by Stacy H. Pan
I go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My face is red and blotchy, my eyes are puffy, and my hair is a mess. I look like a complete wreck. I don’t resemble the happy girl who was in the mirror just a few days ago. I wash my face and brush my hair, then grab a jacket since the nights are getting cooler with the approach of fall. I decide to head out early. I think a long walk and some fresh air will do me some good.
Chapter Twenty-One
It is more difficult getting out of the house this time since the security has been increased in light of the clone killer running around. However, I manage. I have snuck out of the house so many times that I have become a pro. I walk the dark streets in the shadows, doing everything I can to stay out of the light and keep from being seen. There was a time once when I was afraid of the shadows in these alleys. That is no longer the case. I feel that I am becoming harder. It would be so much easier to handle this life if I was void of emotion, if I just didn’t care about what happened to me or those I care about. Oh, how much easier my life would be. However, that is not who I am. If I stop caring about what happens to people, to clones, than I am no better than Killian and the other pure bloods who mistreat us. My desire to care makes me more human than the pure bloods. A noise behind me breaks my thoughts. I turn around, but I do not see anything. I think about the clone killer somewhere out there. Then I remember that Enforcer-150 is serving as bait tonight, all because of me. If he gets hurt or killed, it really will be my fault. All because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
I hear footsteps behind me, so I walk faster. The courage I had just a few moments ago quickly melts away. I dart down the next alley and quickly crouch down beside a dumpster. The smells of rotting food fill my nostrils and make me want to gag. The person following me strides down the alley, then stops and looks around. I lean back as far as I can in the shadows the dumpster provides. When the figure turns in my direction, I can’t see all of him, but I see enough to tell me who he is. I step out of the shadows and face him.
“Why are you following me?” I ask Enforcer-150 as I cross my arms over my chest.
“I’m making sure you are safe. In case you forgot, there is someone killing the clones. With you being the clone of a future leader, you would be a prime target,” he responds flatly. “You shouldn’t even be out here. It’s not safe.”
“Why do you even care if I am safe or not?” I demand.
“I just do.”
“Well thanks for the concern, but I’m fine.” I turn around and start walking away.
“Remy, wait. I just want you to be careful. That’s all.” I turn back around at the mention of my name.
“What did you call me? How do you know that name?”
“I’ve seen your files. You did too when you went into Killian’s lab, didn’t you? Have the dreams started?”
“How do you know about my dreams?” I ask, intrigued.
“Because I had them too and still do. They’re not dreams, Remy. They are memories. The Researchers wipe our minds clean before we are released to our pure bloods. However, you can’t erase memories. They can be buried far into the depths of your brain, but they are never truly gone. They will always resurface.”
“I thought we were kept in a cryogenic state? How could we possibly make memories?” I ask.
“There are many lies we have all been told, but we don’t have time to discuss them.”
“Who is she? The woman from my dreams and videos and photos.”
“I think you already know, but you choose not to believe it. She is the one who gave you your name. She is your mother.”
“My mother?” With this new revelation come multiple questions. “Where is she? What happened to her? Is she alive?”
“Unfortunately, I can’t answer those questions because I don’t know the answers myself. There is so much you still don’t know, but, like I said, we don’t have time tonight. I have to go.” He places his hand on my shoulder. “Stay safe. Have Alec take you home.” He gives my shoulder a tight squeeze and walks away. More questions arise in my mind. It seems that Enforcer-150 knows more about me than I do. One certainty is that he knows more about my past. He mentioned Alec and I wonder if he knows where I am going tonight. He obviously knows that Alec will be there. Unfortunately I do not have time to ponder all these questions. My little rendezvous is going to make me late for the meeting with Rhydia.
I knock three times on the door of the old dilapidated building, then once, then three times again. The door opens and I step inside. I notice there are more people here tonight than the last time I was here. The Resistance is growing in numbers. I am first greeted by Alden, who comes running to me and wraps me in his arms in a hug. I hug him back and it feels good to be hugged, to be shown affection after what I have witnessed today. Noticing the absence of his brother, Milo comes rushing over and hugs me as well.
“Where have you been? We’ve been so worried about you. Why did you disappear after the whole ordeal with Zareh?” Milo interrogates.
“I just…I just needed to be alone,” I respond. I see Alec lingering a few feet behind Milo and Alden, watching me. The longing on his face tells me that he wants to scoop me up in an embrace like the other two, however, he does not move. He does not make an effort to show affection. Although I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, bury my head in his chest, and marvel in the comfort that his arms provide for me, I make no move either. It is still not safe for us to be together. We may think that we are among friends, but how can we be so sure? We still do not know who can be trusted. All the more reason I have to let Alec go.
Rhydia takes her place at the front of the gathering and everyone’s chatter becomes silent. She seems to be a natural born leader. Although she hasn’t said anything yet, just her mere presence commands authority.
“Good evening everyone,” Rhydia greets us. Thank you for risking everything to be here tonight, especially in light of the horrific broadcast displayed this morning. As you can see, the time to act grows near. We cannot stall much longer. The situation is only going to get worse. Killian will execute more clone sympathizers and clones.” Many people around me look down to the floor and shake their heads at the thought of more executions. “Remy, I hope you were successful in your mission. Are you able to shed some light on what we are up against?” Everyone turns and looks at me.
“Yes, I was successful. Killian has created a clone army.” The room fills with gasps and chatter. Rhydia holds up her hand signaling for everyone to be quiet.
“How many does he have?” Rhydia asks.
“I am not sure. Hundreds. Could be thousands.”
“Alright. Now that we know what we are up against, we need a plan of action. We need to attack soon. Where do we want to start?” The room begins to buzz with ideas. Some say that we should attack the Enforcer sector head on. Others suggest we should take over the Researcher sector first. The noise level begins to rise as everyone spats their ideas out. Rhydia raises her hand in the air again and the noise dies down.
“One at a time. Emory, you first.”
“We need to take on Killian in the Enforcer sector,” Emory declares. Other people around him all nod and voice their agreements. An Enforcer speaks out about taking over the Enforcer sector first so we are not fighting clones and Enforcers.
“Any other ideas?” Rhydia asks.
“The ARC,” I voice.
“You think we should attack the Research Center?” Rhydia asks for clarification.
“Yes. That is where Killian is most vulnerable. That’s where this entire system is vulnerable. They will never see it coming. Killian will have no choice but to fold.”
“That might work,” Rhydia agrees. The people around me nod and discuss strategies for getting into the Research Center.
“All favor in attacking the Research Center first, raise your hand,” Rhydia demands. I look around the room and see that the majority of the people in the room agree with the plan. “Very good. It�
��s settled then. We will attack the Research Center in two days. Alec, you and Emory are in charge of gathering as many clones as you can for our cause. Larick, you are in charge of gathering all of the sick. I will gather pure bloods. We will meet back here in two days at midnight.” People linger in the big room to chat with Rhydia about invasion tactics. Some people leave and go back to their lives outside of the Resistance.
I wait until Rhydia has finished her conversations and approach her.
“Remy, what can I do for you?” She smiles, but I can see the exhaustion on her face. I appreciate her pleasantries, however, I have no time or desire to mimic her.
“You know who the clone killer is,” I accuse.
“Excuse me?” Rhydia raises her eyebrows and jerks her head back as if I had just slapped her across the face.
“I saw your face yesterday when Killian announced what had happened. I couldn’t place it then, but I know that’s what I saw in the look you gave. You know who it is and you are protecting them. Why?”
“Remy, you should be careful making accusations that you can’t back with evidence.”
“Is that a threat?”
“No, it’s not a threat, but you don’t understand what you are saying.”
“Why are you protecting them?”
“In any war, there are casualties.”
“Whose side are you on?” I ask with disgust.
“The right one.” I am so confused by her that I don’t know what else to say. Instead of arguing with her further, I decide to walk away. It has been a trying day and my patience is wearing thin. Plus, I still have something that I need to attend to.
I go to the one place where I can think about everything that has occurred in the past twenty-four hours: the roof. I climb the stairs that lead to the only place that is special to me. Throwing open the door, I step out into the cool air. I rub my arms as a shiver runs through me. The wind is blowing hard up here, whipping my hair all over the place. I look out at the mountains before me. The ones I find to be so beautiful during the day look evil at night. They surround every side of me, keeping me locked into this life. Images of the poor girl being torn apart and disappearing into nothing race through my mind. There was literally nothing left of her. No body to bury, no ashes to place in an urn, no physical part of her left to remember her by. She evaporated as if she never existed. If the pure bloods do this to their own people, what will they do to the clones who rise up against them?
The presence of strong arms wrapping around me break my thoughts. I turn to face Alec and throw my arms around him. He buries his face in my hair and strokes my back. We stand there and hold each other in silence, neither one of us wanting to let go. I hold him tight as I know this will be the last time I do.
“Are you okay?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. I pull back from him and look up into his handsome face.
“No, not really,” I confess. “I can’t stop thinking about that poor girl and Zareh. How can the leaders do this? That’s a horrible way to die.” Alec, searching for the right words, puts his hand on my cheek and caresses it.
“It was horrible, but we are going to strike soon. We are not going to let anything else like this happen. This incident is going to cause unrest among the pure blood population as well. We can use that to our advantage. There are some who are not going to stand being treated like…”
“Like a clone?” I ask.
“Like their life doesn’t matter,” he finishes.
“When I was watching her disappear into a thousand pieces, all I could think about was you. And Alden, Milo, and Zareh. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to any of you, especially you.” I feel the tears building in my eyes. Alec leans in and presses a soft kiss on my lips. How I wish I could prolong that kiss.
“Nothing is going to happen to us. And, especially, nothing is going to happen to you. I won’t let it. I will die before I let anything happen to you.”
“That’s just it,” I say, breaking away from his embrace. “I don’t want you or anyone else to die protecting me. I will not be the cause of death for anyone. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because you were protecting me. I can’t do this.” I turn around so I’m not facing him and run my hands through my hair. Alec grabs my arm and gently turns me back around.
“What are you saying?” he asks, obviously confused.
“I’m saying we shouldn’t do this anymore, Alec. You and me. It’s not safe.” His beautiful brown eyes flash with hurt and I want to turn away again. I do not want to hurt him, but this is for his own good. This is the only way I can keep him safe.
“Remy, we knew it was dangerous when we started this. We can be careful,” he pleaded.
“I knew it was dangerous, but not like this, Alec. The leaders weren’t killing pure bloods. Do you really think Killian won’t find out about us? He will. You know he will. It’s safer that we end this now.” I turn around and head for the door. My tears are flowing freely now as I can no longer hold them back.
“Remy. Wait. Please don’t go.” I turn back around to look at him. At the sight of my tears, he starts walking towards me. I hold up my hand, signaling him to stop.
“Don’t! Please…please don’t touch me.” The hurt in his eyes make my heart ache. As much as I long to be comforted in his arms, I know that if I let him touch me, my courage will falter. I have to stay strong. I remind myself that I am doing this for him. He has protected me on numerous occasions and now it is my turn to protect him.
“I’m sorry, Alec.” Turning back around, I walk out the door. I hug myself as the hot tears flow down my cheeks. I have just walked away from the only man I care about and, possibly, might even love. All I can do is cling to the hope that one day we’ll be together again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The walk back to Killian’s house is a blur. I cry until my eyes run dry again. In one day I have lost Zareh and Alec. I crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over me. I want to feel warmth and comfort and right now. My covers are the only way I can feel both. I toss and turn all night, void of sleep. As much as I want to drift off into a realm of unconsciousness, I can’t stop my thoughts from racing. I lie in my bed for hours until I finally decide to get up and get ready for the day. I quietly walk out of my room. It is almost dawn and the whole house is still. I decide to walk outside and sit by the lake in the back yard. I cross my legs and sit under the green willow tree that resides beside the lake. I pick up a stick and glide it over the dirt until a spot of orange in the sky catches my eye. The sun slowly peeps over a mountain, like it is playing hide and seek with me. A blanket mixed of orange and yellow is pulled by the bright ball, bringing light to the darkness and with it, a promise of a new day. The light reflects on the water of the lake, giving off the illusion that the lake is sparkling. With the new light, I can clearly see the ripples of the water as the lake gently moves. The water glides at a slow place, like it has all day to get to its destination. There is no urgency for the water. It is content to sway back and forth all day. The sight of the sunrise over the water is serene. The wind gently blows the tassels of the huge willow tree. Birds who have made their nests in nearby trees begin to chirp, excited to see a new morning. All of nature seems happy to be awake, all but me. I can only hope that some of this peacefulness will rub off on me and dispel my gloomy mood. A branch breaking startles me and I turn around to see Enforcer-150 coming towards me. I pull up my legs, wrap my arms around them, and stare out at the lake. Enforcer-150 takes a seat beside me and looks in the same direction.
“It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?” he asks. “It’s so peaceful. It almost makes you forget what life is really like.”
“Not quite,” I respond with skepticism. I wish it was that easy to forget what my life is like. I look over at Enforcer-150 and see him staring at me.
“I am glad to see you are not dead. Were the perpetrators caught?” I ask.
“No. They did not even try anything.
They are smarter than we think and will not be so easily fooled.”
“What are they going to do, now? Put all of us on house arrest until it is safe?”
“I am not sure, but you should stay in the house where you are safe,” he lectures.
“This is the least safe place.” Enforcer-150 nods his head, concurring with my statement.
“That’s why it’s time for you to leave.” The notion takes me by surprise and I sit up straight.
“Leave? And go where?” I ask.
“There are places you can go where you will be protected. You’d have to leave the city. You can’t stay here anymore.” I suppose he is correct. No clone is safe in this place.
“You need to prepare for your departure. You will leave tomorrow night,” he decides. I want to protest and tell him that I can’t leave tomorrow night. The Resistance will attack tomorrow night. However, I can’t reveal the plan, not when I am not completely sure Enforcer-150 can be trusted. Then a thought occurs to me. Does Enforcer-150 know of the plan tomorrow night? Is that why he wants me to leave tomorrow, because he knows he can slip me out while there is confusion and chaos?
“What about you? Are you leaving too?”
“No. My place is here.” I don’t ask, but I wonder why he would choose to stay. He has been here longer than me. Maybe he can’t imagine living somewhere else, even if it means that he will be free. I am not completely sure of Enforcer-150’s agenda, but I do know that he has already made up his mind about what I should do. He can try to get me to leave all he wants, but I am not leaving without my friends. He stands and turns to leave.
“Be ready to leave tomorrow night,” he says and then disappears as quickly as he came. I wonder if I am ready to leave. Ready to see what is beyond the city of Avalon and venture off into the unknown. I am surrounded by uncertainty, but I do know one thing for sure. I am not ready to leave behind the people I care about. If Enforcer-150 wants me to leave, he is going to have to be satisfied with me taking my friends along. I get up and walk back to the house. With Zareh incarcerated, I have decided to take on her duties since I have helped her out a few times. I welcome the work since it serves as a distraction from the events that weigh so heavily on my mind. I work the whole morning without interruption until Bailey summons me to bring her some soup around lunchtime. It occurs to me that I have not eaten anything all day so I use the opportunity to get something to eat for myself. When I get to Bailey’s room, she is heaving over the toilet again.