A touch of love

by Conn, Phoebe

  Jesse watched a hint of a smile touch her lips and hoped he was the cause. Not wanting to be accused of fishing for compliments, he just took her hand and sat quiedy observing a lizard on a nearby rock. He had seldom felt more at peace with himself, and to achieve it while doing absolutely nothing was something new for him.

  Aubrey sensed, without need for lengthy reflection, that this was easily one of the best days of her life. The serenity of the natural environment filled her with hope, and the touch of Jesse's hand was a constant reminder of how often she had advised others to follow their hearts. This perfect moment was all the evidence she would ever need to validate the belief which had been the inspiration for The Mind's Eye. Jesse had become her heart, but she would also have to become his for them to remain together.

  Whatever lay ahead, she would have no regrets, and she smiled warmly as she gave Jesse's hand a fond squeeze. "Shall we go?" she asked. "I don't want to miss Tlaque-paque if the art galleries are worth visiting."

  Caught by surprise, Jesse quickly got to his feet and pulled her up beside him. "Sedona must have about as

  many artists as spirits. When I get too old and feeble to hobble around my ranch, I may take up painting myself."

  In a flash of intuition, Aubrey saw Jesse fifty years hence, but there was nothing feeble about him. His posture was still ramrod straight and he was as handsome with white hair as he was blond. "You'll never be that frail, so if you truly wish to learn how to paint, you ought to begin now."

  "I'd swear you've told me half a dozen times that you can't see the future. Has being here in Sedona boosted your psychic powers?"

  Aubrey stole a moment to think while she mounted Bluebeard. "Your future's plain in the bright sparkle in your eye, Jesse. Anyone could see it."

  There was a new calm to Aubrey's manner, and Jesse couldn't help but wonder if the spirits who called Cathedral Rock home hadn't whispered something meaningful in her ear. He was sorry they hadn't spoken to him as well, but shrugged it off and tried to make the ride home as interesting as the ride there had been. When they arrived, Aubrey went in the house to let Lupe know they were home for lunch while Jesse unsaddled the horses.

  Fernando soon came to help him. "How long is your woman going to stay with us?" he asked.

  Simply out of force of habit, Jesse opened his mouth to deny there was anything serious between Aubrey and him that would qualify her for the term. He had never referred to any woman as his, and not merely because he refused to regard women as property, either. He enjoyed female companionship immensely, but had always kept things light and avoided making promises and plans. In fact, he had once bragged that he would rather link up with a sidewinder, whose deadly dose of venom he could always dodge, than have a permanent relationship with a woman.

  Embarrassed by that callous remark now, he let Fer-

  nando's pointed reference slide. "She's leaving the day after tomorrow."

  Fernando carried Bluebeard's saddle and blanket into the tack room and returned with a curry comb. "Is that what you want?"

  "It isn't a matter of what I want, "Jesse argued. "Aubrey's a popular author and motivational speaker. She had a full schedule before we met, and we were just lucky she could come home with me when she did."

  Fernando began brushing Bluebeard's silver hide with long, sure strokes. "So you'll take her to Sky Harbor in Phoenix, put her on a plane, and wave good-bye?"

  Jesse nodded, but he hadn't been prepared for the pain the thought of Aubrey's leaving brought. Startled, he began to back away. "Just take care of the horses, and Aubrey and I'll manage our lives."

  "Pardon me, but if you plan to just kiss her good-bye, it sure looks as though you could use some help."

  Jesse dismissed that comment with a rude laugh, and strode into the house.

  Framed by towering sycamores, Tlaquepaque was a charming place Aubrey found utterly delightful. The graceful Spanish Colonial architecture was enhanced with flower-lined courtyards and bubbling fountains. The shops were filled with exquisite merchandise, and the overall mood was relaxed.

  As she and Jesse toured the art galleries, she was drawn to the Native American art, but although many colorful paintings featured proud young men, none resembled the brave who had controlled last night's dream. Fascinated by the bold designs, she studied pottery and painted gourds, as well as beautiful sterling silver jewelry:

  Jesse was having far more fun observing Aubrey than

  shopping, but he couldn't understand her reluctance to purchase the things that caught her eye. "Aren't you even tempted to buy something?" he finally asked.

  "Of course, but there are so many lovely things, and what would I do with them all?"

  "Enjoy them, I suppose."

  Ready for a break, Aubrey pulled Jesse down beside her on a bench near a beautifully tiled fountain. The gurgling water sent up a fine spray that created a shimmering rainbow in the air. She had always loved rainbows, and took this one as an omen of good things to come.

  "I've been seriously thinking about simplifying my life," she revealed. "I've received more offers to travel and conduct seminars than I can accept at present, but the idea of just wandering the world, the way we have Sedona this week, is becoming more and more appealing."

  Surprised, Jesse shook his head in disgust. "I traveled the rodeo circuit too many years to enjoy living out of a suitcase."

  "Yes. I can understand that, but there must be a great many places you've still not seen. Australia, for example— have you ever been there?"

  A little boy in bright red shorts ran by and splashed water from the fountain. Only a drop or two struck Jesse, and he brushed them away. "Australia is a very long way from here."

  "Of course, it is. That's the beauty of it. It's a huge country and there's so much to see. If I've gotten that far, I might as well tour New Zealand, and Bora Bora, as well. The whole trip would be an adventure." The idea was really beginning to take shape in Aubrey's mind. After all, when she returned home, she was certainly going to need a distraction to keep her from missing Jesse terribly.

  "Things have a way of trapping people," she continued. "They have to be cared for, protected, insured. I think it

  would be marvelous to travel with a couple of changes of clothes in a single bag, set out to explore the world, and not come back for years."

  Until that moment, Jesse had never realized how restrictive Aubrey would find life on his ranch. Because he was so content there, it hurt. Fortunately, he was very good at hiding pain. 'Til bet you'd gather plenty of material for another book," he suggested. "Probably more than one."

  "Yes. I just might." Aubrey glanced away. She had always known she and Jesse were too different to remain together, and there were some things love just couldn't change. Suddenly she felt a desperate need for a token of this glorious week.

  "Do you remember which shop had the charm bracelet with the Indian symbols?"

  "The one with the little bows and arrows, or the one with designs from the petroglyphs up at Canyon de Chelly?"

  "The petroglyphs."

  "Sure. I remember the place. If you've decided you want it, let my buy it for you."

  That it had come from him would make the bracelet all the more treasured as a souvenir. "That's very sweet of you. Thank you."

  "It'll be my pleasure, ma'am," Jesse insisted, but it was awfully hard to smile with the jagged splinters of his heart tearing him in two.

  sion news broadcasts. You always dismissed questions about the Ferrells with a nonchalant shrug, but you and Jesse could have gotten yourselves killed trying to find out what happened to them."

  Aubrey didn't even want to think about such a dire possibility. "Obviously we survived. Can we please change the subject? Talking about murder makes we nervous/'

  4 'Do you honesdy believe that I enjoy it?" Trisha wasn't at all pleased not to have heard a word from Aubrey until she needed a ride home from the airport, and her manner clearly showed it. "Let's talk about Jesse then. Yo
u said you had a fabulous week together. When are you going back to Sedona? Or is he coming out here again?"

  Aubrey slowed down to let Trisha lead the way to her car. She hadn't taken much to Arizona, but her carry-on bag was becoming increasingly heavy. "We didn't make any plans," she insisted. "I know that must disappoint you, but it's a fact."

  Trisha unlocked the door of her Geo Metro and helped Aubrey load her luggage. "Aren't you disappointed?" she replied. "Jesse had it all: looks, brains, charm so thick you could slice it, and a cattle ranch! What more could you want?"

  After riding in Jesse's truck all week, Aubrey found Tris-ha's car uncomfortably cramped, but that was the least of the adjustments she would have to make. She recalled how Jesse had chided her for having both a public and private persona. While she hoped Trisha would not also accuse her of hiding her feelings, she had every intention of guarding her privacy now. Using them as worry beads, she rubbed her fingers over the delicate charms on her new silver bracelet. Whenever she moved her hand, the ten ancient symbols rang with a wind chime's musical tinkle.

  "I truly believe meeting Jesse was a gift from heaven, but we both knew it couldn't last, and we didn't pretend

  otherwise. We might see each other again a time or two, but it won't be the same." She reached for her wallet. "Here, let me pay for the parking."

  4 * Wait a minute. I might have been in the garage less than twenty minutes, and it will be free." Trisha handed her ticket to the attendant in the booth, who waved her through. "Yes! We made it. I really can't believe you're being so philosophical about this, Aubrey. If Jesse had fallen for me, I'd not have come home."

  Aubrey was certain Jesse had cared for her, but fallen for her? No. He had been preoccupied on the ride to the airport, and almost brusque when he bid her good-bye. He had brushed her cheek with a brotherly kiss, then left her standing alone in the line to board the plane. Perhaps they had both gone to extremes to make their public parting friendly rather than intense, but she had not expected him to drop to his knees and propose.

  No. She had not expected anything from him, and that was precisely what she had received. It was possible to visualize success in so many areas of life, but love, she sighed thoughtfully, was such a capricious thing. She would not trade a second of the time she had spent with Jesse, but she hated to believe she had been so lonely she had simply grabbed for the few days of happiness he had brought her way.

  When Trisha turned onto the freeway, the San Gabriel Mountains provided a glorious backdrop to the drive. After the spring rains, the sharply angled slopes were cloaked in a bright emerald green that rivaled Ireland's rocky splendor. It was as spectacular a day as any Aubrey had ever seen, and yet she would much rather have come home to a gloomy, overcast sky where damp weather would have masked her tears.

  The freeway traffic was light in the early afternoon, very much as it had been last Sunday when she and Jesse had

  driven out to the San Fernando Valley. Only she had changed. Sorrow encircled her heart, and she looked forward to getting home, where she would no longer have to feign the calm resolve she believed to be her only public option.

  "How are you and the banker getting along?*' Aubrey finally remembered to ask.

  Trisha made a face. 'Tm not sure. His name's Eric, by the way. We're still seeing each other, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Oh, you aren't going to believe this, but Gardner called me on Wednesday to pump me for information on Shelley."

  Now there's a surprise. "What sort of information?"

  "The usual stuff. What does she like to do when we're not working? Where does she go? Whom does she see? I didn't get so much as a wink out of him, but please don't accuse me of being jealous about his interest in Shelley. It's just that Shelley's so vulnerable. I'd hate to see Gardner ask her out a time or two, then lose interest. Then again, Shelley might very well be the one to lose interest, and then Gardner would be hurt. That would create such an awkward situation at the seminars. Maybe you ought to institute a no dating policy for your employees. It might save everyone a lot of grief."

  Aubrey had difficulty concentrating on Trisha's dilemma, but after a few moments consideration, she quickly dismissed it. "I can scarcely accept money for advising people to follow their hearts, and then forbid dating among those who work for me."

  Trisha moaned softly. "Oh, yeah. I guess you're right. I called Shelley a couple of times myself this week, just to make certain Ricky Vance wasn't bothering her. She's doing okay, although she sounded rather sad. I wish Gardner could bring some excitement into her life, but I just don't think he can."

  "I've had more than enough excitement for a while," Aubrey readily confessed.

  Trisha's dark eyes lit with an impish sparkle. "Are you referring to John Gilroy, or Jesse Barrett?''

  "They're responsible for two entirely different types of excitement," Aubrey stressed, but she would always welcome more of Jesse's delectable variety. "Have you given any thought to tomorrow's seminar? I don't want it to deteriorate into a question and answer session about Gilroy. I hope to simply dismiss the incident in my opening remarks so we can concentrate on strengthening intuition, imagery, and goal setting."

  "Tell me something first. If you hadn't had tomorrow's seminar scheduled, would you still have come home today?"

  Aubrey remained silent a moment too long. "I think we were lucky I had the commitment, as it saved us from having to choose a date on our own. Jesse's a free spirit, and he would soon have felt crowded had I stayed much longer. Everything worked out for the best."

  "Well, don't you think you're being awfully detached about this?"

  "About what?"

  "See what I mean!" Trisha changed lanes to pass a slow-moving station wagon. "A couple of weeks ago you were spending all your time giving seminars and answering fan mail. Then Jesse Barrett appeared and your life was soon overflowing with sex and murder."

  "Good lord, Trisha. That sounds like the introduction for a TV movie of the week."

  "So what? It's true, isn't it?"

  "No comment. Aren't the mountains gorgeous? I can't remember ever seeing them this green."

  Trisha shook her head. She was getting absolutely nowhere with Aubrey. Giving up in disgust, she turned the

  radio to a rock station and cranked the volume up loud. When Aubrey didn't even seem to notice, let alone complain, she felt certain delicious memories of Jesse Barrett were to blame.

  When they arrived home, Aubrey fixed Trisha a glass of iced tea, then hurried up the street to collect Guinevere. Cecile had fed Lucifer each day, but unlike Guin, who was shameless in her delight at seeing Aubrey, the tomcat feigned complete indifference. He left the glass table to sit in Trisha's lap and purred with a noisy contentment as she stroked his thick, ebony fur.

  "I think we ought to have an early supper together after the seminar tomorrow/' Aubrey suggested. "The four of us spend a lot of time together, but we're always busy with work, or hurrying through lunch. If you're available, I'll go and call Shelley and Gardner right now."

  "Eric said something about a movie, but I'll still have time to have supper with you beforehand. It sounds like fun, actually. Maybe we can spike Gardner's glass of milk and liven him up a bit."

  Aubrey responded to that suggestion with a forbidding frown. "Don't you dare pull a trick like that on Gardner, or anyone else. Let's just spend a relaxing hour or two together, and if Gardner and Shelley hit if off, fine. If they don't, we'll all still have had a good time."

  "Let's go to the Claimjumper. It shouldn't be too crowded early, and their potato cheese soup is incredibly good."

  Aubrey hadn't been to the popular restaurant, but thought it a good choice. When both Shelley and Gardner accepted her supper invitation, she gave Trisha one last warning. "Promise me you won't do any overt matchmaking. I don't believe either Shelley or Gardner get out much, and tomorrow should just be fun. In the morning, pick

  Shelley up as you usually do, then I'll suggest Gardner mig
ht give her a ride home."

  Trisha finished her tea. "Great plan. I'll be good. Cross my heart. Now I better get going and let you unpack. Is there anything else you'll need for tomorrow?"

  "No. The seminar's all planned. The only challenge will be to keep it on track." Aubrey remained on the patio after Trisha said good-bye, but it was impossible to look at the pool without remembering the afternoon Jesse had stripped off his clothes before joining her in the water. She couldn't stop her tears then, nor could she deny how lost she felt. She had been living alone, without ever being lonely; but now she did not even want to go inside where surely Jesse's deep chuckle would still echo through every room to sharpen her pain.

  Taking pity on his tearful mistress, Lucifer climbed into Aubrey's lap. She hugged him tight, and he quickly forgave her for disappearing for a week. "There isn't nearly enough love in the world," she told him, "and I'm not a bit sorry I met Jesse. I just wish that we could have been together longer than a couple of weeks."

  A tear splashed Lucifer's paw, and he quickly lapped it up. He slid his raspy tongue across Aubrey's palm, then began to groom himself to lazy perfection. He eyed Guinevere snuggled at her feet with smug superiority and welcomed a return to the routine he cherished, while for Aubrey, nothing would ever be the same.

  As soon as she entered the convention center Saturday morning, Aubrey spotted the television crews and knew she had been incredibly naive not to expect demands for an interview. Bracing herself for the most obvious questions, she walked right up to the half-dozen reporters blocking the entrance to the room where her seminar was

  to be held. Dressed in crisp navy blue linen, she was the consummate professional.

  "Good morning. If you've been waiting for a provocative soundbite, I'm going to disappoint you. I've been in Arizona all week, and have no idea how the case against John Gilroy is progressing. Now you must excuse me, I have a seminar to teach."