by Karen Anders
“I’m not leaving it like that. I love you. Don’t you get it? Nothing means more to me now than you do.”
The look on his face broke her heart, but the emotions inside her were too overwhelming, swamping her like a tidal wave. She felt as if she were drowning in them. “I can’t be with a man who risks too much.”
“And you don’t risk anything at all,” he said quietly.
“What are you talking about?” The little jeering voice inside her became a shout, telling her that he was right.
“When it comes to your heart. You hide behind your job and all the varied reasons we can’t be together. It’s all crap. You’re trying to keep yourself safe from the feelings inside you. But it doesn’t make you safe, Sienna. It makes you alone. You cut yourself off from the people you care about.”
“I do not. My job is demanding and there are a lot of reasons…”
“When you can stop lying to yourself, maybe then you’ll see the truth.”
He turned and walked away, but then stopped and came back. “I almost forgot. Here’s your souvenir.” And he pinned his trident SEAL insignia to the lapel of her jacket.
13
THIS IS IT. She’d gone too far. As she stood in the empty hall where the rehearsal dinner had been, she could almost hear the echo of laughter, almost feel the closeness, almost embrace the happiness.
She squeezed her eyes closed and realized in that instant how much her sister meant to her. How much she’d used her job, to not only keep everyone away, but isolate herself as well.
She had to let go of the past because Lynne, Scott and Michelle were not going to disappear from her life. She didn’t have to protect herself from loving them too much.
She got in her car and drove until she found herself in front of Station House 82. She sat behind the wheel for a few minutes, and then got out.
“Hey, Detective Parker!” Sean O’Neill said, looking up from polishing the chrome of the front bumper of the big red engine.
Big, gorgeous, sandy-haired Sean with the wickedly seductive smile. Lana didn’t have a chance, Sienna thought.
“Is Lana on duty?”
“She’s on KP duty,” Sean snickered.
“Thanks,” Sienna said and as she passed him, she gave him a high five.
“Stay cool, baby,” he said and went back to polishing the chrome.
When she entered the kitchen, Lana was wiping down the big table that accommodated the large crew.
“Sienna? Don’t you have Michelle’s dinner tonight.”
Sienna bit her lip. “I had to handle the Buckner case.”
Lana pulled out a chair. “Sit down. Are you okay?”
Sienna sank into the chair, running her hands through her hair. “Not really. I don’t know how Michelle and my parents will ever forgive me.”
“Sienna, they will understand. Just explain it to them.”
“A.J. was right. I am using my job to keep myself safe from emotions. I’ve been afraid to show anything and it’s irrational.”
Lana sat down next to her. “You’ve been jerked around so much. It’s understandable that you would feel this way. Go to them. Tell them. They’ll understand.”
“I should have realized that I was putting off the fittings and the dinners and using my job as a smoke screen. They’re so wonderful.”
“It’s not too late.”
Sienna wiped at the moisture on her cheeks. “You’re right. It’s not.”
Lana walked with her to Sienna’s car. There she hugged Lana. “Thank you. What would I do without you and Kate?”
“You don’t have to do without us, ever.”
She drove back to the division and went to her database. From her purse, she retrieved the card with the bridal shop owner’s name on it. Using her power as a police officer, Sienna looked up the home address for the woman.
While she was driving over to the woman’s house, her beeper went off. Using her cell phone, she dialed the number.
The voice on the other end of the line told her that they needed her at the division for an interrogation.
Firmly she said, “I’m off the clock. Someone else can handle it.”
THE NEXT MORNING Sienna made her way to the church vestibule. She took a deep breath before twisting the knob. When she opened the door, Michelle, Lynne and Scott turned toward her. When they saw her, her mother burst into tears.
Scott came forward. “Don’t mind her. She’s been doing that all morning.”
He put his arm around her and she was so grateful to him.
Michelle stood there waiting for Sienna and it was all Sienna could do to take those few steps toward her sister.
“Are you still talking to me?” Sienna asked.
“Of course I’m still talking to you.”
“I’m sorry.” They both said in unison and a heavy weight lifted from Sienna’s heart.
“Let me—”
“Tell me—”
“You go first,” Sienna said.
“After that outburst in your office, I went back, but you had already left. Your captain told me what was going on. You should have told me a man’s life was at stake. I know that your job is important to you.”
Tears stung Sienna’s eyes and she said very softly, “But I have to find a balance and I haven’t. I have to confess to you that I wasn’t even aware that I was using my job to keep emotional distance from you and Lynne and Scott. I was so afraid of loving you.”
“Why?”
“It was so hard when I was shuffled from foster home to foster home that it was just easier to protect myself from getting attached. But I realized that I don’t have to protect myself anymore from love. I don’t want to lose you.”
Michelle stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Sienna, and the tears flowed. “You could never lose our love. You’re my big sister and I need you in my life. I want you to stand up with me while I pledge myself to Geoff.” Michelle looked down at Sienna’s dress. “How did you get your dress altered so quickly?”
“I used DMV and a little pleading and begging. Thank God, the owner of the bridal shop is an understanding woman.”
“And if she hadn’t been?”
“I would have hated to have to threaten to throw her in jail.”
Michelle smiled. “Would you help me dress?”
“Yes.” Sienna accepted the exquisite wedding gown from her mother. “Thanks…Mom.”
Her mother smiled with full acknowledgment in her eyes.
“If you’re going to call her Mom, then I damn well better be Dad,” her father said.
They all laughed. Her dad went off to see how things were going in the church. Sienna helped Michelle to pull the ivory lace dress up over her hips, smoothing the satin underskirt and bodice, and adjusting it so the slit in the straight skirt lay along her left leg ending at the knee.
Sienna pulled up the yards and yards of the shining satin train and attached it to the elegant satin bow at the small of Michelle’s back while her mother worked at closing the numerous satin-covered buttons.
When those tasks were done, Sienna placed the pearl-and-sequin-decorated Juliet cap on her sister’s head, pulling it forward until the peak settled comfortably against her forehead.
“I brought you something to wear.”
She took the bracelet her sister had given her years ago off her wrist. The blue stones shone in the light. With a smile and tears welling in her eyes, Sienna slipped the friendship bracelet onto her sister’s wrist. “Something borrowed, something blue.”
A.J. LOOKED at his watch as he crouched in the reeds waiting for the helo to pick them up. Moments after he’d left Sienna, he’d been deployed. He wondered if she would ever be able to let go of the need to be safe.
He heard the blades of the Huey making the familiar whop-whop sound as it moved through the night. He grabbed the U.S. diplomat he’d just rescued from terrorists by the back of the jacket. “When I say go, we go.”
The man nodded. As
soon as the Huey landed, A.J. made the signal to head for the chopper. His team rose seemingly out of the ground and made their way to the waiting ride.
As the chopper lifted up into the air, A.J. let the rush of emotions regarding Sienna come to the fore. He intended to ask his commander for some R and R when he got back to base. It was all he could do to keep his concentration on the mission at hand. She was never far from his thoughts.
If only he could resist the memories that refused to diminish. But he wasn’t able to resist her, he admitted. The sexual tension that crackled between them would have overwhelmed a stronger man than he. And the other things—her gentleness, her caring, her kindness—those things overwhelmed him even more. She had made him feel more alive than he had ever felt in his life.
He needed her. He needed Sienna in ways that had absolutely nothing to do with the incendiary sexual attraction he felt for her. And the thought of never holding her in his arms again opened up a chasm in his spirit, a place that would ever afterward be empty.
As a SEAL he knew about patience. It would be hard to wait for her to come to him. But she had to understand who she was and what was holding her back. Until then, no amount of talking to her would make a difference.
“WHAT ARE YOU doing here, David?”
“In all the confusion, I guess I never gave you an official statement. Someone called and said I had to come by the station house and see you.”
“Sure. Have a seat. How are things going?”
“Pretty well. My shoulder is a lot better.”
“That’s great. How’s your family?”
“Mom and Dad are fine. A.J. is leaving today on this top secret, hush-hush mission that’s really dangerous. Of course, every time A.J. goes on a mission it’s dangerous, but this one sounds really dangerous.”
Sienna jumped up from her chair. “Hey, Robbie, could you take this guy’s statement?” she called. “Where is A.J. now?”
“He’s in Coronado, probably getting ready to deploy.”
“I need to see him.”
“Who’s stopping you?”
SIENNA RUSHED OUT of the building and put on her siren as she drove to the base. When she got there, the guard walked over. She flashed her badge.
“Yes, Detective Parker, arrangements have been made for you.”
Sienna didn’t bother to question her good luck. She drove onto the base, following the directions the guard at the gate had given her.
She got out of the car and saw two figures on the beach just coming out of the water.
“A.J.!” she called and began running down the sandbank. A.J.’s head snapped up at the sound of her voice. He watched as she came flying across the sand, throwing herself into his arms. The smell of him, the warmth of his face against hers was like the same wonderful feeling of coming home.
“I was wrong about you, about us. Please tell me it’s not too late. I love you.”
He closed his eyes, a shuddering breath easing out of him. “It would never be too late.” He cupped her face between his hands. “I still love you. I don’t think I could live without you.”
Her gaze softened and she smiled. “You were right. I was using my job to keep my family away emotionally. I was trying to do that to you with all my excuses as to why we couldn’t be together. I don’t want to be safe anymore. I want to take a risk on you.”
His mouth was hot on hers. Her system overloaded, her pulse heavy, her heart laboring against it. She was so sure if he stopped kissing her, she would cease to exist. The sensation was like being absorbed into a heated vortex where she was lost and out of control, but she knew in A.J.’s arms she would always be anchored.
A.J. slid his fingers into her hair, cupping the side of her head as he deepened the kiss. Sienna made a helpless sound and opened her mouth. A.J.’s tongue slipped inside in a deep, searching kiss that drove every ounce of strength out of her body and made her knees buckle.
When he broke the kiss, she looked up into his hot blue eyes and knew that she and A.J. would make a wonderful life together. “Would you mind being married to a Navy SEAL instructor?”
“What?
“It’s time for me to enter a different phase in my life. Even though I’m still in excellent shape, I’ll never be where I was before that grenade. If I’m one second too late off the mark, it could spell disaster for a mission. This way I can contribute and still be part of the teams.”
“Not the instructor part, the married part. I don’t care what you do, only that you love me.”
“That was a backhanded way of asking you to marry me.”
“The answer is still yes.”
“Then we’re home free, Red.”
“Tell me something,” she asked as they began to walk up the beach. “You don’t look like you’re getting ready for a mission.”
“Who told you that?”
Sienna started to laugh.
“David,” A.J. said. “Family—you can’t pick ’em….”
“And you can’t live without them,” Sienna said, looking up into his eyes.
Epilogue
SIENNA COULDN’T think of any place more comfortable to meet A.J.’s parents than the house she’d grown up in. She came through the front door, a bag of groceries in one arm and a bouquet of fresh flowers in the other.
The smell of roasted chicken hit her the closer she got to the kitchen. Cutting through the dining room, she smiled when she saw the table all decked out.
“Hi, sweetheart,” her mother said, kissing her on the cheek and taking the bag from her. “Oh, the flowers are beautiful.”
“I thought it’d be a nice touch. Thanks for putting on the fancy lace tablecloth.”
“It’s not every day that we meet the parents of the man our daughter is going to marry.”
“Could it have had anything to do with the fact that A.J.’s father is a senator?”
“Mmm, maybe.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“Upstairs getting dressed. Call him. I think they just drove up.”
Sienna went to the bottom of the stairs, but her father was already coming down.
“Hi there, sweetie. Got a kiss for your dad?”
“Sure do.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek just as a knock sounded on the front door.
Her mother came in from the kitchen and they all opened the door. A.J. stood there with his mother and father.
“Come in,” Sienna invited.
They stepped into the foyer. His mother was tall and willowy, of obvious Hispanic descent. His father had salt-and-pepper hair, the spitting image of David.
For a moment they all stood there in the silence until her father blurted out, “Want to see my new jigsaw?”
That broke the ice and every one laughed.
Her parents ushered A.J.’s parents into the living room. Sienna turned to A.J. and kissed his mouth.
Life was good. Taylor was behind bars awaiting trial while Jericho used Merchant and Knight to build an airtight case. Rojas was also going down and he’d implicated Knight in several murders. Tyrone Knight wouldn’t be seeing the light of day anytime soon. David would be busy testifying against Jimmy Lee Moran in U.S. District Court, as well as acting as a witness for Jericho in his many prosecutions.
When she turned to go into the living room, he said, “Wait. You caught me off guard that day at the beach.”
Her eyes fell to his hand and the velvet box he held. Holding it out to her, he said, “This is for you.”
She took the box, but held her breath as she opened the lid and then it rushed out in admiration. The ring caught the light and flashed.
“I want everyone to know that you’re mine.”
He slipped the ring on her finger and Sienna wrapped her arms around him and held on.
“One more surprise. I put in my papers to become a SEAL instructor.”
“You’re sure this is what you want?”
“I’m sure. I promised to be honest with myself. Real courage was when y
ou let your fears go and admitted to me that you loved me. Telling my commander that I couldn’t continue as an active duty SEAL because of my injury was something I didn’t want to face, but you gave me the courage to step up and be brave.”
She cupped his face. “If it wasn’t for you, I would never have realized what I was doing with my family and my fears.”
“Looks like you took care of that. I want to make a life with you and I want to be here to do it. The best part is that I can still contribute to the SEALs.”
“Life, love, happiness. Sounds pretty damn good to me. I’m glad I was a woman who dared and I have you and your trident pin to prove it.”
“When do you get together with your friends again?”
“Not until we all have souvenirs.”
“If we really tried,” he whispered in her ear, “I bet we could come up with something much sexier than my trident pin.”
“No. I don’t think so, A.J. The pin is perfect. Just perfect.”
Sienna wondered if her friends knew what they were getting themselves into. Lana, tough and determined and Kate, sweet and levelheaded. She hoped they learned as much from their journeys as Sienna had learned from hers.
“Sienna,” her mother whispered from the hall. “Get in here quick before your father drags Senator Buckner into the garage.”
“I don’t know, Lynne,” A.J. said with a wink to Sienna. “That’s a damn fine jigsaw.”
“Don’t even joke about it, A.J.,” Lynne said, giving him a scolding look.
“How about we show them this?” Sienna said, proudly displaying the ring to her mother.
Her mother squealed and all heads turned.
A.J. chuckled as he put his arm around Sienna and they went forward together.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-7789-6
HERS TO TAKE
Copyright © 2003 by Karen Alarie.
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.