Her thoughts wandered and she found herself thinking of Jed and two dogs, a house filled with vividly coloured paintings. She shook her head clear and sipped her hot chocolate. It was safer just to mindlessly watch the waves.
When all the chocolate was gone and her fingers and toes were nearly numb, she stood up and took an extra deep breath of sea air. Stamping her feet to warm them up, she returned her hands to her pockets and, with a last look at the stormy sea, turned to go.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she dug it out as she left the sea front. Kate. Telling her not to worry about Johnny’s strange mood and not to get too cold. Lillie grinned and texted her back:
‘Too late, toes and fingers numb! Heading back now, hope J’s in a better mood or at least willing to talk about it. Love you lots xox’
She slipped the phone back into her pocket and picked up her pace. By the time she got back to the apartment, her cheeks were flushed and she actually felt hot. She opened the door with a pre-emptive sigh and called out to Johnny that she was home. She heard a chair scrape the kitchen floor as she hung her coat and scarf up on a hook. She wiggled her fingers and hovered in the hallway, deciding whether or not to go into the kitchen. No, she thought to herself, if he wants to be weird, he can do it on his own.
She went into the front room and flopped onto the sofa, turning the TV on and searching through the channels for something even remotely watchable. She made a face to herself and settled on a rerun of Friends.
She was laughing at Joey when Johnny called her name from the door.
‘Hey,’ she said, still watching Joey lunging with all Chandler’s clothes on. ‘I love this –’
The rest of her sentence caught in her throat as she turned to look towards the doorway. She stared, feeling all the sea air induced colour drain from her face. She tried to stand up but her body was frozen in place. The only thing that seemed to have life was her heart, fluttering against her ribs as if it had a thousand tiny beating wings.
It seemed like several lifetimes that they stared at each other before he finally spoke.
‘Lil, I’m so sorry, I -’
It was as if his voice activated her body and before she could even think about it, she was in his arms, kissing his beautiful mouth, her fingers tangled in his hair as he clutched her to him, kissing her back hard.
After an eternity, she pulled back and studied his face intently.
‘What are you doing here? How did you know where I was? I mean, I’m so glad you’re here but -’
Jed kissed her again and Lillie revelled in the familiar feel of his body pressed against hers, his lips on her mouth, the smell of him. When he finally ended the kiss, she leant back in for more.
‘I love you Lillie,’ he whispered between feverish kisses.
‘I love you too, Jed,’ Lillie replied, ‘so, so much.’ She couldn’t get enough of his mouth on hers, the soft scratch of his stubble against her face as he kissed her. They stood in the doorway to the front room, kissing and kissing until Lillie remembered her manners and offered him a drink.
Jed laughed and commented on the famous British etiquette standing in the way of true passion. Lillie blushed and he touched his fingertips to her cheek.
‘I’ve really missed that,’ he said softly.
‘I haven’t,’ Lillie said, grabbing his hand and leading him into the kitchen. She felt strangely shy in front of him.
‘Are you hungry?’ she asked, reluctantly letting go of his hand so that she could see if there was anything in the fridge she could make a sandwich with.
‘Lil, sit down a minute. I need to talk to you about, well, everything I guess.’ He closed the fridge door and gestured to the kitchen table. Lillie hovered uncertainly. She didn’t really want to talk about Steve and Sarah and all the cheating stuff.
‘Please, Lil. I just want to explain things.’
She sat opposite him, hands under her thighs to stop herself from reaching out to touch him.
‘I should have told you about Sarah from the very start but then you told me about that married guy and you were so upset, I just didn’t have the guts to tell you I was married. Separated but still married. I didn’t know if you would see the difference and I couldn’t risk you leaving me because of that bi – Sarah. The longer I left it, the more of a big deal it became in my head and I convinced myself that you might leave me. So, I thought if I could finalize the divorce and then tell you, then you couldn’t leave me. Does that make sense?’
Lillie’s heart ached at the look in his eyes and she reached for his hand.
‘I suppose it does, in a weird way. Does this mean you forgive me, you know, about –’ she couldn’t bring herself to say his name.
‘Well, it turns out that, completely hammered as you were, you spurned his advances.’ Lillie gaped and felt herself relax a little. It was such a relief to know for sure.
‘How do you know that?’ she asked.
‘Funny story,’ Jed said with a grimace. ‘I bumped into him on New Year’s Eve and ended up crashing at his house. Next day, he came clean about it.’
Lillie gasped and Jed grinned.
‘He told me you punched him in the face.’
She blushed and nodded.
‘That’s my girl!’ he laughed. ‘Anyway, I told him to call Johnny and tell him the truth and I got on the first plane I could.’
‘So that’s why Johnny’s been acting strangely since yesterday – that must have been the phone call from Steve,’ she paused. ‘And then he was trying to get in touch with you, I suppose.’
‘Oh, yeah, I kind of broke my phone. Well, the last few actually,’ Jed said.
‘Breaking multiple phones, huh?’ Lil laughed. ‘I guess I have some catching up to do.’
Jed looked at her in confusion but she didn’t explain, leaning across the table to kiss him instead.
‘Anyway, I hadn’t thought it through really, so I was glad you were out when I got here so I could talk to Johnny.’ A brief frown scudded across his face.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I kept seeing all these photos of you and Johnny together.’ Jed pressed his lips together and it was Lillie’s turn to frown.
‘So? I mean, he has been staying here –’
‘Yeah, but there are photos all over the internet of you guys hugging, holding hands,’ he looked down, suddenly fascinated by Kate’s vintage floral table cloth. ‘Kissing.’
‘What?’ Lillie sat up straight. ‘We’ve never kissed! It must be a fake –’
‘No, it’s real but it was just a New Year kiss,’ he watched as realisation floated across Lillie’s face. ‘He promised there were no tongues,’ Jed continued, a small smile on his mouth.
‘Right, no, there definitely were not. And it was literally a second. Oh my God, I can’t believe someone managed to get that. Honestly, it was so quick.’ Lillie knew she was babbling but she wanted to make it very clear that she had not had any hint of sex since they had broken up, especially with Johnny.
Jed grinned at her.
‘Turns out it was all part of Johnny’s master plan.’
‘What master plan?’
‘Well, he paid some kid to take photos of the two of you where you looked like you were together, you know, like together, together.’
‘What? Why would he do that?’
‘To make me so jealous that I would realise what a complete asshole I had been and how much I love you,’ he said, smiling. ‘Like I need him to tell me how much I love you, little prick,’ he muttered to himself.
‘That could have gone so wrong though,’ Lillie said, shaking her head.
‘Yeah, well, I guess he didn’t spend too long thinking it through. I was on the verge anyway. So many times I nearly phoned you or booked a flight. It was only a matter of time.’ He took her hand and pl
ayed with her fingers nervously. ‘I didn’t know if you would even want to hear from me, let alone see me.’
He stopped and looked at her, as if he were trying to decide something. Lillie couldn’t bear the tension.
‘It’s okay. I mean, I wish you had called me but you’re here now. I guess I can’t expect my other New Year wish to come true now,’ she said.
‘What was it?’
‘Oh, it’s – well, I wished that I would have an album by the end of the year,’ she glanced at him from under her fringe.
‘Lil, that one will definitely come true,’ Jed said. ‘Now, how about you make me that cup of tea? I feel a strange urge to have a non-alcoholic drink for the first time in, oh, three and a half months.’
He hovered near her as she filled the kettle and switched it on to boil, taking advantage of the time to pin her against the counter, putting his hands to her face and kissing her deeply. Lillie was glad his body was holding her against the counter and she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly for added support.
The kettle clicked off and Jed backed away from her. She turned to get mugs out of the cupboard and reached for the tea caddy with shaking fingers. Prising open the lid, she tried to calm her thudding heart with a covert deep breath. She couldn’t believe he was actually here. In her kitchen. Wearing her favourite t-shirt, the faded black one with the even more faded picture of a snow capped mountain on it.
She pinched out two tea bags and dropped them into the mugs, concentrating on not covering herself with boiling water. Stirring the bags round and round, she waited for her heart rate to return to normal. She knew her cheeks were still pink and tried to stop the blush but he was here. With her. The faint smell of his woody aftershave hovering in the air, his broad shoulders and tall frame making the kitchen seem tiny and she couldn’t stop the memories of him naked on top of her, behind her, inside her, from crowding her head.
She heard Jed open the fridge and pull out the milk, putting it on the counter next to her and coming to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She closed her eyes and rested against his muscular chest before picking up the milk, pouring it in as she stirred. She went to put the milk back down and frowned. What was that? A tiny gold key?
She turned to face him, a confused frown on her face.
‘I love you Lillie and I don’t want to be without you ever again,’ Jed said, picking up the key. ‘This key is me asking you to live with me, here or London or New York,’ he paused and reached behind her neck and unclasped her necklace. ‘Wherever you want to be, that’s where I want to be,’ he said, sliding the small key onto the chain to join the little heart.
‘But, what about the band? You’re not splitting up are you?’ Lillie lifted her hair so he could put the necklace back round her neck, horrified that he might be giving up everything for her.
‘If that’s what it took, then that’s what I would do, but they’re all behind me one hundred percent,’ Jed replied. ‘Even Eddie,’ he grinned. ‘The label don’t care where we’re based as long as we produce an album and keep making them money, so it’s your decision.’
‘London then,’ she said. ‘Definitely.’ She kissed him hard, suddenly breaking it off. ‘No, New York.’ He raised an eyebrow.’Yes, definitely New York. I’ve always wanted to live abroad. But then there’s Tess and Kate - ’ Jed laughed and kissed the top of her head, wrapping his arms around her.
‘You don’t have to decide right away, Lil. We’ve got time,’ he laughed again, squeezing her against him. ‘God, I’ve missed you, Lillie,’ he whispered into her hair. ‘You don’t know how much.’
Lillie tipped her head up and looked into his eyes, so green and expressive, as he stared down at her. She smoothed his hair back from his face and raised herself up on her tiptoes to kiss him, gently, briefly, on that insanely sexy mouth of his.
‘I do know,’ she said quietly, leaning her cheek against his, her heart rocketing in her chest. She blinked back tears, determined not to cry. Jed pulled his head back and cradled her face in his hands and she closed her eyes, relishing the feel of his fingers on her skin. He kissed her eyelids before saying,
‘I wrote you a song on the way here. For your album,’ he hesitated. ‘If you want it.’
‘Will you play it for me?’ Lillie said. ‘Later, though.’ Jed looked hurt. “First, I have to tell you something,’ she tried to look serious. ‘But you need to be naked for it,’ she continued, tugging at the bottom of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head, dropping it to the floor.
Jed gave her his lopsided grin, scooping her up in his arms and she directed him to her room, laughing when he threw her on the bed. She knelt up, stripping her own t-shirt off and putting her arms around his neck, pulling him to her, sighing at the feel of his skin on hers. She wanted him more than she ever had, undoing his jeans with trembling fingers as he pushed her backwards onto the bed. She’d been fantasising about this for months but she hadn’t done him justice. He took his time, savouring every inch of her body, taking her to the edge of climax three times before finally allowing her to tip over into the abyss, sinking himself deep inside her as she bucked and writhed her body in the most powerful orgasm she’d ever experienced.
Afterwards, they lay entwined, Lillie’s fingers tracing the shape of Jed’s pecs as he sang her the song he had written on the plane.
‘It’s really beautiful, Jed,’ she said. ‘Don’t you want to use it for your album?’ Jed caught her fingers in his own and kissed them.
‘No, it’s yours. I wrote it for you, but I won’t be offended if you don’t use it.’
Lillie was about to answer when her phone beeped.
‘It’s probably Johnny wanting to know when he can come back,’ Jed laughed. ‘I kinda chucked him out.’ Lillie checked the message and laughed, sending a quick text back.
‘It was,’ she said. ‘He wanted to know if we’d finished ‘making up’ as he’s freezing and wants to come home.’ Jed smiled and pulled her against him.
‘We should get up then,’ he said, making absolutely no move to do as he had suggested. Lillie kissed his chest and murmured her agreement, moving to straddle him, pressing her breasts against his chest.
‘Lillie…’ Jed admonished, shutting up as she kissed her way across his chest and down his stomach. ‘Well, I guess we’ve got time for that,’ he said, gasping as she took him in her mouth and Lillie brought him to an orgasm.
By the time Johnny let himself into the apartment, they were dressed and waiting for him in the kitchen with a pot of tea.
‘So,’ he said, ‘all sorted then?’ He winked at Lillie and she blushed. ‘Where are we living? London, New York?’ He helped himself to a biscuit and dunked in his tea.
‘We haven’t decided yet,’ Jed said. ‘We’ve been a bit busy.’
‘I bet you have,’ Johnny smirked.
‘Talking,’ Jed said, with a pointed look.
‘Right. That’s why your t-shirt is inside out and Lillie’s got sex hair,’ Johnny laughed. ‘Hey, it’s cool. I get it. It’s the first thing I’d do too.’ Lillie’s cheeks were flaming now.
‘Anyway,’ Jed said, taking Lillie’s hand under the table. ‘We both wanted to say thank you for being there for both of us and not giving up on us, even when one of us punched you in the face.’ Lillie gasped and looked at Jed in horror. ‘Long story,’ he said, his cheeks colouring slightly. ‘Now, let’s take a look at the songs you guys have been writing. I can’t wait to see what you came up with.’
‘Wait,’ Lillie interrupted. ‘First I need you to take a photo of me and Jed so I can send it to Kate and Tess. You know, let them know what’s happened.’
She sat herself on Jed’s lap, arms around his neck and they grinned at Johnny who took several photos with Lillie’s phone. She sent it to Kate and Tess, wondering aloud who would phone first.
Her phone
chimed and she looked at the screen. Kate.
‘Hi, honey!’ she sang down the phone.
‘Lillie! Is he there? Is Jed there right now?’
‘Yep!’ Lillie laughed at Kate’s squeals of delight.
‘When did this happen? How did this happen?’ Kate demanded. Lillie could hear Chris in the background and Kate shushing him.
‘Short version. I went for a walk and came back and he was here. In the apartment, waiting for me.’
‘Oh my God, Lillie. We are so happy for you both. It’s about bloody time!’ She lowered her voice. ‘What about the whole Steve thing?’
‘Never happened. Jed bumped into him on New Year’s Eve and he admitted everything.’ Jed muttered profanities and Kate joined in.
‘What an absolute fucker,’ she said, relaying the news to Chris, who added his own expletives.
‘Yeah, well. He’s had his nose broken twice so I think he’s probably learnt his lesson.’ Kate laughed and said she couldn’t wait to hear those stories. ‘How are you guys doing?’ Lillie asked. ‘Is it snowing?’
‘We’re good. I’m having a great time. Just trying not to think about coming home in a few days,’ Kate replied. Lillie heard Chris reassuring her in the background and made her decision.
‘Well, you won’t have to miss Chris for long. Jed and the band are going to be in London for a while,’ she looked at Jed and Johnny, who both grinned. Johnny whooped and Jed squeezed her tight, kissing her cheek.
‘What? Really?’ Kate sounded shocked. ‘How come?’
‘Jed’s spoken to the label already and the band can be in New York or London so – ‘ Lillie trailed off, Kate had put her hand over the phone and was talking to Chris. She could hear the excitement in her voice and then Chris’s low rumble of an answer. Kate dropped the phone and shrieked in delight. Lillie laughed, tears in her eyes. She could imagine the scene at the other end of the phone. New York would have been cool but London meant Kate could be with Chris and, after the last three months, the least Lillie could do was give Kate that opportunity. New York could wait.
How to Catch a (Rock) Star: A Story of Sex, Love and Rock 'n' Roll Page 27