by Violet Paige
“It’s just that… well, I’ve known you for years,” I started, biting my lip.
“Yeah. Since I was in college,” he said, nodding. He looked at me expectantly.
“Okay. Yes. Since you were in college. And I was just a kid. A dumb teenager with braces and frizzy hair,” I said, shaking my head. “And back then, I would have done anything to get your attention. To make you notice me.”
“Jillian, I always noticed you,” he said, furrowing his brow.
“No, I mean… to really notice me,” I added meaningfully. “Bruin, I’ve had a crush on you since the first time I ever saw you. But you were so mean. You used to tease me, remember? And when you were around, even Jeff would tease me. And he wasn’t like that.”
Bruin sighed and ran his fingers back through his dark hair. “Yeah. I was an asshole.”
“I wouldn’t say that…”
“I would,” he said firmly. “Jillian, I’ve changed since then. I mean, I can’t deny there was a time when I was a dick. I was reckless and stupid and selfish. Hell, I might still be that way today if not for my daughter. She changed everything. It’s stupid that it took a little baby to make me change my ways, but that’s the truth. She came into my world and suddenly I didn’t want to be that guy anymore. I needed to be better. For her sake and mine.”
“You’re a good father.” I smiled fondly. “I can tell.”
He leaned forward and kissed me. “Thank you. I hope you’re right. That little girl deserves the world and if I can give her the world, I will.”
“It’s crazy how you can be so different,” I said. “One minute, you’re like this hot, domineering sex god, and then the next minute you’re a sweet, doting father.”
“Duality of man, I guess.” He chuckled. “I can never totally bury who I used to be. I think that side of me only comes out in the bedroom now.”
“And in the shower. And on the beach,” I said slyly, biting my lip. He smirked.
“And anywhere else you want to fuck,” he teased softly, kissing me deeply. I leaned into him as his hands cupped my face.
“With you, anywhere is fine,” I whispered. He pinned me down on the bed, making me laugh. Leaning over me, he smiled.
“God, it’s so hard not to just take you right here, right now. I can’t resist you, Jillian. I think I might be addicted,” he said, shaking his head slowly.
“How long do we have before we get back to port?” I asked, my heart skipping a beat at the thought of going again. I was so tired, but at the slightest insinuation that I could fuck Bruin again, I was ready. My body was his for the taking, no matter what.
Bruin kissed me, his tongue pushing into my mouth. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, tugging him down, begging him to stay with me this way. It was crazy. I had started this week-long trip with fear and worry, and now I never wanted it to end. But of course it had to. Bruin and I weren’t together. We came from separate worlds. We both worked so hard and had our own hectic, complex lives to keep up with. I had clients all over the world, and so did he. On top of that, I had to contend with Jeff and what he would do if he ever found out about Bruin and me. And Bruin had his little girl to worry about. No matter what, she had to come first.
“For the way I’d want to fuck you, we don’t have enough time,” he whispered as he pulled away.
My heart sank. I couldn’t believe our week of bliss was already ending. Suddenly, that familiar shadowy darkness was returning to Bruin’s demeanor. The softness, the sweetness was rapidly washing away with every minute closer to the harbor we got.
“Bruin…” My voice was shaky. I was not sure what I even wanted to say to him. There were so many questions in my head. So many things I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t find the words to string together and make sense. He got off the bed and walked away.
“Don’t worry,” he said suddenly, “I’ll keep up my end of the deal. The yacht is yours. Well, Jeff’s. I’ll sign the papers as soon as I get back to my office.”
“I wasn’t going to—” I protested.
“I know. But let’s not pretend this was anything more than the deal. Okay?” he said, and the cruelty, the coldness of his words made me freeze up. Who was this Bruin Kincaid? A different man than the warm, passionate man who had been sailing with me this week.
“Bruin, what’s going on?” I asked, sliding out of bed and walking over to put a hand on his shoulder.
He flinched slightly, like he wanted to pull away, but then he just reached up and took my hand. He held it in his own, stroking my fingers with his thumb. I could tell he was thinking, but I had no idea about what. He slowly raised my hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
I could feel somehow that it was a silent apology.
But for what?
“We need to keep a clear head about all this,” he said softly. “This week has been… fantastic. Your body is fucking amazing, Jillian. The two of us together, it’s like magic. I’ve never fucked anyone the way I fucked you. It felt… different, somehow.”
I stepped closer, my heart pounding. “I know. It felt the same way for me. Like we were meant to do this. Like we were made for each other. Uh, sexually, I mean,” I added quickly.
Bruin smiled, and there was that softness again in his eyes. But only for a flickering moment. He nodded. “Yes. Sexually. So, what have you got planned for when you get back? Going straight to meet up with your brother and tell him you sealed the deal?”
I blushed, misunderstanding what he meant at first. He seemed to catch on.
“I mean that literally. As in, he’s getting Mirabella,” he explained. I nodded.
“Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. Of course,” I said hastily. “I’m sure he’s probably worried sick about me. He calls me almost every day.”
“Same protective older brother, isn’t he?” questioned Bruin, a little sadly.
“Yep. I think after Mom and Dad died he took it upon himself to be my guardian. I was already a teenager by then, but he stepped up anyway,” I remarked. “He’s been looking after me ever since. Sometimes it gets a little annoying, but I know he means well.”
Bruin nodded, a faraway look on his face. “Even before your folks passed, he was like that. I remember if I so much as mentioned your name, he’d get this fire in his eyes. Like he was ready to punch me in the face,” he said.
“Oh. I never knew it was like that,” I murmured.
Wow. How long had Jeff been shielding me from Bruin? Was it more than just the regular brotherly instinct? Why was he so aggressive about Bruin, in particular?
“He’s a good brother, Jill. Now that I’m a father, I get it. He wants to protect you from everything. From the whole world. Especially from guys like me,” he added, shrugging.
“What do you mean? Guys like you?” I asked, frowning. “You’re a great guy.”
Bruin chuckled. “You’ve seen a side of me most people never even glimpse.”
“But it’s the true part of you, right? The real Bruin Kincaid is a sweetheart. You’re not the guy Jeff made you out to be,” I commented. For some reason, this seemed to bother him. He pulled away.
“All of this, all of me, is the real deal. I’m authentic all the way, baby,” he said, a warning tone in his voice. I backed off a little.
“Yeah. No, I get it,” I said quickly.
“No. You don’t,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Look, I need to go talk to Miguel about the plans when we reach port. I’ll be busy for the next hour or so.”
“Oh. Okay,” I murmured, confused. Why was he acting this way? Hot one minute and cold the next? What did I do wrong?
“Listen, Jillian. You may think you know me, but you don’t,” he began. His tone was less cruel, more matter-of-fact. “Nobody knows me. You can’t just sum me up in a couple of adjectives. I’m more than that. This week was fucking amazing, but it was just part of the bargain. You held up your end, now it’s time for me to do the same. It was great seeing you again, but that’s it. Okay?”
“Fine,” I said firmly.
“Goodbye, Jillian.” That flash of sorrow in his eyes before he turned and walked out of the room was enough to shake me. What was going on? I couldn’t figure him out. All week we had been so hot for each other, nearly on fire. Had we really burned out that quickly?
And I knew I was right. Bruin was more than just the cocky, womanizing image he put out into the world. I had seen his softer, kinder side. I knew about his daughter, about how much he adored her and doted on her. That wasn’t the same Bruin who teased me years ago. He was more than that. But why did he turn away? Why was he so offended when I looked at that softer side? What was he so afraid of?
And then it hit me. Everything was fine until I’d mentioned Jeff.
Was that it? Bruin knew how important family was to my brother and me. Maybe he was worried that his presence in my life would piss off Jeff. Drive a wedge between us. And why the hell was Jeff so against the idea of Bruin being in my life, anyway? He was the one who pushed me to make this deal, after all. Did it have to do with Bruin’s daughter?
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I was a grown-ass woman. I could make my own decisions about who I slept with, who I loved. By the time Mirabella came to dock, I was on a warpath. I needed to talk to my big brother.
Nineteen
Bruin
The burn I felt in my arms as I lifted weights in my private gym on the Mirabella didn’t do as good a job of distracting me as I wanted. The only other workout enthusiast on the ship’s staff was one of the cooks, and he was spotting me as he counted my twelfth rep, giving me an uncertain look.
“Let’s call it there, boss,” he ventured, but I ignored him and did another rep.
My arms were screaming, but I felt like I needed some pain right now. Something physical could distract me from what was storming in my heart if I worked hard enough.
I did another rep, and this time, I let out a grunt as my teeth gritted. My spotter was giving me a concerned look.
“Boss… ”
I did another rep at about half the speed this time, and once my arms were up, the cook took the weights from my hands without my permission.
“What the fuck?” I snapped at him, glaring daggers.
“You’re my boss, Mr. Kincaid, but I’m not going to let you kill yourself,” he said in an apologetic tone as I sat up, shaking my arms out. I grunted in response, casting another dirty look at him before I stood up slowly.
I was pissed at him, but the rational part of me knew he was just doing his job. I’d thank him with a pay raise when I cooled off, but I wasn’t about to let him know that just then.
“I’m taking ten,” I told him curtly before leaving the gym and heading for the deck.
I didn’t know what to be more angry about: the way I treated Jillian, or the fact that I wasn’t able to get her out of my head.
I hated how I’d talked to her on the ship, and I knew it was wrong even as the words came out of my mouth. But I didn’t try to push her away just for me. Jeff was a big part of her business. If something came between the two of them, it could seriously hurt her career. As unbelievable and breathtaking as the past week had been, I knew Jillian was the kind of person who deserved a career like that, without stupid stuff like a week-long fling getting in the way.
The thought of that just made me more angry, though. Was it just a week-long fling? I knew it wasn’t. I’d felt things with Jillian I hadn’t felt with anyone else, even if I didn’t know what that meant. But I did know that we had to pretend it had been that.
I heard my phone chime, and I took it out to see an email from Jillian. My heart did a somersault at the sight of her name, and I gave my head a shake. What the hell? Was I in high school to be feeling like this over just getting a message from her?
But if she’d wanted to say something personal, she’d have called. And sure enough, when I flicked the email open, it was a curt note with a professional tone.
It said she was mid-flight to San Diego, to my surprise. Apparently, she had gotten a last-minute notice about a client coming in from Hawaii who had another yacht to sell, and that this one couldn’t wait. It was an impersonal apology for making me wait a little longer, with a note that she hoped I would understand.
I frowned and wanted to chuck my phone into the water. I didn’t care about the yacht, of course. While I had Jillian out on the water, I had even forgotten a few times that I was selling it. But with her gone, it meant that it was all the more likely I’d get what I’d asked for by sending her away.
Maybe that was for the better. But my heart wanted to be wrong.
As I leaned on the railing of the yacht, I caught sight of someone tall and broad-shouldered storming down the marina, and my eyebrows furrowed. When I realized that someone was Jeff, I gripped the railing tighter, my jaw clenching.
By the way he was heading toward the yacht, I could tell that pretending wasn’t on the table.
“Bruin!” he shouted as soon as he was close enough to be in hearing distance. “Bruin, I know that’s you up there! We need to talk, now!”
“Fuck,” I muttered. It was tempting to make a gesture to pretend I couldn’t hear him, but I was past that kind of childishness.
“Sir,” Miguel called from behind me, having rushed out to the deck. “Would you like me to call security?”
“No,” I said. “That’s Jeff Hargrove. I’ll deal with him.”
I strode past a nervous Miguel and made my way down to the gangway, where Jeff was waiting with crossed arms. I kept my face stern and my stride confident as I crossed the gang onto the dock and crossed my own arms, staring him in the eye.
“Good to know you haven’t lost your nerve over the years,” Jeff said, and I knew exactly what he meant by his tone, but I wasn’t about to play ball with him that easily. Not with the mood I was in at that moment.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Bruin,” he said, “I was your roommate for years, I can tell when something is up.”
I raised my eyebrows, looking around the dock curiously. “I’d love to hear what it is.”
Jeff scowled. “I said, don’t play dumb. Jillian and I talk almost every day. She tells me she has food poisoning and suddenly can’t communicate at all for a week, and at the same time, your yacht vanishes from the marina. After what we talked about at the bar, did you think I just wouldn’t put two and two together? How stupid do you think I am?”
I put my hands on my hips, squaring off defensively. “I was off on my own business, Jeff,” I said. In all honesty, I was just being an asshole by dragging this out, because I wanted someone to take the anger out on. “Jillian was probably off overworking herself to take care of more business for you.”
He took a step closer, but I held my ground.
“Do not pretend that you can use this to take pot-shots at me,” he growled. “Bruin, cut the crap, seriously. I know Jillian went on the yacht with you to wherever you went. She had a tan, for God’s sakes. I thought we were clear when we talked in the bar.”
I rolled my eyes, looking away for a moment, then glaring back at Jeff. My instinct was to start mouthing off about how Jillian and I had spent the week having mind-blowing sex. I wanted to fly off the handle at him and tell him all about how happy she was, how great my cock made her feel, how much she needed a break from everything and could live so much more if she weren’t under Jeff’s thumb.
But Jeff and I had history. A lot of history. And as angry as I was, I wasn’t going to th
row that all away just because I was pissed.
“Okay, fine,” I said, letting out a breath and giving Jeff a firm, even, hard gaze. “Jillian was with me. She’s allowed to do that, Jeff. She’s a grown woman.”
“You keep saying that, man.” He shook his head. “And it’s not right. She should be like a little sister to you, like she is to me.”
“Why do you keep going back to that? You can’t just keep a leash on her like she’s your possession, Jeff. She can make her own decisions in life. She negotiates for multi-million-dollar deals on a daily basis. She just flew across the country to do just that, all for the business the two of you are building together. You appreciate that, so why can’t you appreciate her personal life?”
“I do, Bruin.” His voice was biting. “She’s free to do whatever she likes. That’s not what I’m worried about. We know each other, man, we—”
“So that’s what it is,” I huffed, cutting him off and nodding. “I get it. I’m still Bruin the Fuckup to you, aren’t I? I’m still the playboy driving you crazy in freshman year, is that it?”
“Bruin, I know what you’re like,” he snapped. “Hell, I hear about your one-night stands constantly. Last time we talked a few months ago, you bragged about it. If you think you can do that shit with Jillian, you don’t know me at all.”
“Jill’s not like that,” I said, and I’d never been more sure of it in my life, even if I’d never thought I’d say something like that about a woman. “Jeff, she’s...hell, she’s special. You know that.”
“Exactly, and she needs someone who can treat her like that. You have a daughter, Bruin, one you never expected to happen.”
I felt the heat rising in my face, and it took a lot of willpower not to throw a punch at my best friend.
“Emma is my pride and joy, Jeff.” My voice was low and deadly as I took a step forward, pointing a finger at him in warning. “And you know what? I told Jill about her. I was worried she’d react like you are, thinking I’m some fuckup with my past mistakes following me around. But Emma? She’s anything but a mistake, and Jill recognized that, Jeff. She was happy to hear about her. You could stand to learn a lot from your sister.”