“How did you manage that? I thought you had to be touching someone to Search them.”
Her mouth turned up in a small smile. “It’s not easy, but it is possible. Most Searchers can only skim the surface if they aren’t making physical contact with the person—and sometimes not even then— depending on how strong the person’s walls are. Kayden keeps his walls firm, so it took a lot of concentration on my part. I’m not sure if a regular Searcher could’ve done it.”
I held up my hand. “Wait, so there is a way to keep someone from Searching you? To put up some kind of wall? Why wouldn’t you tell me that? I would’ve tried to build one, or whatever.”
“Because, your walls are already as impenetrable as they get. I think it has something to do with you being a Warrior.”
I furrowed my brow. “That’s not true, Akira Searched me, so did the queen, and you do it all the time.”
She shook her head. “You gave them permission to. You let down your walls so that they were able to. And I don’t really Search you that much. You’re my sister, and I just know you better than anyone else. The only reason I was able to access your memories the other night was because you were really vulnerable at the time. Plus, you let down your guard a little around me. Trust me, no one can Search you unless you want them to.”
I took this all in, making a mental note to do a little more research later on. Taking a deep breath, I asked, “So… what did you see?”
I didn’t have to explain, Nelly was almost always on the same page as me. She hesitated, though, and I got the feeling that she was deciding whether or not to tell me. After a few long moments, she sighed. “I’m not sure. The first time I Searched him, it was so strange because what I saw reminded me of…”
I tilted my head. “Reminded you of what?”
“Well, it reminded me of you, of when I Search you. You both carry so much pain inside of you, and it burns so bright that sometimes it’s painful just to see it. It’s like staring into the sun, glorious and impossible at the same time. And until I met Kayden, I had never seen anything like that in anyone other than you.”
I plopped back down on the grass, trying to take in what she was saying, but she continued. “Then last night, when I saw you two holding each other, I did another Search. It was easier than it usually is because both of you had your walls completely down. I’ve never seen you so open before.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “And I watched the fire that usually burns inside of you both… lessen. The burning feeling I get when I usually see it wasn’t so bad. It was like you guys took the pain from each other. Like you guys balanced each other out, just by touching. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen… It scared me a little too.”
That made two of us. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I didn’t say anything at all. I’d known that Kayden made me feel open and vulnerable. I had even known that I was always happy when he was around, but I hadn’t known that I took some of his hurt away too. I was beginning to think I may have made a very bad choice by telling him to stay away from me.
I cleared the lump that seemed to be forming in my throat. “What does that mean?”
She looked over at me, her hazel eyes bright with concern. “I’m not sure, Lex. I really don’t know.”
Nelly hopped up and held out her hand for me. I took it and stood up. “Where are we going?”
She smiled. “I’m supposed to have lunch with Daniel. You’re welcome to come if you want.”
I shook my head. “Nah, I have some things that wanted to look into today.”
She gave me a curious look, but I just shrugged. “Just a little homework.”
Nelly laughed out loud at this. “Oh, come on. At least come up with a believable lie.”
“Hey, I’ve done homework before!” She raised an eyebrow at this, and I couldn’t help a laugh. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s get back. Daniel might send out a search team if you’re late.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I dropped Nelly off at her dorm and headed to the library. When I got there, I asked the librarian if I could borrow a pen and some paper. She handed me some and gave me a warm smile.
“Can I help you find anything, Warrior?” she asked.
I glanced around me and leaned forward. “Yeah, actually, I wanted to do a little research on my people. Are there any books here about Warriors?”
She smiled again. “Of course, I’ll show you.”
She led me over to a section that held multiple books that claimed to be about Warriors. I took a deep breath when I saw how many there were. I guessed I was going to be there for a while. I thanked her and she scuttled off to do what I assumed was important librarian stuff. I pulled three big books off the shelf and sat down at a table near the back of the library. Cracking one open, I began my work.
Three hours later, I was frustrated and ready to give up. I had learned a lot of interesting history about Warriors, but none of the books had the answers I was looking for. Frustrated, I replaced the books and went to go return the pen to the librarian. She called out to me as I was heading out the door. “Warrior?” she whispered.
I turned back to her. “Yes?”
She waved for me to come closer. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
I was about to tell her that I did, but reconsidered. “No, I didn’t actually.”
She nodded as though she’d expected this and brought her voice down so that I had a strain to hear her words. “Stay there a moment. I may have something that will help.”
She disappeared behind a door, and I stood there waiting. A few moments later, she returned holding a very old-looking journal in her hands. She glanced all around before reaching under my jacket and stuffing the journal inside. I gave her a skeptical look, but didn’t protest.
“I trust that you’ll return this tomorrow. We can’t have anyone notice its absence,” she whispered.
I nodded and adjusted the journal so it wouldn’t fall out of my jacket. “Absolutely… thank you.”
A few other people entered the library, and her tone returned to normal. “You’re welcome, good luck with your test tomorrow.”
I furrowed my brow, and she gave me a smile that told me to go along with it. I smiled back. “Yeah, thanks again.”
I went straight back to my room, anxious to see what was in the mysterious journal I’d just been given. When I got there, however, someone was already waiting for me outside of my door.
“Hey, Jack, what’s up?”
Jackson smiled and scooped me up in a bear hug. “Hey, darling, I’ve been waiting for you to get back.”
I clutched the journal that was still hidden under my jacket. “Yeah, I noticed… I need to change clothes. You want to come in for a minute?”
His eyes lit up. “Who would say no to that?”
I slapped his arm playfully and opened the door. Once inside, I went into my bathroom and changed out of my running attire, slipping the journal in the cabinet underneath the sink. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and put on one of the sundresses I had bought on the shopping trip with Nelly. Then, I stepped back into the room with Jackson. He looked nervous about something.
“What’s on your mind, Jack?”
He shrugged. “You hungry?”
I nodded emphatically, and he laughed. I hadn’t eaten yet today, and it was almost dinnertime. “Why? You got some food?”
He laughed again, and I remembered how much I loved the sound of it. “No… actually, I came to see if you wanted to go get something to eat… with me.”
I smiled at his apprehension. Jackson was one of the most confident guys I had ever known, and it was kind of charming to see him nervous. “Jackson,” I said, feigning shock, “are you asking me out on a date?”
A smile lit up his green eyes. “That depends. Are you saying yes?”
I pretended to mull this over, and I saw his earlier nervousness return. “I am really hungry…”
“Alexa, I
—”
“I would love to, Jack.”
His face lit up again, and he gripped me in another hug. “Great. I think I saw a place you’ll like. You ready?”
My stomach grumbled as if in answer. We laughed and headed into the city.
The place where Jack took me served Italian food, which is one of my favorites. It had a cute little patio area outside that had strings of lights hanging from posts. He requested a table for two, and since it was pretty warm outside, we sat on the patio. It was kind of… romantic.
He pulled out my chair and I sat down. “What’s the occasion?” I asked, once he took his seat across from me.
He shrugged. “I just wanted to spend some time with you.”
I smiled. “You always know what to say.”
He ordered me spaghetti and meatballs, and I wondered at how he knew that was my favorite. We talked and laughed, and I settled into what seemed to be like the beginning of a great evening with my best friend. Then, he went and said something that made me almost choke on my noodles.
“I want you to be my girlfriend,” he blurted out.
I took a desperate sip of my water to buy time, clearing my throat, I said, “Wow. What brought that on?”
Stupid, I know. But I didn’t really know what else to say.
He looked down at his hands, and then back up at me. “I’ve always wanted you to be my girlfriend.” He said this as if it should have been obvious, and really, it probably should have.
When I remained silent, he continued, “You don’t have to answer now. You know how I feel about you. At least… I hope you do. I just want you to know that I’m serious. I want, well, I want you to be mine.”
I stared at him for a long time. Stared into those beautiful green eyes and saw that he really was absolutely serious. I don’t know why I had never seen it before. I guess I had always thought that he was just joking when he said affectionate things to me, but looking at him now, I knew I had been wrong. Then, a thought came to mind completely unwarranted: What about Kayden? I wasn’t in love with him or anything. I had told him to leave me alone, so why was he always invading my mind at the most inconvenient of times?
I liked Jackson. I had always liked him, so what was wrong with being his girl? It might even be nice to have a boyfriend, though I wouldn’t know because I had never had one. Human boys had never liked me in that way. They had avoided me like everyone else in that world had. But Jack had always been there for me. Even before he knew that I was a Warrior. He’d always tried to protect me. He’d always loved me.
That realization hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Jack loved me. He had loved me at a time when so few people cared if I lived or died. But, Jackson cared. Jackson had always cared.
I made my decision, pushing thoughts of Kayden out of my head, and hoping I wasn’t making a big mistake. “Okay.”
A huge smile spread across his face, and it warmed me. “Okay?”
I nodded, my stomach feeling a little more tangled than I would have liked. “Yeah, I mean, yes… yes, I would like that.”
He blew out a relieved breath. I laughed. “What? You know I like you. I’ve always liked you,” I told him.
He ran a hand through his thick hair. “I know,” I raised an eyebrow, and he continued, “I mean, I didn’t know, but… never mind.
It doesn’t matter.”
“What doesn’t matter?” I asked.
He looked like he didn’t want to say, but he told me anyway. “Well, I was starting to think you had a thing for that Kayden guy.”
I tried to put a look on my face that said ridiculous. “That’s ridiculous,” I said. “What would make you think that?”
I hoped I didn’t sound like I was lying. Was the strange connection between Kayden and me obvious to everyone? Apparently.
He sighed. “I don’t know, but I’m glad you don’t. I don’t trust that guy. The way he stares at you… It’s creepy.”
I had to snap my mouth shut so that I wouldn’t say anything stupid. I wanted to tell him that he had no reason not to like Kayden— that he was a good guy and he was definitely not creepy. I didn’t say any of those things. I said something almost as stupid.
“He doesn’t stare at me.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Come on, Lexie. Yes he does. Every guy who sees you stares at you. But the way he does it, well, it’s just not right.”
I furrowed my brow. “They stare at me because I have these stupid marks on my arm—because they haven’t seen a Warrior in over a hundred years. Why do you think it’s any weirder when he does it?”
“That’s not why they stare at you. I realize you don’t know this, it’s part of the reason I like you, but you are truly the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. And because he’s too old to be looking at you that way,” he replied.
Again, I had to stop myself from saying something stupid.
“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” I hoped that didn’t sound too defensive. I remembered something else I’d wanted to ask him. “How do you know that Victoria girl?”
He made a disgusted face. “I don’t. Not really. I just met her after we came here. She’s a Wolf, so she’s in a couple of my classes. I think she likes me.”
“Oh, you think?”
He smiled. “Don’t worry. She knows my heart belongs to you.”
I shifted in my seat as another question came to mind. “Jack… Remember that night in the woods? The night we were attacked by the Lamia?” He nodded. “How… how did you know where to find us?
How did you know that something was wrong?”
He took a moment before answering. “I was coming to check on you again. When you didn’t come to school that day, I was worried. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. But when I cut through the woods to get to your house, I caught your scent on the wind and followed it to where you were.”
“You caught my scent? ”
He tapped his nose. “Wolf, remember?”
I laughed. “It’s still hard for me to get used to the fact that none of us are human.”
The conversation flowed easily after that, like it always did with Jack. He got me some dessert, which I devoured, and then paid the bill. It was a school night, so he walked me back to my dorm room so I could get some rest before my class with Patterson first thing in the morning. I didn’t want to be late again. I was still healing from some of the injuries he’d given me last time.
Jackson pulled me to a stop when we reached my building and lifted me off my feet in one of his bear hugs. When he set me back down, I stood on my tip-toes and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
He smiled wide. “What was that for?”
I shrugged. “Dinner… And for always being there for me.”
He kissed my lips again, and this time it wasn’t as quick. My stomach began to feel warm and my eyes shut on their own accord. Then, a familiar sensation swept through me, and I went rigid with the realization of what it meant.
Chapter Forty
Jack pulled away from me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away.” I just shook my head. I was still too horrified to talk. His expression turned to one of worry. “Hey, you okay?”
I nodded, finally regaining control over my vocals. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired… Thank you for dinner. Will I see you tomorrow?”
That was a stupid question, but I couldn’t seem to think straight. I was still too mortified to compose my words.
He nodded, his face still a little concerned. “Of course. Get some sleep. I’ll see you at lunch with the others.”
He kissed my forehead and told me good night, then headed off in the direction of his dorm. As soon as he was gone, I spun around in a slow circle, looking for the only person capable of making my stomach flip the way it just had.
Sure enough, Kayden was leaning against a nearby tree. It was already dark outside, and I wouldn’t even have known it was him if I hadn’t, well, known it was him.
Part of me sai
d to run up to my room and hide under the covers, the other part whispered to go throw myself at his feet and beg for forgiveness. Both of these impulses were completely crazy, since, rationally, I had nothing to be embarrassed about. Jackson was my boyfriend, and I had no obligations to Kayden. Jack and I had kissed, and that’s what couples do, right? There was nothing wrong with what I’d done. And yet, I felt completely and utterly guilty.
I decided to approach him, and, thankfully, I didn’t fall to the ground and beg forgiveness. Instead, I propped a hand on my hip. “Hey, are you stalking me now or something?”
His face was impassive, but his eyes were full of disgust. He stared at me, and my anger flared.
I spoke my mind. “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve done nothing wrong.”
His face remained impassive, but his tone was clipped. “Like what? I didn’t say you did.”
I threw up my arms. If he wanted to play dumb, then I’d let him. “Whatever,” I said. “Why are you standing out here waiting for me, then?”
A smirk came over his face. “Who said I was waiting for you?”
My cheeks flooded with heat. How incredibly embarrassing. I didn’t know that he was here for me. Maybe I should just run up to my room, at least then I wouldn’t feel like such an idiot.
I started laughing. I was definitely embarrassed. “Whatever. Good night, then.”
I spun around and had to force myself not to run. When I made it to my room, I shut off the light and buried my face in my pillow. Maybe Patterson’s class tomorrow wouldn’t be so bad after all. There is nothing like getting your ass kicked to knock some modesty into you.
Chapter Forty-One
I didn’t sleep very well because I couldn’t get my mind off Kayden. I showered and dressed for class, remembering to throw a change of clothes in my backpack in case I got blood all over me like last time.
I made it to class fifteen minutes early, and Patterson was already there setting up. He smiled when he saw me enter. “Good morning, Warrior. You’re early,” he said with a grin.
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