by S. J. Bishop
“Hey, Chatterbox,” said the woman, smiling and ushering the little girl inside.
“I’m Ryan,” I said, extending a hand. The woman introduced herself as “Adriana.”
“Will Courtney be back soon?” I asked. I needed to talk to her. Desperately.
“I’m not sure,” said the woman, shrugging. “She had a friend come into town and take her out to dinner. She left about an hour ago.”
“Doug?” I said before I could stop myself.
“You’ve met Doug?” asked the woman.
“Do you know where they went?”
“I think they’re having dinner at The Vista, which is the seaside restaurant…”
“At the Serenity Beach hotel,” I finished, a cold feeling blooming in the pit of my stomach. The Vista was expensive – an “occasion” kind of place. What’s the occasion, Doug? “I know it. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome!” the woman called after me, but I barely heard her. I was already in my car, the engine roaring.
27
Courtney
He was going to propose. I hadn’t realized it when he’d asked me to go to dinner with him. And if I had, I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation. But I’d been preoccupied. I’d been pacing the house since Ryan had stepped out with Lea. And when Doug had called, I’d needed the distraction so badly that I’d agreed to go.
As we sat down at our table, I channeled Lea. I wouldn’t stop talking. I kept watching him check his pocket, and I couldn’t calm down enough to give him an opening. I wasn’t going to marry Doug. I liked Doug a lot. In some of the darker days of Lea’s terrible twos, Doug had been a real bright spot. But our years of friendship, our occasional flings when Doug was between relationships, those weren’t enough to build a marriage off of.
“You’re really chatty tonight,” Doug cut in when I took a breath between stories about patrons.
“I guess I have a lot to say.” I shrugged.
“Well, I’ve got something to say, too,” said Doug, smiling at me kindly. “If you want to rest a second and let me say it, I think you’ll like it.”
I had a feeling I wouldn’t.
I took a breath to deny him, “Doug…” but he started over me.
“Listen, Courtney. We’ve been close now for nearly nine years…”
“Fancy seeing you two here!”
Ryan appeared over Doug’s shoulder, looming like a storm. His teeth were bared in what was supposed to be a smile but looked more like a predatory leer.
Doug nearly started in his seat, clearly not expecting Ryan. Never had I seen a more welcome sight.
“Where’s Lea?” I asked before Doug could tell him to piss off.
“Dropped her off with Adriana,” said Ryan. “I was supposed to meet an old high school buddy here tonight, but I couldn’t help but come over and tell you how stunning you look!” He winked at me. “How about a toast, eh, Doug? To the most beautiful woman in this restaurant!”
Ryan raised his glass high, over Doug’s head, and I could only gasp as beer sloshed up over the sides, spilling onto Doug’s crisp, white shirt.
“Watch it!” Doug all but shouted, throwing his chair back into Ryan’s knees and causing Ryan to nearly drop the glass. More beer came pouring down over Doug’s head.
I clapped my hand to my mouth, covering my first - terrible – instinct to laugh out loud.
Ryan had grabbed up several napkins and was shoving them into Doug’s hand, doing his best to seem helpful, and apologizing profusely. “My God! I’m so sorry. I’m...what an idiot! I’m so sorry!”
I almost believed he was. Doug was having none of it. “Thanks,” he said dryly, standing up from beneath Ryan’s ministrations and putting distance between himself and the football player. “My room’s just upstairs. I’m going to go change.”
He sent me a grimace. “Court, could you order me the rib-eye when the waitress comes back?”
“No problem,” I said, watching Doug’s back as he walked out of the restaurant.
“Courtney.”
Ryan dropped into the chair next to me, reached out, and took my hand.
“Courtney,” Ryan repeated, his voice low and quick. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. I have...I don’t know how to categorize my feelings for you, Courtney. When I saw you that night I walked into the Mangroves… it was like being hit by lightning. It was like someone shot electricity right into my brain. I saw you, and I was like, ‘Ryan you total fucking moron. What have you been doing all these years?’”
He squeezed my hand and leaned in so that we were nearly nose to nose. “To categorize my feelings as ‘strong’ wouldn’t do them justice. I’m so... God, Courtney. I’m furious and desperate, and I want you so goddamn badly that I can barely think of anything else. And your daughter…”
He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply through his nose. I got the impression he was trying not to cry. “She’s perfect. She’s so…” He stopped, let my hands go, and covered his face, muttering, “Shit.”
I reached out without thinking, needing to comfort him.
“I can’t give you those years back, Courtney,” he said. When he dropped his hands, his eyes were red. “But I can make your life better now. Yours and Lea’s. I want to take her to Boston! I want to take her to a game. You, too. I can help. I can make everything easier. Fuck, Courtney, I’ll make all your dreams come true! You want a restaurant in Miami? Fine! I’ll buy you restaurants all up the coast if you want them…”
“Ryan, please stop!” I said, squeezing his wrist. He stopped talking.
“This...Ryan, it sounds incredible, honestly. And…” I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t want to invalidate his feelings, but I knew that this wasn’t about me. Ryan had only just found out that he was a father, and it was only natural for him to confuse his feelings for Lea with his feelings for me.
“Ryan, I just...nobody changes that fast. A few weeks ago, you went out with three women in one week. You’ve got a photo in bed with one of them.”
Ryan winced. The photo had been of their feet coming out from beneath a duvet cover.
I shook my head. “I’m interested in doing business with you, and I’m happy to let you have an afternoon with Lea every once and a while. But you have to understand why I can’t trust any of this. And I don’t want Lea around the kind of lifestyle you lead in Boston.”
Ryan sat back as if I’d slapped him. His shoulders bunched and then loosened. His hands opened and closed. “I get it,” he said at last. He stood. “I get it. I guess I wouldn’t want someone’s daughter around me either.” His voice was cold.
“Ryan, that’s not what I meant…”
“Just - do me a favor.” Towering over me, he gave me a glance that sent heat shooting out from the very center of me. It was sensual and hungry; it promised...something. “Don’t make any rash decisions. That guy…” Ryan gestured toward where Doug had walked off. “He’s not right for you, and you know it.”
28
Ryan
I slammed the door of my rental car and pulled out my cell phone. Looking up a number, I dialed it and sent my car screeching out onto A1A and toward the airport.
“Griggs,” said a voice when someone picked up the phone.
“It’s Mcloughlin,” I bit out.
“Mr. Mcloughlin.” Griggs sounded surprised. “How can I help you today?”
“I need to meet. I’m getting the next flight out of West Palm immediately. I land in Boston around ten tonight.”
“Would you rather meet tomorrow morning?”
“No. Tonight. I’ll head straight to your offices.”
Griggs cleared his throat, but I paid him too much to say no to me. “All right, Mr. Mcloughlin. Can you give me some idea of what this is about so I might prepare for our meeting?”
I took a deep breath. “Yes. I have a daughter. Her name is Lea, and her mother isn’t too keen on allowing me visitation.”
“I see,” said my lawyer. “And
you wish to discuss options?”
“Something like that.”
“Then I’ll look into matters, and we’ll talk more when you arrive.” Griggs hung up the phone, and I did too. I hit the gas. There was no time to waste.
29
Courtney
“It’s slammed in here tonight!” Addie said, pushing her way into the back office, an empty tray in her hand. “If you had a mind to, you might get out there and help Brandon with the bar. He can barely pour fast enough!”
I slid my cell phone into my lap, hoping that Addie hadn’t seen me staring at it. No such luck. “Aw, honey,” said Addie as I stood to go help with the bar. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head as I followed Addie down the hall and back toward the restaurant. “Don’t be,” I said. “It’s my fault. He all but threw himself at me, and I pushed him away. I don’t deserve to be pining right now.”
“Honey, you pine if you want to pine. I feel responsible. I’m the one who pushed you to sleep with him; it’s just…” She shrugged. “You seem lonely sometimes. You needed a reminder of just how desirable you are.”
I smiled at my friend. “Thanks, Addie. I appreciate your help, and I’m glad you pushed me. Lea deserved to know who her father was…”
Poor Lea. She asked about Ryan every day. It had been a week since he’d come into The Vista, a week since I’d denied him visitation, a week since I’d had to turn down Doug’s proposal.
Addie shook her head. “He seemed so nice. I never would have pegged him for such a flake…”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Addie headed off to get back to her tables, and I joined Brandon behind the bar.
It was two hours later when Karen wandered through the doors. I stared at her, surprised. It was eight o’clock; she must have driven here straight from work.
“Why don’t you ever pick up your phone?” Karen demanded, striding up to the bar.
I ignored the question: obviously, I was working and wasn’t going to answer my phone while serving beers and shaking cocktails
“I’m sorry,” I said instead. “I didn’t expect you tonight...did you drive all the way from West Palm?”
“Yes,” said Karen, curtly. “I tried to call you to meet you at your house. We’ve got to talk.”
“Can it wait?”
“No. Because I want to go home tonight, and I wasn’t going to give you this news over the phone.” Karen looked grim.
I shot a look over to Brandon, who gestured for me to depart. Karen followed as I headed back to my office.
“You’re making me nervous,” I told her, closing my office door behind us. Karen took a seat in front of my desk and pulled out a file folder.
“Ryan’s lawyer faxed me these this morning,” she said, sliding the folder across the desk. Was this it; was he suing for custody? Barely daring to breathe, I leafed through the documents, and it was minutes later when I looked up at Karen, speechless.
“Do you understand what this means?” Karen demanded.
I licked my lips and shook my head.
“He’s signed everything over, Court. Everything. I faxed him the preliminary contracts for our deal at least two weeks ago, and he responded by sending these in return.” Karen reached out and grabbed the pages. Leafing through them, she shook her head. “He signed every single one of these in Lea’s name. All the money he’s putting into the restaurant - all of it - in Lea’s name. And the funds? His share of the proceeds? Those go into a trust to be accessed by your daughter on her eighteenth birthday.”
I couldn’t speak. My mind was whirling, trying to understand exactly what Ryan had done.
“Do you understand what this means, Courtney?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t process it. It was too much.
“It means that Ryan doesn’t benefit at all from this deal. He invests in The Mangroves and doesn’t see a penny of it. Lea does. If this expansion is a success, Lea gets all of it.”
30
Ryan
I hadn’t realized The Mangroves would be so busy on a Thursday night. As I walked around the front from the parking lot, the patio came into view. It was eight-thirty, but people were still being seated for dinner. My eyes scanned the tables, looking to see if Courtney was working tonight. I’d driven by her house, but nobody had been there.
My eyes landed on a small two-person table on the corner of the patio, near the railing, where a little girl was drawing with colored pencils. As if she felt me looking, she glanced up, spotted me, and beamed. The smile split her face in two. She got up and shot off the deck like a rocket, lunging for me and calling out, “Ryan!”
I hadn’t expect her to do that, but I’m a professional athlete. I’ve got quick reflexes. I caught Lea midair, something in my stomach clenching tight. I pulled her to me and gave her a big squeeze. “Hey, kid,” I said, setting her down.
“I didn’t know if you were coming back!” she said, sounding both happy and accusatory at the same time.
“Of course I was coming back. Are you kidding?” I said, doing my best to sound outraged. “Nobody beats me in mini golf and gets away with it. We’re re-matching. As soon as I can convince your mom to let me steal you away for the afternoon. Hey, speaking of your mom, is she around?” I couldn’t spot Courtney anywhere.
“She’s working. I’m bored. Come sit with me,” Lea demanded, taking my hand and tugging me up the steps and onto the patio.
I collapsed into the chair opposite Lea, marveling at her tenacity. How was she not entirely spoiled already? I doubted anyone could say no to her. If Courtney could, then she was stronger than me.
“Can I get you something to eat?” I recognized the waitress that came up as the one who’d answered the door that night I’d dropped Lea off from our date.
“I’m okay,” I said. “Can you let Courtney know I’m here? I’d go inside to find her, but I’ve been waylaid.” I shot a mock stern glance at Lea who looked entirely unrepentant.
“No problem,” said the woman.
“How have you been?” I asked Lea. “Did you miss me?”
Lea rolled her eyes. “I’m not saying yes to that. Mom says you have an ego and that I don’t need to make it bigger.”
“How cruel,” I said. “Hey, Lea.” I leaned in, and it must have been my tone, but Lea looked serious and leaned in, too.
“What do you think about this?” I asked, pulling the small blue box out of my pocket and opening it, showing Lea the beautiful, round-cut, three-carat Tiffany engagement ring.
Lea eyed it critically. “It’s really pretty,” she said finally. She sounded doubtful.
I sighed. “Too soon?” I asked.
Lea looked relieved. “Too soon,” she agreed.
“So, then how do I get your mom to believe that I’m not going to go running off again? She thinks I’m not to be trusted.” I winked.
But Lea considered my question seriously. Then she said, “You should recite her that letter.”
“What letter?” I asked, pocketing the ring.
“The one you wrote her in the yearbook.”
I looked at Lea quizzically, and my daughter cleared her throat. “‘Baby, I don’t want a day to go by without holding you in my arms. You are heat lightening and summer storms. More passionate than a rip tide…’”
“Lea, I’m sure Ryan doesn’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”
Courtney appeared over her daughter’s shoulder.
My mouth went dry. She was beautiful. Even wearing her black shorts and black polo, with her hair tied back in a ponytail, she was beautiful: long legs, golden skin, brilliant blue eyes, and a mouth made for kissing. I had been the world’s biggest moron for letting a girl like that go. I wasn’t going to do it again.
31
Courtney
Ryan stared up at me, and my breath left me. His long-lashed, dark brown eyes devoured me where I stood. A smile hovered around his mouth. “Actually,�
� he said. “I know exactly what she’s talking about.” He sat back and crossed his arms, closing his eyes as if trying to call up a memory. “‘Your touch erodes me like the shore…’”
“‘Like the waves that beat against the coast,’” corrected Lea.
Ryan beamed at her. “‘Like the waves that beat against the coast,’” he agreed. “‘You warm me like the Florida sunshine. I cannot be who I am with you. Always yours.’” His gaze pinned me where I stood. “‘The love of your life, Ryan.’”
I shook my head and crossed my arms, tucking my now shaking hands out of sight. “How’d you remember that?” I asked, proud my voice came out steady.
“I had to memorize it so I could write it in your book,” said Ryan, standing. “Lea, your mom and I are going to go take a walk. See you when we get back?”
“I’ll be here,” Lea agreed, picking up her pencils and going back to whatever she’d been coloring.
I followed Ryan as he stepped off the deck and headed toward the beach, just on the other side of the marina. “You know,” I said, “she thinks you were serious with that love note.”
Ryan blinked at me. “I was deadly serious when I wrote that!”
I rolled my eyes. “Ryan! Those metaphors were from Mrs. Sheehan’s English class. We had to write a bunch of stupid beach metaphors on the board…”
“Yah, well, I thought they were nice,” said Ryan, looking embarrassed. “I wrote them all down in my notes and then memorized them so that I could write them in your yearbook. I was dead serious!” He stuck his hands into his pockets, looking disgruntled. “I didn’t have the right words to tell you how I felt about you. So I borrowed a couple.”
I burst out laughing, which seemed to irritate him more. We walked in silence until we hit the beach. I slid off my shoes; so did Ryan, and he rolled up his pants. We walked down to the water and put our toes in. The sun had set a half hour ago, and it was still a bit early to see stars. So we looked at the deep green sky, neither of us sure what to say to the other.