Don't Blame Me

by Kay Blake

  “You don’t have to talk. I want you to listen,” he said.

  “I don’t particularly feel like listening either,” I said, looking down at my feet. Anywhere but at his eyes. I couldn’t look at him. He would break my resolve.

  The elevator made a funny sound and then it stopped. This couldn’t be happening. Of all the times it would be to get stuck in an elevator. Here I was stuck with him. This stupid, devastatingly handsome, heartbreaker.

  An alarm went off. I covered my ears and sighed.

  “Damn it,” I muttered. A static sound went through the help box near the button panel.

  “We will get you guys out of there. We already called for help. Just sit tight,” I heard a man’s voice say.

  The alarm had stopped, but I was still in this confined space with Adrian. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be with him at all. I was adamant about that.

  “I’m sorry,” Adrian said.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said, closing my eyes. “I don’t want to hear any apologies.”

  “I’m sure you’re probably tired of hearing me apologize, but it doesn’t change that I’m sorry. I truly am. I didn’t realize how cruel my parents could be.”

  “What do you expect me to say? I told you so?”

  “No. I don’t expect you to say anything.”

  “Then why follow me into the elevator.”

  “Because… Aloha au ia’oe.”

  I shook my head remembering what that meant. “You don’t love me. You’re holding on to some piece of your past. That’s it,” I said coldly.

  Adrian closed his eyes tightly as if he didn’t want to hear what I said before he opened them again.

  “You and I know that isn’t true. I love you because I always have. I always will. I know what I feel. I know what I felt back then too. Even if I have to make a fool out of myself to prove it, I will.”

  “You should’ve done that then with your parents. You chose not to believe me,” I yelled.

  “You’re right. At the time, there were too many questions. I truly didn’t think my mom would lie to me and manipulate me. I was angry. I wanted to throw something. I felt defeated and helpless. I knew I took it out on you, but I felt if I spiraled, I couldn’t have you spiral with me. But I couldn’t do that. Not to you, so I said nothing.”

  “And that’s nothing new!”

  “I know.”

  “In college, we were addicted to the fact we were so different from each other. Addicted to the way our skin felt against one another. How high we felt when we were entangled in passion. That isn’t love. It’s borderline obsession. Nothing more. Or at least we were with sex.”

  I could see him get angry then. His eyes fierce, but steady. I knew it was stupid to hold on to that anger after all this time. Especially since he hadn’t known. But the way he said nothing still haunted me. His betrayal had festered in my chest, and I watched him, his expression conflicted.

  “I’m not going to respond to that. Not while angry.”

  “You don’t have no right to be angry, Adrian. You did this. I gave you everything before. Everything. And you broke me. You took it all and left me with nothing. I wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for you,” I said yelling, hot tears falling down my face.

  “You know, while I might have always been on my best behavior back then, you have a tendency to run. You run when things seem to hit too close,” he said.

  I put my hands over my face to avoid looking at him.

  “Don’t do that. You know it’s true. You also know that as much as you had hoped, things didn’t change. We both thought all this time apart would make us hate each other. But it didn’t. It’s still there. Stronger than before. It was in the way we kissed. In the way we made love. In the way you looked at me when you thought I wasn’t paying attention. It never left us, Leah. And I’m surer now than ever that it won’t ever leave us. We’re meant to be together. Be in each other lives because it wasn’t all bad. You know I’m right too,” he said, pleading with me.

  It was something I had wanted to be gone for years. I knew when I kissed him again, he wouldn’t stop trying to stake his claim. He would break me. Like the last time.

  “What’s different now?” I said, my voice small.

  “I was immature then. I didn’t know how to fight for you then. I was going through all those emotions of not playing, and I listened to my parents. It was wrong. I know that now, but that’s what happened. It doesn’t mean you weren’t enough. You were more than enough. I didn’t deserve you then. His eyes were soft then.

  He closed the space between us, taking my shoulders in his hands, his grip firm.

  “You know life isn’t great until you can share it with someone you love. I love you, Leah. And I’m sorry. I’ll spend every single day for the rest of my life trying to show you how sorry I am. Sorry that I didn’t do the right thing back then and even when I should’ve recently. I won’t ever do that again. You are what I want and what I need in my life. I don’t care about my parents. I know what happened. I know what they did. And when it hit me that we could have been something, that I could’ve had been a father and married to you all this time, I was enraged.

  He paused then, the muscles around his eyes were tense, his expression pained.

  “I love you so much. But back then all I could think about was the football career I left behind. This hotel thing came about because I was good at it, but it wasn’t what I wanted. And then after all this time, to be around you again. To see that you did everything you said you would do, I just…I’m so fucking proud of you. I swear it’s just me and you. I will protect you from anything. From anyone. I will never feel whole again if you aren’t by my side. It’s not enough. I need you to be mine again. I fucked up more than once. But I can’t be without you. I can’t eat or sleep or breathe. I wake up with you on my mind. You’re the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me. I’m yours. Always. Mau Loa. Even the last time I saw you back then, and those last words you said to me. I never got you out of my head. Forgive me for my mistakes. Please? ”

  A hefty weight of anger had started to lift. I had wanted to forgive him, but I was so stuck on him not being there when I needed. Stuck on him not letting me be there for him.

  “When did you find out what really happened?” I asked.

  “About a week or so after. I missed you the same day you walked out of the office, but you wouldn’t return my calls. They told me, well he told me what happened. How he went out of his way to hurt you. I can never take that pain from you,” he said.

  “I don’t need you to.”

  Adrian let my shoulders go, putting his palm on my cheek. I found myself sliding to the floor of the elevator, all of this being too much at once. He slid down with me, pulling me onto his lap. He kissed my head.

  “I never stopped loving you. Not for a minute,” he whispered, looking into my eyes. His touch tender, gentle. I could feel the fire sizzling off of his skin. You got me to this point. I thought of you often. Your smile. Your voice, the way your fingers would slide across my skin. Those memories kept me going.”

  “I’m scared,” I finally said.

  “Don’t be. I got this. We got this. Things aren’t supposed to always be beautiful. Sometimes they’re ugly. And that’s okay because that’s how life is. And I want it all. The ugly, the beautiful, the in between. All of it. And if we drown, then let us.”

  I said nothing after that, putting my mouth against him. We kissed like it was for the last time. His tongue was fierce, quick, as he groaned against my mouth.”

  The elevator started back up, and I pulled away shaking my head. I stood up first smoothing out my dress. Reaching over I put my hand out for him to take it, and he did.

  “I love you,” I said.

  “I love you more,” he replied. “Always!”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Adrian

  (2017)

  We sat in the Skybox waiting for Tommy’s
first game of the season. The new NFL season had started, and Tommy invited me, Leah and Marcy to the game. I held a beer in my hand, my other arm around Leah.

  She was smiling, her face glowing as she leaned her head into me. She had just told me last night, that she was pregnant. It was like everything had come in full circle. I got the love of my life back, and I had a new chance to be a father. I could go on and on about what happened with my parents, but it didn’t matter. My ohana was right here. One, right next to me, and the other growing inside Leah’s belly. My Leah was hāpai.

  Leah wrinkled her nose at something, and I brushed the hair to the side of her face.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her worried that she would have to run back to the bathroom.

  She nodded. “Yes. I’m fine. For now.”

  We spent the whole night talking about it. Me, happy that she would bring a new life into this world. And, she worried about the fact that she felt sicker than she’s ever felt.

  The TV was on. Sports was on the screen, but it was muted. I checked stocks on my phone. Leah had been in the bathroom for a bit, but I didn’t want to disturb her. She seemed on edge recently. I knew she had a crazy deadline to finish, but there was something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  She came out of the bathroom, holding her stomach and gave me a weak smile

  “Adrian, we need to talk,” she said, sitting down next to me on the bed.

  “Of course,” I said, pulling her into my lap. I don’t think I could ever get tired of doing that.

  “I haven’t been feeling well, so I went to the doctor. I’m pregnant,” she said softly.

  “Seriously?” I asked.

  She chuckled at that. “Yes!”

  I smiled harder than I’ve ever smiled before pulling her lips to mine, needing to connect on another level.

  “I take it you’re happy then.”

  “Yes! If I can tell everyone, I will. I’ll tell the whole fucking world. Thank you, baby. I love you so much,” I said, finding her lips again.

  “What would you want it to be? I mean a girl or boy?”

  “Of course I wouldn’t mind a little boy, but then again a little girl that looks just like you would make me happy just as well. It doesn’t matter. As long as he or she is healthy. That is the most important thing,” I told her.

  “I think so too.”

  As I watched her focus on the game, I realized I couldn’t love her more than I already did. Every time I looked at her, something twisted in my chest. It had been that way ever since we had gotten back together. Our love was so strong now, and it warmed my heart that we had finally let go of all the mistakes of our past.

  Leah was a beautiful woman, even more so now than before. She loved me. Loved me with all of my flaws. I loved her. It was something so fierce that it shook me to my core. Any time I held her, kissed her, touched her, I knew I was a lucky man. Love had made me absolutely crazy. Crazy for Leah. And I was fine with that. Being addicted to her was worth it because I knew that we would always feel that way about each other. Nothing could ever change that.

  The End!

  Don’t Blame Me

  Song Playlist

  Backstreet Boys- Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely

  Beyoncé- Dangerously In Love

  Ed Sheeran- Perfect

  Evanescence- Bring Me to Life

  Evanescence- Going Under

  Jude Demorest, Ryan Destiny & Brittany O’Grady- Unlove You

  Natalie Imbruglia-Torn

  Sam Smith- Stay with Me

  Savage Garden- I Knew I Loved You

  Sixpence Non The Richer- Kiss Me

  Taylor Swift- Don’t Blame Me

  Hawaiian Words Glossary

  Aloha au ia’oe- I love you

  Hapa haole- person of mixed race

  Hāpai- Pregnant

  Kai- Sea

  Keiki- Child/Children

  Kuuipo- Sweetheart

  Mahina- Moon

  Maika’I no au- I am fine

  Mau Loa- Forever

  Nani- Pretty

  Ohana- Family

  Pehea ‘oe? - How are you?

  About the Author:

  Kay is an award winning author of contemporary and interracial romance. Her stories are sweet, sassy and has a touch of sexy in them. She’s from arguably the greatest city in the world. (New York). She’s a sarcastic sweetheart who prefers snuggling at home with a good book. Kay’s a mom of 3 cubs and a wife. Kay indulges in strawberry cheesecake, horror movies, Harry Potter, The Walking Dead, wrestling and of course a happily ever after. She’s the creator of Bookish Brown Girls, a platform dedicated to uplifting and supporting books written by women of color.

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  @authorkayblake