Awakening

by JoAnn Durgin

  “You knew?”

  The words were quiet, brimming with anguish. Lexa couldn’t speak. Her breathing slowed and caught in her throat.

  When she nodded without speaking, her head down, afraid to look him in the eye, Sam demanded, his voice insistent. “Who told you? Did he tell you? Did he?”

  Lexa stared at him, not understanding his change of mood and sudden anger. “No, but someone who loves you did.” Because Rebekah knows how much I care for you. She knows I love you! But she couldn’t say the words aloud.

  Sam rose to his feet, his fists clenched. The muscles in his cheeks flexed wildly, the set to his jaw firm and unyielding.

  “They didn’t want to tell me,” she protested, struggling to her feet, reaching for his hands. Sam turned away from her touch. He looked stunned, his face contorted with disbelief. Betrayal. A deep feeling of dread washed over Lexa, threatening to drain the very breath from her lungs. “I practically ordered them to tell me because of my own selfishness, my own morbid curiosity. They wanted me to talk with you about Shelby, but I was the one who insisted on knowing. Please don’t be mad, Sam.”

  Sam stared at Lexa long and hard, as though he didn’t know her at all.

  “You’re not having an affair with him, too, are you, Lexa?”

  With that one question, Sam wiped out their closeness, their friendship, and especially Lexa’s trust. That was it. He managed to destroy everything she thought they’d established together. Something wonderful, passionate and lasting. She was wrong.

  Sam Lewis was no different. He was just like every other man.

  Standing, Lexa trembled with rage. Fists clenched, she glared at him, willing herself to say something, anything. She couldn’t even begin to verbalize what she was feeling. Maybe it was better not to say anything until she calmed down. Until they both calmed down. And that might take a very long time. If ever.

  Turning, Lexa fled into the night, her heart breaking with each stride of her long legs as she realized this time, Sam Lewis wasn’t coming after her. Not now, and quite possibly never again.

  That dreaded word. Never.

  Father, help me! With tears streaming down her cheeks, Lexa stormed over in the direction of the worksite, not caring if that old armadillo waited for her there. He’d be better company than anyone else right now. Not knowing where else to go, she needed time to think, time to be alone.

  She broke into a run and didn’t look back.

  Oh, Lord, why did you bring me here? Why did you bring me here?

  CHAPTER 25

  He’d made a terrible, maybe even unforgivable mistake. Once again, he’d hurt her. The look on Lexa’s face would be forever imprinted in his mind. She looked more hurt than angry, but unbearably so. Sam berated himself, asking himself over and over how he could have asked her that horrible, accusatory question that sent her running off into the night. Away from him. Away from his heart.

  He couldn’t explain it, even to himself. An overwhelming jealousy clouded his judgment. His words were rash, unfounded. It must have been Beck who told Lexa about Shelby. It was only natural it might have come up at some point since Beck was friendly with Lexa. What was the harm, really?

  Poor Rebekah. She had no idea Shelby had betrayed him, had betrayed her in a way, too. How could he tell dear, sweet Beck that his fiancée—and her best friend—betrayed them both with Beck’s own twin brother? No, he couldn’t do that to her. As much as he loved Rebekah Grant, it would need to be Josh who told her.

  Then came the matter of trust. Lexa told him he was the strongest Christian man she knew. And look how he’d blown his testimony. He’d shattered her faith and trust by his thoughtless, stupid accusation. Sam didn’t like the word stupid, but he could think of no better term for this particular situation. His words had been unfounded, pointless, without provocation. They slipped out from somewhere not of the Lord. In the long run, telling someone like Lexa the devil made me do it wouldn’t wash with her.

  Not knowing what else to do, Sam followed the path he knew best—he prayed and meditated on scriptures. He talked to himself, doubled his efforts at the worksite, ate only when he remembered and was gruff and short with anyone who dared to ask him a question. Sleep was elusive most nights, but when exhaustion finally overcame him, it was a blessing.

  So, what could he say or do to make things right? Teasing banter and romantic overtures couldn’t make up for what his thoughtless tongue had destroyed. As he recalled the verse of scripture about the tongue being a double-edged sword, it made Sam want to weep. A desperate man, he fell to his knees in the end and prayed. And continued to pray that somehow the Lord would show him the way to forgiveness—from himself and from Lexa. Sam prayed she’d understand his words that night were rash and reckless, motivated by nothing more than a hurting heart.

  Sam loved Lexa. Loved her with a depth of emotion and passion he’d never felt for Shelby. Lexa was strong, intelligent, witty. He loved her sense of humor. She was insightful and determined. She had strength of character. She’d captured his mind as well as his heart. Sam wanted to protect her and take care of her forever. Wanted her beside him as he stumbled his way through life. She made him a better man and kept him straight.

  But now, every time she caught him looking at her, Lexa turned away with such a look of hurt that it tore him up inside. Her father hurt her by never opening up to her in an emotional way, and now he’d hurt her by acting like he didn’t trust her. It was almost too much. It made Sam hate himself a little. But the deep, abiding emotion of love is stronger than hate.

  Please help me, Father. Help me find the way back to Lexa before it’s too late for us.

  ~~**~~

  Lexa felt numb, as if she was simply going through the motions. Sam tried to talk with her several times, but she made sure never to be in a position where she was alone. She came late to lunch and dinner and left early, and either skipped the bonfire devotionals or left before the prayer ended. She wasn’t proud of her behavior, but avoiding Sam was the only way she could stay in the TeamWork camp and continue working. Otherwise, she would have left the very night he accused her of having an affair with the same person as Shelby.

  She might have packed her bags and called for a taxi that night. But even in the midst of his anger, Sam sent Kevin Moore out to the worksite in the station wagon to find her and bring her back to the camp. Always the leader, always the protector, Sam made sure she was safe.

  Then there was the other man who so bewitched Shelby that she’d carried on an affair. As hard as it was to believe, it had to be someone within the TeamWork organization. Someone at the work camp. But which man? While she didn’t want to make any assumptions, Lexa kept a wary eye on everyone. Trying to figure out which man didn’t serve any good purpose, so she decided to let it go and give it over to the Lord’s capable watchcare.

  Lexa devoted her time to helping at the schoolroom and the canteen, and immersed herself in studying her Bible. If nothing else, Sam’s words gave her the gift of self-discovery. She prayed and spent time with the Lord like never before. Whenever she had a short break, Lexa walked with her Bible, the one Sam had given her. She’d sit beneath the tree, reading and meditating on God’s Word. It gave her a comfort nothing else or no one else could—not even Sam. Gave her hope for a future without him. But her heart ached almost unbearably.

  From the corner of her eye, Lexa sometimes glimpsed slight movements a short distance away. Someone might be watching as she sat beneath the tree. She suspected it might be Sam, but couldn’t be sure. If it was him, he never approached her. He’d tried several times to talk with her, but she wouldn’t let him close, and surrounded herself with the other ladies.

  Lexa’s heart was breaking, piece by little piece, every day when Sam rose to lead the group in prayer. No matter her personal feelings, Lexa acknowledged he was in his element as the TeamWork director. It suited him and his spiritual gifts. How could she not admire a man who followed his dream, followed God’s plan fo
r his life? Sam told her he prayed he’d recognize God’s calling for his life. Was it his work for TeamWork, or was it something else? Lexa prayed the Lord would make his life’s purpose clear.

  Sometimes Lexa wondered why God put Sam in her path to tease her with love and romance. But God doesn’t tease. Meeting Sam proved she was capable of loving someone. Perhaps it was more important for her to learn she was capable of being loved. It filled her with a self-confidence that hadn’t been there a few short weeks ago. How her life had changed since joining the TeamWork mission and meeting Sam Lewis. She wasn’t as timid in approaching new situations, challenges and people. Even though things with Sam had gone terribly wrong, being a part of the TeamWork crew was special, a blessing like none other.

  She made slow but sure progress in befriending Sheila. One afternoon, as they worked side-by-side at the worksite refilling water bottles for the workers, Sheila confided Howard was the first man who paid her any attention. She claimed not to know anything about his unsavory background, and her family forced her to marry him when she became pregnant with his child. So, not only did Sheila have a husband, she also had a child.

  She hadn’t yet discovered where or with whom the child lived while Sheila served at the mission—or whether it was a boy or girl—but she figured it was only a matter of time. Sheila would tell her if and when she wanted.

  Most days, Lexa devoted her time assisting the children with their schoolwork. It was an avoidance tactic since Sam was usually at the worksite. At least Margarita thrived under Lexa’s special attention. She looked brighter and responded more to the other children. Her English improved every day, and she communicated better with Lexa and the other teachers.

  Sometimes when she caught Margarita in a moment unaware, she glimpsed the sadness in the little girl’s face. How could anyone neglect this precious child? Since Lexa didn’t hear anything further about the complaint against her and TeamWork filed by Mrs. Martinez, she assumed everything was all right. She couldn’t work up the nerve to ask Sam about it, but neither did he broach the subject. Lexa decided to leave well enough alone.

  ~~**~~

  After two weeks passed, Sam decided he’d suffered enough punishment. He’d beaten himself up mercilessly and figured Lexa should have cooled off enough to give him another chance. The ache in his heart was heavy and threatened to overwhelm his concentration on TeamWork matters. And nothing interfered with TeamWork. Enough was enough.

  Surely Lexa wouldn’t dismiss him from her life forever because of callous remarks in a moment of heated discussion. There was too much at stake between them, too much passion, too much everything. He wanted this woman with every fiber in his being. He’d make it up to her if it was the last thing he did.

  It was time to take the first step toward reconciliation. Lexa didn’t have that much time left with the mission before she went back home to Houston. No way on earth was he going to let her leave the TeamWork camp without making it right between them. He resolved to talk with her, make her see how sorry he was for the remarks that had driven such a deep wedge between them. Sam believed she’d ultimately forgive him. He couldn’t face the alternative.

  Of more importance, he needed to show Lexa he trusted her. He loved her. Telling her was one thing, but proving it was another beast. Especially after letting her believe he didn’t trust her, he couldn’t start spouting words of love or she’d laugh in his face—or possibly spit on him like that ornery old goat the first day they’d met. Sam needed to be able to back up his words with action. He prayed for the Lord to show him the path back to Lexa’s heart.

  Getting time alone with Lexa might be harder than he thought. He could ask her to meet him in his office. She could refuse. He could have Rebekah bring her. Lexa might catch on and resent her. He could sit down beside her at the dinner table and force a confrontation, and then ask her to meet him later. But he didn’t want to embarrass her in front of her new friends.

  Then there was Josh Grant. Once Josh knew things had cooled between him and Lexa, he didn’t hesitate to make his move. He continued to sit next to her in the dining tent and made sure he was right beside her at the bonfire. It made Sam’s blood boil one night when Josh sat so close it looked like he wanted to pull Lexa onto his lap. Thank goodness, she had the presence of mind to resist Josh’s charms.

  The man was his own worst enemy, but couldn’t see it. That’s usually the way it worked. Since confiding in Lexa about Shelby, it weighed heavily on his mind that he needed to have a serious, heart-to-heart with Josh. He’d always pushed it aside because he’d been too close to the situation with Shelby. He’d been in prayer about it, and the Holy Spirit was prompting him to address the situation and do what he could to help Josh.

  Rapping out a fast rhythm with his pencil on the desktop, Sam’s frown deepened. Yes, he had to talk with Lexa, and he had to act now if he was going to have any chance at all with her. Time was not his friend. Once she left his TeamWork camp, his chance might be gone. Houston was a big city, but it would be lonely and tortuous without her in his life.

  Lexa was also his friend. He’d enjoyed their talks under the tree. He missed them. He missed her. He’d shared things with her he’d never told anyone else—not even his little sister Caty, his closest confidante in the world. He’d opened his heart to Lexa, and she’d opened her heart to him.

  “All the thinking in the world isn’t going to win her back, old man.” As the screen door of his office slammed behind him, Sam stormed outside. He was rewarded by a creak of protest as it came partially off its hinges. Looking back for a split-second, he spied it hanging cock-eyed, barely attached at the bottom. Shaking his head, he continued on his way with a mental note to reattach the door later.

  Several workers walking about the campsite stared as he passed by. He didn’t care. He couldn’t stop to make small-talk. Lightning streaked across the sky, and thunder boomed as he strode across the campsite. He had a one-track mind as he rapped on the door of the women’s dorm.

  CHAPTER 26

  “Come in. At least you knocked this time. Well, aren’t you a sight.” Rebekah shot Sam a wry grin after he barged inside.

  Stopping in his tracks, he grimaced, running a hand over his unruly hair. “I haven’t exactly been thinking about my appearance lately.”

  “That much is obvious. From the looks of you, you aren’t getting enough sleep, either.”

  “Gee, thanks. Sorry I offended you. Tell me how you really feel, Beck. Give me a break.”

  “Sam, what’s gotten into you lately? The same thing that’s bothering Lexa, I assume?”

  “Seems like you answered your own question.” Hands on his hips, Sam stood in the center of the room, shaking his head and rubbing a hand over his rough jaw. Beck was right. He needed a good, close shave.

  “Care to tell me what happened?”

  It surprised him that Lexa hadn’t confided in Beck. But Lexa wasn’t like other women. For one thing, she apparently liked to suffer in silence. Just like her mother. It was hard for her to open up to others. The painful truth pierced his heart all over again that she’d opened up to him and he’d hurt her by betraying the trust she’d placed in him.

  Sam looked at Rebekah long and hard, trying to decide whether or not to confide in her. “Let’s just say I blew it by saying something infinitely stupid.” She didn’t answer, and waited for more information. “Basically, I foolishly misled Lexa to think I didn’t trust her.”

  “Well, that is a tough one.” Rebekah whistled under her breath.

  “So, tell me what to do, Beck,” Sam pleaded, his eyes searching hers. Desperation flooded his thoughts, his posture, his expression–a reflection of his inner torment. He was a man in love with a woman who didn’t return his love. Deep down, Sam knew Lexa cared. Did he dare believe she could love him? The only man she’d ever truly loved—her father—couldn’t show his love. Spurred on by that thought, Sam was willing to do whatever it took to win her back.

  “Have
you tried telling her the truth, asking for her forgiveness?”

  Rebekah’s words stirred him back to reality. “Sort of. I mean I tried a few times, but she’s avoiding me like the plague. I can’t seem to get within ten feet of her. For one thing,” he plundered on, regardless of the consequences, “that brother of yours seems to be monopolizing her company. A guy can’t get a word in edgewise.”

  “Well, then, talk to Josh. Tell him to lay off.”

  “Since when has Josh backed off from a woman he really wants?” Sam snarled, looking down at the floor, his mind racing.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Rebekah crossed her arms as she glared at him.

  “Nothing,” Sam muttered, shaking his head.

  “Sounds like pure jealousy to me.” Rebekah sniffed, turning away.

  Forcing himself to hold his tongue so he wouldn’t say anything further about Josh, Sam turned to go. “Sorry. I just have to work this out in my own mind.” And then he had to convince Lexa.

  “Lexa’s really grown a lot since she’s been here. In a lot of ways.” The words were spoken so softly that Sam had to turn back to hear them. “I like her a lot. She’s come out of that shell she had around her when she first came to the camp.”

  Sam nodded, the beginnings of a small smile playing about his lips. “Yes, she has.”

  “In the beginning, she was sort of like that old armadillo she bonded with out at the worksite.” Rebekah smiled a little. “But, like I said, Lexa’s crawled out from beneath her own shell. And I think,” she said, pausing to make sure she had Sam’s attention, “a certain TeamWork director has something to do with that.”

  Sam grinned. “You think so?”

  Rebekah nodded. “I know so. You love her, don’t you?”

  Sam nodded, his eyes full. “You know me too well.”

  “I can tell it’s different than with Shelby, too. I think you’ve met your match with Lexa.”