A half hour later there were two patrol cars in the driveway. The box was gone, taken away in a van. Sierra was sitting in Ben’s SUV again, waiting. Finally, Ben said goodbye to the officers, came to fetch her and led her into the house.
“What was it?” she asked him.
He really appeared to be debating with himself whether he should tell her or not.
“I want to know,” she pressed.
“It was a prank.”
“What was in the box?”
He raked his hand through his hair. “It was a dead rat.”
After she absorbed that, she asked, “Who left it?”
“They’re checking it for prints.”
“This has something to do with your upcoming trial?” she guessed.
“Possibly.”
“Ben, be straight with me.”
“All right,” he admitted, blowing out a sigh of frustration. “It was probably another warning from the brother of the man I’m going to convict. I’ll have a security system company here tomorrow morning to put an alarm on the house. Trials bring out the worst in people.”
“You’re in danger, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not.” After he crossed to her, he rested his hands at her waist. “I don’t know how to explain this to you, Sierra. I know I’ve said it before, but that box is just part of the territory.”
The territory she’d stepped into today by marrying him. She’d known she was putting her heart in jeopardy because Ben guarded himself so carefully. But now there seemed to be double jeopardy.
He read her thoughts. “Do you want to undo what we just did? Have our marriage annulled?”
Did she? Did she want to love Ben knowing she could lose him? They didn’t even know what kind of life they could have together yet. She didn’t know how much she was going to see him, when they’d be together, if they were going to run their lives separately. Did he truly want to be married, or was custody of their child his only reason for saying “I do”?
It was time she faced the reality of marrying him. “I don’t want to undo it, but I do want to know what you expect of me.”
Without hesitation, he shook his head. “I don’t have any expectations. We’re not in the usual situation. We’re just going to have to take this day by day and see what develops.”
She glanced down the hall toward his bedroom. “Are we going to sleep together?”
Now he slid his hands under her hair. The feel of his fingertips against her skin made her heart jump crazily. “The question is,” he drawled slowly, “do you want to share my bed with me? I know the doctor said that your pregnancy’s on track, but I don’t want to do anything that would put you or the baby at risk. So, yes, I’d like you to share my bed, but as far as sex goes, we’ll give it some time.”
How much time? a little voice inside her head wanted to know. But she didn’t ask the question aloud.
Suddenly Ben released her and took a step back. “So, should I put all those clothes in the SUV in the spare room or in my room?”
This was her wedding night. She wasn’t going to spend it separated from her husband. “In your room.”
His mouth turned up slightly at the corners and he looked pleased. “Why don’t you get comfortable. After I unload everything, we’ll have a second piece of wedding cake.”
As Ben exited the house, she watched him stop and look down at the step where the box had been. He checked up and down the street before he finally went to the SUV.
Just how much danger was her husband in?
Torture. It was pure torture lying in the same bed with Sierra and not touching her. Yes, this had been his idea, and what a stupid one!
He was married. His wife was across the bed and he wasn’t reaching for her. Because he was afraid he’d hurt her? Hurt the baby? Or was his concern more than physical? Was it as deep as the problems they might have if they became really intimate? So many questions rolled through his head. Had they made a mistake? How drastically was his life going to change? What expectations did Sierra have of him? Or he of her?
The wind had picked up outside. A cold front was predicted to be moving in. A sudden whack at the side of the house startled him until he recognized what had caused it.
“Ben?” Sierra’s voice was hesitant.
“I’m awake.”
“Did you hear that?”
“It’s okay. It’s a loose branch on one of the pines. I need to do some trimming.”
He knew exactly why the noise from the loose branch had caused her concern. She was thinking about the package that had been left on his stoop.
The tree branch hit the side of the window again and he felt Sierra jump.
He hiked himself up to a sitting position. “I’ll go cut it off, then you can get some sleep.”
“No, you’re not going out there alone at night.”
“It will take five minutes—”
“Ben, please, no. Just…” She turned on her side toward him and reached across the space between them. “Just hold my hand. Once I fall asleep, I won’t hear it.”
Settling back on his pillow, he wrapped his fingers around hers. Desire rose up in him so quickly that he almost let go.
Her fingers slipped from his. “It was silly for me to ask you to do that. I’m fine, really.”
Sierra had a bad habit of telling him she was fine when she wasn’t. Had she learned to do that so her parents wouldn’t worry? So they’d believe she was the independent child that they wanted her to be? Did she believe by telling herself she was fine over and over again, it would become true? Thinking about her and what she’d been through lately, he shifted on his side to face her, too, reclaimed her hand and sandwiched it between both of his.
“I guess this isn’t what you expected your wedding night to be, is it?” she murmured.
“Honestly, I never expected to have a wedding night. I guess you’re thinking about how different this is than what you really wanted with…Travis.”
When she didn’t respond right away, he suspected sadness was the reason.
Eventually, she admitted, “Loving Travis seems like a lifetime ago. I have our baby to think about now. That’s what’s most important.”
Ben wanted to place his hand on her tummy, to see or feel if there was any change there yet. Still, although he was her husband, he knew he didn’t have that right. They might be married, but they were strangers in some ways…in ways that mattered.
Lying here with Sierra, holding her hand, was bittersweet. But there was hope mixed in with the aftershock of getting married—hope that they could find something good together.
The tree branch whacked again, but this time, Sierra didn’t react.
“Are you really going to have a security system installed tomorrow?” she asked.
“I really am.” He would do anything to keep Sierra safe. Absolutely anything.
Chapter Nine
Sierra glanced around the spare room at Ben’s house, feeling almost at home. After her bed rest, she’d gotten back into her normal routine at work. Since her wedding, she’d worked some evenings, but had scheduled time off to be with Ben.
The problem was with his caseload and preparations for his trial, he was never home. Since they’d married nine days ago, she’d called him twice to see if he could meet her for lunch. But he’d been too busy. At night, they slept in the same bed, but he didn’t reach for her. He didn’t touch her.
Night after night she lay there, asking herself the same questions. Was he still afraid she’d lose the baby? Did he regret having married her? Sometimes when they brushed by each other in the kitchen, she saw the muscle in his jaw work. She saw his eyes darken and she imagined he wanted to kiss her.
Why didn’t he?
Maybe with his family flying in tonight and Thanksgiving tomorrow, the tension and uncertainty between them would lessen.
She hoped so. She had something else to discuss with him. An e-mail had come in from her parents this afternoon. They
wanted her to come to Africa! Of course that wasn’t in her plans. Once she told them about her marriage and the baby, they’d see why the idea was impossible. The problem was she didn’t want to just send her news in an e-mail. She wanted to tell them if they called over Thanksgiving. But she was curious how Ben would deal with the situation.
When the front door opened, Sierra easily recognized her husband’s baritone. She also heard other voices. She adjusted her blouse and jeans. Her waist was thickening, but only those who knew her well could tell.
She took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect from Ben’s family. Slipping her parents’ e-mail into a folder—she kept all of them so they didn’t get deleted or lost—she closed her laptop, stacked the folder on top and took both to the master bedroom, placing them on the corner of the dresser. Kyle would be sleeping in the smaller of the two spare rooms, the one Sierra had been using for her beading supplies.
When Sierra stepped into the living room, everyone turned to look at her. She felt as if she were being examined inside out until Ben made the introductions and his brother Nathan shook her hand. He gave her a broad smile and welcomed her to the Barclay clan. Nathan’s wife, Sara, unceremoniously gave her a huge hug as if they’d known each other for a long time.
Like his father, Kyle extended his hand for a shake.
Sierra solemnly took it and gave him a smile. “I made chocolate chip cookies. Someone told me you might like them.”
He broke into a huge grin. “Yeah, I’m hungry.”
Ben said, “I think they need something more substantial than chocolate chip cookies. They didn’t have time to get anything to eat at the airport.”
“I have taco meat ready and all the fixings. We just have to warm it up,” Sierra told him.
He looked surprised. “You’ve been busy.”
“I took off early from work this afternoon to get a few things ready.”
“I hope you didn’t go to a lot of trouble,” Sara said. “We don’t want to be a bother. I can help with anything you want to do for Thanksgiving.”
Sierra liked Sara already. She was obviously warm and friendly and kind. “My aunt’s coming over to help, too, so we’ll be having a feast.”
Sara motioned to the two pies on the counter. “It looks as if you’ve already started.”
Sierra shrugged. “I didn’t want to let everything go until tomorrow.”
Ben was studying her in a way that made her pulse speed up and her breath hitch a little, as if he’d admired what she’d done, as if he was grateful for it.
Suddenly his cell phone beeped.
Sierra looked at him with questioning eyes, wondering if he’d be called away. He checked the ID and said, “Be right back.”
She resigned herself to the fact that he might be leaving for the evening. She knew this was a way of life for him and she just had to accept that. Even though she was his wife, she had no right to make demands, not in their situation. But she worried what would happen once the baby was born. She might be a single parent even though she was married!
While Ben was on the phone, Sierra and Sara set out a light supper, and Nathan and Kyle played crazy eights in the living room. As Sierra took the taco meat from the microwave, she said, “Ben told me that Kyle has asthma. Any precautions I should know about besides not wearing perfume?”
“As long as he takes his medication, he’s good. But thanks for asking. Ben told us the baby’s due at the end of May. What’s the date?”
“May 23. But I’ve been told first babies are unpredictable.”
“I bet you’re so excited.”
“I am.”
“Will you be turning the spare room into a nursery?”
“Ben and I haven’t talked about that yet.”
When Sara gave her a quizzical look, Sierra felt she needed to give some explanation. “We’re not your usual newlyweds.”
Sara studied her. “Should we have come? Is this not a good idea? We could still stay at a motel.”
“No, it’s great you’re here. Maybe I’ll actually see Ben over the holiday.” As soon as she realized what she’d said, she clamped her lips shut. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Sara placed her hand on Sierra’s arm. “Look, if you need to talk, I’m a good listener. The Barclay brothers—” she lowered her voice “—are complex men. Ben maybe even more so than Nathan or Sam.”
“Why?” Sierra whispered back.
“I think he took their mother’s desertion the hardest,” Sara confided in the same low voice.
Ben returned to the room then, looking…
Sierra wasn’t exactly sure what way to characterize his expression—intense, worried, determined.
Addressing Sierra, he said, “I need to talk to you for a minute.” He nodded toward the bedroom.
“Supper’s ready.” Couldn’t a conference wait? she wondered.
As if he were seeing the food on the table for the first time and his family gathered in his house, he nodded. “All right, we’ll talk after supper.”
During the meal, Ben was quiet. He answered questions. He forced banter with Kyle. He asked Nathan and Sara about his brother Sam, his sister-in-law Corrie, the baby and their dad and the housekeeper, Val. But Sierra could tell part of his mind was somewhere else. At least he was here, though. That was something.
Kyle was working on his second chocolate chip cookie when he leaned close to Sierra and said, “I’m going to get a brother or sister.”
Ben had told Sierra that Nathan and Sara had submitted paperwork to adopt. But Sierra acted surprised. “You are?”
Sara and Nathan exchanged a look, then Nathan responded, “We hope you’re going to get a brother or sister. There are a lot of people who want to be moms and dads to babies who don’t have homes.”
“I know, so you’re on a long list. But when I write to Santa this year, that’s what I’m going to tell him I want. It worked last year when I asked for Sara to be my mom.”
Kyle’s parents looked stunned.
“Val helped write the letter,” he said proudly. “And she mailed it for me.”
Nathan laughed and ruffled his son’s hair. “Well, then, maybe Santa can help us again this year. And if not this year, maybe next. We have to be patient.”
“Uncle Sam and Aunt Corrie’s baby, Diane, is my cousin,” Kyle announced proudly.
“And in May you’ll have another cousin,” Sierra told him. “You’ll have to come visit again then.”
“Can we, Dad?”
“We’ll have to see what happens until then.”
“Is it a boy or girl?” Kyle asked.
Sierra’s gaze met Ben’s. He didn’t look away and neither did she. “We don’t know yet. We think we want to be surprised. But as soon as we know, we’ll let you know.”
A half hour later, Nathan and Sara were getting Kyle ready for bed when Ben pulled Sierra into their bedroom.
“What is it?” she asked, knowing whatever his call had been about had bothered him throughout supper.
He nodded to the chair beside the dresser. “Why don’t you sit down.”
But she didn’t budge. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”
“I got a threatening call. The voice was digitally altered. Anyone can pick up one of those machines at an electronics store.”
“What did he say?”
This seemed to be harder for Ben to tell her. Finally he admitted, “He knows I married you. He knows your name.”
Sierra’s hands protectively went to her tummy.
Ben saw and understood. “I don’t think he knows about the baby. He didn’t mention it. But I don’t want your name on his lips.”
“If the voice was digitally altered—”
“I know who it was. It was Al Levsin, the brother of a man I’m prosecuting. The trial starts soon. He’s trying to shake me up before it does, but he won’t. The police department brought him in for questioning, but he kept silent and wouldn’t admit anything. So…I have a fri
end who’s a former cop who’s going to keep an eye on you.”
“Follow me?”
“Sort of. At least until the trial’s over.”
“Do you have to pay for this protection?”
“He’s retired and is doing it as a favor, but yes, I’ll pay him.”
“Is there anything I should know? Anything I should do?” The idea she was in danger was so far-fetched, so removed from normal life, it was difficult to assimilate the threat.
“Just the usual precautions. You have to use common sense. You should be safe at your shop with customers and people around. When you come home, drive directly into the carport and come inside. Dave—my friend’s name is Dave Brickner—will make sure you’re inside with the alarm on before he leaves.”
“Do you really think this is necessary?”
“I have no idea, but I’m not taking any chances.”
“Uncle Ben! Aunt Sierra!” came Kyle’s voice from the hall. “I want to say good-night.”
“Coming,” Ben called. Stepping close to Sierra, he asked, “Are you all right?”
Actually, she wasn’t. More than anything, she wanted to be held in Ben’s arms. If he’d hold her, then she would be all right. But she just couldn’t say the words. She couldn’t ask him for what should come naturally between a husband and wife. She loved this man, she really did. She longed to express that love. But as Ben’s sister-in-law had said, Ben was complicated. He’d let her into a portion of his life, but he still had his guard up. He wasn’t opening his heart any more than his arms. She wanted to break through his barriers and reach into the man he really was, but she didn’t know how to do that.
“Let’s go say good-night to Kyle,” she murmured. “Maybe after Sara and Nathan go to bed, we can talk more.”
She hoped they could. Maybe talking would lead to understanding. She had to know if she was more than a responsibility to him, if he really cared about her. If he didn’t, then she didn’t know what was going to happen to their marriage or to their future.
When Ben came to their bedroom, it was 2:00 a.m.
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