by Smoke, Lucy
“I’m glad I could help.” I slowly released a breath and stepped back. “Well, I should get going.”
Delilah raised her head and glanced over my shoulder. A small smile stretched her lips. “Knix isn’t your cousin, is he?” she asked.
I blinked and glanced behind me. The guys were still in the car. All of the windows were tinted and rolled up. I turned back to her. “Um…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “He kinda told me.”
“He did?” I asked, shocked. That wasn’t like Knix. Actually, that was the exact opposite of like Knix. I narrowed my gaze on her and she quickly raised her hands, palms up.
“It’s not like that,” she said quickly. I didn’t know what she meant, but I kept my gaze narrowed. “He didn’t tell me in so many words. Last night, though, I thought he offered to escort me because he was into me, you know and well...it was obvious that he wasn’t. When he ran off, he kinda dumped me on some of the girls from the camp and said he had to go check on you. When we talked that night, too, it was all about you.”
I blushed fiercely, and my eyes widened. “What?”
“I think he’s in love with you,” she said.
“No, you’re wrong. He’s not. He can’t be.” I shook my head. It was impossible. We had only known each other for a little over a month. I mean, yeah, we had practically spent 24/7 together since we met, and we were living together, and he had seen me when I didn’t have any makeup on and when my face was puffy from crying over my mom, and he had told me about his mom and his dad, but that didn’t mean he loved me...did it?
“And that other guy, the big one?” Delilah rubbed her arms and looked at me expectantly.
“Bellamy?” I hesitated to say the name, but she had just finished talking about Knix, the only other ‘big’ guy I could think of would be Bellamy. Texas was more wiry than big, and Marv was slender and lithe.
She nodded. “Yeah, he was out here earlier when I was waiting for you. He recognized me from the party.” She gave me a dry chuckle as she looked down at her dress. “Probably an intelligent guess,” she said. “But uh... yeah... we were talking too…” I sucked in a breath and she bit her lip, trying not to smile at me.
“Don’t say it,” I begged.
“Okay,” she said.
I squinted at her. “Really?”
She nodded, but it seemed too easy. She sighed. “I’ve learned my lesson,” she said. “I’m done meddling. It’s gotten me into too much trouble.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I reminded her.
“I know,” she said, looking back at her feet. Her hands squeezed her upper arms until her knuckles and the skin under her fingertips turned white. “I do think you have a lot of guys that care a lot about you, though,” she said. “I wish you luck with that.”
“Thanks,” I said with a sigh. I smiled and gave her a light hug before she turned and went into the hospital. I would need all the luck I could get.
When I got to the car, Texas got out of the back and let me in. I squeezed past him and sat in the middle of the backseat. Knix was in the driver’s seat, Marv in the front passenger, and Bellamy on my other side. In that moment, I wanted so badly to scream the truth. When Bellamy smiled at me, I almost cried. When Knix glanced at me through the rearview mirror the urge only grew and when Marv looked over his shoulder, it almost broke through.
Texas’ warm side on mine was relaxing and he leaned over and whispered something in my ear that surprised me. I looked at him. “Are you sure?” I asked.
He nodded. “When we get back,” he said. “They’ll handle the rest of things with the job.” Texas motioned to the others. I was too tired to argue, and I wasn’t exactly against his request, so I sat back and buckled up as Knix started the car. I couldn’t wait to be home with Cleo and I couldn’t wait to see my mom.
Chapter 19
“Harlow?” I blinked and glanced over at Texas. He looked at me expectantly as if he had been calling my name for a while.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “Wasn’t paying attention.”
“You sure that’s all it is?” he asked.
“Why?” I asked, trying to tamp down my panic. There was no way he could know. He didn’t. Absolutely not. Right?
“You just seem out of sorts,” he replied. “You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.”
“No,” I said. “I do.” I reached across the console of the car and put one hand on his arm. “I’m really glad you asked. I’m excited about meeting them – your grandparents.”
He snorted. “They’re not much for conversation nowadays.” I grimaced and even he blanched. “Sorry, that was a bad joke, but it’s fine if you don’t want to come today. Just because you want to meet them doesn’t mean we have to do it today. I can turn the car around.”
“No!” He jumped slightly at my raised voice and I quickly lowered it. “I mean, no, I’m fine. Really. Look we’re already there anyway. This is it, right? Happy Hollow Cemetery?”
He nodded as he pulled between the wide iron gates. When Texas had first asked if I wanted to visit his grandparents’ graves with him, I hadn’t been so sure. It seemed private, something you only took family with you to do, but he had stood there almost nervously, shifting from foot to foot. I couldn’t say no. Right then, he still looked nervous, but in that excited school boy way.
Texas parked the car in a small gravel lot near a plain square building with an equally plain sign hanging out front that read Caretaker’s Cabin. As if it came naturally to him, Texas took my hand as we exited the car and tugged me towards a dirt path that led through what looked like the entirety of the cemetery. My guess was proven correct once we started walking.
Whoever lived in the caretaker’s cabin and actually ran the place was obviously skilled and cared about their work. Each gravestone was neatly cleaned and if loved ones had visited recently, there were flowers laid pleasantly along the top of each, all similar to the ones clutched in my free hand as we walked. I felt that it wasn’t right to visit Texas’ grandparents without bringing something. Flowers at a cemetery seemed to be right.
Texas clutched my hand tighter as we turned down a path that became less dirt and more grass and rocks and hill. He had to help me over a few larger rocks as we went further and further up. I looked behind me and realized that we had actually nearly left the cemetery entirely. We must have been at the top most hill. I could see all the way down to the caretaker’s cabin and even where the SUV was left parked on the gravel lot.
“What are we doing up here?”
I hadn’t realized I had asked the question aloud until Texas answered. “They’re not the most social of people,” he said with a smirk, turning me around. I realized we were standing in front of two equally beautiful, but small, stone graves. There was a marble outline on the shiny faces of both and two etched names:
Ellen Johnson
Mother, Grandmother, and Beloved Wife
Trevor Johnson
Father, Grandfather, and Beloved Husband
“They actually died together,” Texas admitted in a small voice. My heart clutched in my chest. I couldn’t look at him just yet, so I stepped forward and set the flowers gently in the space between both stones. “They were driving back from date night. They always had date night, every week on the same night ever since they got married.” I swallowed hard, staying bent over. I wrapped my arms around my knees.
Texas joined me on the ground in front of his grandparents. He waited for a moment before finally, as though the flood gates opened, it poured from him. “They took me in when my parents left. They weren’t really parents at all and when I did finally end up with my grandparents, I was a little rough around the edges.” I glanced at him as he threw me an embarrassed smile.
“I was almost fifteen by the time I got dumped on their doorstep. My parents weren’t ever really there to begin with and I kinda did the whole juvie thing before I – well, before I met the people who cared about me. When I got
out of juvie and realized they weren’t coming to pick me up, I kinda just felt lost. I was too old to get adopted, not that anyone would want a kid with a record. I’m really thankful that my grandparents gave me a place – they had been begging my mom – she was their daughter after all – to come see them for years. But she got caught up with my dad and…”
Texas paused and his whole demeanor was stiff as he faced forward, thinking of his dad, I guessed. “My dad,” he tried again, “wasn’t the nicest of people.” My stomach clenched and my throat dried. Living little fire ants crawled under my skin – they weren’t actually there. It was just anger. I looked at Texas and I saw someone, my friend, someone that had helped me when I most needed it and I knew exactly what he was saying. His dad had been abusive. I didn’t know if he meant towards his mom or towards him – but it didn’t matter to me. If the man had been there right then, I would have punched him in the face for putting that kind of pain in my friend.
I leaned over and slid a hand down his arm until I reached his hand. When I did, he let me tangle my fingers with his. I wanted to tell him it was okay and that whatever he said would be in the past and that nothing could touch him, but the words stuck in my throat. I think he understood though, because in the next moment Texas released a deep, pent up breath of relief and sagged against the ground. My cheek touched his shoulder and I blinked watery eyes at the gray stones in front of us.
“I lived with them for three years before I moved in with Knix and Bell. A year later, they died. We were on a job – I don’t even remember what we were doing, and Alex called us and Knix just told me to pack my stuff and head back. I was so mad. I thought, ‘this is it, they’re kicking me out. They don’t want me.’ Then I got back, and Alex sat me down and explained what happened and…”
Wind blew across my shoulders, lifting the strands of my hair. They danced in front of my face for several moments until I shoved them back with cold fingers.
“I cried,” Texas admitted with reddened cheeks. He looked like he would again, his eyes were shiny. So were mine, if I was being honest. “I hadn’t cried since I was a kid and got beat up for the first time.” His jaw worked, and he ducked his head.
We sat there like that for, I didn’t know how long. It was special, though. That much I knew. He hadn’t brought Bellamy or Marv or even Knix – all of whom I knew he trusted and loved. They were his family. He had brought me. It meant that he trusted me too. That maybe...just maybe the door to Iris was opening a little bit wider, but more importantly the door to the guys – my guys – was widening too.
When we managed to compose ourselves and Texas suggested that we head back, I took his hand and held it tightly for the rest of the walk back to the SUV. The sky was a beautiful blue with tiny white puffs of clouds in the distance. The smell of honeysuckles on the air and the low hum of someone mowing grass somewhere in the background were relaxing. Texas stopped as we hit the gravel parking lot. Startled by the abruptness of the movement, I turned to look at him.
His eyes were more serious than I had ever seen them. So serious, it scared me a little bit. “Texas?” I reached up and touched his cheek. “Are you okay?” He continued to look down at me, unblinking, and didn’t say anything. I dropped my hand and shuffled away a bit, but somehow my hand didn’t let go. “Texas? You’re freaking me out? What’s wrong?” I looked around.
“Nothing.” His voice came out choked as I looked back at him.
“Nothing?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I’m glad you came with me today, Princess,” he said, reverting to my nickname. I smiled, the movement soft and warm. What a doofus.
“I’m glad I came too,” I admitted. Then I took a breath and squared my shoulders as I looked at him. I wanted him to know how serious I was. “I’m your friend. If you ever need me all you have to do is ask.”
We stared at each other for several more impossibly long seconds. I figured he understood and maybe I was making him uncomfortable with all my serious talk and staring so I released his hand and turned towards the SUV. Texas’ hands gripped my arms and spun me around. I gasped as his lips came crashing down on mine.
My eyes were still open. So, too, were his. But then his tongue touched mine and he groaned, and his eyes slid closed. His hands gripped me, held me, and I felt myself falling. This was Texas – he was my prankster, my friend, my… I stopped thinking as my eyes closed and I relaxed in his arms. A small part of me screamed that this was wrong, that I should push him back and explain exactly why we couldn’t do this. The kiss didn’t feel wrong though. It felt very, very right.
My knees felt weak. My joints heavy with the effort they made to hold me up completely. I melted into Texas, letting myself rest against his chest. His jaw brushed against the skin of my cheek as he released me from the kiss and pulled back. He yanked me into a hug and I was grateful. I was too afraid to look at his face. Too afraid to face what I had just let happen. But I couldn’t be a coward forever.
The others didn’t know yet, but I needed to start somewhere. Texas deserved to know the truth. I had kissed more than just him – I had kissed all of the others. It broke my stupid heart, but I needed to be brave. If he really cared about me, he’d understand. I would have to choose one – I couldn’t just keep doing this to them. I hadn’t meant to do this in the first place. I might not even be able to choose any of them. Iris might have something to say about it.
I pulled away, hands gripping his arms. “Texas, I have to tell you something.” My voice shook.
He looked at me, his dark eyes serious. “Is this about the others?” he asked.
My mouth hung open. It took me a moment to compose myself. “Y-you knew?”
He gripped me harder and sucked in a breath. “Yeah,” he said. “I know they like you. Bellamy told me you kissed him.”
“Do they...know?” I pulled away. He looked like he wanted to stop me, but he didn’t.
He was quiet. “We tell each other everything, Harlow.”
“You’ve known the entire time?” I couldn’t breathe. Oh, God. What must they think of me?
“Were you trying to keep it a secret?” he asked, brows drawn down, jaw clenched. “Harlow, I didn’t think you would do that. I thought you were just...confused. But if you were trying to keep it a secret…”
“No!” My chest felt tight. “I mean, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t know what to think. But what do they think of me? You must think I’m a terrible person.” My vision blurred. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” I spoke quickly, trying to get the words out, hoping he wouldn’t stop me. “You have to believe me. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I was just...I didn’t know what to do. First, Bellamy kissed me and I... kissed him back and then Marv and Knix and now...you...crap!” I whirled around, my heart racing, galloping in my chest. I put my hands over my face. What had I done?
“Harlow.” Texas’ arms came around me and pulled me back against his chest. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out. It’s going to be okay.” He sounded a lot calmer than he had moments before. Inside, I was freaking out. They would kick me out for sure. Where would I go? I couldn’t hold back the sob.
“Hey.” Texas turned me around and pulled my hands away from my face. I shook. “I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone,” he assured me. “We know that.”
“I’m so sorry, Texas.” I gasped as I spoke. I kept my gaze glued to the ground beneath our feet. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
“Bullshit,” he snapped, tucking a hand under my chin. He lifted me to meet his gaze. “I kissed you, Harlow. I’d be willing to bet that the guys instigated the kissing too.”
“I kissed you back,” I said. “I kissed you all back.” And it hadn’t all been the guys. I knew that much. “What do I do?” I was back to looking down as I asked it and Texas sighed, nudging me up again. Quick as lightning, he moved forward and kissed me on the open mouth.
“It’s going to be okay, Harlow,” he said,
holding me closer. “We’re going to go home and we’re going to all have ourselves a nice long talk.”
“Are you going to kick me out?” The question sprung from my lips, and I could tell that it upset him.
“No,” he said. There was no doubt in his tone and a hardness in his eyes that told me he meant it. “If you don’t want to stay with us anymore, we’ll understand. We’ll find you another place to stay, but we will not kick you out. The choice to leave is up to you.”
I inhaled shakily, then nodded. “Okay,” I said.
But he wasn’t freaking out. Why wasn’t he freaking out?
“Remember,” Texas said as he finally led me over to the SUV and opened the door. “You have all the power here and whatever choice you make, we’ll respect.”
Power and choice, I thought. The same things I had talked to Delilah about. It was an odd combination and a heavy weight in my chest as Texas got into the driver’s side, started up the engine, and backed out of the small gravel parking lot. I closed my eyes and pressed a hand to my chest, trying to ease the flutter of my heart. All I could think, though, was...what if I couldn’t choose?
Epilogue
My hands trembled as I sat on the couch. I wondered if it would be the last time. I was that sure that they would kick me out now that they knew that I had kissed all of them. All of them! Even I couldn't believe it myself and I had been there. Each and every time. I had kissed a few of them more than once...done other things as well. I peeked up through my lashes.
Knix was seated in front of me, on the coffee table. The guys liked to do that, I realized. They had done the same thing when I had first met them, back when they had lived in the condo. He didn't look angry and I took hope from that. Then I made myself squash it down. Just because he didn't look angry didn't mean I would be allowed to stay.