by Nia Arthurs
A thought struck my head. Was this where he’d kill me?
I’d never questioned the mental stability of Jermaine but surely a man that loved a woman who had given him absolutely no encouragement for so long had a few screws missing or loosened at the very least.
“Lexi.” He turned to face me and I looked out for the glint of a knife or a gun barrel. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable in the past.” He peered at me so that I could gauge his sincerity, “That was never my intent.”
I stuttered. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
He seemed a little sad when he admitted, “I’ve liked you for a very long time.”
I pursed my lips and glanced away.
What was I supposed to say? ‘I’m sorry you feel that way?’
“But-” Jermaine continued, “I understand that you can’t force feelings where there are none.”
I blinked slowly at him, completely taken aback.
Whoa, I had not expected that.
He nodded sheepishly, “I wanted to let you know that I’m not going to remain fixated on you any longer.”
A small smile crept onto my face. “Thank you for telling me that.”
I would have preferred that you didn’t since honestly it has no bearing on my life but… thanks.
“You’re welcome,” He grinned wide and for the first time, I could see a future of maybe being friends with Jermaine. That was a very distant future, however.
We walked back to the campfire in silence and Mia gave me a questioning glance when she saw me walking with Jermaine. I caught her eye and gave her a meaningful glance.
We’ll talk later. I communicated telepathically.
She seemed to receive my message and winked at me.
“Okay guys.” Jermaine stepped into the middle of the campfire. “It’s time for lights out. Remember, no one should be out of their cabins after the curfew. Anyone found disobeying this rule will be taken back home. Camp counselors, please help out with this.”
The kids groaned good-naturedly, but obediently trekked toward their individual huts.
I saw my group of five girls chattering excitedly with their faces smeared with chocolate and grinned. I, too, understood the joys of sugar.
Renesha, Britney, Shay and Ash gathered around my bed and went on and on about the night’s events. I found their happy banter inspiring. These kids weren’t so bad to be around.
The only girl who excluded herself from the almost celebratory festivities was Lindsey who claimed she was feeling sick and took to her bed. She faced the wall while the other girls laughed and conversed.
I wondered if she was really sick or if she simply preferred to be alone right now. Why did she even come on this trip if she didn’t want to talk to anybody?
And then I remembered the primal motivation for most of the stupid things that teenage girls do: boys.
I’d keep an eye on her just in case she had any tricks up her sleeve. I watched a ton of television. I knew what all the cool kids were doing nowadays.
After ten o’clock, I urged the girls get ready for bed. We dressed in comfortable cotton shorts (something which I only wore at night in the privacy of my bed comforter) and tank tops. Belize was too hot to wear anything long sleeved, especially at night.
Everyone sequestered themselves in their own bed when I turned down the light. I could hear giggling and whispering but I didn’t want to spoil the kids’ fun. While everyone settled down, I thought of Jermaine’s brave confession to me tonight. Though the act was something I would never do in a million years, it still took a lot of courage. I was glad that he was absolving me from the guilt of my abhorrent behavior toward him.
Next, my thoughts turned to Drew. I couldn’t quite figure out how that story was going to end. Drew had made it clear that Catherine was the one he wanted. Whether he remained with her out of his sense of morality or because of his upright character, he had made his choice quite clear. I knew that Susan’s advice earlier was geared to give me hope.
The whole, ‘if you and Drew are supposed to be, then you will be’ speech was not as encouraging as my friend had intended. I still felt that the best path for me to take right now was to avoid Drew as much as possible until I could reclaim my heart from him. I wasn’t strong enough to continue on like this.
The room was dark and one of the girls was snoring lightly but I heard a disturbance which distracted me from my thoughts. The screen door creaked open slowly and then closed back with the lightest thud. My heart panicking, I blinked up at the ceiling and stayed perfectly still, trying to determine if someone had broken in or out.
I didn’t hear anything afterwards and I figured that one of the girls had probably gone to the bathroom which was a few yards away. As much as Jermaine wanted to think that we could just ‘hold it in’ until dawn, he was wrong. We weren’t like the guys who could pee on anything at their convenience. I waited five minutes for the girl to return.
She didn’t.
I frowned, but didn’t panic yet. I was new to the camp counselor thing. I didn’t want to make a big deal if one of the girls had simply gone to do a number two. Not only would that be embarrassing for me but it would be for her as well. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was nearly midnight. I’d give her a few more minutes and then start freaking out.
Unfortunately, I only had enough patience to wait for a few more seconds before I swung out of bed and appraised all the girls that were supposed to be sleeping soundly in their cots.
My gaze brushed over the slumbering Shay, Ash, Brittney and Renesha.
The bed that the oh-so exhausted Lindsey had been resting on was empty.
Why am I not surprised?
Grumbling about rebellious teenagers, I shoved my feet into flip-flops and trekked outside. The breeze blew against my bare skin and raised goose bumps on my arm’s surface. I rubbed against my skin briskly and started out for the bathroom. Before I assumed that the girl was somewhere sneaking around with a boy, I wanted to make sure that she wasn’t simply taking a dump.
“Hello!” I called to the empty corridors of the bathroom.
My own echo returned to me.
Creepy.
Since I was not in the mood to duck beneath all the stalls to find her, I selected the flashlight app on my phone and headed for the rec hall. Maybe the kid had knocked her head and gotten amnesia or something.
Or maybe she’s canoodling with her boyfriend.
I was still hopelessly optimistic.
There was already a flash of light coming from the rec center. I charged into the hall and yelled,
“Aha!”
Hm, I’d always wanted to say that.
“Lexi?”
“Drew?”
I lowered my flashlight and he lowered his.
“What are you doing out here?” He asked me with surprise in his tone.
“What are you doing out here?” I repeated.
“Brett, one of my cabin members, is missing. One of the guys ratted him out. Apparently, he’s got a girlfriend also attending the camp.”
I gaped. “His girlfriend is one of my girls.”
Drew chuckled at the irony.
As much as the matter amused me, I knew that Lindsey was way too young to be sneaking off with boys in the middle of the night. I was pretty sure that Brett didn’t have marital intentions towards Lindsey.
Maybe the marriage act but…
I shook my head free of that thought. Little kids all over the world were experimenting with sex but that didn’t make it right or any less heartbreaking. Teenage pregnancy was just an external consequence of intimacy. When a young girl gave her body away, she usually gave her heart with it. I just wanted Lindsey to be careful she was giving both to the right person at the right time.
“ I guess we can look together.” Drew offered.
I smiled at him and accepted his offer.
“Sure.”
Sulking around the ‘haunted’ campgrounds at night would be a lot
less creepy if Drew was with me.
“Where do you think we should look next?” He asked.
“I have no idea. I’ve never been here before.”
“Well, that makes our jobs easier.” Drew shrugged.
It crossed my mind to awaken more people to join in the search, but thanks to Drew’s confirmation, I knew that Lindsey was with her boyfriend so she wouldn’t be lost in the woods somewhere… hopefully. But I also didn’t want her to get sent home, because as much as she probably deserved that punishment, kicking someone out of a positive environment like this one was counterproductive in my eyes.
We moved past the bushes at the edge of the clearing, calling quietly for the two but no one answered. After about five minutes of this, I remembered that some of the cabins were empty.
“Drew,” I patted his arm, “Drew, let’s check the abandoned cabins.”
“That’s a good idea.” He led me toward the cabins. We skipped over the ones that had no lights in the verandahs and tried the doors for each. Most of the cabins were locked.
Except for one.
The knob turned in Drew’s grasp and our eyes caught and held in the dim lighting from the moon. I nodded once and then Drew threw open the door. Our light shone on the two teenagers wrapped up in each other’s arms on the bed, engaged in a serious lip lock.
Thank the Lord above Lindsey’s clothes were still on, but given the way they were entangled together, I don’t know how much longer that would have been the case.
“Gah!” Lyndsey exclaimed, “cut that off.” The two broke apart and Brett sat up, his chest heaving.
Drew shook his head, his eyes full of disappointment.
“Brett put your shirt back on and let’s go.”
“Sir!”
“Let’s go, Brett.” Drew said with no amusement in his tone.
In that moment, I pictured Drew as a father and the image was so random that I blinked twice to remind myself that this was real life, not my own fantasies.
I focused my attention to the little girl on the bed.
“Come on, Lindsey.”
Drew muttered, “Good luck” and then left with his young camper.
“No.” Lindsey folded her arms and sat straight up, her eyes in a defiant slant.
“Lindsey.” I called again, putting more firmness in my tone.
“Just leave me alone, okay?”
Great. What was I supposed to do now?
Like I said before, adulting wasn’t really my thing.
“Okay.” I nodded and closed the screen door. I took off my flashlight and climbed unto a bed near to hers.
She sniffed. “Okay?”
“Yeah.”
I heard the bed creak. “Isn’t this the part where you yell at me and tell on me and kick me out of camp.”
I craned my neck in her direction. “Do you want me to do those things?”
Her reply was slow but sure.
“No.”
“Good.”
I settled back in the bed and stared at the ceiling.
“I know you’re judging me.” Lindsey accused. “That’s what all adults do. You judge and you lecture and you think you have it all figured out but you’re just as messed up as the rest of us.”
Since adulting was out of the picture, I answered honestly.
“I don’t know if you’ve heard but everyone on earth is kind of messed up. It’s how we were born.”
Lindsey sucked her teeth. “There it is.”
“What?”
“The lecture.”
“Girl,” I tried to keep my temper in check, “You deserve a lecture. But you’re not getting one from me. You know exactly what you did tonight.”
“Lady, I don’t want to hear it.”
Okay, my nice girl routine was gone.
“Look,” I swung my legs over the bed and leaned toward her. “I’m not going to say that I approve of your choices. I’ve seen girls head down the road you’re on and make it out without any problems. But I’ve seen girls who don’t come out with their heart or their lives intact. Whether or not I lecture you tonight, you’ve got the free will to do whatever the heck you want.”
“That’s right.” Lindsey agreed with me.
“But-” I continued firmly, since she wasn’t getting the picture, “you’re not off the hook. You were the one who agreed to come to this camp. You agreed to follow the rules.”
“The rules are stupid.”
“And sneaking off in the middle of the night to make out with your boyfriend on a bed isn’t?”
“You don’t know anything about me.” She sucked her teeth. “I see you in The Gym, with all the rich white people, looking all happy and perfect.”
“So you can judge me without knowing anything about my life, but I can’t judge you?”
That shut her up.
It was time to go in for the kill and make a wonderful point that changed her mind and the direction of her young life.
…
Now exactly how was I supposed to do that?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I’m not an advice giver. During my senior year of high school, I had an elbow partner who liked to complain a lot. She’d go on and on about her cheating boyfriend, her uncaring parents, and her self-absorbed older sister who got all the attention. I told her to suck it up because life was hard. A few months later, I learned that the girl had tried to kill herself and she was moved from the school.
The point of the story was that I was clueless when it came to being a shoulder to lean on. I didn’t recognize that my school chum had serious issues since I looked at the world with a kind of blasé, survival instinct.
Tonight with the darkness surrounding us, I had no idea how to reach this little girl. I wasn’t the type to bash her over the head with a Bible or lecture her about how ‘unreal’ her feelings were. Every emotion feels real to the person enduring them. I also realized that lectures weren’t the best tools when dealing with fifteen year old teenagers. Since it wasn’t too long ago that I was her age, I knew this intimately.
So while my brain scrambled for a big Gandhi like finish, I asked Lindsey questions.
“Tell me how you met Brett.”
She sounded suspicious when she asked, “You really want to know?”
“Of course.” I encouraged her, my mind searching for a clichéd but effective phrase.
You’re body is a temple.
No sex equals no babies.
Men are dogs.
Nothing seemed to fit the moment.
“I met Brett,” Lindsey quietly admitted, “at a fair. He was friends with my friend and we started hanging out.”
“How long ago was that?”
True love doesn’t pressure you to do more than you want to.
If he loves you, he’ll listen when you say no.
Guys only want one thing.
“A few months.”
She kept quiet and I wasn’t ready for the big finish yet so I came up with another question.
“So, did he ask you out or did it just sort of happen?”
I could hear the smile in her voice when she recounted. “At first we just texted and then he came over a few times. My parents are chill with it.” She grinned, “They think Brett’s nice compared to the guys I’ve dated before.”
“Oh,” I tried to keep my voice neutral, “you’ve dated before him.”
“Yeah.” She agreed easily.
Geez, this girl was more experienced in dating than I was.
“So… do you love Brett?”
“I do.” She turned on her stomach. “He’s always there for me.”
“Something you’ve determined in the course of … three months.”
“When you know, you know.”
Hmm.
Get your head back in the game, Lexi. You’re supposed to be punishing her, not getting romantic advice.
It was past time for my big finish, my Twitter worthy statement, one phrase that would change her wor
ld.
Awkward elevator music filled my head.
Gah!
It always seemed so easy for my dad to lecture Eryn, Melody and I without sounding like he was lecturing us. Why hadn’t I gotten those genes?
“Lindsey,” I began and at least I could tell that she was open to whatever I had to say since I hadn’t been cramming chastisements down her throat. “I’m sure that your feelings for Brett are real.”
“They are.” She said with conviction in your voice.
“But can you tell me why adults get scared sometimes when they walk in to see two teenagers making out on a bed?”
I detected a little sheepishness in her voice when she admitted, “I guess.”
I moved cautiously through the darkness and sat beside her in the cabin, “Love is a really nice feeling.” So I’ve heard. “It makes people do things they’d never thought they’d do.”
“But…” She filled in for me.
“But,” I grinned, “You’re fifteen! This is the perfect time to hang out with your friends. Go watch movies. Join a club. You can do or be anything that you want to because your parents are still paying the bills and people aren’t expecting you to grow up.” I nudged her shoulder, “So don’t try so hard to.”
I couldn’t tell if I was making a breakthrough but at least her snappy comments were blissfully absent.
“Do you think I should break up with Brett?”
The question was so left-field I wasn’t sure if she was serious or joking.
Come on adulting powers. Help me now!
“What do you think?”
There, that was a perfectly vague response.
“I don’t know. He just makes me feel so nice. He’s always there to hang out with.”
“Well,” I shifted around for a reply, “you can hang out with me.”
“Really?”
Really?
“Sure.” I said and then repeated the phrase with more certainty, “Why not.”
Suddenly, a tap, tap, tap sound came from the window. I recalled that this was a ‘haunted’ campground and immediately got spooked.
Yeah, spirits didn’t have any authority on the earth but I was in no way, shape or form ready to cast out demons from anything!
No thank you. God bless you, but I’m out.
“Uh, I’m ready to go back to the cabin now.” Lindsey held on to me.