“Nixie, she doesn’t talk much. We’ve been calling her Scars.” Dallas motioned to me when saying the name Scars. I reached my hand to my scars and turned away slightly. They were…
“Dallas you are such a … a …a blowfish!” Nixie turned her strange eyes to him.
“Call me an ass, Nixie It’s what you wanted to call me.” A note of playfulness carried in his voice, but before I could read more into it, I turned my left eye away.
“Leave, Dallas.” Nixie’s voice turned shrill like she was really hurt by his words. She turned away from him.
“I’ll be back later.” He slipped through the door. Silence followed the light click of the door closing.
“Now, what’s your name?”
I felt uncomfortable with the weight of her stare and the falsetto of her tone. She tried to sound upbeat and calming, but I could hear the slight wavering, the undeniable fear.
“Audrey.” It felt so strange coming from my lips. The green haired girl shrieked excitedly but it just made me want to run and hide. Instead, I cringed away from her slightly.
She barely even noticed. “Your voice is so pretty. I wouldn’t be shocked if you are a cousin of mine. Now come on. Shower time! I love the water.” All fear that undercoated her words had disappeared completely.
I was still reeling from her exuberance and didn’t realize that she grabbed for me. She was incredibly strong…or I was weaker than I realized. I tried to reclaim the hand she had taken, but she held tight, either ignoring my pulling or not noticing it. Though I fought it, I relished her soft, silky hold on me but only for a moment before the fear overrode any other feelings. They wanted something, something I didn’t have. Once they realized that, they would lock me away, alone forever. Again.
She pulled me down a narrow hallway lined with doors. I didn’t want to know what was hiding behind them. Were there more scarred, lonely people? Were there more beautiful people like Nixie? Memories I thought forgotten tried to surface, but I focused on my feet. They slapped against the wood floor, wood that wasn’t spattered by blood. I whimpered and closed my eyes, hoping the dream wouldn’t manifest. She continued to pull me along.
We stopped. The floor hitched and jerked then we were moving without moving. I opened my eyes and saw Nixie watching me closely. Her eyes kept going back to my scars and to my seemingly dead eye. I watched her eyes closely. There were a million shades of coral, making it seem as if I was underwater, looking at a reef. She didn’t know I was studying the colors shifting in her eyes; there was no curiosity in her gaze. The colors closer to the surface were darker and shiny. Lament and sympathy ran deep, to the point that I had to look away. She wanted to cry for me but kept up the bubbly appearance. The small box we were in stopped and dinged. I remembered the name now, but it had been more than four years since I had been in one, an elevator.
“Come on.” She pulled me through more hallways with fewer doors. She stopped and pulled out a key. “Sorry, my room is a complete mess. When I heard there was fellow girl in need of a shower, I practically jumped up and down volunteering.” She opened the door to reveal a much smaller version of the first room I’d been in. Two rooms split from the one. This was lived in. It was a home.
The couch and floor were littered with clothes. The couch looked maybe as old and beat up as I felt. Pictures and paintings cascaded down the walls. I looked at it all, feeling overwhelmed. Every color enhanced and held more to it. A memory, a thought, an emotion. I turned my gaze downward.
“I’ll show you to the bathroom, then see if I can find some clothes for you to wear. That whole old, dingy, hobo look isn’t going to work.” Nixie focused on the outfit that I had lived in for the past five years. Dragging me toward the bathroom, she paused at the door. “One second.” She ran in and I was left alone. I started to panic, my hands were twisting together, my weight kept shifting. The door suddenly opened wide. Nixie appeared with another bright smile.
“Well, come in!”
I stepped into her bathroom; it was much bigger than the other one that I had been allowed to use before. She had a huge tub, along with a shower. “Sorry, time for awkwardness. I know about your circumstances, but don’t worry. Only the members of Jacobs’ team know about your true background. Jacobs is playing you as a random pick up. Anyways, did you, do you um…well isn’t this awkward? Fine, okay. I can do this! Do you know how this works?”
“I was put in there when I was 16 years old.” Thank you, though. It was on the tip of my tongue. I wasn’t sure, though, if it was the right thing to say. Those words were as foreign to me as the idea of magic. It cost me more than I would have liked to have even told her what I did.
“Oh! Good! I’m going to go shoot myself in the face, I can die quicker that way than from embarrassment! Then I’ll find you some clothes! There are all the shampoos, conditioners, and soaps you’ll ever need in there. I left a brush out for you to use. Take all the time you need. Sorry to mention this but… the plumbing in the tub is really special and a bit temperamental so if you touch it and break it, I might have to kill you.” She said it all with a smile, and I kept moving farther and farther back into the room. She closed the door with a slight wave. I noticed right away that there were no locks on the door.
I stripped down, feeling exposed. Forgotten scars littered my body. While the others had allowed me to shower, I would never look at my monstrous self. Showering blindly was an easy concept. I had done it for years. It had become the place I hated myself the most. Showering was a double edge sword, it made me feel slightly human afterwards, but during…it was a nightmare come to life. I could feel their eyes always watching, always leering. That was the first year. Soon they showed their disgust. It couldn’t be hidden, the scars that riddled my body. As the years went on, I found new scars added to the others. Before bleeding could take me to a blissful world of nothingness, my body would react. I was always brought back. Always saved by my traitorous body. Freedom was not so easily won. And the hatred of my skin, of the thing I lived in, continued.
If I pretended my skin didn’t exist, for just a few minutes under the spray of water, I would pretend the water would sweep me away. I’d be lost in the liquid. The freedom I could have. The luxury of that idea is what allowed me to exist once more once I stepped out of my blind haven. I could ignore the map of horrors upon my skin. I bore a set of three on my right ribs, and another set on my left thigh. Three claw marks running from the top of my right shoulder to the back part of my left hip. The thumb and pinkie were curled in. My body was more fragile when I received the scars and didn’t react the way it does now. It looked foreign to me; it was a form that belonged to a child, something that I avoided looking at. Something that I feared to look at.
I walked into the shower and never looked too closely at my body in fear of what I would see. I remembered books where characters mentioned that showers were their safe places - their places to think, to be at peace. But what if that sanctuary turned on them, as it did for me? I didn’t want to spend any more time in there than I had to. I didn’t want to look down as I scrubbed myself clean. I didn’t want to be alone with my nakedness. I wanted so badly to crawl out of my own skin and belong to something different, to someone less…me. I don’t know how long I stayed in there, but Nixie knocked. I came out noticing a towel with a note on top.
“The best of the best of my collection! Enjoy!”
Wrapped in the towel, the scars on my thigh peeked out just a little. I attacked my hair, brushing it ruthlessly. Loving and hating every moment.
“Hey! Coming in, ready or not!” Nixie yelled as she opened the door. She had her hand over her eyes at first, but pulled it away. “Oh wow! You look so much better.” She looked me up and down with a satisfied smile until she saw my other scars. She stepped closer and pulled the towel up to look at the scar on my thigh. Then she looked up at me. “Oh my Gods. How many more do you have?” Her voice was a squeak.
I swallowed.
“Four m
ore.”
One set on my face, one set on my ribs, one set on my thigh, one set on my back, one on my heart. She pulled away, looking like she might cry. The one on my thigh was probably the worst. It almost reached all the way around when I was a child…when I got them. Nixie took a moment to gather herself as I shifted uncomfortably.
“Let me blow dry your hair, then we’ll get you some clothes.” I stood as she played and touched the ends of my hair. I kept my gaze down, not wanting to look into her coral eyes as she moved around me. When I peeked up, the mirror was gone. She must have taken it down, which I was grateful for. My hair was much longer than I thought, coming half way down my back. I noticed it was in loose curls.
“Clothes time! You’re shorter and smaller than me, so you’ll have to deal with a couple different styles…” Nixie stopped there and turned back with all types of clothes. “Sorry about the personal items. The best I can do is a sports bra. And I got my small friend to give you some of her undies.” She winked and laughed. “Anyways, put these on.” She shoved more clothes at me. I took the clothes back to the bathroom. The top, a slightly over-sized t-shirt, had a lacy back and made me uncomfortable. She gave me black skinny jeans. I put on all the clothes.
“Oh! You look good!” She grabbed my hand and pulled us out of the bathroom before she stopped. “Stupid me. You need shoes.” She pulled out flip-flops and instructed me to slip them on before we walked out. “Well I am absolutely starving! Let’s go get some food.”
She pulled me along, and we went into the elevator again. This time, I remembered the reason I didn’t remember using these often. I was afraid of them. No, not me, someone else. My memories before my white room were barely there. I couldn’t remember names or faces. People swirled together. I didn’t realize we were moving again until the new sounds hit me. I stopped.
“Come on. Got to go to the cafeteria if you want to eat.”
I shook my head. That much noise meant there were people, a lot of them. “Oh, come on! They won’t bite. Well, most of them won’t.” She laughed at her joke, but I was scared. I felt like I was in a whole new hell.
“No, please.” I was too quiet, and Nixie pulled me in. The noise didn’t stop, but it decreased. I couldn’t look up. I was too scared.
Chapter Ten
Stone
I went to find out more about Audrey. The rest of the team split to do their own things. Charlie wasn’t in his room like I expected, so I went to search for him in the cafeteria. I’d just entered the cafeteria when Dallas came in behind me.
“Hey. She’s with Nixie before you ask. Elijah’s watching over them.” Dallas was quiet as he spoke. I guessed Nixie was still ignoring him. I was surprised Nixie was taking his rejection so personally, she was usually okay with little flings, I understood. In the end, Dallas would probably leave to be part of a pack. I couldn’t blame him either for wanting to be with his own kind. It was in his nature.
“Stone!” Charlie jumped up from the table as we made our way toward him. He was a tall, skinny guy with dirt-blonde hair. His eyes lit up yellow when he saw me. “You missed our New Year’s party.” We clasped hands. I laughed, shaking my head.
“You know me, always working.”
“You got something on you.” Charlie smiled.
“What?”
“Bullshit!” Our friends erupted with laughter. I sat and started talking to the group. It had been awhile since we caught up. Before I could ask Charlie anything about Audrey the room grew quiet.
I looked up and saw Nixie. Someone stood behind her. Audrey. People noticed, but tried to be inconspicuous about it.
Audrey looked completely different, yet the same. I could see though that the shower gave her some life. Her hair, no longer in a tangled mess, dropped down far and flowing. She had a wild sort of beauty that made her look as dangerous as a wolf and as elegant as a dancing ballerina. Before I realized what I was doing, I stood and walked toward them. Elijah followed Audrey in. I couldn’t seem to focus on him too long though. Audrey was all I cared about at the moment. Nixie smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes. I wondered if Audrey had revealed anything about herself to Nixie.
“Stone-boy!” Nixie hugged me, which wasn’t something she normally did. It made me uncomfortable. “We need to chat later.” she whispered while she started to pull away from the hug.
I nodded, not taking my eyes off of Audrey. She still looked uncomfortable and tried to hide in her dark maroon tresses. It covered most of the left side of her face, the scars couldn’t be seen through them. I knew what was there. What I wouldn’t give to take away her pain. I touched my right arm. Her too skinny form was slumped over slightly.
“Audrey?” She finally looked at me, a small smile lighting up her face.
“Oh! You already know her name! Maybe she’ll even-” I gave Nixie a warning glance. I didn’t want to push Audrey to talk until she was ready. We had to be careful with her; something so broken took time to heal. Audrey needed to do it on her own, not because of the pressure from another.
Nixie dropped the subject. “I’m going to get us food. Audrey, you go with Stone and find a table.” Nixie floated away, whistling.
“Want to find somewhere quieter?” I asked.
She nodded then opened her mouth hesitantly to speak. “Please.”
I smiled at her. We headed toward a corner in the back. Nixie was probably nitpicking everything so it would just be us for a while.
“Are you feeling better?” I leaned in toward her, unable to stop myself. She let out a shaky breath.
“I don’t know what you want.” She wouldn’t look at me.
“Have you ever thought we are just trying to help you?” I asked, trying to look her in the eye. She shook her head, avoiding my eye contact.
“Why would you?” She looked at me, and I saw all the sadness in the world caught in her eyes. The tears in her eyes made me want to hug her and hide her away forever. I wondered what it would feel like to have her face buried in the crook of my neck, how it would feel to have those hands touch my back. I swallowed hard, refusing to think about it more.
“There are good people in the world,” I tried to reason with her. Before I could say anything else, Nixie appeared, carrying trays piled with food. Audrey looked almost scared.
“Here.” She tried shoving a tray toward Audrey, but I took it and set in front of her. Nixie’s tray was filled with seafood, which made me scoot another inch closer to Audrey. I had always hated the smell of seafood, and since Nixie ate most things raw, I wanted to be even further away.
“Eat. We need to put weight back on you, you guppy!” Nixie announced loudly.
I waited for her to dig in but Audrey just stared at the food. I couldn’t understand her hesitation when it was clear she was underfed. Then I realized she didn’t know if she could trust us, trust the food. It was obvious from her scars that kindness and trust were not normal occurrences.
“Mind if I have some?” I whispered in Audrey’s ear, my lips brushing the outer rim of it. I took in her scent again. It loosened some muscles while others started to stiffen slightly. My hand fisted so I wouldn’t be tempted to touch her. She jerked away, staring at me, eyes wide chest heaving. “Unless you want it all?”
She gave an uneasy smile.
“This is…too much.”
I grabbed a grape, popped it in my mouth, and noted Audrey watched the movements. After I swallowed, I leaned in toward her once more, still not touching her.
“Well, to be honest, if you won’t eat it, I will…or it will be thrown out.” That sparked her interest. I handed her a grape. “They are really good.”
She smiled just a little again and then she popped it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and chewed slowly, looking like she never wanted to stop.
“There are more,” I whispered which seemed to shock her out of her daze. She opened her eyes and gave me shy smile.
“Thank you.” It came out hesitatingly and unsure. The way
she said it made me think that it was the first time she said “thank you.”
“Gods! Eat already! Protein!” Nixie broke me out of my trance.
I looked at her with confusion. That was when I noticed Charlie heading over. I moved away, feeling agitated suddenly, like he would know what I was thinking. It was as if he knew I couldn’t get the image of her out of my mind. Even for a moment. Audrey started to pick at certain things, but never ate anything. Nothing, but the grapes.
“Maybe it’s best if Charlie doesn’t come over here.” Nixie said with a glance at Audrey.
She was right. No one but the team and Nixie knew how we found Audrey. The rest thought she was a lonely, lost paranormal. Not that she wasn’t a prisoner here. Her reactions weren’t those of a starved paranormal though and Charlie would notice that. He always noticed too much.
“Right. I’ll be back.” I stood and I felt Audrey’s eyes on me. I didn’t look back.
Chapter Eleven
Audrey
There was far too much food, more than I’d seen in years. It overwhelmed me, but when Stone started to eat, I felt slightly more at ease. He hadn’t passed out. Nor did he look like he was in any type of pain. It seemed odd how that last thought affected me slightly. The twinge of regret that I let him eat first. He smiled at me, his eyes now bright yellow. I looked away when I started to see the worry in his eyes. I kept my left side completely covered with my hair, which stopped me from knowing what exactly he might be feeling.
I picked up another grape, bit down and didn’t want to swallow. I hadn’t had food like this in years. Something whole, something real, something I could recognize. I was afraid that I would start to cry. Before it was mystery slop, mixed meats that couldn’t be defined.
When Stone spoke to me again, I was on such a high that I actually smiled. Nixie said something but I wasn’t paying attention.
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