“I’ll be back in twenty minutes with your pills,” he whispered, and left me to rest.
“What the fuck is going on here?” I questioned to the empty room as the door closed behind him. This wasn’t real life. This whole thing was so messed up. I lay perfectly still. Not one muscle moved while I waited with a wandering mind. I felt like I had just left for vacation, flying high above the clouds. I knew there was something major, something very important that I forgot, but I couldn’t remember what. That’s what it felt like. Like I was constantly trying to remember what I had forgotten.
Maybe I wasn’t remembering because I didn’t want to. Maybe my subconscious mind protected my brain from further injury. From Paxton Pierce. It would have been nice to at least remember the girls. Lucky for me, their young age made it easy to fool them. I was sure from the little bit of time that I had spent with them, that they didn’t understand this. Not fully. Hell, I didn’t even understand it. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I was mad at myself for not only forgetting what it was that bound us, but also forgetting that we had a bond to begin with. I’d never thought about them in the hospital. I hadn’t missed them. Not once. When someone did mention my kids, I thought about them in more of a freaking-out manner. Like I couldn’t have kids, and worried that I wouldn’t like them because of their dad. Maybe my cat scan in a couple of days would give us more information. An improvement.
That part frustrated me, too. Nobody seemed to know how the brain worked. Not even the doctor. Everybody’s different. It takes time. The brain is a very complex organ. Blah, blah, blah. I didn’t care about any of that. If only I could remember for one day. Just one day. That’s all I needed.
All thoughts instantly stopped when I watched the door slowly open, and then Paxton’s dark silhouette appeared. Even in the pitch-black room, I could see the sex appeal that dripped from him. Too bad he was dick. It wasn’t until he placed the pills on my tongue that I noticed he was naked. Entirely naked.
My heart beat faster in my chest when he placed his fingers over my eyelids and held them there. “Shhh,” he hissed. For a quick second, I thought it was a finger over my lips, reminding me not to talk, but it didn’t take long at all to realize that it wasn’t. The soft head, gliding across my lips wasn’t a finger. I tried to open my eyes, but his fingers kept me from it.
No way, dude. I turned my head to the side, but his hips came with me. The pain that shot through my shoulder when I jerked my head was enough to keep me from doing it again. Paxton hovered over me, sliding his limp dick across my lips. My lungs filled with air when he placed his hand on my cheek and turned me toward him. All I could do was oblige. Again, he didn’t talk. I wanted him to talk. Even if it was dirty talk. Why the hell was he mute every time he assaulted me?
I held my lips in a thin line, tightly keeping them together. I wasn’t about to go down without a little bit of a fight. He seemed to be enjoying the connection, moving back and forth. The softness of his head tightened with every stroke while the tip of his head pressed into my lips.
“Gabriella. Come on now. Are we really going to play this game? You know what to do. Stick your tongue out.”
Although I couldn’t really move my head with his hands firmly over my eyelids, I did grit my teeth. Stick my tongue out. Pffft. Go fuck yourself.
A thumb and a finger dug deep into the back of my jaw, breaking the grip from my lips and my teeth. The moan from the pain became stifled by my will to hold onto as much dignity as I could.
“Stick your tongue out, slut,” he ordered with a husky, gravely tone.
The pain in my jaw ebbed once the tip of my tongue was at his mercy. Paxton hissed at precisely the same moment I tasted the salty substance. His hand worked his shaft, gliding it up and down my tongue while his fingers held my eyes closed. I tasted every slippery, drop.
I knew there was no fighting it when he tilted my head a little more toward him and moved the head of his cock in. Just the head. In and out. In and out. The movement did allow me enough of a view through a slot in one eye to somewhat see him. He knelt on the bed beside my head with his hand holding the base of his shaft. Paxton had a nice one. Not too big to enjoy, yet big enough to satisfy.
Oh good lord. I was delirious. My mind and body betrayed me, sending everything into a whirlwind of confusion. I didn’t want this. I felt violated, yet I liked it. The constant thump between my legs was a dead giveaway.
Once again, other than muffled aahh’s and ohm’s heard through faint whispers, silence fell between us. There was nothing. Paxton was gentle. Very gentle. The light way he covered my eyes with his fingers, and the way he gently slid in out of my mouth was done with care. He did pick up his pace a little once he’d moved to the back of my throat. That’s when I realized he wasn’t really closing my eyes, he was holding my head still, trying not to hurt me.
Noble bastard.
The things that ran through my mind during the one-and-a-half-sided blowjob consisted of the chicken on the bone. Rowan’s beautiful mother. The tantrum Ophelia threw over nothing. My doctor’s appointment in two days. The neighbor that kept the girls while I was away. And milk of all things. That’s when I could tell something was about to happen. That’s when I wondered where the hell it was going to happen. Paxton’s hips jerked, moving to the back of my throat with moans and grunts, and I knew it was time.
The sudden grip he held on my jaw again was a silent warning not to close my mouth when he pulled out. It wasn’t a painful grip, just enough to warn me that it could be. Standing right above me, he jerked himself off and I watched, waiting for the inevitable.
I closed my lips around him when he moved to the back of my throat, tasting the first spurt. Paxton groaned and I felt and pulled out, squirting the remainder on my lips. I swallowed as quickly as I could while gathering saliva to replace it. He got in a couple of more strokes and removed himself from my mouth.
“You know milk is over four-dollars a gallon,” I blurted as he walked away.
He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. I didn’t need to see the misperception on his face to read it. The tone was enough. “What?”
“Just thought I would throw that out there. You know, so you would know what was on my mind while you fucked my mouth.”
“Wow, Gabriella. I’m impressed. But, I bet you a spanking that you’re wrong.”
“What? Wrong about what?” I asked, sure my expression had changed to one of bewilderment.
He strode back to the bed, and I knew even in the dim light of the room that he wore a smirk. The covers were tossed from my body and an instant cool breeze brushed across my smooth sex. His fingers moved between my legs and I jolted my hips, trying to get him to touch me where I needed touched. His fingers were so close, rubbing up and down my soft lips, but not the ache.
“I mean all of this. If this is an act, you’re good, really good. I do have to say I like it. You never squirmed that much. I wonder if you’re wet. Are you, Gabriella?”
Quick rapid breaths moved in and out of my lungs while my heart beat in the same rhythm. One faint whimper escaped when Paxton slid a finger through my slipper sex, proving what I already knew.
My hips writhed into his fingers when he stopped, wanting more. As sick as that made me, I didn’t want him to stop. I needed more, and for a split second, I thought about telling him so. The startled expression on his face kept me from it.
“You’re so fucking wet you’re ready to explode. You’re a slut. This is what happens to sluts. You need to come. Don’t you, Gabriella? You still thinking about milk?” he asked with three fingers, continuing to please my pulsating nub. Short, hard, strokes. Up and down. My heart thudded in crazy-fast beats while adrenaline pumped quickly through my veins. Every nerve in my body went on high alert, and my world spun too fast.
I tried like hell not to swirl my hips into his fingers, but I’m not sure if I succeeded or not. I whimpered my reply when Paxton pinched my clit and twisted, back and forth. My body
trembled beneath his hand and I braced for relief. Relief that never came. Paxton glided his fingers through my slit again. Slowly. Up and down and then up my body.
He pushed his index finger into my mouth and I let him, tasting my arousal on my tongue. “You’re not coming. I don’t know if you’ll ever come again. Not until I find out where you were and why you were so far from home.”
I tried to talk again, but he shushed me with a whispered shhh, and stalked away. My first thought was to spout off something smart again. Something about not needing him to take care of that for me, that I was perfectly capable myself. Only I wasn’t. Paxton didn’t walk out the door. He sauntered to the armoire in the corner and unlocked the first drawer.
I still didn’t speak. I don’t think I could. I think I was in shock. The top part of the contraption consisted of a soft cloth linked together like a chain. The middle part was leather, and the section that would slide up my ass was made from real chain. Metal.
Oh, hell no.
“You’re not putting that thing on me,” I professed with a tone meant to assure him I wasn’t about to surrender for that one. No way in hell.
“Shhh. You need to remember how this all works. I make the rules. I do the talking. Not you,” he said with more assurance than my voice had projected. “Stop talking.”
I laid there perfectly still while my husband covered me in some sort of modern-day chastity belt.
Paxton lifted my good leg a little and I moved my hip to help slide the device under my ass. It was either help, or deal with the pain of him doing it. I knew better which way I could move. He tugged, slowly pulling the cool metal between my ass cheeks.
He split me open with two fingers and kissed my ache. The sudden suction between his lips was almost enough. He sucked, moving his head up and down while I fell into a trance that there was no coming back from. I knew he wasn’t about to let me come. Maybe that’s what thrilled me. Whatever it was, finding that bliss suddenly became the only thing on earth I cared about.
Paxton stopped with one long suck over my clit and a pop. My body tensed instead of relaxing. I hungered like an animal, and I needed more. One more kiss to my overzealous nub, and that was it. It was be over. The thick, but soft leather went between my legs, and I heard a click and then a dial.
“You can move around just fine. It’s made for sleeping. If you need to pee, you’ll tell me through the intercom. It’s always on. Night, Love. Sleep well,” he added as his lips met mine.
Something was happening. Something I didn’t under-stand. My mind reeled at the thought of sleeping with a chastity belt. My va-ja-ja revved up, and my chest tingled in a weird way, like glitter mixed with fire-crackers.
Surprisingly, for as much as I had going on, I slept. I’m sure that had more to do with the pain medication than anything else. I knew that without them, my mind would have been on a roller coaster all night. I don’t even remember dozing off. I went out cold.
Chapter Five
“Mom, Izzy said we wasn’t going to get a nice house. She said we would just live with someone again. Will we, Mom?” I asked from the front seat. I was little. Very little. Maybe Ophelia’s age.
“You bigmouth! I didn’t want you to tell her that,” Izzy complained from the backseat, kicking me from behind. Wait. Kicking who? I was in the front seat. Or was I in the backseat?
“Why did you say that, Izabella?” my mom asked, glancing over her shoulder, shooting Izzy a glare.
“Well, you always say that, but we don’t never do it,” I said while speaking the truth. Everything was so familiar yet so fuzzy. Safe. I felt safe. Safer than I had ever felt in my life. I think…
“Could we live like this if we had a house to take care of? Do you really want to stay locked in the same house, year after year?” Mom winked and the brightest smile ever lit up her face. She showed white teeth shining bright behind red lips. That meant I was right. We wouldn’t have our own house.
I could see my young mother as if I was right there. Like I could reach out and touch her pretty face. Her hair curled just like mine and Izzy’s at the ends. Wait. Izzy? Real life mixed with another realm while I slept, resting in some sort of hallucination. It was real, yet it wasn’t.
“Well, we could get us a swing set,” I said again from the front seat.
Izabella’s tone broke the banter between my mom and me. “Look at all the flowers,” she quietly spoke just above a whisper. An angel’s voice. The debate going on between my mom and I about a house with twin beds and a swing set was over with her soft words.
I stared out the window. All the gold flowers looked like a blanket covering the desert. Thousands of them, maybe even a million gazillion. There were more colors than my entire crayon box. I was in total awe. We all were.
“Let’s go girls,” my mom said in her fun voice. That meant adventure. We were going to do something fun. Something we’d learned as we’d aged, usually meant breaking the law.
Gabby and I jumped out of the car and ran right behind our mom, arms gliding us gracefully through the air like eagles, flying high on life. The scent of yellow and orange filled our nostrils as we skipped through sunshine.
“Lay down. We have to lay down,” my mom insisted. Of course, Gabby and I did it. Hand in hand, we laid on a flowerbed. The sky was bright with shades of summer blue and milky, white clouds. Light and fluffy ones. A soft breeze blew the scent of flowers across our noses. I could see mine and Izzy’s little noses scrunched. They smelled like fish. Not fragrant-scented flowers at all. No pretty lavender or rose smell at all. My mom didn’t even notice. She was off in that state where you just know there’s something more, probably thinking that we weren’t put on this earth for nothing. This was all just a test for what was to come. My mother had preached that to us for as long as I could remember.
“What do you see, Clyde’s?”
“I see a pony,” I said. I knew that wasn’t what she meant as soon as I said it.
My hand was squeezed with a silent understanding and I heard a sigh. Izzy went next, telling my mother exactly what she wanted to hear.
“I see a whole world,” she said in awe, gazing past the floating pony, witnessing something magical. Something mammoth, something bigger than her. Something my mom saw, too.
“That’s right, baby. There’s a whole world out there. Don’t ever forget that. You hear that, Gabriella? You don’t ever let someone hold you back. You have to stand up for yourself. You hear me?”
My mom was always saying stuff like that to me. I wasn’t like Izzy. Not on the inside. I was easy prey. Even the kids on the playground took advantage of me, bulling me from a swing, or telling me to get off the slide. I always listened, while Izzy punched them in the nose. I was always the quiet one, the one who followed suit, doing what others told me to do.
Even then, laying there in the bed of flowers, staring up at a magnificent world, I saw the little picture. The pony in the clouds. My mom didn’t want us to see ponies. She wanted us to see something more. She let go of my hand and raised up on one elbow, giving her undivided attention solely to me.
“Gabby, tell me you see more. Tell me you see the universe. Something bigger than yourself,” she begged with her hand over my heart.
“Bigger than myself?” I didn’t get it. Not because I wasn’t smart. I was. Just not the same smart as Izzy.
“Yes, Gabriella. Bigger than you. In here. Don’t ever settle. You go get anything you want. Promise me that.”
“I promise,” I said while assuring something I didn’t even understand. For whatever reason. Izzy did understand it. Maybe she got the crazy gene. Who knows?
I pulled a flower from the ground, uninterested in my mother’s intangible beliefs. “These are California poppies. They close up at nighttime. And they don’t smell good. They smell like fish.”
My mom sighed and laid back, taking both our hands again. It was just one of those things you were born with, a spirituality that you felt. There’s no way to re
ally teach that. It’s just there. Inside you. I didn’t understand it and I didn’t have it.
My mom giggled and looked over at me. “Is that what that smell is?”
“Hey! What do you think you’re doing? You can’t be in here.”
The three of us tilted our heads to see a game warden. A hat with a large brim shaded his eyes from the sun, and he wore a dark gray uniform.
“Stay here girls,” my mom said as she pulled herself from the ground and to her feet.
“I’m sorry. We’ll go. We didn’t mean any harm. I’m, well…I’m just sort of on a mission with them. I don’t have much time.”
“Much time?” the uniformed man asked, biting the hook. My mom stepped closer to him while explaining her dilemma, the one where she had three months to live. The poppy fields would be something on her long list of things to do with her girls before she died.
That one was a really good one. The guy let us pick all the stinky flowers we wanted, and then took us into town for food. Real food. Not peanut-butter food.
We got a hotel out of the deal for free, too. Five whole nights. Some guy put brand new tires on my mom’s car, and a collection was taken for us in some church we went to with the game warden and his wife.
I loved it there. It was the home I had always craved. The stability a little girl longs for. A bed to call her own. Even though I begged my mom to let us stay, we left that afternoon. With a free tank full of gas, a basketful of goodies for Izzy and me, and an envelope full of money, we set out. Northbound to who knew where or what.
~~
My eyes opened to the sound of the ocean and a cool breeze filled my lungs. I laid still, falling into a daze and feeling of hopelessness. The curtain swayed back and forth, and bright sun glared from the marble tile. I took a deep breath and thought about my dream. It was real. I knew it was. It was a memory. That was good news. That meant I was getting better.
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