Jurek thought his mind would shatter with the sounds she was making, pitiful sounds of abject terror.
Her feet! How could we have overlooked her damn feet? They are nothing but a mass of black and purple flesh. The pain she must’ve endured. And now, she’s reduced to a quivering mess, hiding in the corner, pummeled by her memories. What did those fuckers do to her?
He gently spoke to her then, soothing words and sounds, anything just so she knew it was him. He ran his hands along her body, her back, and arms, massaging her lightly, letting her know he would not hurt her. Then he lifted her into his arms, pressing her close to his heart, so she could feel it beating against her. He tucked her head into his neck, wanting her to feel him and recognize his scent as it washed over her. He sat down on her favorite perch and held her for what seemed like hours, rocking her, and using his hands to keep her calm.
The words finally came from her lips, rapidly tumbling forth; she was frantic in her urgency to release them, as if they burned her from within. “They were the dark beasts, the ones from your memory, and they ... they bit into me with their teeth. They gouged and ripped me with their claws. They beat me with heavy chains. He wanted to know what I was and what we knew about them. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I begged him to stop. He didn’t believe me. They’d chain me to a table and ...” she stopped and took a deep breath. “I’d pass out and when I’d wake up, I’d be hanging from chains, and they’d start all over again. They beat my feet. I never knew something could hurt so badly. They ate my flesh. I finally went blind. That’s when I knew I was dying. I lost all my sensory perception too ... the pain finally stopped. I didn’t hurt anymore. He knew it too. I think he was going to let them finish me off then. I knew it was you when you came.” She touched his face then and put her cheek next to his, holding herself next to him there.
The terror seemed to flow out of her then, releasing her from its talons, and he felt her tension dissolving. “I couldn’t see and I could barely hear, but I could smell you. Your scent ... I would dream about it every time I slept.” She grabbed fistfuls of his shirt in each of her hands, closed her eyes and she drifted off to sleep, feeling safe in his arms.
Jurek was sickened by what she’d described to him. If he hadn’t already killed everything in that room, he’d be down there right now avenging Liasare for what they did to her. He’d never been so physically affected by something, the way this had torn into him, ravaging his body and tearing his heart to pieces. If it were possible, he would have turned back the hands of time and traded places with her in a second. As she lay in his arms, he gazed at her, his heart aching for what she’d endured. He resolved at that moment that he would do anything for her, anything to bring her back to her happy place and make her whole again, even if he had to shelter her in his arms forever.
***
Fifteen minutes later, she awoke, screaming. Her breath was coming out in gasps, and her arms were flailing, trying to get away from the invisible creatures that were tearing her apart.
“Liasare, wake up, it’s a dream,” Jurek shouted.
“Make them stop!” she screamed. She flew out of his arms, only to land on her bruised feet, screaming again.
“Holy fuck! Liasare, sit still for a minute and I’ll heal your feet. Christ.” He was so agitated; he spun around, directionless, like an out of control vehicle, destined to crash. He had never faced anything like this before; he thought he had, but this was so different from his past life. Liasare did something to his emotions that he couldn’t explain; didn’t even dare to try.
Gaining control of his actions, he held her saying, “I’m so damn sorry. I don’t know how the hell we missed your feet when we healed you. I don’t know how we could have possibly missed them!” His frustration was pouring out of him.
Her high keening was more than he could bear. “Dear God Liasare, I’m so sorry, love. Please, please let me hold you and take this pain away,” he cried. His eyes were filled with anguish and his gut was a boiling vat of acid, churning inside of him.
He was finally able to calm her down enough to heal her feet, but his insides were still on fire and his nerves felt like they were completely raw and getting doused with alcohol. He was burning up from the inside out. Sweat dripped off his forehead and he wiped his face with his forearm. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he asked her if she felt any better.
When she nodded, he began to feel slightly relieved
“I’m so sorry. I thought we had healed everything. I swear I don’t know how we could have missed your poor feet.” He couldn’t stop apologizing.
“Stop Jurek, it’s okay. They’re fine now. What do you mean ‘we?’” she asked, sniffing, her voice shaking.
“Can we talk about this later? I think your frame of mind needs to be a bit more ... well we both need to be in a better state of mind before you hear all the details, okay?”
She nodded. He finished healing her feet and had her stand, just to make sure they felt okay.
“Thank you Jurek. For everything, but especially for getting me out of that hell. I thought I would die down there. I wanted to feel the sun on my face again.”
“Would you like to take a walk? Around Lare-Stell?”
Why did I just ask her that? What the hell was I thinking?
“Thanks, but I don’t think so. Not right now anyway. I would like a shower though.”
He was concerned about whether she was okay on her own. “Do you need help? I can help you, or I could get Naroo to help.”
She gave him a tiny smile. “I think I’ve got this.”
He nodded and left to give her some privacy.
Liasare got in the shower and the first thing she did was vigorously scrub her body. She wanted to wash the feel of those monsters off of her. She scrubbed and scrubbed, but no matter how hard she tried, she could still feel their teeth and claws all over her skin. She barely made it to the toilet before she violently heaved. She brushed her teeth over and over, trying to get the taste and smell of that dungeon out of her mouth. Then she went to the window seat at the viewing platform and watched the stars.
This became her daily routine. She shut everyone out, including Jurek. Not knowing how to cope with this horrid ordeal, she withdrew into herself. Somewhere along the way, she decided she had screwed up so she blamed herself for the whole dreadful experience, and then wouldn’t talk about it to anyone. She should have paid attention to where she was walking that day, been on closer alert for changes, instead of lost in her thoughts. Then, to make matters worse, sleep became an impossibility. Every time she closed her eyes, the dark monsters came to take her, tearing into her body again and again with their teeth and claws, torturing her. Her exhaustion was now clouding her mind, and making even the simplest of tasks, like eating or drinking, impossibly difficult. Curling up into a tight ball, hugging her knees to her chest, she would stare out at the stars with a vacant look in her eyes.
“How’s Brownie doing,” Tak asked Jurek one day.
“Not good. I don’t think she’s slept since she woke up from the healing,” Jurek explained.
Tak shook his head. “That bad, huh? Have you tried some Praestani brandy? That might help.”
“Maybe so. She’s all but shut me out. Maybe I’ll take her some tonight. She hasn’t eaten much either.”
“That is bad, considering Brownie’s appetite.” Noticing Jurek’s haggard appearance, Tak commented, “You don’t look much better yourself. Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so, but if I come up with anything, I’ll let you know.”
***
“Knock, knock,” Jurek said from outside her door, before he entered.
Liasare sat curled up on her perch at the viewing platform. Her eyes were shaded with dark purple crescents and her eyes themselves were clouded with fear. Jurek’s heart ached to see the golden sparks in her hazel orbs had all but disappeared.
“I’ve brought you something.” Jurek held
a tumbler of amber liquid out to her. “You haven’t slept in twelve days Liasare, so I’ve brought you some Praestani brandy. Guaranteed to help even the worst cases of insomnia,” he said with a soft smile.
She reached out a trembling hand and took the glass, spilling some of the contents as she held it. His eyes searched her room for something in which to dab up the drops she had spilled on herself. Spying some tissues, he grabbed a handful and started blotting up the splashes of brandy.
“Go ahead and drink it. It’ll help you sleep. I promise.”
She gave him a watery smile and nodded. She put the quivering glass to her lips and swallowed its contents. Several moments later, it made a return visit as she threw it up and made a mess on the floor.
“God, I’m sorry,” she said, her voice so weak he had to strain to hear her.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said as he went to the bathroom and came back with a couple of towels, one for her to clean herself and the other for the floor.
“Come here.” He extended his hand. She grasped it and he escorted her to the bathroom. He fixed up her toothbrush with toothpaste and when she was finished, he wiped her face with a cool cloth. “Better?” he asked. She nodded her thanks.
He took her hand and led her back to her favorite seat. When she was curled back up on her perch, he crouched down in front of her and said, “Liasare, please talk to me. I’m your friend; I know I act like an ass most of the time, but I promise you can trust me. Please tell me what’s bothering you. You haven’t slept in nearly two weeks. You hardly eat. You can’t continue like this. It’s taking a severe toll on you. What is it?” He took her hands in his and held them.
She stared at his beautiful hands and wanted to cry. All the bravery she had tried to show him over the past months vanished, and in its place was a frightened girl, one who was afraid of the dark. “I don’t want to sleep. I can’t sleep because I’m afraid. They come for me at night, when I close my eyes.”
Jurek rubbed his neck and asked, “Who comes for you?”
“The dark monsters. They come and take me and it starts all over. And then I think about how I failed you, Tak, Naroo and the rest of the team. I didn’t follow orders. I fucked up Jurek. All of this is my fault.”
He squeezed her hands and held them tightly in his. “Okay, hold on a minute. First of all, you didn’t fuck up. They took you Liasare ... took you and tortured you and you survived.” He moved his hands to her face and gently held it as he stroked her cheeks. “Do you remember that night you and I had that argument because you said I didn’t know anything about you? I told you I chose you because I knew the most important thing about you and that was that you would die for someone you love. I also told you that you were a warrior and I wanted you to fight by my side. I was right. You are a warrior, the bravest warrior I know. You proved that by staying alive. I don’t know anyone that could have done what you did. So stop thinking you failed us because you didn’t.”
“Second,” he ran his hands through her hair, pushing it off her forehead, and asked her softly, “Why haven’t you told me about the dreams? I could have helped you with that! I can protect you while you sleep and keep the monsters away. Oh Liasare, don’t you know I won’t let anything hurt you?” His eyes had lightened to the softest shade of lavender with slivers of sterling gently swirling within their depths, telling her things his words weren’t coming close to saying.
She didn’t want to believe what her heart was telling her. “Where were you when I was chained up down there? I called out to you, I screamed your name, but you didn’t come? Why did you leave me down there? I begged you to come and get me out of there. And you never came.” Her voice rose to a level that was edged with hysteria.
The idea that she thought he’d abandoned her tore through him like a tsunami. His eyes, his heart, his mouth pleaded with her. “I did come Liasare! I came for you! I searched for three days but I couldn’t find you at first. Something was interfering with your energy path. I could feel it but I couldn’t find your source. I searched and searched and didn’t stop, not for one second, until I found you dammit. Don’t you even think for one fucking minute I wasn’t losing my mind, not knowing what was happening to you. I knew you were alive, but barely. Dammit Liasare, don’t you get it? Don’t you understand what I’m telling you? Do I have to strip myself bare to you?
“Oh God Jurek, this whole thing has fucked me up so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal again.”
“When were you ever normal? We don’t live in a normal universe anymore Liasare. I’ve tried to tell you that.” He pushed the hair off of her face and kissed her. “Dear God, I was so close to losing you. I don’t ever want to feel that way again,” he said right before he stood up and lifted her up with him.
He walked with her until her back was up against the wall and he ground himself against her until she moaned. He tore the buttons apart on her shirt in his eagerness to feel her skin beneath in hands. When he looked down, he sucked in his breath, for her chest and belly was nothing but a mass of raw and chafed flesh.
“What the fuck?” His belly seized up when he saw her abraded skin. Liasare dropped her head and pulled her shirt together. “What’s happened to you? Who did this to you? Answer me Liasare.”
“No one!” she shouted. Then she added in a broken whisper, “I did it to myself,” her face bent in shame.
“Why?” he asked, shocked that she could hurt herself like that.
She began to sob. “Because I wanted to cleanse my body of their nasty touch. I wanted to wash their smell off of me. I still feel their hands, their teeth and their claws ripping into me, shredding me to pieces. And I want to forget. Is that so terrible?” She covered her face with her hands.
He took her face into his hands and answered “No, it’s not terrible at all, but I hate that you’re hurting yourself because of it. Please, don’t do it anymore.” He placed his hands on her tummy and chest and healed the abrasions. He lifted the sleeves to make sure there were no other places that needed healing. Then he lifted her face and asked, “Let me help you. I’m begging you. What can I do for you Liasare? Tell me please.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “God Liasare, your pain, your tears pierce my spirit and soul.”
She kissed him and pulled back. “Jurek, make love to me. Please. I know what you’ve always said, but erase my memories and replace them with new ones, ones that I can cherish. Make me forget them, please. I don’t want to beg but I will.”
He looked at her through half-closed eyes. He released her and walked to her closet. He came out holding another button down shirt. Tossing it to her, he said, “Put this on. I’m taking you somewhere.”
“Where?”
“Somewhere very near and dear to my heart. Now put this on. But Liasare, if we do this, this won’t be a one-night stand. A one-night stand could never be possible between us. This will be forever. I know what you think about me and my past, and my relationships with other women. You and I are different. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”
Looking into his eyes, she realized then what he was trying to tell her. That his feelings for her went far deeper than he was willing to put into words. She put the shirt on and walked up to him, holding his face between her hands. “One night stands don’t exist in my life Jurek, never have, never will. Do you understand me?”
“If we cross this threshold, there’s no going back, you know. Ever. You will be mine Liasare, forever, and forever is a very long time. Just so we’re clear.” He grabbed her hands as she moved to button the shirt. Sliding his hands underneath the fabric, he lightly ran his thumbs over her breasts, eliciting a moan from her.
“I won’t want to go back, I promise,” she gasped.
He looked at her long and hard. “Put your arms around my neck then, love, we’re going for a ride.”
She did as he told her and he lifted her up, wrapping her legs around him and he flashed her to another world.
Chapter Twenty-Fo
ur
Praestan
They materialized in a place Liasare couldn’t have conjured up in her wildest dreams. Colors so vivid, she squinted her eyes against the onslaught of sensation. Her head rested against Jurek’s shoulder, as he strode through a flower filled garden.
“Welcome home, my lord. We didn’t expect you.”
“It’s an unplanned visit, Brinna. I will be spending some time in the sanctuary, along with my guest, Liasare Davidson. Please see that we have some fruit, cheese and beverages delivered right away.” Jurek spoke as he walked, never breaking his stride.
“Yes, my lord,” Brinna answered, as she bowed.
Liasare kept her head tucked into Jurek’s neck. She was quite embarrassed, considering the manner in which he was carrying her and the way she was dressed.
“Where are we?” she whispered.
“Some place very special Liasare. You’ll soon see.” He walked through a grove of trees and rounded a curve where she heard a waterfall in the distance. As he continued to walk, the sound of the water grew closer and Liasare craned her neck, hoping to get a glimpse.
“Don’t worry, Liasare, I won’t deny you one of your pleasures. I haven’t forgotten that you love waterfalls,” he said in a husky voice.
She leaned back to look at him and found he was smiling at her. It was rare to see him smile.
“You know I’m fully capable of walking.”
“Uh huh. But then I’d deny myself the pleasure of feeling your lovely legs wrapped around me.”
Her body was on fire for him. She leaned toward his mouth but he backed away saying, “Not yet.”
Her brow furrowed, but the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile yet again. He rounded a curve and turned so Liasare could have a look at what he had intended for her to see. She gasped at the scenic beauty. It was not only a waterfall, but a series of them, leading into a pool of the greenest water. It was extraordinary. She wanted to dive in and frolic under the spray, letting the water roll over her. Jurek broke out into a hearty laugh. The sound startled Liasare, for it wasn’t often he did that.
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