Chapter Thirty- Two
Cassie
The team won again so we are at some football players house to celebrate. So far it has been a pretty normal party. Music blasting as loud as possible? Check. Alcohol? Check. People grinding on each other? Check. People making stupid decisions? Check.
“I’m going to use the restroom,” I tell J and he nods, letting me know he heard me. He unwraps his arm from around my waist and I walk toward the stairs. We have been here for I know at least two hours and I’m ready to go. Parties aren’t really my thing anymore. I guess since my parents have drilled the ‘you need to not draw attention to yourself rule’ I have become a homebody since I haven’t been allowed to go anywhere but school and home…until recently. My parents seem to be breaking all their ‘rules’ here lately and I’m not exactly sure what to think about it? Does it mean we will get to stay longer in Brilliant? Did they receive word the drug dealers are no longer after us? Not likely, but who knows anymore. Or, did they actually smarten up and pay the scary looking men their money so they will leave us alone? Again, not very likely. I guess I’m hoping rather than thinking about reality.
Unsure which door leads to the bathroom, I open each one I come to. The first one had me closing it quickly. They should really start locking the door so other people don’t get scarred for life. The next door leads to an empty bedroom. Third times a charm, I think as I open door number three. It is another bedroom except the girl in front of me has me frozen mid-step. She whips her head up, a panicked look crossing her features before it flickers away and a hardened glare makes home on her face. White powder covers her nose and the remains from the half-snorted line are in plain view on the end table in front of her. Ellen is snorting cocaine.
“Well, don’t just stare at me, shut the door!”
I step all the way in and close the door behind me. Ellen snorts the rest of the line, causing me to cringe. Watching her do this is too hard to handle. It reminds me of my own parents and the mess I’m in.
“Why are you doing cocaine, Ellen?” I hate seeing people mess up their lives. I know firsthand how it affects the people close to them.
“It’s none of your business,” she retorts, wiping her nose.
As much as I can’t stand her, I can’t let her do this to herself.
“Ellen, you need to stop this. You’re ruining your life.”
My parents have already ruined theirs. I don’t want to see someone else fall to the same fate. Especially not someone as young as Ellen.
Ignoring my plea, she shouts, “Get out!”
I do as she says and walk to the door, knowing I’ve said my peace.
I open the door and pause, looking back at her. “You’re better than this, Ellen.”
I close the door and continue down the hall to find the bathroom, which happens to be the last door.
I hurry back downstairs to J, knowing I took longer than planned. Not that I expected to find Ellen like I did. What a shocker.
“What took you so long?” J asks when I walk up next to him, sliding his arm back around my waist.
“There was a line,” I tell him. It would be so easy to rat Ellen out, but I won’t do that. It wouldn’t help her admit she has a problem, it would only intensify it. I don’t know why Ellen started using, but under no circumstance would I be that down to need an ‘escape’. With the glamourous life I’m sure she has, there is no reason for her to want to snort cocaine. Then again, I don’t know what goes on in her life. I have to hide the life I am forced into from the world so she can easily be doing the same. Maybe her bitchiness is just a cover up. Whatever her crazy reasoning is, I want to help her. She won’t want my help I’m sure, but I can’t just let it go.
Jess bounces up to us with some guy in tow. I think his name is Cody or something.
“Y’all come dance with us!” Jess exclaims.
No, I don’t want to dance. “We’re okay right here,” I say at the same time J says, “Good idea, Jess.”
Jess smiles triumphantly and I envision myself stabbing her. Okay, maybe that is a little harsh, but I have two left feet, sue me. I can slow dance, but that’s the extent of it.
J ushers me to follow Jess and whats-his-name toward the crowd of people dancing. I can see this ending badly, like with me embarrassing myself.
J tugs me closer to him and starts moving to the beat of the music. I glance up at him unsure of how to move.
“You can do it, babe. Move like this,” he instructs, placing his hands on my hips, moving them for me. Huh, this isn’t so bad after all. “Good job, Cass.”
I circle my hips and bring my hand up to cup the back of his neck.
Something catches my eye over J’s shoulder so I turn my gaze to the half hidden guy standing in the corner. His hat is pulled down low over his eyes so I can’t make out his features. You can tell he is staring in my direction. A creepy feeling floats around me, an unsettling sensation pools in the pit of my stomach.
“Who are you looking at, Cass?” J asks as he looks over his shoulder in the direction I am staring.
I glance at J’s questioning eyes then back to the creepy guy. Just like the at the first football game, the guy seems familiar. And just like last time when I look back, he’s gone. Like he is a figment of my imagination.
“I don’t know who it was. I couldn’t see their face.”
“Are you okay?” J asks, genuinely concerned.
I’m not sure if I’m okay or not. Twice now, I have seen this guy and both times he has vanished into thin air.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just sort of weird.”
“What’s weird about it?” J questions.
“He just kept staring at us.”
J’s mouth finds mine. “Don’t worry about it, babe. It is probably just some guy who wishes he was with you instead of me.”
What J says sounds convincing, yet something tells me it’s not the case. Plus who would want me? I’m not as pretty as I used to be or as outgoing as I used to be. Life has changed me.
“Yeah, probably.”
He grins and leans down to capture my mouth again. “You want a drink?”
“Sure.” Yeah, I definitely need one to keep my mind off of the weird, disappearing person.
J guides me to the kitchen where the drinks are all set up and asks what I want.
I choose a Corona Lime and J fetches me one from the cooler.
I sip on it gradually as he pulls me back on the dance floor for a slow dance. I don’t know a lot of the songs they play since they are mostly country, but the hip hop ones I do know. Too bad I can’t dance to save my life or I’d really be enjoying it.
When the song changes again, Ellen plows her way through the crowd with some guy I’ve never seen.
“Here they go putting on a show again,” Jess groans as she walks up beside me.
“So this is the guy from the last party?”
“Yep,” she says, popping the ‘p’.
I watch Ellen and the guy no one knows. He has a sense of familiarity about him, which is crazy because I don’t recognize him.
They really like to put on a show for everyone. How does her father not know she acts like this? Surely in a town like this it would get back to him? I wish I had parents who still cared about me. Kids these days complain about their overbearing parents, but they just don’t know.
I stare at the guy trying to figure him out. He looks familiar and yet he doesn’t. This is really bugging me. The guy doesn’t glance my way, he just stays focused on Ellen. The unknown party crasher’s features seem tense. His hat is pulled low like he is hiding from everyone. He can’t be shy with the way he is dancing, if you even call it that.
One thing for sure is he and Ellen are in the right mind frame when it comes to grossing everyone out.
I turn back to J and lean up on my tip-toes so I can speak in his ear. “I’m ready to go when you are.”
He nods and steers me away from the crowd. “You want to go to ou
r spot?” J asks in my ear.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
He drops his hand from the small of my back to my hand, linking our fingers together.
J drove tonight so we don’t have to make a detour to his house and risk getting caught.
“What time do you have to be home again?” J asks as he opens the passenger door to his truck for me.
“Uh, one, I think.” Yeah, I was shocked when they gave me a late curfew. Maybe they actually trust me now.
J pulls his phone from his pocket to check the time. “It’s going on midnight so we have forty-five minutes before you have to be home.”
I wish my time with J didn’t go by so fast. It never fails, every time he takes me home, I feel like he just picked me up.
Chapter Thirty- Three
Cassie
The guy with Ellen has been bugging me and I haven’t been able to stop trying to figure out who he is. I swear I know him. Mom is cooking again tonight. It must mean Zack is coming over again. It seems that’s the only time she cooks around here.
I walk out of my room the moment I hear Mom yelling for me to come to the kitchen just as Zack walks through the front door. What perfect timing…
He nods in my direction, acknowledging me, yet doesn’t speak to me. Fine by me.
Dinner passes painfully slow. Zack doesn’t speak to me at all, which is good. He talks to my parents the whole time like I don’t exist. Maybe he finally got the picture.
Too bad his silence towards me didn’t last the whole time. I had excused myself to go sit out on the front porch. Gazing at the stars has kind of become my thing now because of J. They are so mesmerizing. To my dismay, Zack follows me out and sits next to me.
“What changed between us, Cassie? How come we can’t have the same relationship like before?” Zack asks from beside me on the swing. He has started coming over to my house practically every afternoon after school. My parents, mainly Dad, spend so much time with him you’d think Zack was his son. It pisses me off to know that they can act like parents to someone who is not their biological child and treat their own child like they are an outsider. The hurt runs deep in my veins.
I sigh and repeat the same response I told Dad not too long ago. With how close they are now you’d think he would have told him. Add in the fact of me telling him the same thing over and over.
“We are two different people now, Zack. Feelings change over time. Did I miss you when I was forced to leave? Yeah, of course, I did. I cried myself to sleep at night for the longest. It took a while, but the pain of losing you slowly faded away.”
He sits quietly, his face void of emotion.
I don’t want to break his heart again, but I have no feelings in that way toward Zack anymore.
“So you’re saying you don’t feel anything for me at all?” Disbelief laces his words.
“I only see you as a friend, Zack, nothing more,” I reply, confirming his fears.
He stares off in another direction, quiet once again.
Maybe we can be friends without him trying to rekindle our severed relationship. Zack and I were great together two years ago, yet now I have J and I’d rather not give up on us. J and I may wind up going our separate ways sometime in the future. I sure hope not, but who knows what time holds for us. Right now, I fully believe with all my heart that J and I were destined for each other. I wish it was under better circumstances, though.
“Friends,” he mutters, letting out a humorless laugh. “How can I be friends with someone I’m in love with, knowing I’ll never have another chance with them?”
“I’m sorry, Zack,” I reply, not knowing what else to say. I hope he doesn’t hate me for wanting this.
“Tell me something, if you weren’t with him, would you still feel the same?”
Honestly, I don’t know the answer to his question. Zack is asking me something I will never know for sure.
“Who knows, Zack. The only answer I can give you is how I feel now.”
“Why do you like him, Cassie?” he asks bitterly.
I roll my eyes dramatically. “Why does it matter to you?”
“I just want to make sure you’re happy.” Somehow I doubt that but whatever.
“J makes me happy, Zack. He is a wonderful, one-of-a-kind gentleman. He’s polite, caring, and he is easygoing.”
He lets out a grunt of disapproval. “I gave you everything, Cassie. My heart, my soul…it was all yours, still is if you want it.”
“Zack, how many times do I need to go over this with you? I’ve moved on and so should you.” I stand up, planning to go hide in my room for the rest of night so I don’t have to sound like a broken record anymore, yet Zack has other plans in mind.
His hand shoots out, grabbing my wrist, preventing me from walking away. “Cassie, I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time processing this. You were a game changer for me, Cassie, and I felt like the luckiest guy alive to be able to say you were mine.”
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out, Zack, but I’m not going to toss my relationship with J aside like it means nothing to me. He means everything to me. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.” Truth is, I’d be stupid to leave, J. He is a wonderful guy inside and out and I’m lucky he even wants to be with someone like me, even if I’m the one, who in the end will be responsible for crushing him.
I shake my head, driving those painful thoughts away. There is no need to think of that right now, not with this current situation at hand.
A pained look crosses Zack’s features. “Please, don’t say that, Cassie. I can’t bear to hear you talk about another guy like he is your world. It only intensifies the pain in my chest.”
He tugs me closer to him, and my body tenses, unsure of what he is doing. Without warning, Zack swoops his head down, pressing his familiar lips to mine. Nothing is what I feel. No spark, no butterflies, no nothing. My hands press against his chest, trying to put some distance between us.
“Zack, stop,” I protest, still trying to fight him off of me.
He with an irritated growl he drags his mouth off of mine but doesn’t pull away far. His mouth is still a mere inch from my lips, and it’s too close for comfort.
His fingers are latched around my forearms, digging into my pale skin. “Don’t fight what you feel for me, Cassie. Do you remember how we’d sit for hours in my car and just get lost in kissing each other? I want to do that again, Cassie.”
Of course I remember. I clung to those memories for a long time. “You need to stop this. It doesn’t matter how I felt then, it only matters how I feel now. And for your sake, I’m sorry my feelings aren’t the same. Get. Over. It.”
I jerk back hard, preparing for him to continue to fight me to keep me walking away. Except this time, I didn’t plan on him letting me go, so I almost fall over on my butt. Thankfully, I regain my footing, so I turn and walk hastily back inside the house.
Zack is crossing too many lines for me to count.
Shutting the door behind me, I almost jump out of my skin seeing both Mom and Dad standing by the window, a look of disapproval on their faces.
Ignoring them and their fascination with getting Zack and I back together, I continue to my room and shut the door behind me. When I hear the door click shut, I let out a sigh in relief.
A wave of guilt washes over me as I throw myself on my bed. I don’t know why I feel so guilty when Zack kissed me. Maybe it’s because I know I should tell J, yet I’m afraid of how he will react.
There are two possible scenarios. Either J will believe me and beat the crap out of Zack or he won’t believe me and break up with me. I really hope it’s not the latter. My feelings for J surpass everything I felt when I was with Zack. J literally takes my breath away with just one kiss. My stomach flutters every moment I think of him, which happens constantly because I think about him all the time.
With Zack, my feelings for fail in comparison to how I feel with J.
I swear my life is no
thing but drama, and Zack just added to the crap load of drama that is already stressing me out.
If Zack and I can’t be friends then we will have no sort of relationship at all. Plain and simple. It’s just up to him to decide now.
****
The next morning, I wait patiently on my front porch for J to come pick me up for school. Nerves are gnawing at my insides, still feeling the guilt from last night. I will tell J about Zack kissing me. Keeping things from him, other than the secrets I have to keep buried, is not an option.
To my surprise and disappointment, Bo’s truck rumbles in my driveway.
I shoot off the porch, afraid that something has happened to J.
Bo hops out of his truck, a frown gracing his face instead of his normal cocky smile.
“Bo, where’s J? Is he okay?” I ask, rushing the words out.
“Get in the truck, darlin’, we have some talking to do.”
Bo helps me climb up in the cab of the truck and shuts my door. My hands fidget in my lap. I don’t like any part of Bo’s statement.
Did J send Bo to break up with me? No, why would he do that? Oh my goodness, I need a paper bag to help me breathe. I think I’m going to throw up.
“darlin’, just breathe,” Bo murmurs soothingly, his hand running gently up and down my back, trying to calm me.
I angle my head up at Bo. “Why did J not come and pick me up?”
“Cassie, J is really upset. I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me, okay,darlin’?”
I nod my head, my eyes burning with tears.
“Did you kiss Zack last night?”
I sit up straight, shaking my head frantically. “No! Zack kissed me! I tried pushing him away, I swear!”
I bury my head in my hands, wondering how J found out. My breaths are coming quicker, my lungs are in overdrive.
“Cassie, calm down and breathe.”
Oh no, J thinks I kissed Zack. He thinks I cheated on him.
“Darn it, darlin’, calm down. Just breathe.”
Bo’s voice registers in my brain, bringing me out of my panic mode.
“That’s it, Cassie, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
Safe with You Page 19