‘Sorry, I’m probably being silly. It’s just, I don’t really trust Johnny, and Chris has gone off with him for the afternoon and didn’t say where.’
‘Why don’t you trust Johnny? I like him. He’s funny,’ Lillie said. After Jed, he was the one she gravitated towards the most.
‘I just think he’s a bit of a man whore,’ Kate said. She bit her lip and looked at Lillie before concentrating on her nails. ‘Plus I don’t think he really likes me…’
‘What? You’re crazy. Why wouldn’t he like you? I know what you mean about the manwhore thing, but I think he’s just very flirty and tactile.’ Lillie took another big bite of her sandwich. ‘Chris is really into you. You’re being paranoid,’ she carried on. ‘Maybe he’s gone out to buy you a present,’ she mused, still chewing. ‘Or, he’s gone to get your name tattooed on his chest.’
‘You’re probably right. About me being paranoid I mean, not the tattoo. Anyway, I think Johnny’s got the hots for you.’ She laughed as Lillie choked on her sandwich. ‘He is very touchy-feely with you.’
Lillie rolled her eyes in dismissal.
‘I guess I’m just worried that everything’s happening so fast. I feel like I’m watching a movie and it’s not really happening to me. Do you know what I mean?’ Kate stopped. ‘I’m so afraid something bad is going to happen,’ she paused. ‘This whole thing is too amazing to last. Don’t you get the feeling that this is all going to explode into some ginormous mess and we’ll both have battered hearts at the end of it?‘
Lillie stared at her, momentarily lost in a very unwanted flashback to Jed’s weirdness and the fake smile from ten minutes ago. She shook her head slightly to clear any fear she felt.
‘I know what you mean and it does seem too good to be true sometimes. Yeah, there’s a chance that it won’t all work out but there’s also every chance that it will. I’m not going to waste my time worrying about what might happen.’ Lillie grabbed Kate’s hand, squeezing it tight. ‘And you shouldn’t either.’
Kate opened her mouth to say something just as their names were shouted from across the room. Lillie swivelled in her chair, as Johnny and Chris joined them at the table, spinning tales of the tattoo parlour they’d just been to.
Lillie hadn’t been far off with her joke about tattoos, only it was Johnny who had got another tattoo and she was the subject of it. Lillie avoided Kate’s look of smugness as Johnny explained that he had one for each member of the band, and now he had a lily to join them. Pulling up his sleeve to show the very prominent Calla Lily snaking in between various other tattoos, she felt both touched and worried, turning over in her head Kate’s concerns about him. She wondered briefly what Jed was going to think. Would he be jealous or accepting?
‘God, it’s beautiful. And big. I hope you don’t think I’m going to reciprocate!’ she joked, gently running her fingers over the cling film.
Johnny stroked it lovingly before looking at her.
‘Now why would you want to do that? Shouldn’t you be thinking about getting something for Jed put on you somewhere? The whole band might be a bit too much for your little body,’ he said, looking her up and down. Smiling, Lillie shut away all thoughts of Johnny harbouring unwanted feelings for her. She hadn’t thought anything of his behaviour, but now she struggled to remember a time when he had been like that with Kate.
‘Another tattoo? Jesus, Johnny. Are you competing for world’s most tattooed man or something?’Jed grabbed his arm to look.
Lillie was surprised to see him and even more surprised that he hadn’t kissed her or at least touched her in some way. She’d noticed that whenever they had been apart even for the smallest amount of time, he always reached for her before doing anything else.
She wondered about the phone call again, quickly forgetting when his arm wound around her waist, pulling her close to him. She tipped her head up to receive his kiss and turned into his body, pressing herself against him as she put her arms around his neck. The kiss was longer than it should have been, given the fact they were in company. When they pulled away from each other, Lillie was sure she saw his green eyes flash with something like guilt before he grinned at her.
‘If I could, I would,’ he said, gesturing towards Johnny, who was still admiring his new artwork. ‘Do you like it?’
‘It’s beautiful, but I have to say I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m not even a permanent member of the band.’
‘Not yet, Lillie, my love,’ Johnny said, pushing his way in between her and Jed and slinging one arm around her shoulder and the other around Jed’s. ‘But you soon will be! We like you and we wanna keep you.’
Lillie laughed and repaid the sentiment, putting her arms around their waists.
‘Excuse me?’ came a timid voice from behind them. ‘It’s you, isn’t it? The Dead Hour?’
The five of them turned around to see a pretty young blonde girl with bright pink streaks in her hair and a teeny tiny denim minidress standing in front of them.
‘Oh my God,’ she gushed, ‘it is! Oh my God. Ummmm, can I get my picture taken with you?’
Unsure who she meant, they exchanged questioning glances as she dug her mobile out of her bag. She held it out to Kate, not waiting for an answer and scurried into the middle of the group to stand next to Lillie and Chris, a big smile on her face. Kate took a picture and the girl asked her to take another one, babbling away that nobody would believe her.
‘Could you take one of just me and Lillie please?’ the girl asked with a beseeching look at Lillie.
‘Sure, no problem,’ Lillie said, putting her arm around the girl’s shoulder as she slung hers around Lillie’s waist. Kate took another photo and gave the phone back. The girl was searching in her bag again and pulled out a notebook and pen, holding it out to Lillie.
‘Could you write me a message please? My name’s Millie.’
‘Oh, yes, of course,’ Lillie said, shooting a ‘help me’ look at Jed.
‘Hey. Do you want all of us to sign or just Lil?’ he asked Millie, bestowing his lopsided grin upon her. She blushed crimson and stuttered that everyone would be great. Jed grabbed the notebook and pen and scribbled a message, signing his name with a flourish before passing it back to Lillie. She scanned over what he’d written and scrawled something similar across the adjacent page, signing her name with ‘xox’ beneath. She handed it over to Johnny who was in the middle of writing an epic, when Millie noticed the cling film on his arm.
‘Oh my God!’ she screeched, jumping with excitement. ‘Did you get another tattoo? Can I see?’
Johnny looked up, a pained expression on his face, before reluctantly holding out his arm.
‘What is it?’ she asked, looking perplexed as she turned her head this way and that.
‘It’s a flower,’ Johnny replied.
‘Right, what kind of flower?’ she asked, impatient to know.
‘A lily.’ Johnny’s reply was strained.
Millie turned to look at Lil, her mouth open as it dawned on her that the new tattoo was for her.
‘Oh my God,’ she said and Lillie noticed Chris mouthing the words along with her, his hands held up in mock surprise. He rolled his eyes.
Millie turned to look at Jed, a confused expression on her face before looking back at Lillie, and then finally turning to Johnny. Lillie opened her mouth to correct what she was thinking, but Jed put a hand on her arm. Johnny handed her back the notebook, trying for a grin but ending up grimacing at the poor girl.
‘Thanks, you guys. You’re so awesome. Oh my God, I love you all so much. I cannot wait to tell my friends that I met you. See you tonight!’
She turned to go as Chris raised his eyebrows and pointed to himself. He hadn’t signed the notebook.
‘She doesn’t love me,’ he said, pulling a hurt face. ‘I guess she’s in too much of a hurry to spread the good news to worry about the
drummer.’
Kate put her arm around him as he muttered ‘nobody ever remembers the drummer,’ and Johnny reminded him that he had Kate, whilst he had no one.
‘You have a different girl practically every night, dude. Don’t try to play that one. Anyway, now you have Lil apparently.’
‘Hey man,’ Johnny turned to Jed. ‘Sorry about that. Takes the heat off you guys though, right?’
Jed nodded his agreement, a thoughtful look on his face.
‘Yeah. I suppose so. I’d rather people didn’t know too much about me and Lil. You know, keep it private as long as possible,’ he said. Lillie noticed that he wasn’t touching her again.
‘Well, I’d rather they didn’t think I was with either of you if you don’t want people to know about us,’ she said, angry that she was being discussed like this. ‘Why can’t people know we’re together?’ she asked. ‘It’s not like we’re Brangelina. I’m sure we won’t have paparazzi following us around every minute of the day.’
‘Babe, it’s not that.’ Johnny was looking a little uncomfortable now. ‘Some of the more…’ he paused, searching for the nicest word, ‘obsessed fans can get a little weird about Jed. You know, jealous. It would be better if you didn’t have to put up with any, ummm, bitchiness towards you for as long as possible. They can be real mean, honestly, you wouldn’t believe some of the stuff they come out with.’ He laughed but Lillie couldn’t see what was funny.
‘Well, I’m sure I can handle it. Besides, won’t they care about me and you as well?’
‘Ohhhhohoh, not half as much as the Jedster here,’ he smirked, smacking Jed on the back. ‘They are kkkeeerrazy about him. Very protective. No girl will ever be good enough for our man Jed. Except if it was one of them, of course. There’s a hardcore group of fan girls who would scratch your eyes out if they could get near enough.’
‘Okay, Johnny. Thanks.’
Wow. Jed looked really pissed off. Johnny held his hands up and backed away in mock deference, then Jed turned to her.
‘Lil, it’s really not that bad, but I would like to shield you from the craziness for as long as I can.’ Jed glared at Johnny, who shrugged and held his hands up in apology again. ‘That’s why it’s probably best if you don’t Google us. A lot of it is really positive stuff but there’s always the odd troll hanging around, trying to wind the fans up. Trust me, it’s a real ego batterer. We all learnt that the hard way. Promise me you won’t go looking for stuff?’
Lillie nodded. She definitely did not need to read anything horrible about herself. She’d seen gossip sites, and knew how cruel blog commenters could be.
Jed smiled at her, and suggested they all grab their stuff and get going to the venue. ‘We can chill out, have a few beers. Relax before the gig,’ he said, leading the way to the lifts. ‘Besides, I had an idea for the new song and the set list that I want to practice, so we’ll need extra time.’
As they all followed him, Kate hung back to give Lillie an awkward walking hug.
‘Don’t worry about the whole Jed/Johnny thing,’ she whispered. ‘It will all come out in the wash.’
Lillie smiled and nodded, but she didn’t like the idea of pretending that she was with Johnny one bit.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘So, this is a new song. I hope you guys like it,’ Jed said to the crowd before breaking into the opening chords. He noticed Lillie’s knuckles were white from gripping her mike stand so hard, and he swivelled to face her, smiling encouragingly. God, he hoped she pulled it off. She had been adamant that she didn’t want to sing anything alone, but he had persuaded her in the end. Now he felt like a right asshole. Her face was ghostly pale, and he could see her leg was shaking again.
He breathed a sigh of relief when the first verse was over, and joined in with her for the chorus. Lillie stared resolutely ahead, not looking at him. Well, he guessed he couldn’t blame her for that. She had gotten through the verse okay but it wasn’t great. Not like he knew she could be. He closed his eyes, let his feelings into the lyrics, concentrating on getting his fingers right on the strings.
When he opened his eyes near the end of the chorus, Lil was looking at him and smiling. He smiled back. Cool. A smile was good, and her voice was getting stronger now, that beautiful strange whimsical quality clearer. She was even swaying a little, and she wasn’t trying to asphyxiate the mike stand any more.
Jed felt himself relaxing too, he hadn’t realised how tense he was about this new song. He looked out over the crowd, frowning at some of the banners. ‘Johnny and Lil are the best couple ever’ and ‘We love you Johnny and Lil’ especially caught his eye. Jesus, it didn’t take long for news to travel. He didn’t like it at all.
The song finished and the crowd went wild as Johnny ran onto the stage, high-fived Jed and hugged Lil. Jed kicked away his stool and asked the crowd if they liked the new song, attributing the big roar from the fans as affirmation, turning just in time to see Johnny kiss Lil full on the mouth. Jed clenched his jaw and thought Johnny had lingered just a little bit too long for it to be mistaken for anything other than completely un-platonic. He pushed it to the back of his mind as Chris kicked in with the opening beat for their next song and forgot about it for the next hour.
The rest of the set rocked, Jed was elated by the reaction to his song for Lillie and boosted by the London crowd, watching the mosh pits with satisfaction. These guys sure knew how to have a good time, but they’d have to wait a few minutes for the encore. Off stage, he caught Lil up in an embrace, confused when she didn’t respond as usual. He set her down and pulled back, keeping his hands on her waist.
‘What’s up?’ he said. She looked away from him and he felt a thrill of nausea race through him. She knew. How the fuck –
‘I just – the crowd and stuff. New song. I just feel a bit overwhelmed.’
Jed stopped her with a relieved kiss but Lillie cut it short.
‘And this whole Johnny and me thing. I don’t really like it, to be honest,’ she said.
‘Yeah. I think we need to do something about that,’ he said, waving a hand at Johnny. ‘And I think I know how we can fix it,’ he finished, kissing her quickly before disappearing to the stage again.
Two songs later and he was back, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the stage.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked, dragging her feet.
Jed smiled and tapped Johnny’s arm.
‘C’mon – let’s go meet our fans,’ he said.
Johnny frowned and looked for Steve, who was yelling at some poor person on the phone as usual.
‘This isn’t planned, right?’ Johnny asked.
‘No, but I just need to clear something up,’ Jed said, trying to catch Chris’ eye and waving him over. ‘Fan meet,’ he said by way of explanation, pulling Lillie onstage.
‘Jed, I don’t think – ‘ Johnny called after him but he was gone, a group of fan girls squealing in excitement when they noticed him hovering onstage.
He moved over to them, sitting on the stage and motioning Lillie over. Still chatting to the girls, he put a hand on Lillie’s leg as she sat next to him, stroking her knee. He grinned when she crossed her legs to try and stop him and carried on, pretending not to notice that the girls were all watching his fingers making imaginary trails up and down Lillie’s thigh.
‘So,’ he said, commanding their attention again, ‘did you like the new song?’
One of the girls was brave enough to answer. She was quite pretty, although he’d never been one for facial piercings. Johnny would like her. Blonde, petite, tattoos…
‘I really liked it but it was really different from the usual stuff. You know, bit mushy,’ she said boldly, despite the red flush creeping up her neck. Too red, Jed thought, not a delicate flush like Lil. He reluctantly stopped stroking Lillie’s skin and felt her relax a little.
‘Yeah, I guess
it is. I’ve never really been inspired to write a love song until now,’ he drawled, putting an arm around Lillie’s shoulders.
Lillie turned to look at him and he smiled inwardly – her face was a perfect mirror of the shock on the girls’ faces.
‘But everyone on the internet’s saying Johnny and Lil are –’
Jed interrupted her, laughing.
‘Yeah well, he wishes. I’m sure you guys know that he has a tattoo for each member of the band,’ they all nodded. ‘Well, now he has one for Lil too.’ He waited a beat for them to digest his revelation. ‘Soooo, does anyone want a photo with us?’
‘Oh my God, yes, yes,’ one of them said, digging in her jeans for her phone. She shoved her phone at another fan, and the three of them lined up in front of Jed and Lillie. As soon as the phone was lifted, he put his fingertips under Lillie’s chin and kissed her. That’ll do it, he thought, standing up and pulling Lillie to her feet.
‘See you guys later,’ he said, grinning as they crowded round the phone, squeals of excitement and consternation emitting from the girls as they realised what they had. The same scenario played out amongst different groups of fans for the next forty or so minutes until Steve came out to usher them away as the venue wanted to clean up and close.
Offstage and alone, Lillie asked him what had made him do it.
‘I didn’t like all those banners,’ he said. ‘Plus, they’ll find out in the end and, well, you know,’ he trailed off, not wanting to say it.
‘You don’t want the fans to think I’m here because I’m making my way through the band,’ Lillie laughed.
‘Well, yeah,’ he agreed, pulling her close to him for a long kiss before letting her go. Over her head, he met Johnny’s stare. Instinctively, he tightened his arms around Lillie’s slim body, his eyes narrowing as he glared back. He was gonna have to talk to Johnny soon, he was getting too involved. He didn’t look forward to that little chat. Not at all.
How to Catch a (Rock) Star: A Story of Sex, Love and Rock 'n' Roll Page 9