“When you say ‘we’ …” So she had caught that part.
“We’ll get to that later, first you just need to agree to me going with you guys to Seattle.”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea. You don’t know what you’d be getting yourself into. My parents aren’t nice people, and they won’t be nice to you.”
“I don’t care about that. I care about you.” She started to speak again but I cut her off. “We don’t have to make a big deal out of this. I can go just as your friend. I don’t want to put any more pressure on you than you’ve already got weighing you down.”
She was quiet for a minute, and I could see that she wanted to agree. “Okay,” she finally said. “You can come. I don’t know if there will be any tickets left on our flight though.”
“Let me worry about that.” I turned to retrieve my bag where I left it by the front door.
“Why are you doing this?”
I stopped and turned back to look at her. “Doing what?”
“Going through all this trouble for me. Why do you want this? I know I’m difficult and stubborn. I don’t open up or let people in easily. I have a whole truckload of issues besides Mommy and Daddy. I’m not carefree and wild and fun like other girls that you’ve been with, so why are you trying so hard to make this work when it probably won’t?”
“Why are you so sure it won’t?”
“I just told you.”
“And I don’t buy it.”
She inhaled a deep breath and blew it out through her nose. “We’re just too different and I can’t believe that this is really what you want.”
“What you mean is that I’m a player and you don’t think I’ll stay when it gets hard.” She didn’t agree but she didn’t disagree either and her eyes wouldn’t meet mine. “You’re wrong though,” I sighed and ran a hand over my head, brushing my hair out of my face. “This is already hard and I haven’t given up yet have I? You drive me absolutely fucking insane sometimes. You’re frustrating and complicated and nothing about you will ever be easy, but none of it changes a damn thing for me. You think my history is the reason this can’t work, that I’ll ditch you and move on or whatever, but you’re wrong. Despite what you think, I know the difference between what I’ve had in the past and what I feel with you. I know what something real looks like, and this” I grabbed her hand in mine, “is different than anything I’ve ever felt. It’s real. You’ll see.” I would make her see.
It was then that I noticed she had a bandage wrapped around her wrist. “What happened?” I asked, holding her arm up.
“Oh,” her face took on a cute embarrassed look, “I burned myself with hot oil.”
“Shit, are you okay?” I knew oil burns could be pretty serious.”
“Yeah, it’s not too bad.”
“How did you burn yourself?”
“Umm, I’ll show you.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. Immediately my eyes zeroed in on Spade and Chris stuffing their faces, with small, slightly lopsided, balls of fried dough. Despite the shapes that were slightly off, I knew exactly what the little bread-crumbed balls were.
“Hey, you fuckers, put those down right now.” Then I looked at Sadie, grinning. “Did you make them for me?” She nodded and inner Ace started doing fucking cartwheels and a touchdown dance. She learned to make one of my favorite foods for me.
“Hey what are these things?” Spade asked. Chris picked up a card off the counter and tried to read it.
“Cox – in – has,” he butchered the pronunciation.
“Cocks what?” Spade asked with his hand half way to his mouth. “You know what, I don’t even care if I’m eating cock, these are fucking delicious.”
“And they’re not for you, asshole,” I replied, not bothering to correct them.
Sadie choke on a laugh, “It’s chicken.”
“We’re eating chicken cock?” Chris asked, taking another bite, completely ignoring me.
“No, there isn’t any, um, any penis of any kind in them,” I wanted to chuckle at how read her face got when the word penis came out of her mouth. “It’s just chicken, regular shredded chicken breast and veggies and cream cheese.”
“Oh good, boobies, much better,” Spade said with a mouthful. She just shook her head and I laughed.
“Thank you for the fried chicken boobies,” I said.
“You’re welcome, and you better go get some before they’re all gone, and I’m sorry for before. I didn’t mean to offend you. This all, it just scares me, because I really did miss you. A lot.”
I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’ll be alright. I promise.”
We all sat around the kitchen, sharing stories from the road and stuffing ourselves on coxinhas until they were gone. Then, as much as I wanted to stay awake and spend more time with Sadie, I really needed a nap. A nap with Sadie would have been preferable, but since that was out, for now, I went to my room and threw myself down on my bed. It didn’t take long for me to pass out. Two hours later, a knock on my door woke me. “Hey man, get up. We gotta go,” Spade called through the door.
I groaned, but pulled myself up out of the bed. The nap wasn’t nearly long enough, but we had dinner plans. The whole group was getting together at Jax and Ky’s for a pre turkey day meal with our unconventional little family of sorts. I needed to get moving because I was supposed to pick up Marcus and Maysie at their apartment. Since they moved in together six months ago, I hadn’t seen as much of him and I actually missed the little genius shit.
That lasted right up until the moment we picked him up and I made the mistake of asking him about his latest project at work. A twenty minute car ride later and I still had no idea what exactly he did for a living. I knew he worked for the government as a mechanical engineer, but I didn’t actually know what that meant. There were always details of his work that he wasn’t allowed to share, and since I didn’t speak genius, I never understood the parts he was allowed to talk about. I was about seventy five percent sure he developed high tech weapons and robotics for the military or CIA, but that might just be because I watch too many spy movies.
Sadie looked over at me from the passenger seat with raised eyebrows. I just shrugged, but I was glad I wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand Marcus. In fact, I think Maysie was the only one who did, and even she looked a little lost sometimes when he was really fired up about a new project. Once he got going, there was no stopping him until he was done. It was best just to let him ramble on and nod your head, rather than ask him to dumb down his explanations. Unless of course you were Jax.
She greeted everyone with a hug when we all walked in and when she got to Marcus, she made the same mistake I had, asking him how work was going. I waved my arms and shook my head behind his back, trying to signal her, but it was too late. Just when I thought we were all going to have to endure another twenty minutes about the optimal dual adaptive control something or other of I don’t even know, because I tuned out as soon as he started using words like that, Jax brilliantly saved us all.
“Oh, Marcus, before I forget, I tried this new recipe for brownie cookie dough cheesecake bars and I need someone to try them so I know whether they’re servable tonight. Ky tasted one, but I don’t trust him not to lie to me just to make me feel better. I know you’ll be honest.” Just like that, he completely forgot what he’d been about to say and let her lead him away to the kitchen. If there was one thing my brother loved just as much as his job, it was desserts, especially anything made by Jax. It was, maybe, the one thing we actually had in common.
I looked over at Sadie who was grinning, but appeared just as relieved not to have to listen to it all over again. Maysie just chuckled and shook her head. “Welcome to my life every day. I’m really smart and I don’t even know what he’s saying half the time.”
It was true. She recently graduated from MIT as well, and I know they don’t let idiots in there. She was going into medical research, and I was sure that I knew just as litt
le about what she did at the lab where she worked, but at least when I asked her about it, she would take pity on me and just say that things were good, and maybe follow that up with a general statement about what she was working on.
The rest of our night was free from all work related discussions and it was nice to just have the whole gang together hanging out. After a few beers or glasses of wine, everyone was laughing and having a good time. When we were done eating, Izzy made Jax turn on the Frozen soundtrack and she danced for us, eventually getting Jax, Ky and Bas to get up and dance with her, which was seriously some funny shit. I got my phone out and recorded it of course, with every intention of posting that shit on YouTube. Ky dancing to Disney songs was sure to get a million hits and piss him off. Maybe I would just save it for blackmail purposes.
It was after midnight by the time Sadie and I got back to the house with Spade and Chris right behind us. Danny had to leave dinner early to make it to the radio station. We listened to his show on the ride home. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes when a caller requested our latest single.
Spade and Chris both disappeared to their rooms to crash for the night, which is exactly what I wanted to do, but I wanted to spend time with Sadie more. I had become accustomed to our late night talks, and it would be even better getting to look into those pretty eyes while we talked instead of only wishing we were face to face.
“You up for the hot tub tonight?” The weather was perfect for it, a little chilly but clear.
“Uh …” she hesitated for a second, “sure. I’ll go change.”
I went to my room and threw on my swimming trunks then walked out to the patio. I pulled the cover off the in ground hot tub and quickly climbed in. The air outside was almost freezing, so the contrast of the hot water was almost too much, but felt so good. Sadie came out a minute later in a purple bikini, with two towels in hand.
“Thanks, I forgot to grab a towel.”
She set them on the ground and climbed in next to me just as quickly as I had. It was hard not to stare at her. I wanted to take in every inch of that creamy white skin, but that would lead to wanting other things, things I had no business wanting yet, so instead I closed my eyes and tipped my head back to lean it against the ledge. The quiet was peaceful and relaxing, and we were both content to just sit there and enjoy it. We talked a little, but for the most part we didn’t need words to pass the time. I could easily spend every night this way. Everything about her presence put me at ease and made me feel good. Sadie might not be mine yet, but every day I was becoming more and more hers, and that didn’t bother me in the least.
Chapter 14
Sadie
We were greeted in Seattle by the rain, a sure sign that I was indeed back in Western Washington. When we stepped out of the airport, everyone else hurried into the waiting car, but I just stood there with my hands up, letting it soak me. Rain wasn’t uncommon in Boston, but there was just something about the Seattle rain that I found oddly welcoming. It brought memories of another lifetime rushing back. Some good, some bad, but they were all mine. It was comforting in a way I couldn’t explain. At least for a moment, and then the feelings passed and it was just cold and wet. I got in the car with the three of them looking at me like I was a crazy person. By the time we checked in and got settled at the hotel and then went back out, it had let up.
Memories of my past were so close to the surface. Just walking along the waterfront and breathing in the air brought back summers of sailing on the Sound and weekends of walking through the market. I missed it more than I realized. I liked Oregon and I liked Boston, but Seattle would always be home. For as many bad memories I had of the place, there were just as many good memories.
Jax and I loaded up on Market Spice tea when I told her how good it was, while the boys wandered nearby. After we’d paid for our tea we found them both with a bouquet of flowers in their hands. Ky pressed a kiss to Jax’s lips and handed her the bouquet he held. I looked over at Ace and the beautiful flowers he was holding onto.
“Don’t be eyeing my flowers. Ky bought these for me, but don’t tell Jax.” Ky reached over and smacked him on the back of the head. “Ow. Geez. I’m just kidding.” He smiled down at me and winked, before handing them to me.
“Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Almost as beautiful as you.” He lightly touched his lips to my cheek which flared pink. He grabbed my hand and tucked my arm into his and the four of us continued through the market. The guys had beanies pulled low, hoods up and sunglasses on. Jaxyn had her hair tucked under a beanie as well since it stood out so much. With the chilly, wet weather, we weren’t the only ones hiding under hoods either and we blended in well. So far it seemed to be doing the job. We caught a few curious glances, but no one had actually approached us.
Jaxyn wanted to see the art museum so that was the next place we went and afterward we had a nice dinner at a restaurant on the water. Unfortunately the hats had to come off and then the guys were immediately recognized. The restaurant manager was really nice and came over to tell us our food would be on the house for the inconvenience of having customers ask for pictures and autographs. The guys handled it very good naturedly though, smiling and talking with their fans.
I didn’t like the way the waitress eyed Kyden and Ace, like they were ice cream sundaes with the works and extra hot fudge sauce. Jax didn’t seem bothered at all, but she was a little more used to it than I was, and Ky seemed oblivious to all women except for her. Ace smiled at the waitress and she batted her eyelashes and gave him a flirty grin when she leaned over him to set our plates on the table. She didn’t even glance at me as she set my food in front of me and then she asked if he would mind taking a picture with her. He graciously stood and put one arm over her shoulder while she wrapped hers around him and snapped the picture on her phone and then kissed him on the cheek, which he didn’t seem to mind. From the look on her face you’d think he just asked her to marry him. I wanted to grab his face and plant my lips on his to wipe that grin off her face. Instead, I tried to stuff the jealousy down. I had no real claim on him, we were somewhere in relationship limbo, which I knew was my own fault. I picked up my water glass and took a sip, dropping my eyes to the salad in front of me.
The waitress left a minute later and I was pretty sure she’d slipped him her number. I didn’t look at Ace as he returned to his seat across from me even though I felt his eyes on me. I started eating and tried my best not to pay attention to him as conversation continued at our table. After a few minutes, I felt him nudge me with his foot under the table and I finally looked up to meet his penetrating eyes.
“How’s your salad?”
“It’s good,” I told him and went back to eating. I was letting this get to me way more than I should. I wanted to trust him and believe that the sweet, caring, thoughtful, funny guy that he had been with me, was really him, but I think a part of me was still looking for some sign that it wasn’t, waiting for an excuse to run from him instead of giving him a real chance.
I didn’t say much the rest of the meal. I tried to pass it off as being tired, but on our way out of the restaurant, Ace stopped me. He nodded for Ky and Jax to go ahead and then looked at me sternly. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t pull away from me now, especially not over some waitress who doesn’t even matter.” I started to deny it, but it was pointless. He had me pegged. “I wasn’t flirting with her. I wouldn’t do that to you, but I’m not going to be an asshole to every girl who smiles at me, just to make you feel better. You either believe me when I say I want you and only you or you don’t. You either trust me or you don’t. Either way you have to talk to me, you can’t bottle this shit up and try to hide it from me. We’ll never be able to make anything work if you do.”
“I know, and I think I do. Trust you. Or at least I want to. It actually scares me how badly I want to trust you. It’s just hard for me. I’m
sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know you have a lot of reasons not to trust me, and maybe it’s not fair that I’m asking you too anyway, but I am. I promise I will do everything I can to deserve that trust.” He cupped my face in his hand and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “You’re beautiful and down to earth, and smart and funny and incredibly talented. There’s no room for your insecurities in this, whatever we’re doing here, and I won’t tolerate them, so if I have to tell you every single day how incredible I think you are, I will. Do you understand?”
When he said stuff like that, it was impossible not to fall for him a little more. I nodded because that’s all I was capable of in that moment.
“Good, and after we get through tomorrow and this trip, we’re gonna have our second date, and then a third and even a fourth if that’s what it takes to make you realize that I’m all in this.”
“Okay,” I surprised myself with confidently I said it and how much my voice gave away that I was looking forward to it. If I was being completely honest, it wasn’t the waitresses flirting that had bothered me so much, it was how badly I wanted to be able to say he was mine. I looked away, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to read it in my eyes like he always seemed to be able to do.
“And Sadie,” I looked back at him, “after that third or fourth date, I’m going to ask.” I knew exactly what he meant. I hadn’t forgotten, and I was pretty sure that when he did ask, I was going to say yes.
Before I had to worry about that though, we had to make it through tomorrow. That night I lay awake in one of the rooms of our suite most of the night, going over scenarios of how the next day might play out. None of them were particularly good. I figured at best I would be asked to leave, and at worst, well I tried not to think about that. When I wasn’t stressing about the impending holiday disaster, my mind kept bouncing back to Ace and what he’d said earlier. I think it was almost three before I finally found respite from my own thoughts, and then morning came much too quickly. I snoozed the alarm on my phone twice before Jax finally knocked and then poked her head into my room.
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