by Harper Sloan
Turning away from him to hide the fact that I was trying not to cry, I nodded my head. "Thank you for that."
He stayed silent as he reached out and started running his hand up and down my arm. I started to count backwards from one hundred, deep breathing as I exhaled in and out, trying to let all the stress go. I got as far as number sixty-two before falling into a deep sleep.
My dreams were dark and sad. I was running through the floors of Hart International, searching for Dante, but all I ever saw of him was his shadow. He was there, but not. I opened door after door, every time entering a different hotel bedroom where I’d find one of Dante’s women laying on the bed waiting for him.
Each time I’d open a door to find a woman lying on the bed, she would say, "Is that you, baby?" When the girl would see me standing there, she would laugh at me, which would cause me to run on. I ran and ran, trying to scream out for Dante, tried to beg him to come back to me and try, but my mouth refused to say his name. I could only whimper.
I woke up around two in the morning in Dante’s arms with my head cradled against his naked chest and our legs intertwined. His deep and even breathing indicated that he was asleep, and I groaned silently.
I didn’t immediately pull from his embrace, probably because I’m a glutton for punishment. That was where I wanted to be every night, wrapped in Dante’s arms. I realized that I would never have that, and my heart broke all over again.
I needed to blaze a new path forward. Lying there in his arms, I acknowledged to myself that path very likely couldn’t include working for him every day for years to come. I needed to make a plan and explore my options.
I thought that I had just enough strength to get through the next few months, but beyond that, I would be destroying myself to stay. Wiggling my way out of his embrace, I made my way to the bathroom. After I took care of that, I wandered to the kitchen and poured a glass of iced tea before heading back to my bedroom.
Climbing back into bed, I curled on my side. I was right on the edge of sleep when I felt the bed shift as Dante pulled me back into his arms. “Rina, please don’t ever leave me. Need you so much.”
My heart leapt and my eyes flew open as I turned over to find his eyes still shut. He was still asleep. Asleep and clearly thinking about how he wouldn’t survive without me at work.
Good lord, what a mess. For one second, I’d thought he was telling me that he felt something for me. What a letdown. I rolled away from him again, needing space. I was on the other side of the bed for less than two minutes before he pulled me back into his arms, settling me up against his chest.
I waited another few minutes and then slowly wiggled myself away from him again, further across the bed this time. I was practically on the edge at that point, so I thought it would be far enough away that he would not reach for me.
Taking a deep breath, I started my deep breathing again. I was just starting to relax when he moved, pulling me across the bed and into his arms again. This time he wrapped his legs around mine, effectively trapping me to him.
Peeking over my shoulder at him, I saw that he was still sound asleep, but somehow he knew each time I moved away. I could see that he was going to keep this up all night. Resigning myself to the inevitable, I settled into his arms and closed my eyes.
When I woke up, Dante was sitting on the edge of the bed getting dressed, the light from the bathroom the only illumination in the room. As if he sensed I was awake, he turned and gave me a thorough visual once over.
“Your coloring is back, thank god. Do you feel up to working? Because you don’t have to if you still feel ill.”
I yawned and nodded. “I feel much better. I’ll be there.” Turning my head to glance at the clock, I let out a groan. “Shit, Dante. It’s after eight! Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?”
“I didn’t wake you because I literally just got up too. I never oversleep.” He looked surprised, and I chuckled.
“It was probably the room-darkening blinds. They make it easier to sleep deeply."
Giving me a half smile, he stood and looked around to find his shoes. “I’ve got the darkening shades at home too, so that’s not it. But I didn’t sleep at all the night before after… Um. Yeah. I guess I was tired.”
I guess that meant that he was up all Sunday night, too. It really had been a horrible day. A horrible thought occurred to me, and I blurted out, “Shit. Where does everyone think we were yesterday? Both of us calling in sick on the same day might have caught Damien’s attention. He saw the overnight bag. I think I covered with the swim story, but...”
Shaking his head at me, he chuckled. “I told him the truth, that you had a migraine and were vomiting and needed someone to take care of you. He would have done the same for you, so he understood.”
Giving a sigh of relief, I slid out of bed and went into my closet to find something to wear. A few minutes later, Dante came in to tell me that he needed to run home, shower and change. Following him down the hall, I saw him off then got myself ready for the day. We were both at work by nine thirty, and having so much to focus on and deal with was a blessing because it caused the morning to fly by.
Damien stopped in around lunchtime to check on me. “Hey you, Dante said you were sick as a dog yesterday. How are you today? Seems you’re alive… or are you a zombie?”
I smiled at Damien and laughed at what a nut he was. “Don’t worry; I don’t want to eat your brains. I’m feeling much better. What’s up?”
“I came to see if you wanted to go to lunch with me. I’m starving, and I don’t want to eat alone. We can go wherever you want, as long as it serves food. Are you up for some that?”
Grabbing my handbag I nodded. “Oh hell yeah, I’m starving. Let me go tell the boss I’m going to lunch.”
“No need. I’m right here,” Dante said with a frown as he wandered into the outer office. “I’m going to have lunch with Sandra, so I’ll catch you guys later.”
Damien and I headed out and decided on a local Thai food restaurant. I ordered Pad Thai and he ordered a shrimp dish, and we split both when they came. We were enjoying lunch, shooting the breeze, when he said he needed to tell me something.
“Sabrina. I know you might not appreciate this, but please know that I’m saying this because I love you. You’re family to me. ”
Oh shit, I thought. This was it. I’d hoped he hadn't figured out that I had sex with his brother, but what else could it be? Giving him an anxious look, I motioned for him to continue.
“That guy, the one you were dancing with at the competition? I recognized him. He goes to the same clubs I do. That guy is a player. It’s been bothering me since I saw you dancing with him. On Sunday night I saw him putting on a serious PDA show with two girls at a club. You’ve been different lately. Happy and content… not that you weren’t happy before, this was just different. You've had a glow about you. But on Sunday, you looked seriously upset. You didn’t come in yesterday, and today your smile isn’t real. Something is wrong. Did that asshole upset you?”
The relief was palpable. He had no clue about Dante and me.
“I’m not really friends with Marcus, to be honest. He calls all the time, and I know he wants it to be something, but I’ve no interest. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh thank god. Spence and I were plotting some serious revenge on that asshole for upsetting you. But that leaves me with a question. If it’s not him, who are you seeing?”
Damn, he was good. I tried to draw him away from that question, but now he’d doubled back to it. I shook my head at him.
“I’m not seeing anyone. You probably noticed that I was happier once I stopped dancing twenty-four seven. I’m back to sleeping more than a few hours a night. Sunday, I was getting a migraine, and today I’m dealing with the after effects. You know how it is.”
The look he gave me let me know he was dubious about that statement at best. Damn. He was pretty damn sure I had just lied to him, I could tell. Being the gentleman that he was
, he took my words at face value and nodded—but I knew him, and I knew he would be watching. I needed to do a much better job of hiding my feelings.
Saying no more about it, we finished lunch then headed back to work. Dante returned about twenty minutes after I got back to my desk, and we spent the next few hours going over emails and setting up meetings.
It was difficult to sit with him all day, and by six I was utterly exhausted. It took all of my energy to maintain the facade around him, and I was ready to drop.
Noticing that I had started to space out, Dante called it a day. Getting into the elevator, we headed down to the parking garage.
“Do you have any plans tonight, Rina?”
Did I have plans? Why, yes. Yes, I did. I’d be at home licking my wounds and rebuilding my defenses so I would be able to deal with him the next day. Of course, I said none of that and just shook my head in the negative.
“Do you want to go get dinner, or do something… anything… with me, Sabrina?”
I stared at him in shock. He had to be kidding, thinking we could just pick up like nothing happened. While he might be able to move on like it was nothing, I wasn't there, and I knew I never would be.
“Dante, right now we need to spend less time together, not more.”
Running his hands through his hair, he stared at me. “You’re my best friend, Sabrina. I miss you already. Will we ever be able to be with each other again? Can you ever forgive me?”
Shaking my head, I sighed. It was like being dissected with a dull blade and no anesthetic.
“Stop it. There is nothing to forgive you for. I'll miss you too, but I’m just not ready to be…friends again. Please, just give me space. I’m going home. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
Thankfully, the elevator came to a halt and the doors opened at that moment, letting me out of the confined space. Hauling ass, I sped from the elevator, waving goodbye as I made my way to my car.
The next few weeks passed with no further overtures on his part to spend additional time together out of work other than family dinner nights on Sundays. I smiled my way through dinner each week, even though it ripped me apart inside. I wanted the Harts to be my real family, wanted to really be with Dante, but that wasn’t on the cards for us, and being there only upset me more.
Thankfully, at work over the course of the last year we had developed a short hand around each other, so we were able to get things done in a timely and consistent fashion, but I was paying a price for the ‘everything's fine’ charade.
My nerves were frayed, I hadn’t been sleeping, and I was miserable. It took a considerable amount of effort to go in every day and behave like someone who was not utterly gutted inside.
It was the end of another week of hell, and I was more than ready to have a two-day break from dealing with it all. Tapping on Dante’s office door, I found him staring into space with his jaw clenched. Giving a tight smile, I announced that I was leaving. Giving him no opportunity to say anything else, I quickly made my exit.
Damien was getting into the elevator just as I was. It was nice to see the Hart brother that didn’t make me feel like death warmed over, the one who didn't remind me that my heart was broken.
After giving me his super big Damien smile and a hug he said, “Just the girl I wanted to see. The girls are coming dancing with me tonight. Are you interested? Be warned, I’m not taking no for an answer.”
His timing was perfect. Even though I considered saying no, I realized that I really needed to shake off my dreary mindset and return to some form of normalcy. “You know, that sounds good, Dame. I'll go. Where are we meeting and at what time?”
“We’re meeting at my house at eight, so take a cab and get your beautiful ass there. I’ll drive us all from there. Bring your party attitude and be ready to have fun.”
“Sounds like a plan, Damien. I’ll be there!” Laughing, we exited the elevator and headed our separate ways.
I felt a little lighter when I got home, happy to be going out to do something fun. I was not a hermit, and I wanted to get back to having some kind of life. Sure, it wasn't the life I wished I had, and Dante wouldn’t be there… but, it was something, and I needed to grab onto that with both hands.
After a nice shower, I headed into my closet to decide what to wear. I chose my black Herve Leger strappy bandage mini dress and a pair of Casadei ankle wrap heels. Setting them out on the bed, I headed back to the bathroom and sat at my vanity. I blew my hair dry then used my curling iron to create waves. Once I was happy with my hair, I set about doing my make-up. The finished look was something that I felt really good about.
Grabbing a shimmery body lotion, I rubbed it all over myself. I was frustrated as I did it, since normally rubbing lotion on was arousing, but my sex drive went into hibernation the afternoon I left Dante’s house. Even rubbing it onto my breasts and pinching my nipples did nothing.
I'd always been easily aroused, especially when I ran my hands over my body. Suddenly, nothing worked. Ever since Dante and I stopped having sex, it was like a switch was turned off in my body. I'd tried watching porn, reading erotica and using my vibrator in the weeks since we'd broken it off, and I hadn't felt even a small zing.
Sighing in frustration, I headed over to my bed and started dressing by slipping a black thong on; the only undergarment I would be wearing tonight. The Leger dress would hold in and push up everything that mattered, and I didn’t need the extra support.
After I was finished dressing, I headed back into my bathroom and surveyed myself in the full-length mirrors. Checking myself front and back, I couldn’t help but smile because at least I looked hot. My spirits lifted, and I locked up and got into the waiting cab.
By the time I got to Damien's all of the girls were already there, so we all spent a few minutes hugging and catching up. Everyone was excited that I had agreed to go out with, and it made me feel good. Leaving the house, Damien bundled us all into his Escalade as we set off for the night.
The club we wound up at was one of the new “it” places, and I could see why since it had terrific energy and the music was loud and fantastic.
Damien had one of the tables in the VIP section reserved for us, which was lovely. After we took our seats on the half-moon shaped banquet, we placed our drink orders. Damien was the designated driver as usual, so he got a bottle of water. The girls all ordered vodka and cranberries and I ordered an apple-tini. We spent a few minutes at the table talking. It wasn't as loud in the VIP section, just another perk of going to places with a Hart. After about fifteen minutes, we all agreed it was time to dance, and we headed out to the dance floor.
It was so fun to cut loose and dance, to let go of all the negativity and the stress. I let myself go with the bass of the music and just danced. We spent the next two hours dancing and drinking. I was relaxed and having fun, although the edges of things were a bit blurry. I’d consumed more alcohol than usual, and I was really buzzed.
I decided to take a break to head back to the table to have a glass of water. Buzzed was acceptable, but drunk wasn’t. I didn’t need to wake up with a serious hangover in the morning. I grabbed my sister and told her that I was going to the VIP area to get some water and then left the dance floor. As I entered the VIP area, a frisson of awareness went up my spine. I stumbled a bit, wondering what that was all about. When I took another step forward, I saw exactly what caused it, and my stomach plummeted.
Dante was sitting at a table with a woman – someone who fit the Dante-bot model to a T. It literally felt like someone had just punched me as hard as possible in the stomach. I was devastated and disgusted, all at the same time. I couldn’t even get turned on anymore, but clearly he had no trouble moving on. I was frozen in place as I took it all in.
Whoever this woman was, she was all over him like a cheap suit, leaning forward to give him the maximum view of her breasts whilst literally making goo-goo eyes at him. He looked less than thrilled, but I guessed that was part of his game.
/> While she simpered and wiggled, giving him her very best “fuck me now” eyes, he had his chin resting on his hand, blankly taking it all in. When she leaned forward to touch his face, I’d seen enough. I did what I should have done to begin with and turned to make my escape. As I did, I found Damien standing at my left side staring at me.
That was the last thing I needed, and I just wanted to scream. I wondered how long he had been standing here, wondered if he'd really seen anything. When his eyes connected with mine, I could see sadness, and I knew he'd seen enough to make an assumption. Taking my hand, he pulled me from the VIP area, back into the loudness of the club.
I decided I had to play it off. I shouted over the music that I had just seen Dante, and it caught me off guard. Smiling, I moved to walk around him, but he put an arm around me and stopped me. Giving a gentle tug to my arm, he maneuvered me into the restroom hallway. It was quieter back there, and in my anxious state, the buffering of the sound was overwhelming.
Looking at me sadly he asked, “Sabrina. How long were you with my brother?”
I made a shocked face and started to tell him that nothing happened, but he was having none of it.
“I know what I just saw, Sabrina, and it all makes sense now. His outburst the day I said you would be a terrific project manager. The overnight bag I saw as you were leaving his house that day when he was in such a terrible mood. The way you’ve both been acting. I see it clearly now.”
I shook my head at him in frustration. “Yes! Something happened, but it didn’t mean anything, and it came to an end. It’s over, nothing to worry about. Please just let this go.”
Frowning, he shook his head at me. “Bullshit. I think it is something to worry over. And I know you, Sabrina. It meant something. He hurt you. It was all over your face back there. I get it now. It’s in how sad you look every day when you think no one is paying attention. It’s in the bags under your eyes that say you don’t sleep. It’s the way you’ve been trying so hard to appear happy these last few weeks. It’s been alarming to watch you be stretched so thin every day. I’ve been worried, and that’s just how I felt when I thought it was some guy that doesn’t share blood with me. Now that I know it’s Dante, I’m terrified. He’s destroying you. I should have realized how weird it was that Dante was not saying anything about how off you've been.”