by Jenna Mindel
He reached for her hand and squeezed.
She didn’t let go. “He had me pinned, Adam. On the ground. I fought him the best that I could, but he was so much stronger. He had one hand on my throat, choking me while he—” She couldn’t say it. Her clothes had been ripped, her flesh bruised.
She shook off the images flashing through her mind. Tried to forget the rage in Todd’s eyes when she’d refused him. “I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was done for. But Beth found us before he’d gone too far. She helped me get away.”
Adam stared at her. “Did you go to the police?”
“No. I wouldn’t. Ryan and Sinclair had been under investigation for the accidental death of Ryan’s girlfriend a few months before. I couldn’t put my folks through that. More interviews, possibly a trial. All I wanted to do was forget it.” She wanted him to understand how it was. How helpless she’d felt. Powerless. Why she reacted the way she did today.
“So you buried it.” Those blue eyes of his held understanding.
“I wore turtlenecks a month straight, but it was pretty easy to hide. No one guessed what had happened because we were all heartbroken over Sara.”
Adam reached for her other hand while images of his farm girl fighting off that brute ripped through his brain. “I’m so sorry.”
If he ever saw that guy again, he’d—
Forgive.
The word whispered through his heart, his mind, his very being. That thought hadn’t belonged to him. It interrupted his anger and stopped him cold.
How, Lord? How do I do that? How can I show Eva to do that?
Adam knew Eva needed to exercise forgiveness before she’d get closure to what had happened to her. Before she’d be whole.
And he needed to tell her about the property agreement he’d made with his father. Eva deserved to know what he was up against. What they both faced over the next two months. There couldn’t be any secrets between them. Not if they hoped to make it.
He felt Eva’s tightened hold on his hands, as if afraid to let him go. Did she think he’d leave her? No way.
“What if…” Her eyes were big dark pools of chocolate. “What if I can’t handle getting close?”
He gave her a crooked smile. She’d responded to him at first, and she would again in time with healing. Another reason he’d give her space and patience. “We’ll figure it out, Eva. If we need to see a counselor, we will. Whatever it takes.”
“I need help, don’t I?”
“Maybe. Or maybe you need to face this guy.”
“Are you crazy?” Fear jumped in and she let go of him, taking a step back. “I can’t. I won’t.”
“As much as I hate it, we’ve got to forgive Todd before we can move on. Before we can move forward.”
“We?”
“This affects me, too. I’ll stand with you, whether it’s counseling or facing Todd or both. I don’t want you to face him alone. You don’t have to go it alone.”
Her eyes filled and she gave him a wobbly laugh. “I didn’t think I had any tears left. You’d do this with me?”
Adam got up from the table and wrapped his arms around her, feeling her wet tears against his cheek. He did nothing more than hold her. Not gently like she’d been spun of fragile sugar ready to crack. He held her tight, with cherishing strength.
He had no intention of letting his farm girl go.
He loved her too much.
Without asking, Adam started to pray, “Dear Lord, You said that where two or more are gathered that You’d be there, too.” Adam searched for the right words.
“Go on,” Eva whispered.
“Eva and I are standing before You and we need Your help. Show us how to forgive the unforgivable. Give Eva peace and healing so she can find new life in You, Father. Amen.”
“Amen.” He felt her bury her forehead into his shoulder.
He stroked her back, wondering if maybe he should wait to tell her about the agreement with his dad, but he knew better. Her folks were flying in on Saturday. Two days away. Eva needed to hear the news from him.
“There’s something I have to tell you.”
Pulling back, she searched his face. “What? What is it?”
“You’ve been honest with me, and I need to be the same with you.”
She looked worried. “Tell me.”
He struggled to go on, hating the possibility that he might ruin everything. “I didn’t borrow against my shares in Peece Canning Corporation to buy Marsh Orchards like my sister told you.”
Eva stepped out of Adam’s embrace. Now she looked scared. “Then how did you pay for it?”
“My father. He fronted me the money with the agreement that if I don’t break even the first season, I’ll forfeit the property to him for development.”
Eva’s eyes widened. “Why, why didn’t you tell me before?”
Before they meant something to each other? Before he’d fallen in love with her? He raked a hand through his hair. “At first I thought you wanted me to fail. I couldn’t give you any more ammunition. And then, when I saw how much you loved this place, when I realized how much the orchard meant to you and your dreams, I couldn’t tell you. I was afraid I’d lose you. And I couldn’t afford that.”
“Oh, Adam.”
Disappointment seeped from her like a tangible thing he could touch. He felt it hit like a wave washing away his footing, bringing him down.
“There’s still so much that can go wrong, preventing us from bringing in a good crop,” she whispered.
After last night’s vigil, Adam was beat. “I know. That’s why I’m flying your parents in this weekend. That’s why I stayed in constant contact with your dad and have been ever since closing on the loan. I need all the help I can get.”
“And what happens if you break even? What then?”
He smiled at her, but he could tell that she wasn’t warmed by it. “I’ll cash in my shares, 401K, everything I’ve got to pay my father off. Then I’ll be officially done with Peece Canning.”
“Which is what you want, right?”
His eyes narrowed. Considering how often he’d stepped off the path to try something new, he shouldn’t be surprised by the uncertainty in her voice. “Yes, Eva. I want to be a grower. This is what I want. And you are what I want.”
“Then we have to break even.”
He couldn’t gauge her reaction. But there was a determined glint in her eye that he knew well. Eva wasn’t going to let him fail. “That’s the plan.”
By the time Eva’s parents arrived on Saturday, she was more than ready for them. While she cleaned, shopped and baked, Eva knew God wanted nothing less from her than to forgive Todd. She’d been running from it too long. No more excuses. If God had brought Adam into her life to help her do what must be done, then she’d do it. She’d face Todd and be done with it.
But the how and when remained a mystery. She had no intention of seeking him out. At least Adam would be with her if it came down to seeing him at church.
Adam…
His news about losing the orchard lay like a lead ball in her stomach. If she kept busy, she didn’t think about it. But then suddenly she’d feel that risk of loss roll around her belly. There was nothing she could do but put up a good front while she worked. But it was hard.
Wiping her hands on a towel, she leaned against the island counter and checked the clock on the wall. Her parents would arrive soon. She’d been baking all morning, while Adam mowed the field.
Laughter on the porch brought Eva’s head up as the door burst open. Bob and Rose Marsh crowded into the kitchen, followed by Ryan and Adam carting their luggage.
Eva glanced at Adam. He looked tired and worried. Just like a real grower this time of year. But what if this year was all they had? What then?
“Eva!” Her mom dashed forward with her arms wide.
Eva flew into her mother’s warm embrace. She might as well be a kid with a skinned knee failing to be brave. The comfort of resting within those wo
nderful arms crumbled something deep inside Eva. She clung tighter.
“What is all this?” Her mother patted Eva’s back like she did when Eva was little.
Eva retreated with a shaky smile. “I really missed you.”
“You’ll be sick of us in no time. We’re staying the whole summer, you know.” Her mother laughed.
“Yeah, I know.” Eva went to her father next and was scooped up into a bear hug.
“Hey, are all those cookies for us?” Her father reached for one before he’d even put her down.
“The youth group’s having an interchurch function and I volunteered to make cookies. There’s enough for you guys to have a couple.”
Her mom wasn’t any taller than her, but she wrapped her arm around Eva’s shoulders. “Put the kettle on and tell me how things are going. Your father’s itching to get out in the field with Adam.”
Eva gave her mom a quick squeeze before stepping away to make tea.
“Ryan, can you put the bags in our room, please?”
“No problem.” Her brother hoisted the luggage and left the kitchen.
Eva set a full teakettle on the stove and then called out to Adam and her father’s departing backs. “I’ll have lunch ready in an hour or so. Beth will be home by then, too.”
Her mother patted the island chair next to her. “Are you sure you’re okay having us here?”
Eva sat down. “Yes, I’m very glad.”
“But?”
“But nothing.” Eva didn’t want to cause her parents unnecessary worry by telling them about Adam’s agreement with Leonard Peece. It wasn’t just a verbal thing, but a full-fledged notarized contract. Adam had shown her everything, including his expenses thus far.
“How are things with you and Adam?” Her mom’s eyes gleamed.
Eva chewed her lip when Ryan bounded back down the stairs.
“Don’t worry, I’m not listening,” he said as he crossed the kitchen floor. “But they’re dating.”
Eva felt her cheeks heat. “Thanks, Ryan.”
“So, your father was right. You’re in love with him.”
“Mom!” Nothing like beating around the bush. Eva’s mother had always been what her father called a straight shooter.
“I knew it. The minute your father introduced me to him, I knew he’d be perfect for you.”
The teakettle whistle blew, saving Eva from having to answer. She popped up and poured steaming water into a carafe. Eva wasn’t about to make any plans with Adam until the end of the season. How could she?
And how could her mother have possibly known anything when it came to her and Adam? But Eva’s mother knew everything, and that was what made Rose Marsh so charming and infuriating all at once. She spoke her mind, and she was usually right. But this time, she might be wrong.
“Look, Mom, we’re taking it slow. One day at a time.” She set down the carafe and slipped back into her seat.
Her mother nodded as she fished out a teabag from the canister Eva placed in front of her. “Then you know what’s at stake.”
Eva froze. “What do you mean?”
Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “Eva, did you know that Adam stands to lose the orchard to his father?”
“Yes. I know.”
“How do you feel about it?” Her mother dunked the teabag once, twice, three times before draping the tag over the rim of her mug.
“I’m not happy. Not at all. How could I be?”
Her mother reached out and grabbed both of Eva’s hands, stilling them. “Before you go any further with Adam, Eva, you must ask yourself one question. Can you love this man if he loses it all?”
A chill took hold of Eva. She’d refused to think about the worst-case scenario as much as possible. It made her sick to dwell on it. It wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t. But her mother waited for some kind of response. Eva could only answer honestly. “I don’t know.”
“Well, you better find out because, according to your father, Adam’s giving this everything he has. But it might not be enough.”
Later that evening, Eva drove her pickup to church loaded with boxed chocolate-chip cookies. The windows were down and the warm night air blew in all around her. Singing along to a blaring radio helped block out what they were up against this season. It kept her from thinking too hard.
Eva pulled into the parking lot. She spied the vans and school buses from other church youth groups that had come for the special event—a speaker to teens had been brought in all the way from Chicago.
Eva parked. Then she grabbed the cookies, stacking the boxes against her stomach in order to carry them. Teenagers opened doors for her all the way down to the basement kitchen and fellowship hall.
On her way back up the steps, a man was coming down. When she recognized the broad shoulders, her heart stopped.
Todd!
He looked surprised to see her, too. “Hey, Eva, are you helping out?”
She shook her head and leaned against the railing for support. “Just dropping off cookies.”
“Mind if I walk you back to your truck?” His voice sounded unsure, awkward even, as if he’d been caught unprepared.
So was she. Her fingers went numb from gripping the railing so tight. What was he doing here? She looked around expecting to see his wife. No one.
“I help with the youth at our church in Grand Rapids. Susan is at her parents’ house. I was hoping to talk to you if you have time. It’ll only take a minute.” He hardly looked her in the eye.
Eva tamped down the fear clawing its way up her spine, making her neck itch. She needed to face Todd and extend forgiveness. This was her chance. But she’d make sure they were in plain sight. If she needed to scream, she’d be heard. “Let’s go to the parking lot.”
Eva followed Todd with her pulse and thoughts racing. What did he want to talk to her about? What could he possibly say to her? And why now when his wife was conveniently absent?
Once they were outside, Eva glanced around, making sure people milled about. It wouldn’t be dark for another hour yet. She was at least visibly safe. She watched Todd walk next to her. His bulky size was intimidating.
At her truck, she eyed him with caution. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this after all. “Look, Todd—”
“I owe you an apology for what I did.” His voice broke and he looked away. When Todd raised his eyes again, Eva was moved by the stark regret she saw—and the shame.
Could it be?
“I have a daughter now.” He cleared his throat and then briefly closed his eyes. “When I think of someone putting her in the position I put you, it makes me crazy. It wasn’t your fault, Eva. I’m to blame for what happened.”
Eva’s chest tightened and her knees weakened, but she nodded for him to continue. She’d make him say it. She had to hear him say he was sorry.
Facing him brought it all back, but instead of the nightmare holding her in its frightening grip, she felt oddly disconnected. Was this how it felt to gain closure? Watching the attack roll through her mind’s eye as if it had happened to someone else?
“I’m so very sorry. Can you forgive me?” Seeing Todd shaken made her believe that he hadn’t been unaffected. He’d been hurting, too.
She was glad of that.
The opening to let go of the bitterness she’d held on to for so long spanned before her. Todd’s eyes begged for her to forgive him, to release him from his actions and tell him it was okay. But it wasn’t. All the pain she’d stuffed inside worked its way up from her belly, like bile. She wasn’t going to get sick. Not this time. This time she had control.
Part of her wanted to give Todd a tongue-lashing he’d never forget, and another part wanted to beat him down to the ground and make him feel what she had that terrible night.
Either one would be nothing more than an empty gesture. She wouldn’t be any further ahead than she was now. And Eva needed to get ahead. She desperately wanted to move on and take a chance with Adam—finally free from fear.
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��I forgive you.” The words burned as they left her tongue. Her throat scourged from saying them.
Todd’s eyes looked bright and watery. “Ever since I came to Christ, I’ve tried to make amends for the way I treated you. One way is working with youth-group guys. I show them the best way I know how that they need to respect each other, especially the girls. I’ll never forget what I did to you.”
She wouldn’t either. But maybe it wouldn’t hold her hostage anymore. “I understand.”
“Susan wasn’t sure you’d talk to me. I’m grateful you gave me this chance.”
Eva tipped her head, relieved that his wife knew about their past. Todd really had come clean. His regret was real. His remorse genuine. She cleared her throat. “I am, too.”
He gave her a nod. “Thanks, Eva. I finally feel like the weight is lifted.”
Eva took a deep, steadying breath. “Yeah, me, too. Bye, Todd.”
As she watched him walk back to the church, Eva realized that he and his wife would probably be in Sunday’s service. She wouldn’t come close to chatting with them, but maybe this time their attendance wouldn’t keep her from going. But it’d be okay to go somewhere else, too, depending on what her parents wanted to do. Either way, she’d talk to Adam about it.
Climbing in behind the wheel, Eva started her truck with shaking fingers. She drove down the road but didn’t get far before she had to pull over. Tears blurred her vision and rolled down her cheeks. She’d faced her enemy and won, but it was God’s turn and Eva owed Him her contrite heart.
Resting her head on the steering wheel, she released a shuddering breath and prayed.
“Forgive me, Lord, for drifting so far away from You. For blaming You when I needed You. I need You, Lord. Please help me heal.”
Wiping her nose on some napkins from the glove compartment, Eva stretched out on the seat and stared at the ceiling above her. She listened to the crickets calling from the high grass. The smell of sweet summer was in the air with the first cut of hay. And God felt close, like He held her in His arms assuring her it’d be okay. He’d never been further than a prayer away.
She didn’t know how long she lay there before accepting that the weight really had been lifted. She’d been set free. Was it enough to banish the horrible flashback? Eva didn’t know yet. She might still need counseling, but she’d go.