“Yep, I was just making sure you remembered.”
Really the only reason I knew is because when I read the time I noticed it said Friday.
Cassie grows quiet after that. I can tell she is thinking again, of what I’m not sure.
“Is it bad that I miss them?”
I swallow hard, unsure of what to say. I didn’t really know what to think of them the couple times I was around them. Her Dad seemed hell bent on keeping me away from her, but if I had a daughter I know I would do the same thing. Until everything blew up and the truth came out, I thought maybe they were just overprotective. After Bo and Cassie told me everything, I wanted to hate them. Part of me couldn’t though because their life, as crappy as it was, brought Cassie into mine. Still, though, Cassie loved her parents.
“No, Cassie, they are your parents. You loved them.”
“I did, J, except I wonder if I loved the parents they used to be? You know, before Dad lost his job, before they started using drugs. After our first move, I hated them because they took me away from all of my friends and Zack, who at the time was not a lunatic, I swear. I remember crying myself to sleep every night because I missed my home and now if they were still alive and tried to take me away from here, from you, I’d fight them. I try my hardest to stay here with you, J. You are my home.”
“I wouldn’t have let them take you away from me. I would have done something to prevent it.” The thought of having Cassie ripped from life creates an unbearable ache in my heart.
She slowly rises up and leans over me. Her hand lightly brushes my cheek. I lift my chin up to capture her parted lips, thrusting my tongue inside her mouth.
I pull her gently the rest of the way on top of me, my hands lightly trail down her back.
“So beautiful,” I murmur, my lips brushing hers.
I get so caught up in her beauty, her heart that she leaves me reeling when she pulls away.
“J, we need to quit before we get caught. This is the only place I have to stay so I can’t risk getting kicked out.”
I pull her back to me, cocooning her in my arms. “You would have to do something more drastic for my parents kick you out.”
“I don’t want them to look down on me either,” she murmurs sadly.
I shift her in my arms so she is facing me. “Cassie, my parents aren’t like that. Quit worrying, babe.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
I kiss her nose. “I love you.”
“Sometimes I wonder why you still put up with me,” she answers laughingly.
“Want me to list the reasons why I love you?”
Her fingertips glide through my hair. “There’s a list?”
“Yep, a pretty long one, too.”
“Eh, I believe you and I love you, too, J, more than you can imagine.”
“More than the stars in the universe?”
“How about to the moon and back?”
“Okay, I love you to the moon and back, Cassie.”
“I love you more than the stars in the universe, J Allan Michaels.”
“Hey, you stole my line!” I say, pretending to be offended. She squeals with laughter as I tickle her rib cage.
“S-Stop,” she stutters in between laughs.
“Not until you admit you stole my line.”
“Never.”
I continue torturing her until she finally relents.
“Okay, I stole your line! Happy?”
I drop my fingers from her ribs letting her catch her breath.
“Yep.”
She shoves me playfully. “That was so mean.”
“I think you’ll live.”
“I live because of you.”
“No, you live because of who you are and because of us.”
Chapter Forty- Six
Cassie
Walking into the house I shared with my parents felt awkward. It feels strange to not have them here scowling at me and my decisions. It’s been a few days since I’ve been back. I couldn’t come back here yet so I had J swing by and pack me a bag. I’m having to meet with a lawyer tomorrow about my parents’ will. I’m not exactly sure if I even want to go, but it’s mandatory. Heck, I’m not sure how I feel about it.
The house is just as I remember it. Spotless, because of me.
I haven’t thought of what I’m going to do with their stuff. I have to meet with a lawyer later since apparently they left a will. Needless to say, I was speechless for a minute.
I pack up all of my stuff first, saving theirs for when I have a plan on what to do with it. Bo and J are helping me and I couldn’t be more thankful for their help.
The detectives have filled me in on the gory details of their deaths. The moment I left the station, I threw up the contents of my stomach. Zack said he was out for revenge and it clearly showed. It doesn’t matter how messed up my parents were, Zack had no right killing them.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell J and leave my room. I take two steps down the short hall to their bedroom. I was never allowed in their room so I don’t know what to expect. Clean, wasn’t on my list. It takes a moment for the shock of the cleanliness to wear off. I walk over to the dresser where dozens of picture frames set and my jaw drops. They were mostly just of me through the years and the rest are of all three of us as a family. A couple of the pictures of me were recent. They were taken when I wasn’t paying attention. They cared. The realization hits me hard, so hard my knees buckle.
I grab onto the dresser for support as hot tears flow down my cheeks. Why couldn’t they let me know they still cared? There were times I felt neglected, like they didn’t love me.
I grab the first picture frame I get my hand on and chunk it across the room. The glass shatters against the wall, falling to pieces on the carpet. The next frame gets the same fate.
Anger builds and out of frustration I push over the dresser. The rest of the frames crack from the force of the fall. Over the bed is an eleven by fourteen picture of all three of us. It was taken a year before everything went to hell. I jump on the bed and jerk it off the wall, flinging it across the room.
I jump off the bed looking for something else to destroy. I’m so angry at them for not caring, for not being the parents I needed them to be.
Arms fly around me, pinning my arms to my sides, preventing me from destroying anything else.
“Cassie, it’s okay. Shh, I got you, baby,” J murmurs in my ear. My knees buckle beneath me again, but J holds me up.
“Why couldn’t they tell me they love me? Why was it so hard? They used to do it all the time!” I sob uncontrollably.
J turns me in his arms and holds me tightly against him. “I’m so sorry, Cass. I wish I knew the answer to that.”
J continues to hold me until I calm down. I can’t believe I acted like a maniac. That wasn’t me at all. I guess the emotion of it all got the best of me.
“Feel better, darlin’?” Bo asks from the doorway.
“A little.”
J kisses my temple. “You could have told me this was bothering you, Cass.”
“It wasn’t, not really, until I walked in here and saw all the pictures of me. I was never allowed to step foot in here. I’m not sure why, either, they never said.”
“Maybe they were scared to tell you. Maybe they thought since they failed you, you wouldn’t believe them or something?” J says, and I ponder on it. He could be right, I won’t ever know for sure, though.
“If that’s the case then I wish they would have had more faith in me.”
“I know you did, baby.”
“Y’all, I hate to be the one to bring this up, but Cassie it’s time to leave to go see Zack.”
J growls at the mention of Zack. He hates the idea of me wanting to see him, but I feel it’s something I need to do.
We finish packing up all the boxes we started on and place them in Bo’s truck, who is taking them to their house. I unpacked more than I thought I did. I guess I felt so comfortable here I just started plannin
g on living here permanently.
Soon, J and I are on our way to the jail so I can make sure Zack is getting the help he needs. If I didn’t have history with him, it’d be different, but Zack was a good guy when we were dating. I want him to find that guy again.
Why did I say I was going to do this? J tried to talk me out of it during the drive here, and now I wish I would have listened. I said it was something I needed to do, and I still feel that way, the fear just doesn’t disappear. J claims he understands, except I don’t believe he fully does. What my parents did hurt him. Zack is not truly a horrible person, he just never learned to let go. He held a grudge and in the end, he got his revenge. I feel the need to see him and apologize for my parents’ actions. Most people will think I am crazy, and I may be, but they are responsible for this mess and Zack might ultimately get the help he needs. He just made some awful decisions and now he is paying for them.
I agreed to let J come with me only if he promised to behave. Regardless, I would have still let him join me since I don’t want to this alone. If I need to, I could bring Bo with me, although I’d rather it be J. J is still pissed off at Zack, not that I blame him, but if walks in the jail and verbally attacks Zack, shit will hit the fan quick. I don’t need him arrested either.
I want Zack to get help with his addictions, all of them, and I want him to be able to move on and be happy with life.
J slows to a stop just as we reach the entrance. “Are you sure you want to do this, Cassie? If not just say the word and I will have us out of here faster than you can blink.”
“Not really, J, but we’ve been over this already. I have to do this,” I reiterate for like the twentieth time since last night.
“You don’t owe him an explanation, Cassie.”
“I know I don’t J, but like I’ve told you, this is my parents’ fault and I need to fix it. Zack needs to understand there will be nothing between us.”
It’s not like I haven’t told him several times over the three days he held me against my will. He was in a bad place then so he didn’t grasp what I was telling him. Hopefully, he is calmer now so he will get what I have been trying to tell him.
“You don’t have to do anything, Cassie. Why would you try and help someone who shot your parents in cold blood and kidnapped you?” J asks in agitation.
“I know it is hard for you to understand, and if I was in your shoes, I’d be questioning you. It’s not like he was just some random person, J. He was my ex-boyfriend, who at one time, I really cared about, and he really cared about me. Imagine being in his shoes, J. How would you feel if the one person who meant something to you suddenly disappeared? Poof, gone? No word, no nothing, and not seeing or hearing from them for over two years?”
J sighs heavily, draping his arm around me and pulling me to him. My head lands on his chest, his other arm gently glides up and down my back soothingly. “Cass, you were taken from me without warning and I didn’t see you for three long days, and it was pure hell. Even though I only went through a fraction of what he did, I still know how he felt. The worst part about it was that I had no clue if I would ever see you alive again. I didn’t know if I would get to gaze into your soft brown eyes that I love so much. I do know exactly what he went through, babe, and I never want to feel like my soul had been ripped out of me again.” He pauses to kiss my hair, his lips lingering as he draws in a deep breath. “I trust you know what you’re doing, Cass. I understand your reasons. The problem I have is sitting across from the guy who took the most important person in my life away from me and not being able to at least punch him.”
I let out a small giggle. “It would be nice, but then again, I don’t think you would want to be behind bars.”
“Nope, sure wouldn’t, babe.”
“Are we ready to go in now?” I’m ready to get this over with.
“Yeah, but just know, the moment he disrespects you, we are out of there.”
“Noted,” I agree.
J opens the door for me, letting me walk through first. We check in and wait until they let us back.
I’m trying not to be nervous, but the nerves are starting to get the best of me.
I lay my head on J’s shoulder, trying to calm myself.
“Relax, babe. If you don’t want to do this we can leave.”
I know we can, yet then, I’d still feel the blame for what my parents caused. “I have to do this,” I reply, reminding him and myself of why we are here.
“Okay, Cass.”
Ten minutes later an officer instructs us to follow him. We walk through the corridor that opens up into a room. The officer directs us to a chair in front a glass window. There is a phone on one side of the wall so I assume I talk to Zack through it. J pulls the chair out for me to sit then stands behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders.
A minute later, Zack appears, wearing an orange jumpsuit, and sits down across from me. He looks about the same except he doesn’t look as lost or as psychotic.
He stares at me for a moment before casting his gaze up to J.
I pick up the receiver of the phone and place it against my ear. Zack does the same, but slower, like he is unsure if he wants to talk to me or not.
“Cassie, you came,” he says, sounding both surprised and pained.
“I did. I came to apologize for what my parents did to you.”
He laughs, except there is no trace of humor in it. “Why are you apologizing for their actions? Your life was ruined just like mine. The rug was ripped out from both of us. You know, I had some time to think here. I thought about why I couldn’t let you go.” He pauses and casts his eyes downward like he is ashamed to tell me.
“Why couldn’t you let me go, Zack?” I press him because I really want to know the answer myself.
His eyes snap back up to me. “I loved you, Cassie, I loved you a lot and when you guys moved I felt like I was dead. I couldn’t feel my heart beat, Cassie. My whole world went black. I had planned on being with you forever. Even though I kept my addiction a secret from you, knowing there was a possibility that you would have left me once you found out, I still saw you in my future. Then, when I come to get you, only to see you had moved on, something snapped inside me. I wondered how you could just move on like that and not miss me.”
“I did miss you, Zack, for the longest time. I told you this, remember? Eventually, I started moving on.”
Remorse glazes his eyes. “I remember, Cassie, I was just too far gone to comprehend it. I’m really sorry for the way I treated you and…for kidnapping you…and for shooting your parents.”
“Me too. I wish it didn’t have to end this way, but my parents haven’t been mom and dad to me in over two years. I know they still loved me and it hurts that they are gone, but I wish things would have been different.”
“I’m going to get clean, Cassie, so when I get out of here, I can turn my life around.”
“That’s great, Zack. I hope you can stick with it.”
This is exactly what I had been hoping for.
“You look really happy with him, Cassie. I wish it could still be me,” he murmurs into the phone.
I look up at J and smile at him. He returns my smile with one of his own, making my stomach flutter with butterflies.
I look back at Zack. “I am truly happy. It’s something I didn’t think I’d feel again after we moved from our home in Indy.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, especially after what all I put you through, but I’m glad. I just hope I can find that same happiness.”
I smile at him for the first time since the last time I saw him in Indy. “You will, Zack, just stay clean and once you are able to leave this place, don’t let anything tempt you, got me? I want you to be happy with your life, Zack.” An idea hits me, but I need to talk to J about it first to make sure he is comfortable with it. “Hang on a second, Zack.”
He nods and I place the phone down and spin to the side so I can talk to J about my sudden idea.
; “J, I had this idea, and I know it may sound crazy, but-”
J laughs softly. “Just spit out, Cassie.”
I grin at him. “I want to be able to know he is keeping his word about staying clean and the only way I know how is to have him write me. Are you okay with that?”
J pauses for a moment. “That was not what I expected you to ask.” Another pause. Indecision is clear on his features.
“J, the only reason I ask is because I want him to be able to be happy without me and I want to make sure he stays on track to get there.”
“Cassie, I love your big heart and how you always seem to want to help everyone else. I trust you whole-heartedly, I’m just not sure if I can trust him.”
I open my mouth to give him another reason why I want to do this, but J stops me.
“As long as he doesn’t cross a line, I’m okay with it.”
“Thank you, J.”
J leans down and kisses me profoundly. “You’re welcome, babe. But remember…”
“I know, I know.”
I spin back around in my seat to find Zack with his eyes cast down to the counter again, still holding the phone to his ear. I tap on the glass to get his attention.
Zack’s head snaps up and I place the phone to my ear. “Here’s the deal. You want to find happiness, and I want to make sure you get there so, I came up with the idea of you writing me periodically to update me on your progress.”
“I don’t know, Cassie.”
“Look, if you’re worried about J, I’ve already talked to him about it, and he is okay with it as long as you keep it strictly in the friend zone. If you cross the line of friendship I am not responsible for what J does to you.”
“Thank you, Cassie, but you don’t have to do this.”
Turning back to J, I ask, “Can you get me a piece of paper?”
J nods his head and walks away. He returns with one and a pen a couple minutes later. I write down J’s parents’ address on the piece of paper.
“I’m going to leave this with the guard to give to you in case you decide you want to write me.”
The guard walks over to us and informs us we only have a couple minutes left to visit.
Safe with You Page 27