“I just do, okay?”
“Hmph,” she sighs.
“What does’ hmph’ mean?” Our conversation just went from light to something else entirely.
“I don't know. I guess it almost seems like you don't want me around your friends.”
“No, it's not that. I guess, it's just that the chicks that hang around the club don't always respect themselves, and in turn they aren't always respected. I think people are funny like that, they show the world how they want to be treated and I guess if I could be any type of man around you, I want to be the type to not show you ugly if I don't have to. Something tells me, sweet girl, that you've seen ugly, and if I can save you from any more, I'm going to.”
“I get it. I think, but there are times that I need to go in there and you don’t need to get all bent out of shape. Nothing in there is going to affect me.”
Hearing her say that nothing could affect her gives me more confirmation that she has been through shit, I’m not adding to it. “Not going to happen. It’s going to bug me having you in there no matter what, so will you try to avoid it unless I’m with you?”
“I can try.” she says not wanting to say she won’t go in there. Then she asks, “How about you? Do you hang out with women in the club?” she looks out the window, not wanting to look me in the eyes. I can’t tell if she is upset about what I’ve shared with her or of she just doesn’t like the idea of me with other women.
Crap. I feel like I need to be honest with her. I just wish I could keep her looking at me like I'm a good guy. I'm not, but she makes me want to be.
“I live at the clubhouse. I've spent more time there than anywhere else,” I pause and see that we are getting close to her house, so I turn down some streets that will give us more time to talk.
“I see,” she says in a quiet meek voice. I pull over so I can give her my full attention.
“No, you don't see. The thing is, I've always had women. They throw themselves at me. It's no chase; it's always been easy. Too easy.”
“Is that what I am, a chase?”
“God, no. This isn't coming out right. You're you. You're nowhere near any type of category that they’re in. You're different in every way. Since I met you, you got me all twisted. You make me never want to look at any of those women.” I grab her hand and lock her fingers with mine. I move our joined hands to her chest, “You feel that?”
“Yes,” she rasps out.
“I could see your chest rising fast, and I knew your heart would be pounding.” I move our hands joined together to my chest, “Now, you feel that?”
“Yeah, Daws,” her eyes dilate, soaking me in.
“No one's ever made my chest do that.” I bring her hand to my lips, give it a small kiss, and let it go. Her eyes are darting back and forth staring into my eyes, like she is trying to read everything she can from my confession. I feel exposed. I pull back onto the street and turn around in a driveway, I need to put some distance between us. I've never felt this vulnerable before, not really.
Chapter 8
Aubrey
Wow! Daws' admission has me in an emotional tailspin. I can't believe he’s as affected by this thing between us as I am. I just wish I was worth it. I wish my head was in a better place. I drift off to sleep with my hand clutched over my heart, thinking about the way his heart beat and hoping that I can be strong enough to actually see where this is going.
Days have passed since Daws taught me to shoot. Every morning he comes in and brings me coffee and asks me a few small details about myself. His questions are light enough that I feel like I can answer them and still be myself.
I’ve been hard at work today and I forgot to pack my lunch. Daws has also been working nonstop and I can tell things aren’t going his way. I’ve heard him curse a few times and throw a few parts around. I’d never come right out and tell him that when he gets angry it puts my nerves on edge, but it does. I hear another loud bang, then my stomach growls. Living on the streets, I was hungry, but withholding food was just another form of torture that Rich dished out. Between the loud bangs and my empty stomach¸ I fall into a panic attack, the worst one I’ve had since I’ve been here. My chest feels tight. My vision darkens. My nightmares play before my eyes.
The room is dark, but clean. Rich likes things sterile. Things. Property. Me. I’ve seen the sun set four times in this room since the door was last opened. The last time it opened I was drenched in bleach. “You disgusting pig. You bleed when I tell you.” His hand circled around my neck holding me in place, cutting off my air. Every minute or so he would let up just enough so that I was gasping for breath. The watered down bleach came next. He poured it over my face; I squeezed my eyes shut. Part of me wish that my body would just give out and I would fade away. Ari. Thoughts of her keep me breathing. I can’t let this happen to her. She is so young. So untouched. The wiry bristles from the scrub brush come next. My neck is released and he drenches my body in the bleach mix. “You scrub yourself, you filthy whore.” I take the brush to my skin wanting to cry but knowing that tears will just fuel his aggression. I move it over my arms wincing at the unbearable feeling from the bristles and the bleach. “Not there. Where you’re filthiest.” I move the bristle between my legs. I’m so swollen, covered in blood, feces and him. I can’t help it; a whimper escapes my lips from the pain and I’m immediately rewarded with the bleach being poured down my throat. “Make another sound and I’ll drown you with it.” My body wants to vomit and cough it up but I bite my cheeks and do everything I can to control myself from making another noise. I bring the brush over my swollen flesh and begin to scrub as lightly as I can. Pink bleach runs between my legs, my fingers find a trickle of red blood coming from my backside. This is bad. Really bad. I’m still bleeding on the inside. I might just die after all. Rich empties the rest of the gallon of bleach mix over me. The floor is soaked. My eyes and throat burn from the bleach. He leaves the room and returns with a mop and towels. “Clean this shit up.”
Four days passed before the door was finally opened, and still I could barely walk. I was starved and so thirsty. I thought dehydration might take me but at some point while I was passed out, a bottle of water was left in the room. I came out with an armful of bloodied linen and headed for the washer knowing that Rich would be enraged if he saw it. I’m hoping he was on his way out to work since the lock was unlatched and I heard the front door moments later. Ari's curled up on the couch watching cartoons with a box of Kleenex next to her. She should be in school. She’s never here during the day. Her eyes widen in shock at the sight of me and the sheets with blood all over them. “Aubriella, I didn’t know you were here. Is that blood? Are you okay?” She rushes to my side, and wraps her arms around my waist. The rest of my strength gives out. “Water! Ari, I need water.” I drink the water she brings me and do my best to act like nothing’s wrong. “He did this to you, didn’t he?” She asks. “Ari, you have to pretend like you don’t know.”
“Aubrey! Breathe.” I hear a soothing voice bringing me out of my memories. Oh God. No, not here. I look around at my surroundings. I’m on the floor behind the desk. Daws has my head cradled in his lap, and is stroking the side of my face. Tears flood my eyes, I’m so embarrassed. One thought, one simple thought, hunger and my mind just raced sending me into a full-blown attack. My throat feels dry. I breathe in expecting to smell bleach, but the smell of his leather vest mixed with his soap and sweat so close to my face calm me reminding me that it’s over.
A tear leaks out of my eye and Daws swipes it with his finger and brings it to his mouth tasting my tear. His dark eyes are fixed on mine. My heart beats fiercely in my chest. He’s drinking in my pain. That act makes me feel like he wants to take it from me. For a second, I want to let him, but the other part knows that I’m too damaged.
“Who hurt you?” He whispers, not really looking for an answer. I’m glad because I won't give it. This large man, covered in tattoos, with a darkness about him that could easily make men shiver is looking at m
e with so much compassion and caring. I sit up needing to put space between us.
“I’m sorry. Maybe, I was just really hungry.”
“You’re a shit liar.”
I stand up not answering his comment about being a liar. “I’m going to use the restroom.” I rush away trying to save face as much as I can. Once I am safely behind the bathroom door, I stick my mouth under the faucet and take a few quick gulps of water trying to rid the sterile taste from my mouth. I splash water on my face, wet a paper towel and rub my neck with it trying to feel clean. I catch sight of myself in the mirror and my green eyes reflect a truth, a truth I wish I could hide. That I’m broken, fragmented pieces of the woman I should be. A slight knock on the door startles me.
“You okay in there?” Daws voice draws me out. I wonder what he sees when he looks at me? Does he see the shell? What would he think of me if he knew the truth? I give myself one last look in the mirror. I open the door to the bathroom and step out. I plaster on the biggest smile masking my pain.
His eyes narrow at me briefly, as if he is trying to decipher if I’m really okay. I’m trying to be as convincing as I can.
“We’re calling it quits today.” He brings me out to his Charger and buckles me up. I think he knows to tread easy with me, because he is so gentle. We pull up in front of Angie’s. I’m embarrassed and trying to pretend like nothing happened.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He looks so concerned.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I gulp.
“I’m coming in with you.”
I don’t argue with Daws, I don’t think I could say no to him if I tried. Angie is in the kitchen when we come in. “You’re home early is everything alright?” She notices Daws and politely says hello.
“I think Aubrey just needs to eat something.”
Angie brings me out a bowl of leftover pasta and I sit on the couch and eat it. When I finish Daws grabs the bowl and brings it in the kitchen to Angie.
He walks back into the room and flicks on the television, settling on some action movie I’ve never seen before. “Come here,” he directs as he gets comfortable on the couch. I scooch up next to him and pulls me even closer.
We watch the movie and I’m clueless with what is going on. His hand strokes the side of my head and I soon feel my eyes get heavy.
I open my eyes when I hear the front door click. Ari and Gino are just getting home from school and Daws is gone. I don’t wake up feeling embarrassed, instead I feel cared for.
*
I’ve been working on order forms for the last ten minutes. It’s been a few weeks since my huge panic attack. Daws has been around, but he definitely hasn’t been coming on as strong. I wonder if my attack scared him off. The phone rings to the office bringing me out of my thoughts. I answer on the second ring, “Dray's Customs.”
“Hi, this is the nurse at Lincoln Elementary. We're looking for the parent of Ari Michaels.”
“Oh, that's me. Is everything okay?”
“There was an altercation on the playground and it turns out that another child tripped Ari.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yes she has a nasty little bump on the side of her head. I have ice on it, but I think it might be best if she rests at home. Can you come and pick her up?”
“Yes, of course I can. I'll be there soon.” I dial Jenny and she doesn't answer. I need to get to the school. I'm sure Carlo is sleeping, plus the amount of time it will take for them to come get me will be too long. I grab my purse and head out of the office. Jarrod is bent under the hood of a car.
“Hey Jarrod, you seen Daws around? I need to talk to him. It's important.”
He looks up from the engine he's working on, “Think he had a late night. He's in his room. It's the third door on the left, past the kitchen.”
I hurry towards the clubhouse. I know he doesn't want me around here, but Ari is hurt and I need to get to her. I rush through the clubhouse doors and passed the kitchen noting that there is a passed out man with a half naked girl on the seats by the pool table. Maybe I should have just looked for Mickey to ask him. I pause before trying his door. What if there is a woman in there? I give a quick knock and decide to try the handle, it turns.
“Daws?” I ask as I enter the room. It's messy and there is a bottle of liquor on a nightstand next to the bed. Relief rushes through me, he's alone. Passed out, but alone. I sit next to him on the bed. His shirt is off. Wetness pools between my legs at the sight of him. His chest is to the mattress so all I see is his back. It's muscular and beautiful, ink covers a lot of his skin, something I never knew I would think was sexy, let alone beautiful. Looking at him, I can't help it, he is exquisite. I stroke the side of his face moving the hair behind his ear.
“Daws?” I say again, trying to wake him.
“Aubrey?”
He is still half asleep. He moves his arm around my waist and snuggles into my lap. A part of me I don't even recognize wants to rip my clothes off and lay next to him. My rational mind wins out, I shake his shoulder. “Daws, I need you.”
He cocks an eye open and looks up at me, “Am I dreaming?”
“No, and I need you to get up. Please. Ari got hurt at school and I need to go get her. I can't get a hold of Jenny.”
Daws sits up and throws on his shirt and next his black boots. “She okay?”
“I don't know much. I guess some kid tripped her, and she hit her head.”
“Let's go,” he says as he grabs me by the hand and walks me at a brisk pace to the Charger.
“This type of thing happen often with her at school?”
“No, this is a first.”
We hop in his car, and head for the school.
“You okay?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it looked like you had some kind of wild night, and I haven’t seen you around the last few days.”
“Did you miss me Aubrey?” he jokes, skirting around the question.
“Maybe,” I flirt. I actually smile and flirt, feeling proud of myself for it.
“There’s this girl I’m no good for and I was trying to stay away from her, but then she woke me up playing with my hair.” He’s being all cute and casual, and maybe this is the truth. Maybe he was avoiding me and if I’m honest with myself that hurts. I’m not sure what to say to this, so I turn my head and stare out the window. I lean my forehead against the glass window and the condensation on the glass is chilling enough to bring a very clear picture of things. I might have a crush on Daws, but he doesn’t really want to be around me.
“Hey, chin up sweet girl.” His voice soothes me and the look on his face as he speaks shows only concern.
I smile, but don't say anything. We pull into the school parking lot, right in front of the school. I spot Vito walking out with Gino, his hand on Gino’s shoulder.
“Thanks Daws for the ride. I really appreciate it, but I think I have a ride from here, I motion towards Vito. A look flashes across his face. I’m not sure what that look means but I don’t like that I’ve somehow put it there.
“Okay, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. I hope your girl is alright.” I begin to reach for the handle, “Oh, and Aubrey?”
“Yeah, Daws?”
“Driving lessons resume tomorrow.”
I get out of the car and walk over to Vito and Gino before they get in the car. “Hey, I got a ride here to pick up Ari. What’s going on?” I’m curious as to why Gino and Vito are outside the school and Gino looks like he is in trouble.
Vito looks sternly at Gino, “Some boy tripped Ari and instead of letting the teachers handle it, he beat the kid up.”
“He deserved it,” Gino counters.
“Maybe so, but you can’t go getting into fights. Now, you’re the one suspended for a day and Ari is still hurt.”
“I’m not going to let anyone hurt her,” he says dejectedly.
“I’m glad, but now that kid will be here tomorrow and you won't be. So, who’s
going to protect her then? You want to be a tough guy, but the strongest type of man you can be is one who uses his head.”
“Oh,” Gino says now realizing his mistake.
“I’m going to go in and get Ari. Wait for me?” I ask.
“Of course. Take your time, Gino and I are just going to be chatting a bit more,” Vito says.
I walk into the school and sign into the office. Ari is laying down in the nurses’ office and she looks tired. “How you feeling?” I say as I kiss her cheek.
“Hey, Mom. I’m okay. Can’t say so much for Arnie Apperstein,” she says motioning to the boy with an ice pack over his eye and a fat swollen lip. I secretly smile to myself. I shouldn’t be happy at the way Gino worked the boy over, but I like that someone besides me has her back. I decide that I am sneaking that boy extra ice cream every chance I get.
*
I tie the red ribbon in my pigtail and smooth out the white apron on my Dorothy costume. It’s Halloween and Jenny has convinced me to go to a costume party with her. Ari was so excited, she helped pick out my Wizard of Oz costume; ruby slippers and all.
I’m nervous about tonight. We’re going to a party tonight at a bar called Benny’s. I’m meeting the famous Maura whose job I took over. Rumor has it that she hurt Daws pretty bad. I shouldn’t know this, but something I’ve learned over the last several weeks working at the shop that bikers are gossipy. Jenny has also filled me in on some of the history between Maura and Daws. I haven't let on to her that I have a crush on Daws, really that’s because that’s all I’m sure it can be. In the last few weeks, he’s taught me how to drive. He’s been patient and kind with me in a way that has shocked me. I wouldn’t have thought Daws could be so gentle, the way the brothers talk about him. They act like he is so reckless, but I have a hard time seeing it. I’ve been lucky and that one panic attack that I had was the last one. I’ve felt a few start to come on, but I have been able to stop them before it gets too bad.
The other reason I am nervous about tonight is that Daws keeps pressuring me to take my driving test. How can I tell him that, ‘hey, by the way, I already have a drivers license! Although it’s fake, but it says I’m twenty-five and that I grew up in Idaho.’ Idaho? I don’t know anything about Idaho other than potatoes. What if he asks me about it? Daws has been asking some really tough questions lately and I’m having a hard time keeping all of my lies straight. I know that when I see him he’s going to ask again, so I’m going to try and avoid him.
Fight You Page 6