Awakening

by JoAnn Durgin

  Sam grinned. “Don’t think for a second I’m going to leave that last comment alone.”

  “I know.” Lexa raised her face, embracing the light breeze ruffling through the trees along the Riverwalk. She closed her eyes for a few seconds.

  Sam thought about his answer for a couple of minutes, his brow furrowed as they enjoyed their coffee together. He took another hearty bite of the pie. “Warm, just the way I love it. Please, taste yours,” Sam encouraged, watching as she used her fork to cut a tiny piece before tasting it. “I have to say, you are about the daintiest eater I’ve ever seen in my life. But your smile is the most genuine I’ve ever seen in my life, too.” He grinned. “It’s positively . . . effervescent.”

  Lexa felt the warmth of color invading her cheeks. Must he say things like that? Did he do it to get a rise out of her? The worst—or best—part was that she liked it.

  “Okay, you asked me a question. Time for an answer,” he told her a minute later. After sipping his coffee, Sam leaned across the table. “I hate knowing a lot of really good people are going to spend an eternity in hell, especially if I have the power to help change the outcome.”

  No matter how Lexa thought he might answer, it wasn’t that. Maybe he should be a pastor since that sounded like something she imagined one would say. She stared at him, unsure how to respond. A rising feeling of dread rumbled inside. “You’re not judging anyone, are you, Sam?” Was he judging her when she said she wanted to feel closer to God and worthy of His love? Wasn’t it the job of Christians not to judge, but to love and accept others as they are?

  Sam frowned and lowered his fork. “I don’t want to think that’s what I’m doing. It’s just that, based on what I know, what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of my friends don’t know the Lord personally.” A look of great sadness crossed his face and he lowered his head.

  “Have you tried asking them? Maybe they’re Christians but have fallen away for some reason . . .” Lexa’s voice trailed. “Perhaps they accepted the Lord when they were just a kid, but then didn’t have the opportunity to go to church for some reason.” She shifted in her chair and put her fork on the edge of her plate, her desire for the cheesecake gone.

  “What I’m trying to say,” she said slowly, “is that there are any number of reasons why people don’t know the Lord, or don’t grow in the Lord. Reasons that sometimes are beyond their power, their reach, their ability to do anything about it.”

  Sam fixed her with the intensity of his gaze. Reaching across the table, his hand covered hers. “Is that what happened to you?” When she didn’t respond, he pressed, “I really want to know. Please tell me.” His voice sounded earnest, his hand squeezed hers. Her answer was very important to him.

  Withdrawing her hand, Lexa lowered her gaze and stared at her hands twisting together on her lap. “Yes.” Tears stung her eyes. “My mom used to take me to church, but I was only eight when she died. Dad didn’t want me in church for reasons known only to him.” She shrugged. “That’s just the way it was. I didn’t have a choice.”

  “But when you were on your own, old enough to go to church of your own volition?”

  A surge of anger mixed with sadness, and even guilt, flooded her mind. Lexa stared at Sam with wide eyes, shaking her head. She forced a few deep, calming breaths. “Sam Lewis, have you been living in some kind of sheltered Christian cocoon your entire life?” Noticing that others at nearby tables turned their heads in their direction, she lowered her voice. “You’ve probably lived this perfect Christian life and don’t even know the struggles others face. It’s not always easy,” she stammered, her cheeks growing warmer by the minute.

  Swallowing hard, Lexa forced herself to continue. She’d started to let it out, so she might as well finish now. “You want to know the truth about me?” Lexa’s eyes blazed. “I’m sorry if I don’t fit into this little spiritual mold or whatever it is you’re looking for. The truth is, I’ve never had anyone take an interest in me spiritually to show me how to have a personal relationship with Christ—not that I’m blaming anything on anyone else. I’ve lived a good moral life, and I acknowledge the fact that God is in control, but, simply put, I don’t really know how to live like a Christian. All I know,” she sputtered, “is what I know. Which isn’t very much.” Her voice sounded small and defeated. Tugging her purse over one shoulder, she started to walk away from the table. She held her head high, but tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks.

  “Wait. Don’t go.” Sam stood up and reached out to stop her. “Please.”

  Pausing and looking down at his hand, Lexa struggled between wanting him to remove it and wanting him to pull her close and never let go. How she longed for someone to shelter her forever, keeping her safe, warm and protected. Loved.

  “You haven’t even had much of your cheesecake yet.” The slightest tinge of humor surfaced, but Sam’s brow furrowed.

  Lexa looked up at the deepening night sky and forced several deep, calming breaths. She finally took her seat opposite him again. Eyeing her strawberry cheesecake, she wondered if she’d have the stomach for it.

  “I suppose I deserved that.” Sam held up one hand. “Truce. Listen,” he continued before she could respond, “I really want to see the Lord through your eyes. I can’t do that unless I know where you stand spiritually. I need to know if you’re living for yourself or living for Him. It’s not wrong, and please know I’m not judging you.”

  “Why?” Lexa sat back down in her chair, her dessert untouched, waiting for his answer.

  Sam looked into her eyes again in that way he had of disarming her. “I like you, Lexa. Very much. I want to know you better. As more than a TeamWork volunteer. But in order to do that, I need to know where you stand spiritually.”

  Lexa could barely contain her agitation. “So you’ve already said. I suppose it’s only fitting that the apple is my favorite fruit,” she seethed.

  “Why do you say that?” Sam shook his head. His expression was one of confusion and dismay.

  “The whole Adam and Eve thing.” She waved her hand. “I’m like tempting, forbidden fruit to you. I’m not the type of woman you want or need in your life. If you take a bite from the apple I’m offering you, you’ll be entering a world of earthly sin, your eyes will be opened and you’ll be banished from God’s perfect garden. Or something like that.” Lexa crossed her arms and turned her head, impatiently wiping away a tear that coursed down her cheek. “I don’t know how to talk to you. I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing.”

  “That’s not fair, Lexa.” Sam closed his mouth, and looked at a loss.

  Her breath strangled in her throat, and she struggled for control. Feeling a chill, Lexa shuddered and rubbed her hands up and down her arms, knowing it wouldn’t touch the hurt welling up inside. “Far be it from me to hold you back from following God’s great plan in your life. Besides,” she continued, her voice rising, “I just told you where I’m at spiritually. And if you’re so concerned about where I’m at, then maybe you’d be better off examining just exactly where you’re at!”

  Flinging her napkin down on the table, Lexa paused. Rising to her feet, she gathered her thoughts and her dignity and tried to calm down. It proved difficult, and anger won the inner battle raging within. She lowered her voice and leaned close. “The next time you ask a girl out with some hidden agenda, I suggest you think twice about putting her through the third degree. Good luck finding the perfect Christian woman you’re looking for, Sam Lewis, but I don’t think you’ll ever find her!”

  He appeared genuinely shocked. “I know you’re hurt, and I’m really sorry, but did you ever stop to think you might be jumping to conclusions?”

  His eyes widened as she stepped around the table and leaned close to him, practically nose-to-nose. Sam leaned back further in his chair as she stared him down. Gulping, Lexa blinked hard to stem her tears.

  “Instead of pulling this sanctimonious, holier-than-thou act, maybe you should think about what Jesus would do i
n your shoes. I understand that’s what Christians do.” She gave him one final glare. “I don’t think Jesus would act the way you just did.” Turning, she fled into the night.

  CHAPTER 14

  With tears streaming down her face, Lexa flew back up the stone steps on the way to the street. She didn’t have a plan other than to get away from Sam and try to find a quiet place to collect herself. Then she’d worry about getting a cab or a hotel room or whatever. At the moment, she debated heading straight back to Houston.

  Seating herself on a stone wall in a quiet spot further down the Riverwalk, Lexa raised her face to the sky, closed her eyes and put one hand over her mouth, stifling her quiet sobs. Shivers ran through her and she rocked herself in a self-comforting motion. Maybe she should say a prayer. She didn’t know what else to do, and it felt somehow appropriate for the situation. The prayers she said at night seemed to make her feel better, so why not? It couldn’t make things worse than they already were.

  Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m miserable. I came here tonight thinking I’d have a romantic evening with a handsome man—a man who belongs to you—but now everything’s a big old Texas mess. I want to know you, Father, but I need your help. I want to serve you, and I really don’t want to leave. Please show me how I can become a better person through you, how I can help others, and how you want me to serve. In Jesus’ name.

  Looking around at her surroundings, Lexa pondered her options. In spite of this disastrous date with Sam, she wanted to go back to the work camp. She cherished the time spent with Margarita. Liked the camaraderie with the other ladies. Enjoyed the Bible studies at the bonfires and helping at the worksite and in the canteen. Working for no pay was never so satisfying. She was beginning to feel like she belonged with these people.

  Lexa sat up straighter and dried her eyes. She’d never been one to allow a man to stand in the way of her goals. She’d just been sidetracked a little in her quest to make a difference in the world. But now, it was time to get back on track.

  ~~**~~

  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the uneasy stirring in the pit of Sam’s stomach alerted him he might very well have dug the proverbial hole even deeper for himself. Seeing Lexa’s tears punched him right in the gut. He hated that he’d made her feel this way. Something deep inside twisted, squeezing tight. How could he make her understand? Her eyes sparked with such a fiery anger. They were unbelievable in their beauty, but made him miserable with guilt.

  Still, talk about a rush to judgment. Either by his words or his actions, he’d made her feel somehow unworthy. Or made her feel even more unworthy than she already did. And what did she mean by that apple and temptation comment? Did Lexa think all he wanted was to tumble into bed with her? Maybe his undoubtedly strong physical attraction for Lexa was confusing the issue.

  Sam frowned and rubbed his hand across his brow. He was messing this up royally. He found it difficult to communicate with this woman. It was definitely uncharted territory. Now she was offended and he didn’t know what to say, what to do, to make things right.

  Standing a short distance away, hidden from view, he watched Lexa sitting on the wall. It looked like she was praying, and it touched his heart. He’d blown it with her, and he’d be lucky if she gave him another chance sometime in this lifetime. He’d only dated Christian women before, and Lexa was so unlike most of them in a number of ways. But in the ways that counted most, she was their equal and more. Lexa was good, honest, with a purity of heart and spirit. She had a genuine desire to serve the Lord. Weren’t those the things that mattered the most?

  The hardest part to swallow was that she was right. He’d been evaluating—yes, perhaps even judging others—for too long. That in itself was a sin. Sam prayed his own silent prayer, but dared not close his eyes for fear he’d reopen them only to find Lexa gone again. He couldn’t take that chance, so he kept his eyes trained on her as he prayed under his breath for the Lord to keep her there with him and his TeamWork crew in San Antonio. After only a few days in the camp, Lexa was growing and learning. Sam asked the Lord for the wisdom to know the right words to say to this intriguing woman, the right things to do so he didn’t push her further away.

  At that precise moment in time, he had his own private mission—protecting Lexa from the seedier element that sometimes hung out around the Riverwalk. He had to keep her safe and take her back to the camp. He only prayed he hadn’t scared her off so she’d run all the way back to Houston and never look back. Dear God, he didn’t want that.

  After a few more minutes passed, Lexa raised her head. Wiping her eyes with a tissue, she sniffled and blew her nose in a most unladylike fashion. From his hidden stance, watching her, Sam almost laughed aloud. He’d best not reveal his hidden presence or she’d never forgive him.

  Standing and smoothing her clothes, Lexa pushed her long hair behind her shoulders and raised her head before looking around. He glimpsed that defiance etched into her expression. That dare-you-to-get-to-me look which was becoming all too familiar, but which Sam understood masked her insecurity and vulnerability. She’d definitely be mad to know he suspected such a thing. When she moved her head in his direction, he ducked behind a stone wall, his heart pounding hard, afraid she’d see him.

  Lexa started walking, and he followed a short distance behind. Memories of playing hide and seek and his younger brothers, Will and Carson, came to mind. He needed to keep her in view while he thought of a plan of action. At least she was walking in the general direction of the car. He should have time to dart back over to where he’d parked the station wagon on a side street. Surely she wouldn’t be foolhardy enough to hitchhike. Lexa might believe she could get a cab, but he knew better. Not in this more remote area at this hour of the evening, even on a weeknight. All the cabs in the Riverwalk area would already be busy with customers.

  Darting her head in either direction, Lexa clutched her shoulder bag and quickened her steps. It was as though she sensed someone’s eyes upon her and didn’t want to take any chances. Above all, Sam didn’t want to scare her to death. When the Volvo came into view, he detoured in its direction, keeping Lexa in his sight. Turning the key, he muttered under his breath when the engine rumbled but didn’t turn over.

  “Come on. Don’t fail me now.” He waited a few excruciating seconds before trying again. The engine sputtered before choking and dying. “Great. Just great.” By now, Lexa’s figure was fading from his range of vision. His fingers tapped an impatient dance on the steering wheel. Deciding to give it one more try before he took off after her on foot, Sam chewed his lip, willing the engine to turn over. Thank goodness it obeyed and roared to life.

  Pulling out so fast the tires squealed, Sam drove in the direction Lexa walked when he last saw her. His eyes scanned the roadside. A rising panic tore through his chest and his breath grew short. Slowing the car to a near crawl, Sam looked in every direction. There! She’d decided to go down yet another side street.

  Turning off the lights, Sam soon rode alongside her. If Lexa was scared, it didn’t show. Better not to let her worry that it was someone else. He cleared his throat loud enough for her to hear. “Care for a lift back to camp?”

  “No, thank you.” Lexa didn’t pause and walked with her head held high, shoulders back, and a purposeful stride. My, but she was the most stubborn woman he’d ever encountered. While Sam liked her spunkiness, the defiant act could get plenty annoying sometimes.

  “Um, I hesitate to mention this, but there’s not exactly a stream of cabs in this neighborhood right about now.” He struggled to keep his voice calm and steady.

  “I’ll manage to find one. There’s bound to be one around here somewhere.” Even though her voice never wavered, Sam thought he detected a slight element of fear in her voice. It was his fault. Waves of guilt washed over him.

  “Come on, Lexa. Get in. I promise not to say another word the entire way back if you’ll just get in the car.” He felt like begging, but only as a last re
sort. He had some pride left.

  Her steps slowed only for a moment before resuming their brisk pace. She picked up speed and practically marched. She didn’t bother gracing him with even the slightest glance. “No thank you, Mr. Lewis.”

  “Okay then.” Sam tried to mask his aggravation with this beautiful, obstinate creature. “Guess I’ll have to keep pace with you. If we’re lucky, we’ll make it back to camp about, say, three o’clock this morning.” He paused, and his head darted back and forth between the road ahead and Lexa by the side. “Sure will be awfully hard trying to work tomorrow in the blazing heat if you’re tired. Nope. Not a good combination at all.”

  “What do you think you’re doing following me?” Lexa demanded. Stopping, hands on hips, she glared at Sam. “Slumming?”

  “Okay, that’s it!” Irritated with her taunt, he shoved the gear into park. Leaving the keys in the ignition, he jumped out.

  Seeing that he was heading straight for her, Lexa turned and started to run away again. “Oh, no you don’t!” Her cries of protest were drowned out when he lifted her and put her over his shoulder, being none-too-gentle about it.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” she cried, her voice indignant. “Put me down!”

  Tight fists pummeled Sam’s back as he carried her over to the car. Depositing her in the seat without ceremony, he slammed the passenger door and hurried around to the driver’s side, tamping down the irresistible urge to grin.

  “Two can play this game!” Lexa spouted through clenched teeth. She hopped out of the car again before Sam could put it back in gear. “See you back at the camp, Bucko!” Slamming the door equally hard, she stalked away from him, headed back this time in the direction of the Riverwalk.