Bleeding Heart (The Heart's Spring Book 2)

by Amber Stokes

  After they ate a small supper, Myghal went straight to sleep, while Joe kept the first watch of the night as he leaned up against a tree. Not a word had been spoken between any of them except, “Pass the biscuits.”

  Suddenly, Sally was starved for communication. She didn’t want to face her nightmares quite yet, and it was too painful to lie awake in silence. So she climbed out of her bedroll and walked over to Joe, sitting down beside him and hoping that he wouldn’t send her away.

  He didn’t.

  “What do ya want, Sally?”

  “Whatever happened between you and Elizabeth?”

  She’d heard bits and pieces – gossip that had filtered down from the rest of Jacob’s girls and some nosy miners who loved nothing better than a good heartbreak story. But she wanted to hear Joe’s side from his own mouth.

  “She never loved me.” He stared unblinkingly at the fire a few feet away.

  “But you were going to be married, weren’t you? She must have loved you.”

  He shook his head. “She loved David.”

  A fire rose in Sally’s face at the mention of the man’s name. David was the one who came to Jacob that night, wanting answers about why the brothel owner was deceiving Elizabeth, Jacob’s sister. At least, those were the words he spoke aloud. But Sally knew betrayal and hurt when she saw it. The man was upset about something that had just happened, and if Sally was any good at reading body language, she knew that “something” had to do with his girl and another man. She recognized the agony written on his face as the same stabbing sensation she had felt when Jack left. Seeing David like that, she suddenly hadn’t felt alone.

  I know what it’s like to be cast aside. But we can make each other feel wanted tonight.

  She had never made such an offer before. Always, it was Jacob setting up her nights or another man approaching her as she danced or played cards with the whole sorry lot of them. But that one time she made the proposition. She wanted to heal this man’s heart, and maybe, in the process, he would heal hers.

  They had only been in each other’s arms for a moment, just started kissing and letting go of their cares, when Myghal dumped the contents of her room’s water pitcher over them. Myghal was David’s friend, and as such he was protecting the man – from her. He led David away, leaving Sally alone once again. She saw no one else that night as she sobbed into her pillow, feeling for all the world like Jack had left her again.

  Remembering all that had transpired, she realized that Joe was the man who had caused David all that misery. It was Joe who had fallen in love with David’s girl.

  Inexplicable anger filled her. “So she loved David, huh? And knowing that, you still tried to steal her away from him.” Bitterness punctuated her words as they hung in the smoky air.

  Joe finally looked at her, his fists clenched tight. “It wasn’t like I chose to love her despite David’s feelings. It just happened. Love isn’t a choice.”

  “Isn’t it?” She didn’t really know what she was asking. It didn’t feel like a choice when it came to her feelings for Jack. So why was she goading Joe?

  “You tell me. And when you find out all the secrets of love and the answer to a perfect relationship, come back and let me know.” He spat the words at her, his sandy hair falling across his forehead like a cloud crossing the moon. Mysterious. Frightening.

  Reaching out, she brushed his hair back, not wanting his eyes to be shadowed. She needed to see his emotions, wanted to know what he was thinking.

  He captured her wrist, and her hand moved down to his bristly cheek, cupping his face. There was nothing more to say, for he knew as well as she that she had no such answers, but seeing the vulnerability in his amber eyes, she suddenly wished she could put his heart – and her own – at ease.

  Her eyes drifted to his mouth. A kiss in this moment would be explosive and far too difficult to contain. So, while all of her training and experiences over the past three years begged her to linger, she drew back and slowly slid her fingers down and away from his face.

  “Good night, Joe,” she murmured, turning away from him and the fire.

  ***

  Sally’s touch lingered for weeks, just as the words from their conversation echoed in his head. Joe wanted to throw the girl over his shoulder and haul her back to Falk – or maybe even to Virginia City, to his brother’s ranch. Ranching suited him, so maybe it was time to face the past as Sally was doing and find the life he once loved, despite the fact that he didn’t approve of her head-on manner. What on God’s green earth could she hope to gain by searching for Jack again? The man obviously never wanted to be found.

  Before any of them seemed prepared for it, they arrived at the Deschutes River – at the spot in central Oregon where Jack was supposed to have settled. The river was bright and wide and wild. The land around it held a certain vast solitude that reminded him of Nevada, although the terrain here was different. Volcanic rocks formed craggy peaks across the landscape, and the place seemed somehow more alive and hopeful than Virginia City. Joe had to admit that the area was beautiful.

  The least prepared of them, perhaps, was Sally herself, as far as Joe could tell. She had been quieter since their detour to see the ocean, but now she was stone silent. The first time they caught sight of what appeared to be Jack’s cabin in the distance, Sally’s face drained of color.

  He put his arm around her to steady her – and himself. “Sally? Are ya sure you want to do this?”

  Why couldn’t she just forget the whole ridiculous thing? It was unrealistic to expect anything but disdain from this man, but more than that, Joe feared that her apparent desire might be fulfilled. What if Sally and Jack shared the same sort of connection that Elizabeth and David did? David had left Elizabeth, too, but she still chose him over Joe. His heart couldn’t take such an emotional beating again.

  “Of course I want to do this.”

  She lifted her chin, but her voice lacked any conviction. She leaned heavily against him, and he turned, grabbing her upper arms and trying to catch her gaze.

  “Sally? Look at me.”

  She did, right before she fainted.

  Gathering her into his arms, he looked helplessly to Myghal. “She can’t be serious about doing this. I don’t know why we even allowed this to come as far as it has. We should just go.”

  Myghal worked his jaw, looking for all the world like he wanted to agree with Joe. Instead, he replied, “Ye know we cain’t. She’ll never forgive us if we don’t let her say what she came here to say.”

  “Ya think she only wants to say something?” He pulled her tighter against his chest, weighing his options and Sally’s possible courses of action. “You know Sally. She’s not goin’ to settle for mere words. The man will either take her back or face some sort of outrageous plan of revenge.”

  “I know.”

  “I don’t want either of those things to happen.” He glanced down at her pale face, wishing he had some sort of control over her, wishing she would listen.

  “Neither do I.”

  “So what are we goin’ to do?”

  Sighing and rubbing his hands on his ragged pants, Myghal said, “We’re just goin’ to be right here. We both know this isn’t goin’ to end well for her, but she’s got to see that for herself – we’ll never convince her of it. So we’ll just be there for her when that good-for-nothin’ man breaks her heart again.”

  He lifted his gaze to the winding river and the distant mountains. I want to do more.

  He couldn’t say the words out loud, because he knew that what Myghal said was true. Sally was determined to face Jack, to have her love reciprocated or avenged.

  Sally stirred in his arms, and, in that moment before she gained consciousness, he drew her close and leaned his forehead down to touch hers. Then he kissed her cheek, a light brush like the breeze on the river. He decided then and there that he would be there for her, no matter what happened.

  When she opened her eyes, he mustered a smile. “Are
ya all right?”

  “Did I faint?” She sounded confused, lost.

  “Yeah.”

  She sighed, her lashes settling like feathers against her soft skin. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t try to explain it away. There was no need.

  Slowly, he set her down, keeping an arm around her waist to make sure she could stand without his help. She looked out at Jack’s cabin again, hesitantly taking a step forward, away from him. He longed to hold her again, to bring her back. But he let her go.

  After a few steps, she looked back at him and Myghal. “You – you won’t leave without me?” There was a note of pleading in her voice.

  “No, Sally. We’ll be right here. Unless you want me to come…?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine. I just wanted to be sure…”

  He nodded, understanding her fear and wanting to go with her just so he could make Jack regret his part in causing it.

  Then she turned her back on both of them and headed straight to Jack’s front door. She looked so small against the winding length of the river that was shining painfully bright in the afternoon sunshine.

  Joe shielded his eyes with one hand and clenched his other hand into a fist. No matter what the outcome, he knew that this moment would haunt him for years to come.

  Chapter 12

  Three years. An eternity. A moment in time. And now she was walking up to Jack’s front porch as if she were coming to greet a new neighbor. Her head hurt, her stomach fluttered, and tears sprang to her eyes. All this time, and she had never decided what exactly she would say when she saw him again. A thousand words had been spoken to her reflection in the mirror behind Jacob’s bar, but now not one came to mind. All she wanted to do was fling herself into his arms as soon as he opened the door.

  With all the seriousness and expectation of a walk down a church aisle, she made her way up the porch steps, but she couldn’t bring herself to knock on the door. She stood frozen, feeling as scared as she had the day Jack left. What if he abandoned her again? Surely her heart would be crushed beyond repair.

  A sudden movement brought her wide eyes to the window. As if she were seeing her dreams playing out before her startled gaze, she saw Jack – sporting a dark, well-trimmed beard and a look of contentment she had never seen before – sitting at a crude little table. Oh, he looked better than he ever had before! He was a mature man, settled down just as she had always wished.

  Then something else in the room moved. A woman approached the table, a bright smile on her face and wisps of brown hair covering her smooth forehead. She seemed…happy. Brushing some flour off of her apron, the woman leaned close to Jack and kissed him. When they pulled back, their eyes met for a long moment, and they shared a smile – so similar to the ones Jack had given Sally, but this one wasn’t for her.

  Biting her lip, Sally put her hand to the glass. Never had she expected this. Jack had found someone else, and he was happy.

  After a brief moment, the cold of the window glass seeped into her hand, and she gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth. He’s happy. Her heart thrilled to see it just a second before it plummeted, leaving her sick and weary.

  Irrationally, she longed to meet Jack’s gaze, to know that what they’d shared was real – that he hadn’t forgotten. But the pain in her chest told her it was real for her, no matter what Jack had felt.

  Keeping her trembling fingers to her lips, she turned and fled. Off the porch. Away from where she had left Joe and Myghal. Anywhere. Away.

  Landing somewhere by the edge of the river, she waited for the tears to come. Her hand hovered over the clear water, a mere pulse of her heart away from touching the window glass again. Her breath came in short, ragged gasps. But no tears came.

  Plunging her hand into the water, she brought it back out with a cry and a splash of frigid water to her dry cheeks.

  Something was over, and a part of her wouldn’t accept it. While her brain had been preoccupied with daily survival, her heart had repeated Jack’s name so many times that she had eventually defined her future happiness with that one word – Jack. Marrying Jack. Loving Jack. Growing old with Jack. Laughing with Jack. Basking in Jack’s smile. Hiding in Jack’s arms.

  Now someone else had claimed that happiness. And where did that leave her?

  Looking up at the cruel, sunny sky, she whispered, “God, I… I don’t know… I can’t…”

  A gentle hand touched her shoulder, and finally the tears fell. First, one slid down her cheek, then another, and then she began to sob. Heaving, she leaned over the river.

  Water to water. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

  A mirror mocking her, telling her that all her rehearsals behind the bar never changed anything.

  Broken glass cutting up her heart – bleeding, bleeding, bleeding…

  ***

  Sally’s nightmares had become reality, and Joe couldn’t fix the problem by waking her up. He wished he could, because her gut-wrenching, hopeless sobs were breaking his heart.

  All he could do was sit there beside her, reminding her that she wasn’t alone. He kept his hand on her shoulder – a physical connection that spoke of a promise to stay by her side.

  She was crying so hard that Joe began to worry she would make herself really ill. “Sally…”

  He couldn’t tell her it would be all right. He couldn’t say anything that would comfort her. So he pulled her into his embrace and held her close, not speaking a word.

  As Sally gripped his shirt, Joe looked up and saw Myghal standing nearby, several yards from the riverbank. Joe had never seen the man look so distraught. His hands shook before forming into fists, and his eyes locked on Sally with a deep, commiserating sorrow, but he didn’t come any closer.

  Resting his cheek on her soft hair, Joe prayed silently for mercy.

  Part II: Fear Not

  “Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee: thou saidst, Fear not.”

  Lamentations 3:57

  Chapter 13

  Is this how a girl is supposed to feel on her wedding day?

  Sally glanced down at her plain, white cotton dress, smoothing the skirt with trembling fingers. The trip back to California had been solemn, as if accompanied by the sounds of a funeral march. In a way, it had been. Her cries had filled her sleepless nights as she mourned the death of a love that never should have died.

  Somehow, they made it back to these hills fifty miles north of Eureka, where the lupines had enchanted them weeks ago. Most of the flowers were dried up now, but the grass was still green, and Joe agreed they wouldn’t find a better place to get married.

  She sat down in the grass, tired of waiting for Joe to finish talking with the preacher they had brought back with them from the closest town. She couldn’t fathom what the man must think of them and of her, especially, and her insistence that their wedding take place outdoors and not in a church. It was the only issue she had voiced on the subject, too weary to fight on Joe’s behalf.

  He deserved someone better, someone desirable, but she didn’t have the heart to push her only hope away. Who else would ever marry her? Perhaps Rufus might still have her, but he wasn’t an option.

  And Jack would never be hers again.

  Sensing someone watching her, she looked up to find Myghal standing a few feet away, holding something in his hands. He approached and sat down beside her, one knee bent close to his chest, the other stretched out before him. A moment passed before he set the flowering stems on her skirt.

  “I found these growing at the edge o’ the woods. A woman should have flowers on her wedding day.”

  The blushing pink of the flowers stood out against the white of her dress. Her breath caught in her throat as she studied them. The puffy little blooms resembled hearts dripping blood, or perhaps tears.

  Her gaze flew to Myghal’s face, but he wasn’t looking at her. He was playing with a blade of grass, staring at the fog drifting over the distant hills.

  She didn’t know what to say,
or what to make of his offering. Reaching out to touch one of the blossoms, her hand shook, and she thought better of it, afraid to crush the beautiful, fragile gift. She clutched her hands together and set them in her lap, a safe distance away from the flowers.

  “I won’t be goin’ back to Virginia City with ye. I thought I’d give Falk another chance.”

  She nodded, unable to respond.

  He flexed his fingers, his arm resting across his knee and his hand dangling in the space between them. “Joe’s a good man. He’ll take care of ya, but ye will have to be patient with him.”

  The idea of Myghal taking Joe’s place briefly floated through her mind like a cloud crossing the murky gray of the sky. As soon as it appeared, it blended into the background of her thoughts. It was a wisp that couldn’t be contained. Myghal was an adventurer who wouldn’t settle down – not for the likes of her, anyway.

  She tossed her head, trying to jar her mind’s wicked wanderings, ashamed. Joe was a good man, and she should be grateful he was willing to take her, to provide for her. She only wished she could wear the dress he bought her with no guilt, and no memories of past indiscretions and past heartbreak staining its purity.

  “Myghal, I…”

  No longer hearing the rumble of Joe’s voice mixed with the gravel of the reverend’s, she glanced back. They were heading their direction. Both determination and a sense of pleading for something she couldn’t define churned in her stomach.

  “It’ll be all right, lass.”

  Myghal’s hand hovered in her vision, and she looked up and finally met his gaze, her heart in her eyes. His soft smile gave her the strength to meet Joe with a small smile of her own.

  ***

  There was once a time, not so very long ago, when Joe would have been too afraid to ask someone to marry him…again. That was before he had gotten to know someone with a genuinely broken and bleeding heart like his – someone who needed him. Together, they could help each other heal. He had promised, if only to himself, that he would be there for her. And so he would.