you are. But you’re also a scared idiot. What do you say for dinner we head to your folk’s? You know they won’t care if we just show up. We can talk to them about plans and things. You know they’ll want to see you, and I’ll be there if you need to run.”
Austin raised a brow. “I’ll call Mom just in case. They might not care if we just show up, but she’ll like us better if we give her notice.”
“Sounds good to me. So, you want to tell me what else is going on? You’re wound tight like a spring right now.”
Austin shrugged. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. What’s up? Is it that Shannon woman? She still giving you shit?”
He groaned, thinking of her phone call that morning. “That’s part of it. She won’t take a hint. Hell, that’s not right. I’ve given her more than a hint. I don’t know what her problem is. She didn’t like me this much when we were dating, and the fact that I have to keep telling her no is making me feel like an ass.”
“You are an ass.”
He flipped his friend off. “Shut up. She’ll find someone else she actually likes and get off my case soon. I just don’t like feeling like I did something to hurt her when we were dating when we all know that wasn’t the case.”
“She’s just bored, and we all know it,” Decker added. “You said she was only part of it. So what else is there? Oh wait, is it that honey-brown-haired woman who opened… What’s the name of that shop? Eden?” At Austin’s arch look, Decker grinned. “Maya was telling me about her. She said while you started off as your normal, overbearing self, the second time this woman came in, you were all soft growls and soothing words.”
“Your words or Maya’s?” He didn’t like the idea of Maya talking about him and Sierra as if there was a him and Sierra. Thankfully, his sister didn’t know about the date or ride or whatever they had called it coming up. For some reason, he wasn’t ready to share Sierra.
That made him a bit uneasy, but he’d live through it.
“Maya’s of course, and from the look on your face, you’re not ready to talk about her. Well, shit, I had planned on coming over here to talk to you about the scene, and now you’re in knots over a woman. Very cool.”
“I’m not in knots over her.” Lies, but he wasn’t about to tell Decker that. “And what about the scene? I haven’t been to a club in ages, Decker. and I know you haven’t either. That’s not really me.”
Decker leaned forward. “I thought you just needed to get laid or at least use that pent-up energy to help a sub in need. But maybe I was wrong.”
Austin ran a hand over his face. He and Decker, as did other Montgomerys and their friends, had a kink of their own. When he was younger, he used to take to the scene and help subs who wanted subspace for the night or to feel his floggers. It was a connection that worked inside the club alone, and he’d never had a sub outside the place. That wasn’t for him.
Austin sighed. "I’m not the club guy. I'm not a Dominant in my every day life. I'm my own type of man. I like sex how I like it. If that happens to be with me telling her what I want, sure. If that means I want to flog her because that's what she wants, perfect. That’s who I am. I like what I like.”
“I know, man. But it’s something to think about.”
Austin let out a breath. Yeah, it was. But he couldn’t get Sierra out of his mind, and she couldn’t even show him the skin she wanted inked. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, and he damn sure didn’t know what she wanted.
What he was sure of was he needed to get off his ass and start being the Montgomery he was meant to be. That meant taking care of his
family and, if things worked out, Sierra as well. He had a feeling she wasn’t going anywhere, and for some reason, Austin perked up at that thought.
Only time would tell, but Austin couldn’t wait.
Chapter Seven
The dream started out like it always did. In each instance, Sierra knew when she was dreaming, just like she always knew she’d never be able to pull herself out of it. She lived through each agonizing cry, each burn, each break over and over again then woke up screaming.
Her dream-self wrapped her arms around Jason’s waist, her head resting on his back. Her helmet blocked the feel of him from her cheek, but that was okay. She could still feel his warmth through their leather jackets. That alone calmed her.
It shouldn’t have.
Sierra knew that.
The dream never ended well.
He reached down with his free hand and squeezed her hands clasped on his belly. She sighed happily, even as, in the back of her mind, she knew this was it. This was how it all ended.
The screech of tires came first then the pounding along her head, the searing pain on her side. Screams came from deep within and around her. She didn’t know which was which anymore. Fire licked across her skin, and even though this was a dream, the memory of each nerve ending bursting in pain came back, and she felt it all again.
She sucked in a breath, reaching out to Jason’s limp form, praying this time it would be different. Praying this time he’d wake up.
Only it wouldn’t happen.
It never did.
Two figures stood above her, their faces in shadow. They hadn’t been there the night she died inside and didn’t play a part in every dream she faced.
They poured gasoline over her body, the smaller shadow lighting a match. In that instant of light, she saw the narrowed eyes, the rage and pain held within that gaze manifesting into a nightmare she’d never shake.
As the match dropped and her body caught fire, she woke up, her chest pounding, her sweat-slick body shaking so much she thought she’d fall out of bed.
On unsteady legs, she made her way to the bathroom. She barely had time to flip open the toilet lid before she emptied her stomach, the acid burning up her throat. By the time her nerves settled, she was sure she’d lost any food she’d had the day before and the only thing she’d do next was dry heave. God, how she hated that.
She flushed the toilet, wiped the lid with a bleach wipe she had on hand, then stood on somewhat steadier legs. After she brushed her teeth and washed her face with cool water, she was finally ready to wake up fully.
The nightmares had plagued her for years with the latter part of the dream showing up more often than not recently. Those shadows had been the reason she’d left for Edgewater and Denver to begin with. Not that she’d voice that aloud. She didn’t want to say she’d run from her problems, but staying there and taking them with no ability to defeat them hadn’t helped her. It had only made things so unbearable she’d been unable to heal fully.
Not that she was sure she’d ever be able to heal.
Her fingers skimmed the puckered skin and pale white lines along her side, but now that she was free of the chains that had bound her for so long, she might be able to find a way to live with the scars that marred her body as well as her soul.
She met her gaze in the mirror and cursed herself for trying to push herself too hard too fast. Wasn’t it enough that she’d moved to a new place? She’d opened a business, one she loved that would hopefully succeed. She even went to her consult with Austin for a tattoo to help ink around the scar that had marked her for so long.
Yet Austin was precisely the problem.
He’d stepped on her toes and pushed something within her to the front. She wanted him, and she didn’t know what to do about it. She wasn’t ready for a man so large, so strong when she knew she wasn’t sure about anything anymore.
Then he’d asked to take her for a ride, and she panicked like someone had thrown her into a tank full of sharks. He’d seen the pain in her eyes, the panic in her gaze, and hadn’t thought twice about taking back his offer. He must think she was weak, though he hadn’t said as much. She hated being weak. She’d been that way for so long she wasn’t sure how to be anything else.
At least that’s how it seemed.
Damn it. She wasn’t that person anymore, but she also knew her limits. Going on a ride wasn’t on the list of things she needed to do right then. The nightmares had gotten worse in the days since Austin mentioned it. Maybe once she got her tattoo and Eden had been open for longer than a week, she’d be able to do it. Throwing herself into fifty changes at once wasn’t helping anyone. She might be the type of person who needed to raise her chin and get on with life, but she knew better than anyone when enough was enough.
She’d just call Austin and cancel the ride.
The sliver of disappointment that slid through her surprised her. Was it the idea of riding itself that she wanted? Or the fact she’d have to wrap herself around Austin’s strong body in the process?
Her breasts ached at the thought, her nipples hardening.
Austin was a big man with an even bigger presence. The idea that after so long being alone and not finding another man she wanted made her think. Throw in the fact this man was so attractive physically and emotionally that she wanted more than a casual date or two and she was a goner...
It wasn’t that Austin wasn’t good enough for her—God no. She wasn’t the type who thought beards, tattoos, and the dangerous look of leather were somehow a representation of who a person was. In the grand scheme of things, it honestly didn’t matter, but she also knew that Austin had more hidden depths than she was ready to deal with.
In her mind, she could feel his calloused hands on her skin, the roughness of his beard on her inner thighs as he feasted on her. She let out a shaky breath. She needed to keep Austin out of the forefront of her mind. She had so many other things to think about, to worry about, that wanting Austin in her bed and in her life shouldn’t be so high on the list.
She also knew Austin had his own worries. She’d never met the senior Montgomery, but her heart ached for him and his family. Cancer was such a scary word, and even though the media talked about it now more than they had before, the public still didn’t know enough about it to truly understand.
She’d done some research on prostate cancer when Austin told her about his father. She knew it was so far out of her scope and probably very invasive of her, but she wanted to know what Austin would be going through as a son and what Harry would be going through as a patient. Not that reading a few lines on a computer connected her to the family in any way, but it was a step in a direction she wasn’t sure she should take.
Austin had said he didn’t know much about the prognosis or even what stage his father was at because he’d been too dazed to really comprehend. She just prayed the cancer had been caught early enough that the Gleason grading was low. If Austin was still too worried to research or deal, then she’d be able to help him that much anyway. It was the least she could do for him after she freaked out over the ride and his hands on her skin.
Speaking of the ride, she needed to call Austin and cancel. It hurt to think about, but she wasn’t ready, and she knew it. Sitting on the back of a bike while having a panic attack would be downright dangerous, and no matter how slow Austin might go for her, she wouldn’t risk their lives because she had to push herself.
She quickly showered and dressed for her day. She didn’t open that day because it was Jasinda’s turn to open and Becca’s to close, but Sierra never had a true day off from Eden—even in the planning stages. And she loved it.
It gave her purpose.
She glanced down at her phone then stuck it in her purse. Instead of calling, she’d tell him face to face that she couldn’t go. He deserved that much, and then she’d be able to see him.
Damn it, she needed to stop acting like a dreamy-eyed schoolgirl.
Once she finished her makeup and p
ut her hair up in a bun at the base of her neck, she headed out to Eden. She lived in Edgewater, a little square ’burb of Denver that sat right against the city proper. If she stood on her street, she could even see downtown easily. While the small ’burb was nice, her apartment wasn’t. In fact, the building was rundown, sketchy, and full of drug dealers who were very nice to her for some reason, but it was cheap.
She’d put her heart, soul, and bank account into Eden, and the rent in Edgewater was all she could afford. Hopefully after the one-year lease ended, she could find a better place to live where she didn’t feel the need to lock her windows at night even when the air conditioner was broken.
By the time she made it to downtown and parked in the special lot behind Montgomery Ink—how they’d lucked into that she’d never know—she had convinced herself she’d meet with Austin for two minutes and leave without feeling anything special.
She didn’t want to want him; she didn’t have time for that. She barely had time for her daily life to begin with. Instead of heading directly to see Austin, she went to Eden first. She’d talk to him during the lunch break the girls forced her to take daily. That way she had an excuse to rush back afterward and not get caught up in his gaze. Not that she would get caught up in his gaze. She was stronger than that.
Maybe.
The girls weren’t surprised she was there an hour earlier than scheduled. A couple hours passed quickly as she rang up purchases and helped customers find their perfect outfit or special nightie. Her goal was to be as personal as she could get without freaking her guests out. She had a gift, as the girls called it, to find out exactly what someone needed. Whether it be a scarf, a cocktail dress, or a special push-up bra that a woman’s partner could take off with their teeth, Sierra could usually find the perfect match. There was nothing better than watching a pleased customer leave her shop with a hop in their step. That meant not only were they happy, but they might come back and shop again. Perfect.
Her phone chirped quietly and she excused herself from the counter where Jasinda was ringing up a purchase. She’d set the alarm to force herself to go over and speak with Austin. Jasinda had already taken her break while Becky had just arrived, so it would be Sierra’s turn.
[Montgomery Ink 00.5 - 01.0] Box Set Page 23