by Julia Bright
“I don’t want to fight.”
“I don’t either.” She gave a firm nod, praying it was as easy as that.
“Then just fill in the missing parts.”
Presley took another deep breath, mentally ticking off the main points, trying to find the best place to start. After a long pause of coming up with no good place to begin, she decided to wing it. Her emotions were all over the place. Fear was probably the ultimate cause, and if he belittled her or tried to pin this solely on her, she might not be able to hold her anger at bay.
The defense mechanisms bouncing around her head always came back to the fact that she’d tried so damned hard to get her and Maddie into a better life. Screw him if he didn’t like something she had to say. Presley squared her shoulders, her back bowed as her spine built. Yeah, fuck him if he had one single negative word to say.
“Okay. Well. After you left me—”
Roan cut her off. “After you chose Blaine over me.”
Presley furrowed her brow, playing each of those words back over in her head. Roan seemed to immediately regret his remark based on the now stunned expression on his face. He took a full step backward as if he’d absorbed a blow by saying those words out loud.
“What are you talking about?” she countered, her tone sharp and defensive.
The restraint only held so long. An angry Roan came forward to the edge of the countertop, all that rage had her retreating, stepping backward even with the barrier between them, her ass bumping against the kitchen table. “I saw you and him together out front of the hotel. I saw you hugging his parents and kissing him. I saw it all.”
Fire had to have shot from her gaze with the instant boil of resentment rising within her, and she dropped her arm from her chest, flying toward him, ramrod straight in all her indignation.
“You saw all that, huh? Is that why you left me there completely humiliated?” Now at the edge of the island opposite Roan, Presley poked her thumb in her chest while the other hand gripped the side of the counter, her fingers digging into the granite to keep from reaching out and slapping his smug face. “I thought something had happened to you inside that room.” Reliving that moment in her mind had her pointing a finger within an inch of his face. “Blaine’s gay.” With a herculean effort, she managed to leave off the words you ass to her declaration.
“Yeah and I’m interested in how that went down between you two,” Roan said with a frustratingly arrogant smirk crossing his face, as if he held all the answers.
Heat rushed to her cheeks and her nostrils flared a second before her brows snapped together. She leaned as far across the counter as she could, her hands gripping as her body tensed from head to toe, preparing to do battle with this asshole. More than ever, she wanted to reach out and scratch that condescending look off his face.
Roan watched her closely, clearly more reasonable than her. He didn’t step away, but whatever he saw had him losing some of his arrogant vengeance as he edged his upper body backward several inches. Her voice turned menacing low even to her as she systematically set out to set him straight. “He was always gay. He didn’t want anyone to know. Blaine paid me to pretend I was his girlfriend.” Air quotes flew up when she said the word girlfriend.
That bit of information sat there between them. Roan’s eyes grew wide, and he sucked in a heavy breath. She gave Roan a full minute to process those words before she hissed out the rest. “There was never any question Maddie was yours, because I was a virgin the night we had sex. I promised Blaine I wouldn’t say a word. I thought… No, I still think I was contractually bound to keep quiet, but I was going to tell you anyway on the way to Chicago.” Presley stood back on her heels, smugly crossing her arms over her chest as she finished filling in all the missing holes, and proving what an asshole he’d been. “And I never got the chance because you were gone.”
The final blow hit its target. Roan jerked backward then followed with a step, putting distance between them. His face morphed into a hundred different reactions until he turned so red she was afraid he wasn’t breathing.
Good, Presley couldn’t find it in her to care. Since she was on a roll, she decided to finish her side of this horrific story, making sure any arrogance or plans he might have created to control her or Maddie were dashed, trampled into dust.
“Then I called you to tell you about her.” Presley jammed her finger in Maddie’s direction. “But you were so nasty and I was so scared. I thought…” She shook her head once. “No, I still think you lied to me and you used me and left me like I knew you would before I ever went to your damn room!”
Presley burst into tears, reliving all the horror of those lonely, terrifying months. The pain of losing Roan had been ridiculously bad, then having a child with no way to support her… Presley took two full steps backward, covering her face with her hands as the tears poured free. This was too much. All the fear of the future rested heavily on her shoulders.
How had he even found them?
“Momma?” Maddie said. Presley jerked around to see Maddie standing in the entrance closest to Roan. Her little girl was scared, and her wide-eyed gaze darted between her and Roan as she edged her way closer to Presley.
Presley had no idea what was going on with Roan. He clearly wasn’t processing well if the look of horror on his face could be believed, and she began wiping at her tears, willing herself to stop the involuntary flow. It didn’t work. Maddie scurried over to her, wrapping her arms around Presley’s hips, burying her face in Presley’s side. “Stop crying, Momma.”
Presley immediately reached for Maddie. When she felt Maddie’s body quiver, she picked her up, looking backward for a seat. She managed to sit with Maddie wrapped completely around her body, her little face in the crook of Presley’s neck. Maddie had big alligator tears pouring down her cheeks.
“Shhh, baby. Why are you crying?” she asked through her own tears, giving a hiccup as she spoke.
“Because you’re crying,” Maddie wailed, sobbing harder now.
She pushed at Maddie’s hair, trying to see her daughter’s face, holding her as tightly as she could against her chest. Maddie’s sweet, honest confession only made Presley cry harder.
“Don’t cry, baby. We’re all right,” she murmured, resting her chin against Maddie’s head, wishing more than anything that today hadn’t turned out this way. Paper towels were shoved between her and Maddie. She looked up to see Roan’s hand coming to Maddie’s head, running down the length of her long hair. Tears welled in Roan’s eyes as he stared at her helplessly.
Great. They were all crying in less than fifteen minutes of arriving in this stupidly nice house.
“Don’t cry, honey. I’m sorry I made your momma cry,” Roan said, scooting a chair to the side of Presley’s. He took a seat, bending, resting his elbows on his knees, his hand running along Maddie’s back. “I’ll be more careful in the future. I’m sorry.”
Presley wasn’t entirely sure what she expected, but Roan hadn’t run away like she had half thought he might do. Instead, he looked like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Roan’s words seemed all Maddie wanted to hear. She shoved back, looking up with her red, swollen eyes. She took a giant ugly sniffle, catching her breath before she could say the words that seemed to matter most to her daughter.
“He’s sorry, Momma. Can we stay?”
A deep exhale escaped as she watched Maddie shoving her disheveled hair out of her face. Oh, God. Presley’s heart broke at how badly her daughter wanted this to work out for her and Roan. Presley willed herself to calm down, and even then, it took a minute for the tears to slow. Presley placed her hand on her daughter’s cheek and used the paper towels to clean Maddie’s face.
“He didn’t make me cry, honey. I’m very emotional. Sometimes that happens, but I’m okay and you’re okay. I promise.”
Maddie nodded as Roan rose. Presley paid him no attention as she moved the paper towel to her daughter’s nose, encouraging a big blow. When she was do
ne with Maddie, she used the other paper towels to clean her own face. Two cold water bottles sat on the table before them when she opened her eyes. Roan again took the seat right next to them, his elbows on his knees, his fingers threaded together and his head bent, but his gaze remained on her. His own tears still pooled in his eyes.
“I didn’t know,” Roan said so quietly he almost couldn’t be heard, but his gaze didn’t waver. When Presley nodded and didn’t say another word, Roan gently pulled Maddie away from Presley’s lap and tucked a finger under her chin, giving her a reassuring smile. “Can you give me a few more minutes to talk to your mom? I promise not to let her cry again.”
Maddie looked back at Presley. She tried hard to give a reassuring smile. When Maddie decided it might be okay, she turned back to Roan and nodded before leaving the kitchen, her head continuously turning back to check on Presley. At the space separating the two rooms, Maddie gave one more look Presley’s direction, and she gave her daughter a thumbs-up.
“Momma, I need to go to the bathroom.”
“There’s one right off the kitchen.” Roan pointed to a door a few feet away, and Maddie went that direction. When she was inside with the door shut, Roan turned back to Presley. His face a mask of deep sorrow.
“I was so jealous that morning. I didn’t think straight. It’s taken me years to get over you.” His voice turned harsh as he stared at the floor and continued in nothing more than a whisper. “Shit, Pres, I never got over you.” Roan reached for her knee, but she jerked her leg away.
“Don’t…” she said. The tears were back, and she lifted a hand, stopping him from moving any farther into her personal space. “Don’t, Roan. I can’t do this with you. You and I are done. It’s all been too much. My life’s been hard, and I’m not going back there again. If you want Maddie in your life, then I’ll be open to visitation on a small scale until she’s more comfortable around you.”
Presley rose, leaving Roan there. She went closer to the closed bathroom door, again crossing her arms over her chest as she tried hard to be reasonable when everything inside her wanted out of this house and away from the one person on this planet who had hurt her more than anyone else. When Maddie walked out, she stopped directly in front of Presley and stared at her. Maddie had always been too intuitive where Presley was concerned. She wasn’t even going to try to pretend that everything was rainbows and roses. Instead, she decided to move this day along. The faster Maddie and Roan spent time together, the sooner she could leave this house. “Are you hungry for lunch? It’s lunchtime.”
“Yeah. Can I watch the Loud House or are we leaving?”
“We can stay a little longer if it’s okay with Roan, but we need to go look for apartments this afternoon.” She couldn’t find it in her to even look Roan’s way.
“I’d like for y’all to stay,” he said. His chair scooted across the floor then he went for the sack Maddie had brought. “I think I have some chips in the pantry. Do you eat chips?”
That got Maddie’s full attention. She turned away from Presley, walking his way to meet him at the pantry door. Maddie’s eyes grew wide when Roan opened the door to show all the food on the shelves. Presley rarely let her eat processed foods, and her grandmother had been even stricter on Maddie’s eating habits.
“I like chips, and I like chocolate. Can we watch TV while we eat? There’s only one chair in there.”
“It’s okay. It’s big enough for both of us,” Roan said, perking Maddie up. Roan grabbed the chips and the candy Maddie must have been eyeing. She followed Roan to the cabinets where he began pulling out dishes. Presley stayed in the corner, watching the two of them work together. Maddie’s gaze stayed transfixed on her father as he began asking questions about what she liked to eat.
With a deep shuddered sigh, Presley accepted her fate. Of course, he’d be good with Maddie. She pivoted on her heels, heading into the bathroom to clean herself up.
In his front yard, Roan stood with his hand lifted toward Maddie who waved excitedly back at him. Somehow, he’d managed to get her and her mother to stay the afternoon. A remarkable feat after the start they’d had, but he’d give the afternoon a solid nine out of ten points. The thing keeping it from a solid ten was the lingering way Presley kept herself at a distance. She sat on a chair in the kitchen, not really engaging, just keeping a watchful eye on her daughter. Roan tucked his fingers into the front pockets of his cargo shorts and stared toward Presley’s vehicle well after the taillights could no longer be seen.
If everything Presley confessed was true, then he’d royally fucked up. Not only had he ruined his life, but he’d ruined hers. Well, honestly, ruined might be a strong word. Presley looked like she’d managed fine.
He just wanted to believe she’d pined for him as he had for her.
Kicking at a patch of grass in the yard, he reluctantly turned back to the house as dusk turned to darkness. Amazing what a difference twelve or so hours could make. About halfway through the afternoon, Roan had forced himself to stop trying to understand all the ins and outs of how badly he’d misread the events of their lives. Nothing good could come of that. So instead, he’s taken a good look at what he wanted most in the world. He wanted inside the middle of Presley and Maddie’s little family. Without question, he wanted Presley back. More than that, he wanted Maddie there with him all the time. There was no doubt in both his head and his heart that he needed those two things to happen.
Roan had about eight weeks until he left for training camp. As he slowly took the porch steps up, he admitted he most definitely had his work cut out for him. At the front door, he let himself in while remembering last night. They’d seen each other and nothing else had mattered. That had to mean something, no matter how hard Presley fought him. He’d also taken Presley without a condom…again. He always, always used a condom. Always. Yet, he never had with Presley. Instinctually, that had to mean he trusted her, but he also knew the consequences and that was all right too. She might actually be pregnant right now. An instantaneous grin spread as he considered the possibility.
She’d been a virgin all those years ago. Roan scrubbed a frustrated hand through his hair. He should have known instead of assuming Blaine had a pencil dick. The crass thought made him chuckle as he wiped his hand down his face before going for the remote control and turning off the television.
He stared at the darkened screen, letting himself absorb the knowledge he’d been Presley’s first. The scowl formed as fast as the smile. How many men had she been with since then? That old possessiveness came back full force, and he reined the aggression in. He’d been stupid jumping to so many conclusions. He did believe and Presley had been clear that she had planned to come with him to Chicago. They would have known she was pregnant before she’d had to leave for school. His life would have been so different right now. He’d been such a fool, but he vowed right there: never again. As hope sprang forward, so did a plan. He had to win her back. He had to. Picking up the bag of chips, along with Maddie’s water bottle, he went for the kitchen as he began formulating his strategy.
Chapter Fourteen
Monday morning, Maddie sat at the small kitchen table, eating from a bowl of Froot Loops as Presley combed through the local apartment guide, trying to circle places in the general vicinity of both her school and her price range. That total came to a rocking five places. Two out of the five looked like they might be kid-friendly.
“We’ve gotta get busy, little girl,” she said, teasing Maddie who had found her rhythm, absently kicking the side of the chair with her foot in a hypnotic beat of six-second intervals.
“Can I call him Daddy or do I call him Roan?” Maddie asked, as she’d done no less than twenty times since leaving his house last night.
“What did I tell you?” Presley rose, taking her coffee cup back to the pot for a refill.
“You said whatever I’m comfortable with,” Maddie mumbled or at least Presley thought that was what she said with a big bite of cereal in her mout
h.
“Nothing’s changed with my answer, and don’t talk with food in your mouth,” she said, adding creamer to the cup.
“He said that he could get me a swing set like the ones at the park. Did you hear him say that?” Maddie asked, turning toward her this time. Again, another thing they’d talked about at least twenty times since they’d left his house last night.
Luckily the doorbell chimed, drawing Maddie’s attention away, keeping Presley from having to answer that question again. Where Roan was concerned, Maddie held so much anticipation for the future, and Presley held the exact opposite position, making it hard to keep sarcasm from her tone. Hell, she honestly half expected him to have left in the middle of the night last night, never to be heard from again, after the way Maddie had clung to him yesterday, even going with him to the bathroom, staying right outside the door until he finished. Then she had inspected his hands to make sure he’d washed properly, giving him the same lecture about germs that her grandmother had given her. Maddie had been a lot to handle yesterday with her eagerness to be in Roan’s life.
For Presley, there was no question. She wanted to keep a distance from Roan. Letting the bitterness and resentment get the best of her, Presley allowed her thoughts to take the nosedive they’d been wanting to. It hadn’t gone unnoticed that Roan hadn’t uttered another single word about their time together all those years ago. For the remainder of the afternoon and much of the evening, Presley sat off to the side, staying aloof, watching Roan slowly mesmerize her daughter. Boy, did she know firsthand how charming and captivating Roan could be when he put his mind to it.
“It’s for you,” Jessica said, coming in beside her to pour a cup of coffee. She dropped a manila envelope in front of Presley before pulling a cup from the cabinet. Presley took the packet and her coffee back to the table where her apartment rental guides were sprawled across the top and Maddie was still eating her breakfast.