by Kahlen Aymes
Emotion rose in my throat, but I shoved it down. “It was a long time ago. We were kids.” With a flick of my wrist, I waved away his words. But it was too late. They’d already hit their mark. Chest tight, I stared out at the kids body surfing the same way Austin and I used to do.
“Does grief have an expiration date?”
Was he teasing? I looked up, but his expression was serious. “No. I guess it doesn’t,” I answered honestly.
He frowned. “That’s what I figured.” The other night he’d looked the same way. Sad. Lost. Lonely. There was more to Cole than what he showed on the surface. Before I could ask him about it, he said, “Is he the reason you’re here?”
“No.” I shook my head firmly.
“Then why were you at my house?”
It was starting to feel like an interrogation. Shivering, I reached down and draped a sweater over my shoulders. They were slightly pink. “I’ve been out here too long. I need to get inside.”
Cole nodded, his eyes darkening. I’d disappointed him. It’s not what I’d meant to do.
After gathering up my things, I said a quick goodbye to Cole. His only response was a sharp nod of his head. We seemed to be connecting a moment ago, but I’d ruined that. Maybe it was better this way. It’s not like this would turn into anything.
You’ve never been fully in this relationship. Your heart will always be his. I can’t compete with a dead guy.
Alec’s words rang through my head as I hurried toward Dad’s beach house. Annoyance flared. He’d only said those things because he was getting dumped and his ego was hurt. Austin was not the reason I had trouble committing. Was he?
THREE
The first punch was a little weak, but by the third one I got the hang of it again. Just like riding a bike. It had been years since I’d come to this gym. Austin and I went together often. He was the one who taught me to box. But the last time I came here was the week after he’d passed away. And that was only to get out my aggression. To grieve.
Today it was to let off some steam and get a workout in.
I’d forgotten how much I liked it.
“Now I really do think you’re stalking me.”
No way.
Stepping back from the bag, I shoved sweaty hair off my face with a gloved hand and blew out a breath. “What are you doing here?” Taking in his gym shorts and t-shirt, I shook my head. “You work here? Really?” What were the chances?
“It’s a good thing I do. You need to be taught the right technique.”
I bristled. “Someone did teach me.”
He laughed. “Show me who, and I’ll fire him.”
My eyebrows shot up. “You have that kind of power?”
“I am the owner.”
“Of this place? But it’s been around forever.”
He flashed me an amused smile. “News flash. Sometimes businesses change ownership.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not stupid.”
“Never said you were,” he said calmly. “C’mon, let me show you a thing or two. Can’t have you hurting yourself in my gym.” After putting on a pair of gloves, he stands in front of the bag, legs apart. “Okay, now this is a good workout for you. This is called a power punch.”
It didn’t look much different than what I was doing.
“You can also add in a left jab.”
I wasn’t even watching his movements. I was too busy admiring him. When he caught me staring, I cleared my throat.
“You wanna try?”
Nodding, I took the spot he had been in. Then I thrust my arm forward, my gloved fist connecting with the bag.
“Almost, but not quite.” He came so close, I his scent enveloped me. I couldn’t make it out exactly. It was like a combination of salt water, sunshine and mint. My knees softened when his arms came up around my body. “Here. You want your arm like this.” He guided it up. It trembled beneath his touch. I did my best to do what he said, but I wasn’t sure how effective I’d been. “Way better. There. You got it.”
I was bummed when he stepped away. Maybe I should’ve messed up a few more times so he’d have to stay there. It didn’t take long for my arms to tire. Taking a deep breath, I tore off my gloves and wiped my sweaty brow.
“All done, huh?”
“It’s been awhile,” I said by way of explanation, as I reached for my water bottle.
“I hadn’t noticed.” He chuckled.
I glared, which only made him laugh harder. My mind flashed on a memory of Austin teasing me in the ocean. Was that why I was attracted to Cole? Because he reminded me of Austin? Unnerved, I backed away.
“Thanks for the lesson,” I said. “But I need to get going.”
“Big plans today?”
I thought of my dad’s empty beach house, and my stomach clenched. “Yeah,” I lied. “Big plans.”
“How is your alone time going?” Grace asked.
I sat on the couch, my phone pressed to my ear and my legs propped up on the coffee table. “I think I’m gonna cut the trip short.”
“Uh oh. What happened?”
“Nothing.” I sighed. It had been days since I’d seen Cole. I’d been hanging out in an empty house or lying on the beach or eating alone, and I was bored with it.
“Told you it was a bad idea.”
“I know. I guess I just thought I—” There was no way I could confess the real reason I was here. Not even to Grace.
“You thought what?”
“Nothing.”
“Mina.” She used her no-nonsense voice.
I sighed and spewed off an answer to get her off my back. “I thought some time alone would be good. But it wasn’t. I’m ready to go home, get back to work...see you.”
“When are you coming back?”
“Probably tomorrow afternoon. I’ll spend a little time at the beach tomorrow and then head home.”
“Awesome. That means we can do brunch on Sunday. Endless mimosas. Lord knows I could use it after the week I’ve had.”
I giggled. “That sounds nice.” And it did. I was looking forward to it.
After hanging up, I watched a little TV and then went to bed. For hours, I tossed and turned, chasing sleep but never catching it. This had been going on for months. I had hoped I’d sleep better here, but I didn’t.
Finally, I gave up and got out of bed. At home, I would watch TV or read a book, hoping that would make me sleepy. But tonight I was hoping the sound of the ocean would relax me. Grabbing a jacket and my flip flops, I stepped out onto the back porch. The air was cool as it skated over my skin. Shivering, I pulled the jacket tighter.
Moonlight shimmered on the surface of the water as waves lapped into the shore. It was dark and quiet. I leaned against the railing and inhaled the salty scent. It was the smell of my childhood summers, and it filled me with nostalgia.
In the distance a figure caught my attention. My neck prickled as I stood on my tip-toes and peered out over the beach. A man walked along the shore, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders sagging. When he got closer, I recognized him.
Cole.
In the darkness it was hard to make out his face, but I caught the hint of a frown. It cut to my heart. He was hard to read from the beginning, waffling between sarcastic and brooding. I couldn’t shake the feeling that we were similar.
Without stopping to think, I hurried down the stairs and over the sand until I reached him.
“Can’t sleep either, huh?” I asked.
His back was to me. He’d been staring out at the water as if he had tunnel vision. At the sound of my voice his body visibly stiffened. I worried he would be angry with me for sneaking up on him.
But when he turned, he offered a smile. But it wasn’t happy. It was sad and forced. My insides knotted.
“I never sleep well,” he said.
“Insomnia?”
He shook his head, his eyes drooping. “Broken heart.”
I sucked in a breath, startled by his admission.
/> Running a hand through his hair, he continued, “I wasn’t blowing you off the other night at the restaurant. I really was waiting for a specific table.”
I waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, I said, “Because it’s your favorite?”
“It was her favorite.” He paused, exhaling. “My wife’s.”
My chest tightened. “Was?”
He nodded, his lips curling downward, his eyes sad. “She died about two years ago.” Glancing around, the ghost of a smile flickered over his lips. “Inland Cove was her favorite place. We used to come here to vacation often, even when we were dating. So when she was diagnosed with cancer, I bought the beach house. We had one year together here.”
It was so hard for me to lose Austin, and he was only my summer boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine losing a spouse.
“I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t enough, but I didn’t know what else to say.
He lifted his head, his gaze colliding with mine. “The night at the restaurant was our anniversary. It’s the second anniversary I’ve celebrated without her. I know it seems stupid to still go and sit at our table, but it helps me somehow.”
“It doesn’t sound stupid at all,” I assured him.
“She was my whole world.” An ache spread through my chest at the darkness in his tone. “I’m lost without her. I’ve thought about moving so many times. But this is where I feel her, and I can’t leave.”
I swallowed thickly, my eyes misting. “I had a dream about Austin a week before coming here. He was the same boy I’d fallen in love with and he was splashing around in the ocean like we’d done dozens of times. When my dad called to say the beach house would be vacant for a couple of weeks, it felt like a sign. Like maybe Austin had been telling me something.” Cole was looking at me so intensely, I shuddered. Hugging myself, I lowered my gaze. “In answer to your question from the other day, I guess I did come here for him. How silly is that?” A sob broke through my words. “You lost your wife. I lost my first crush when I was only a teenager. And I’ve been searching for him ever since. But I’m never going to find him. He’s gone.” Shaking my head, I blinked hard against the tears. I had no right. I shouldn’t even be telling Cole all this. He was the one in pain. Why was I making it about me? “I’m sorry. I feel like an idiot.”
When he touched my face, I inhaled sharply. “You’re not an idiot.” His fingertips were softer than I’d imagined. Chills broke out along my flesh. “You’re the first person I’ve met that seems to understand how I feel.”
“I don’t,” I said firmly.
“You do. You lost someone you loved.”
“But I was a kid.”
“I met my wife when I was a teenager. She was my high school sweetheart. Love is love. No matter your age.”
“You remind me of him a little.”
“He was a cool guy, then.”
I laughed. “He would’ve said the same thing.”
“And what would you have said back?”
“Probably would’ve teased him about his big ego.”
“Yeah, my wife would have done the exact same thing.”
“Smart lady.”
His hand curved further around my cheek, and he stepped closer. Warm air fanned over my flesh. “I’m glad you’re here. You’re the first person I’ve talked to like this in a long time.” My mouth dried out as his gaze searched mine.
Heat pulsed through my body as he tilted his head, his lips lining up with my mouth. Hot breath met my skin. I shivered. Reaching out, I latched on to his waist. His lips brushed mine softly like a soft summer breeze. His other hand lifted to frame my face, then his lips pressed down more firmly. I melted beneath him as the kiss deepened.
When we parted, he smiled. My chest heaved, my breath coming out in shallow bursts. “Maybe we can try that dinner again. This time we’ll even sit at the same table.”
A second ago, I was on cloud nine. But one kiss didn’t change anything. It was only a fantasy, and I couldn’t afford to get caught up in it. “I can’t.” My gut dipped. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
His smile faltered, and he took a step away. “Another time then.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
When I turned to leave, he spoke. “Maybe Austin didn’t send you here to find him. Maybe he sent you here to find someone else.”
FOUR
“Thank god you’re back. This was such a long week.” Grace reached for her mimosa and took a sip.
“Oh, you know you love being a wife and mom.” The café was packed. I had to speak loudly to be heard.
Grace smiled. “Yeah. They drive me nuts, but I wouldn’t trade em.” I was happy for Grace. She had the life she’d always wanted. “Tell me all about the trip.” Grace set her mimosa down. It was empty, and her gaze shifted about searching for the waiter.
I should’ve just given her mine. I hadn’t touched it. My stomach had been in knots since I’d been back home. I couldn’t get the look on Cole’s face out of my mind. His last words haunted me.
“Nothin’ much to tell. I laid out on the beach, went to the gym, watched some movies.” I shrugged. “Boring like I told you.” Except for when it wasn’t. Reaching up, I touched my lips. They buzzed underneath the pads of my fingers as I recalled the way Cole’s mouth felt over mine.
Grace eyed me funny. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me everything?”
Warmth rose up my neck and spilled across my cheeks. Biting my lip, I finally grabbed my mimosa. I needed it to cool me down, and I drank almost the entire thing in one gulp.
She narrowed her eyes. “Wait. Did something happen? Is that why you came home early?”
“I already told you why.”
Grace fixed me with a hard stare. “You know whatever it is you’ll eventually tell me, so spill.”
She was right. We never kept secrets from each other. I shared the entire story from peeking into Cole’s house to our amazing kiss on the beach. I left out the part about the dream and Cole’s final words to me though.
When I finished, she leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “Then what are you doing here?”
I glanced around. “Having brunch with my best friend.”
“I don’t mean here, here. I mean, back in the city,” she said with exasperation.
“We had a few conversations and shared one kiss. Nothing would’ve come of it. Plus, he lives in Inland Cove, and I live here.”
“That’s not what’s stopping you,” she said. My body went cold. “At least that never stopped you when it came to Austin.”
“That’s different. We were kids.”
“Inland Cove isn’t far,” she pointed out.
I took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter. He was a nice guy, but he lost his wife. He’s in mourning.”
“That makes two of you,” she mumbled into her fruit bowl.
“No, it doesn’t.”
Grace sat up taller. “You always talk about Austin’s death like it’s something in the past. Something you’re over. But you don’t act like it. You still live alone. You push everyone away. And I get it. You lost the first boy you ever loved, and giving your heart to someone else is scary.” My lips trembled slightly, so I pressed them together. “But this is the first time I’ve seen your eyes light up the way they used to when you talked about Austin. I can tell you really like this guy. He got to you. I think it’s time to be brave, to open up your heart again.”
“I just don’t know if I can.”
“You won’t know if you don’t try.” She leaned forward. “Don’t you want to be happy?”
I nodded.
“Then go for it.”
I did want to be happy. And maybe that would happen with Cole. Or maybe it wouldn’t. But I had to follow Grace’s advice. I had to see if she was right.
FIVE
I didn’t peek in the windows this time. Instead, I stood at the front door and knocked like a normal person. Nerves attacked my insides, an
d my hands trembled. I fisted them at my sides. I’d stood on this same porch years ago, waiting for Austin.
Life had come full circle.
“Mina?” Cole’s eyebrows raised when he opened the door. He wore a tight grey t-shirt and jeans that rode low on his hips. My skin flushed. “I thought you left.”
“I did,” I said. “And then I came back.”
“Why?”
“To do this.” Heart pounding, I stepped forward. Grabbing his face in my hands, I pressed my lips to his. I kissed him hard, allowing all my pent-up desire to spill out. His lips moved deftly over mine. Looping his arms around my waist, he drew me closer as his tongue coaxed my lips open. A soft moan sounded at the back of my throat as our tongues mingled.
When we separated, I stared into his eyes.
A grin swept his face. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”
“Just because,” I said.
He laughed, and my heart flipped in my chest.
“You came all the way back just because?”
I bit my lip, gathering courage. Then I lifted my head. He’d shared his feelings with me. I could do the same. “I may have only been a kid when Austin died, but it changed me. And not in a good way. It made me scared. Afraid to let anyone in.”
“I understand that.”
“I know you do, but you were brave enough to kiss me that night on the beach.” Smiling, my face heated up. “And I liked it...a lot. It made me want to be brave too.”
“I think you’ve accomplished that.”
I giggled.
“Where do we go from here?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “All I know is I like you, and I don’t want to run from this.”
“I like you too,” he said. “But I need you to know that I’m still broken.”
“Me too.”
“I can’t make you any promises, Mina.”
“I wouldn’t let you,” I told him.
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he covered my mouth with his. In his kiss, I tasted all the possibilities. I had no idea where this journey would take us, but for once I wanted to simply enjoy the ride.
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