by Violet Paige
My mind wandered to that image of Hawk and Emma laying in her bed. It was one of those picturesque moments that you want to remember forever of a perfect family.
I closed my eyes and saw it again. Hawk was sitting on the bed, looking all together cramped in such a small space, with one arm resting behind his head. Little Emma was peacefully sleeping with her head on his belly. She looked so safe and secure in her father's care.
The stupid girl inside me had always wished for Hawk to come back. She hoped he would come banging down the door and sweeping her off her feet. That wasn’t real life, however. I was an idiot to listen to that stupid girl inside my head.
On the other hand, however, he had made a pretty significant gesture once finding out that Emma was, in fact, his daughter. And then there was that kiss before he left.
I rubbed my fingers over my lips trying to remember it perfectly.
Even if things never worked out for Hawk and me, at least I could make sure Emma had her dad in her life. If we gave it a go and it didn’t work out, I knew he would still be man enough to be a father to Emma.
I was somewhat sure, too, that if I didn’t at least try to see whatever was still between Hawk and me through, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
Nine
I was hoping it was only because it was Monday, but it was turning out to be an extremely long day. I had kept my distance from Julie and Emma all day Sunday.
I text her at lunch to make sure that Emma was feeling better and instead I was told that she wasn’t. I planned on stopping by tonight, maybe bring over some dinner.
I wasn’t exactly sure how welcome I would be after how we left things on Saturday. It was easy to see that the heat was still there for the both of us, but then she had put on the breaks.
I worried I might have moved to fast too soon. I really hoped I didn’t ruin everything.
“Last patient’s yours,” Dad said taking off his white coat and hanging it on the hook.
"Do you have plans or something tonight?” I asked surprised to see Dad ducking out so early.
“Not really, just handing over the rains like you asked. Figured you could do the last of the paperwork for the night.”
“Yeah and maybe start moving it off of the desk,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Hey, Dad, “ I called before he left the office. “Did you know? I mean you had to of known, so why didn’t you tell me?”
I hadn’t said anything to him about going to visit Julie, having her in the office, or the fact that I now knew Emma was my daughter. I had a feeling he knew all along.
“Of course I knew. Why do you think I had you see Emma on Friday?”
“So, why the hell didn’t you tell me?” I said throwing down a folder on the desk.
“It’s not like she ever came out and said it. I may be losing my memory, but I’m not an idiot. I was pretty sure when she was pregnant, and after the little girl was born…she looks just like your mom,” he added softly.
Talking about Mom was a taboo subject. Now that he said it, I too could see a lot of my mom in Emma.
“You still should have told me,” I said partly understanding now why he never brought it up.
He shrugged and shuffled towards the door.
“You left, and you didn’t care about anything you left behind. If Julie didn’t say anything to you, it wasn’t my place to do so,” he surrendered before leaving the office altogether.
I paced the room a few times. I was ready for my anger not to fly off the handle anymore. Part of me wondered if I would ever get control of it. Learning things like my dad knowing all along that I had a kid and choosing not to tell me really didn’t help.
I had to get control however so that I could see this last patient with a clear head. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the office and into the small room without a second glance.
I was halted in my tracks to find Julie pacing the room as she wrung her hands. She stopped at my entrance and looked at me nervously.
“You're here,” I said surprised.
“Yeah,” she said.
I could tell she was still nervous by the way she was twirling a lock of auburn hair in her hands. She was wearing leggings and a tight tank top like she had just finished a workout. It wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination.
“Is Emma okay,” I asked wondering why she was here alone.
“Yeah,” she said again before giving a soft laugh at her monosyllable answers. “Savannah is watching her right now. So I could come here.”
“Come here?” I asked leaning on the door and crossing my arms. I wanted to take her in my arms again, but my logical side was saying give her space.
“What for?”
“I’ve been thinking it over. I will be okay if you want to come around and see Em. And if you feel it is right, you can tell her you're her dad.”
Julie let out a long breath like she had been dreading saying these words.
“You just have to promise me you won't up and walk out again. No matter what, once you're in, you're in for good,” Julie pointed a scolding finger at me in a motherly fashion.
I couldn’t help but crack a little smile at her action.
“I mean it, Hawk," she said smiling herself as she put down her hand.
I walked over to her then. I took her hands in mine. I wanted to be closer to her, but I had to be cautious.
“Leaving you was a mistake,” I finally said softly looking down at her. “If I could go back, I would do it differently. If it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to you, to both of you.”
“Hawk,” Julie said letting our hands fall between us and taking a step back. “I’m talking about Emma, not us. I don’t think that is ever going to be possible again.”
I felt my brow furrow and fall at the same time.
“Is there someone else?” I asked.
“No,” she said with a soft laugh. “Trust me even if I had time for that, no one is lining up to date someone with a kid.”
“Okay,” I said. “Then how about dinner tonight?” I asked.
“What?" She said shocked by my question. “I just told you…”
“I know. I just mean dinner so we can talk over arrangements. You know the whole every other weekend thing.”
I wasn’t surprised to see her nose crinkle in distaste. I knew she wouldn’t like that idea.
“Or we could take it,” I added now moving closer and wrapping my arms around her, “as second chance at a first date. I want Em to have us both, to have a family together. All I’m asking is for a chance to try again.”
“Hawk,” she said softly not meeting my eyes.
I titled her chin up till she looked at me. I could see the glassy look of brimming tears.
“I can’t go through that again,” she whispered.
“Baby, I won’t hurt you again, I swear. I am here for you however you want me, as long as you want me.”
I cupped her face and let her forehead rest against mine.
“I never stopped loving you,” I whispered softly.
I felt her melt into my touch. I tilted her chin and kissed her softly. I pulled away just for a second to make sure she wasn’t going to push me away again.
Instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed up on her toes to kiss me again. I took her encouragement and wrapped my arms tight around her as I took our kiss deeper.
I reached my hands under her ass and pulled her up to wrap around my legs. I walked her against the door and thrust hard against the thin spandex fabric. I knew she could feel my hard erection when she rocked her hips against it.
In an instant, she was pulling my white coat off and tugging at the buttons and tie on my shirt. It only took a few seconds before she had me entirely bare-chested before her.
She leaned back against the door and pushed her hands against my chest. I thought she was pushing me away again, but instead, she looked me up and down.
“You have a lot more than
before,” she said as she ran a lazy finger up and down my abs. It sent little shivers through my body.
I hungrily went to her neck and started to kiss and nip it greedily. I released my hold on her hips, letting the wall and her legs hold her up as I let my hands travel up to cup her breast.
“I want you now," I breathed against her throat.
“Hawk,” she moaned as her fingers intertwined with my hair. I could feel one set of nails scratch along my back, and I pushed my long erection harder against her.
“Hawk,” she said this time with more of a warning tone. “We can’t. Not here.”
My face reached her cupped breasts, and I buried myself between them as I drove my erection against her again.
“Oh fuck!” Julie called out. “Tonight,” she moaned.
I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or me to wait.
“Does that mean you’ll go out to dinner with me?” I asked looking back up at her.
She bit her lip trying to calm her own arousal and nodded yes.
I reluctantly released her and helped her slide to the floor.
“Fine,” I said quickly kissing her again. “I have about an hour more here, and then I can come pick you up. Is that alright?”
She nodded yes again this time blushing like a school girl. I couldn’t help it I kissed her again.
“Hawk,” she moaned against my lips as she let me take the kiss deeper.
“Okay,” I said. “Till tonight.”
I reached behind her and opened the door. I watched her walk down the hall, stopping once to look back at me. I leaned against the open door frame, not caring I was bare-chested for the whole world to see, and enjoyed the view as she went.
Ten
The whole way back to my apartment, I was a giddy school girl. I tried my best to play it cool and force myself to stop smiling before I walked in the door, but it was no use.
“Oh yeah, you did the nasty didn’t you?” Savannah said from the couch.
“No,” I said doing my best to be offended and shocked.
“What’s the nasty?” Em asked sitting next to her.
I gave Savannah a good hard stare.
“It’s what it's called when the doctor sticks you with his needle,” Savannah said looking at me.
“You mean a shot?” Emma asked horrified at the thought.
“Dr. Smith didn’t give me a shot, don’t worry,” I said to Emma. “But,” I said to Savannah, “he did ask me out to dinner tonight. I know it’s short notice, but if you're not busy…”
“Can I stay here and hang out with my favorite Goddaughter so you can get that shot that you are in desperate need of? Of course.”
Savannah waved me off like asking her to stay was no big deal.
“When is he coming by to get you?” Savannah asked getting up off the couch.
“In like an hour,” I said heading to the kitchen to make something for Em before I left.
“An hour? That’s it? What are you doing in there then?” She asked grabbing my arm and pulling me back to the bedroom.
“I got to make something for Em before I go.”
Still, I was helpless as she dragged me back.
“I can make her food. Trust me it will be better than anything you might make. If you only got an hour, we need to start now to get you ready.”
A half hour later I was playing fashion show with Savannah and Em relaxing on my bed as I showed off one outfit after another.
“No,” Savannah said board by my fifth choice. “Don’t you have some little black dress back in the recesses there?”
“I am a gym teacher that never goes on dates, what makes you think I would have anything like that?” I retorted hands on hips.
“This is fine,” I said tugging on the floral flowing blouse that I matched with some skinny black jeans.
Both Savannah and Em shook their head no. With a huff, Savannah got up and started shuffling through my closet herself.
“Here,” she said walking back out.
It was a rose gold color mini dress with a full open back. The straps of the dress wrapped up around the neck leaving a deep plunging neckline that nearly went to my navel.
“I cant wear that.”
“Oh, it’s so pretty,” Emma countered.
“I haven’t worn that since college, like pre-pregnancy. There is no way I’m going to fit into it.”
“Oh please you are the same size you were before Em,” Savannah said pushing the dress at me.
“Some things got big and never downsize,” I said motioning to my chest.
“All the better,” she shoved the dress in my hand. “You go put it on; I’ll dig some tape out of your drawer to keep the girls in.”
“This is too much,” I mumbled nervously as I stood in front of my floor length mirror.
I was wearing the rose gold dress, my boobs practically duck taped in between my backless stick on bra and the double sided tape keeping the edges from sliding more open. Savannah did my hair up in sexy waves and put more makeup on my face then a painted clown.
“Dude, you look hot.”
“I look like a hooker,” I responded.
“I feel like that is what we are going for. How else am I going to ensure you get laid tonight. Let me guess, it's been about six years since the last time?”
“Noooo,” I retorted. “Maybe,” I finished with when Savannah raised one of her blonde brows at me.
“You just remember this the next time you have a date. I’m going to make you wear a loincloth and blue eyeshadow.”
A knock on the door stopped our banter. I wrung my hands nervously.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I finally said.
Savannah came up to me and put both hands on either shoulder. I could tell I was in for a pep talk.
“Hey, you can do this. You are an amazing lady. Hawk would be so lucky if he finds a way into your panties. That being said, I will plan to stay here for the night,” she added with a wink.
“Now go and open that door before I do it for you.”
I took a steadying breath, attempted to adjust the girls from popping out of place one last time and then left my bedroom to answer the door.
“Holy Fuck,” Hawk said looking me up and down when I answered the door.
“Mommy looks pretty, huh?” Emma said as Hawk walked in.
“Yes she does,” Hawk said as his eyes walked the line of my body again.
He didn’t look that bad himself in his tight button up shirt and jeans. He was, however, looking a lot more casual then I was.
“It’s too much,” I said fiddling with a curl of my hair.
“Hell, no. It’s perfect.”
“Language,” I warned with a smile and a nod of my head to Em.
“Oh, sorry. I might have to work on that.”
“Ready,” he added holding out an arm to me.
I forgot how chivalrous he could be. I blushed a little before turning to kiss Em. Turning back around, I took a deep breath and held his arm as we left the apartment.
The drive was pretty quiet. It didn’t escape my attention that Hawk kept looking my way. It was like electricity flowing between us. I couldn’t help myself; I hiked up my skirt just a little more and let my legs fall slightly apart as I sat in his leather BMW.
I watched his eyes trail my movement and then land back on me. I gave a shy smile and bit my lip. I was already getting aroused just from his hungry green eyes looking back at me.
He licked his lips and reached out for my hand. I happily gave it over. The euphoric tension it was creating as we rolled our hands in the others made me feel like a teenager all over again.
We pulled into the parking lot of a fancy little Italian restaurant that used to be our favorite. I smiled at all the memories we had there.
We sat down at a small table in the corner.
“Doesn’t look like it’s changed at all,” Hawk said looking around the place.
“You’ve chang
ed though,” I said setting my eyes on him.
“I have?” He asked genuinely surprised.
“You look a lot tanner, and well you know stronger.”
“Yeah, SEALs make you beef up,” he responded shaking it off.
“And a lot more hair,” I said with a little laugh. “I don’t think I ever saw you with a beard before.”
He rubbed his chin as he thought about this.
“I could shave it if you don’t like it,” he finally said. “Though you might want to wait and try it out first.”
“What do you mean try it out. I’ve already kissed you. It kinda tickles.”
“I know. I figured you might enjoy the sensation,” Hawk added looking down the line of my body till the table cut it off.
I blushed and looked away.
“I’m not the only one that looks different either,” he retorted.
“Savannah was the one that got me all like this. I don’t normally do this,” I explained as I tried to smooth down my hair.
“I know that, but I wasn’t talking about your hair or make-up.”
His eyes fell on my breast.
“I know I’m kind of bursting. It was a pre-pregnancy dress.”
“Trust me, I’m not complaining,” he gave me a wicked grin.
We spent the rest of the meal talking about old times. It was nice to forget all that happened in the six years between and just enjoy being in each others company.
Two glasses of wine and the seafood Alfredo later and the night was winding down. We were both hesitatings at the table not wanting the night to end but both unsure about asking it to continue.
“I don’t know if you have to head back home anytime soon, but I thought maybe we could go back to my place for drinks,” he said as he passed back the paid bill to the waiter.
I bit my lip. I didn’t know why I was feeling so nervous. I had been with Hawk a million times. Granted that was years ago, but it’s not like it was an all-new person.
“Actually,” I said putting a lock of hair behind my ear. “Savannah planned to stay the night so…”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you,” he responded trying his best to hid his pleasure at my response.