Breaking Benjamin

by Haylee Thorne

  Jill 3 hours ago….

  As promised, Mik shows up at five sharp in one of the Kingsley vehicles to pick me up. I am under no illusion that I have any say regarding any of this, so I am ready and waiting at ten minutes to five for her to arrive. As soon as I’m home, I’m ordered to my bedroom to take a shower to get prepped. After I dry my hair, I shrug into a robe and head to Mikaela’s room, where I also find Rae, both of them in Mik’s dressing room.

  Raeva has a ton of clothes. I mean, being married to a Kingsley has that very awful side-affect. Believe me when I tell you her closet is impressive and would earn the envy of any woman. Her closet looks like a tiny house compared to Mikaela’s. I’ve been in here numerous times, but I still am in awe every time I step in here.

  “Champagne?” Rae asks as she holds a glass out for me.

  I gratefully accept. If I am going to be any fun tonight, I need a little buzz.

  “Look what I got for you,” Mikaela says in a sing song voice.

  She holds out a beautiful leather dress that has thousands of little spots in a variety of colors painted atop of it. It almost looks like dragon skin; it’s beautiful. I tell her so and she beams.

  “Put it on,” she says.

  I eagerly accept the gorgeous garment and slip it over my head. Raeva helps me zip up while Mikaela stands in front of me, appraising her masterpiece. She claps her hands together and squeals with glee. I think she approves. Her reaction makes me giggle, and I realize that I have just laughed my first genuine laugh in a week. Maybe tonight is indeed exactly what I needed.

  “Oh!” Rae exclaims. “I have the perfect boots to go with these. Be right back.”

  She runs off to her own penthouse to get them, leaving me with Mikaela.

  “I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you smile, Jill.”

  “It feels good to smile.”

  I sit at Mik’s dressing table, and she positions herself behind me and starts to brush my hair.

  “I know how it feels.” I look up at her in the mirror. I know that she does, even though she never speaks about it. “And I understand why you walked away.”

  She searches for my gaze in the mirror and captures it. “I just hope that Ben doesn’t turn out to be your Eric, your one and only, because I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. Pining for the one man you know you can never have. Knowing that no man will ever understand you the way he does, will truly see who you are. I love you, and I don’t want that for you.”

  A tear rolls down her cheek. I rise to my feet and pull her into a hug. “Hey,” I tell her. “No crying allowed, remember. This is supposed to be a fun night.” I pull back enough so that I can wipe the tear from her cheek with the back of my hand and then pull her into another hug.

  “Can’t I leave the two of you alone for one freaking second?”

  Mikaela and I share a look, and she holds her hands up. “My bad.” She smiles in apology at Rae. “We’re good now.”

  Raeva nods and then holds up her phone. “River just texted that he’s headed this way, so we need to finish getting ready.”

  Raeva approaches me and whispers in a conspiratorial tone, “I am making him wear a suit.”

  I scoff. “No way.”

  “Yeah way.”

  I laugh. “Now, this, I have to see. Let’s finish up, girls!”

  When we get downstairs, both Mika and River are standing in the lobby, their backs facing us. The first thing I notice is, not only did River get a haircut, but he is in fact actually wearing a freaking suit. When he turns around, though, I’m pleased to see the River we all know and love is still present.

  “River! You promised,” Rae says with a wrinkled nose. He holds his hands up in defense. “Hey. I held up my end of the bargain. You said wear a suit. I am wearing a damn suit. I even wore the suit you sent over.”

  I chuckle. Typical rebellious River. He’s right, of course; he is wearing a suit—a very nice one at that—only instead of a dress shirt, he has paired it with the loudest Hawaiian-print shirt known to man. He cracks me up. I walk over to him and kiss his cheek.

  “I, for one, think you look fantastic,” I state in support.

  River beams at me. “That’s because you have excellent taste, my friend.”

  And, with that, we walk outside and all pile into the silver Lincoln that is waiting at the curb. River blows out a long-drawn whistle. “Fancy ride, brother-in-law. New toy?”

  “Are you in the market for a new toy, brother-in-law? Because I can set you up with my toy store,” Mika says dryly.

  “Boys and their toys,” Mikaela says as she rolls her eyes.

  Everyone happily chats and jokes during the short ride to Indigenous. When we pull up to the curb, I’m the last one to climb out, River waiting to assist me. We step into the restaurant, and I notice my hands are empty and slap myself on the forehead. “Crap, I left my purse in the car. I’ll be right back,” I say as I turn to leave.

  “Don’t be silly, I’ll get it.” Before I can even respond, he’s already shot back out the door in search of my purse. I linger at the hostess’ stand for only a few moments before the door opens again, and River steps in waving my purse. I do a little dance as I make my way over to him and throw my arms around him, placing a kiss on his cheek in thanks.

  “Oh, River, you’re my hero! Thank you!” I beam.

  “You’re very welcome.” River slides his arm around my shoulder to lead me into the restaurant, where we spot our table mates quickly. Only, it seems that we now have a few more guests in our party. Drew and Hannah Sapphire are also here, and the girls are working to have our tables joined for dinner. A pang of pain flinches through me, followed by relief when I realize Ben doesn’t seem to be with them.

  I move to greet Hannah and introduce her to River. I ask where Drew is, and she points somewhere behind me. I turn around to wave at Drew, and that’s when I see him. The entire planet spins and falls off its axis, making it feel like the room is spinning out of control. I can feel the color drain from my face as my jaw goes slack. What the fuck is he doing here?

  My first instinct is to run as my eyes dart to the exit. But, no, I can’t let him see that he affects me in any way. I don’t want him to think he has power over me, even though I know the truth. Damnit, he totally does. I’m not sure if he’s noticed me, but everyone starts to take their seats, and of course, by some damn misfortune, the only two chairs available are directly across from Ben and Hannah. To make matters worse, when River pulls my chair out for me, he reaches for the one directly across from Ben.

  What am I supposed to do, act like a child and tell him I don’t want sit across from the mean boy that broke my heart? Ugh, that’s not even accurate because he doesn’t even know he broke my heart. I plaster a smile on my face, thank River, and then gracefully sink into the chair. I can’t help myself, but my eyes are fixed on Ben to gauge his reaction. I can’t believe my heart is betraying me like this; beating out of control, as if she is trying to escape from my chest and jump into Ben‘s arms. He looks up and our eyes finally connect. The look on his face speaks volumes; he doesn’t want to see me at all. And fuck me if that doesn’t hurt like hell, especially after the curt greeting he gives me.

  River sits next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. He knows I always get cold in restaurants. He gestures up, and my eyes follow, noticing the vent blowing cold air above our heads. I see now why he chose this seat for me. He’s the one directly under the vent. “This okay, Jillybean?”

  I nod my head. I seem unable to keep my eyes from wandering back to Ben. It’s as if he is silently calling for me. Or am I making this shit up in my head? I’m not sure what Rae has told River about Ben, but I do know that River can scoop out a situation like no other. He introduces himself to Ben, and I get a real strange vibe from the interaction. There is definitely some kind of silent pissing match happening between them, with me being the object of their attention, which is a ridiculous thought. Ben is the one who stated
he wanted to keep things professional between us. Ben looks at me and cocks his head, a look of contempt marring his chiseled features.

  “Perhaps you should teach him to chew with his mouth closed and not talk when his mouth his full. I mean, really, Jill, are you sure he’s even old enough to drink?”

  Are you fucking kidding me?

  I narrow my eyes as my temper tries to get away from me, smiling in an attempt to disguise my anger. “Oh, don’t you worry, Benny, he’s more than old enough to drink. In fact, he could probably teach an old dog like you a few new tricks.”

  He scoffs. “I highly doubt that boy could teach me anything.” His lip rises in a sneer.

  Dick.

  “But,” he continues, “if you need a reminder of what I do and don’t know, Jill, I’d be more than happy to show you.”

  I can’t believe he actually just said that. I’m so pissed. I sit and stew for a second, watching as he takes his thumb and traces it sexily over his lip, his eyes locked on mine. When he sees me looking, he chuckles. He’s such an ass, and I’ve had enough. I rise to my feet, deposit my napkin on the table, and grab my purse.

  “Excuse me, please.”

  I intend to just go to the ladies’ room, but I am so angry I know I need more than just a moment. When my gaze falls on the exit door, I make a snap decision. “Fuck it,” I mutter angrily under my breath.

  When I get outside, I realize the car has left. Dammit. I pull out my phone and order a cab. Impatiently pacing on the sidewalk, I wait for my ride when Ben storms out of the restaurant and stands in front of me, forcing me to stop pacing. And I just snap. “Just who the hell do you think you are, Benjamin Sapphire? You have no right. None! How dare you insult my friend like that, and then blatantly come on to me in front of the entire table!”

  He opens his mouth, but I don’t want to hear a damn thing from him anymore. I am over it. Done. And I tell him so while poking him in the chest.

  “You know what, Jill?” he says as he grabs my hand. He towers over me and closes the distance between us. I try to retreat, but not out of fear; I am not scared of Ben. No, I back up out of self-preservation. Because even though this man has just acted like a gigantic twat bucket, my body screams for him. I want him. Suddenly, there’s nowhere else to go. The brick wall that is halting my escape is pressing against my back. Ben pushes against me, and I can feel how hard he is. I swallow, raising my eyes to find his blazing ones staring back at me.

  “There is not a goddamn thing I want to say to you anyway. But I sure as fuck know what I want to do to you.”

  The next thing I know, his lips slam against mine and my world spins out of control. Just when I think my legs are going to collapse under me, he pulls away and looks at me in confusion. Before I can even gather my wits, he’s apologizing and then walking away.

  I watch in a daze, unable to react. What the fuck was that? How could he kiss me like that and then tell me he regrets it? You don’t kiss someone like that and regret it. No way. Benjamin Sapphire owes me some answers, and I am going to go get them.

  Chapter 12

  What the fuck did I just do? I tell her we need to keep things professional and then act like a jealous school boy the moment I see her with a man—okay, I still contend he’s a child—on her arm? My strides are long and heavy as I walk away, afraid to look back, because I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop myself from turning around and dragging her back home with me if I look at her one more time. Why does she have to be so goddamn beautiful, so smart, so irresistibly challenging?

  I head closer to the curb so I can hail a cab and am happily surprised, and extremely relieved, when I see the Escalade pull up beside me and the passenger window sliding down. David, Drew’s right hand man, is leaning toward the window. “You want me to take you somewhere, Benjamin?”

  I nod and move to the back door to open it and then settle myself inside the vehicle. “Thanks, appreciate it.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, sir.” He pulls smoothly out into traffic and then meets my eyes in the rearview. “Where can I take you?”

  I scrub my hand over my rough beard, wondering momentarily if it’s time for me to actually shave it, and then shrug. “Home, I guess. I don’t think I’m going to be good company for anyone tonight.”

  “Home it is.” Minutes later, we arrive in front of my building, and I help myself out of the back seat and slam the door shut behind me. I give David a short wave of thanks and then turn toward the front doors. I’m about to go in when my phone starts vibrating against my chest. I reach inside my jacket and pull it out, knowing already it’s either going to be Hannah or Ben. I grimace when I see Hannah’s name on the screen and swipe left to read her message.

  -What in the world is the matter with you? How dare you treat Jill and River the way you did! I’m so mad at you right now, Ben!

  I shake my head, knowing I’m going to have to go over and see her tomorrow with my tail between my legs to apologize. Because, of course, she’s right. I acted like a complete asshole. My phone buzzes again, and I read the next text, a smile small forming on my lips, thinking again how goddamn lucky my brother got.

  -David said he took you home. Are you okay? Call me if you need to talk.

  I slide my phone back in my jacket pocket and then enter the lobby of my building, taking the elevator up to my loft. I walk in, shrug my jacket off, and walk straight to the kitchen to pour myself a drink. I think some whiskey is in order, if I do say so myself. Lots and lots of whiskey. Whatever I have to do to get Jill out of my goddamn head.

  I grab the first bottle I see out of the cupboard—I have many, mostly gifts from clients and staff—and a glass, then pour myself a good four fingers of the amber liquid. Just smelling it makes my mouth water as I take a long drink and moan in relief. I head to one of the couches, pulling my shirt from my slacks, working the buttons undone as I go, and am about to sink down when the buzzer for the elevator sounds.

  Shit. Maybe Hannah decided she was going to rip me a new one tonight instead of tomorrow. I must have really pissed her off. I stride quickly over to the call button and press the intercom button. “Yep.”

  “Ben?” I rear back in surprise when Jill’s curt voice reaches my ears. She’s definitely not who I was expecting.

  “Jill?” I respond. “What are you doing here?”

  “Let me up, Ben. I have a few things I want to say to you.”

  Shit. I can hear the anger in her voice and sigh deeply as I press the button to release the elevator. This should be fucking fun.

  I set my drink down on the table and, moving to stand in front of the elevators, shove my hands in the pockets of my slacks as I wait for her. After what feels like an eternity, the doors slide open, my breath once again catching at her beauty.

  She stomps her foot on the floor of the elevator, rolls her eyes, and then storms past me. “Jesus Christ, Ben! Really? Do you have to stand there and look like… like that?” She waves her hand up and down the length of my body.

  I look down to scan myself and then back up at her, my brows creased in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about, Jill?”

  “Argh!” She slams her purse on the table, twirls around to face me, and places her curled up little fists on her hips. Jesus, she’s fucking adorable when she’s pissed. I can’t help the smirk that dances across my lips as I watch her, fascinated.

  “You really have no idea, do you?” she spits out. “And wipe that smirk off your face!”

  I watch as she takes a few steps closer to me, her eyes trailing down my bare chest, and then I realize what she meant. Well, fuck, I just scored a point and wasn’t even trying. I take a step closer, purposely trying to invade her space, and cheer internally when I see her falter and stand in place. “Where’s your man-child? Won’t he be upset that you left him and came running back to me?”

  I know I’m pushing my limits here, but if I don’t do something to really piss her off, really make her want to leave, I’m going
to do something both of us may regret.

  “You are such an asshole.” She stomps her foot in place again, her hair swishing back and forth as she shakes her head in anger. “First of all, River is a friend. He’s Rae’s younger brother, whom I have known since he was a child, so why don’t you just put that jealous shit on a shelf and move on!”

  My brows raise at the fact that River wasn’t her date at all, and I’m immediately torn in two by feelings of relief and then embarrassment for my assumptions and behavior. She must read the emotion on my face because she doesn’t wait for me to reply before continuing.

  “Yes, not feeling so high and mighty now, are you, Mr. Sapphire?”

  I growl and take another step toward her. “Don’t call me that. You know I hate it.”

  She’s taunting me now, because she takes a step closer, the distance between us mere inches, and tilts her head up to mine and smiles sweetly. “And I hate that you tell me in one breath that we need to keep things professional, but then you act like a jealous husband the first time you see me on another man’s arm.”

  Her breath is coming out in short pants, the heat of it invading my nostrils every time I inhale, reminding me exactly what she tastes like. My gaze flicks to her mouth, her eyes, and then back to her mouth again. The angle of her head changes and rears back slightly, and I know she’s registered what I must be thinking. I want her. I want her so fucking badly that having her this close is making it very goddamn hard not to do what every instinct in my body is screaming at me to do.

  I surprise myself, and, I think, her, when I reach forward and cup her face gently in my hands and speak softly. “And that’s why I said I was sorry. You deserve better than this, Jill. I’m a fucking mess. You deserve someone whole, and good, and who isn’t afraid to love you the way you should be. I’m broken, Jill. Maybe beyond repair.”