by James Goss
She laughed. She had a rich, deep laugh. ‘No, no, it’s not that.’
‘Is it that we are different genders, then? Which is superior?’
Again, she laughed. ‘Oh I like you,’ she said. ‘Don’t change.’
‘But Elena, I am already changing. I am constantly changing. In the last 173 seconds I have learned 84, 85, 86 new concepts. Some of these concepts are beginning to interconnect, creating further new concepts. Is there a finite number of concepts for me to know? Tell me… How far apart are the places Cambridge and Iran?’
‘Several thousand miles and about a hundred years,’ she sighed, then frowned. ‘No, ignore that. I was being frivolous.’ She saw my face. ‘Wait. Frivolous… It means that some of the information I told you then was not accurate but was intended humorously.’
‘Why would you convey inaccuracy?’
‘Because… because sometimes that is what we do as a species. Sometimes it is for humour, or for self-protection, or to manipulate or to deceive. To cover up our own ignorance.’
‘I see. So many ideas. Then what piece of your statement was correct?’
‘I’m not going to tell you,’ she grinned. ‘You’re going to have to work that out for yourself.’
‘That is harder.’ I frowned.
‘People are hard. You’re going to have to learn that if you’re going to become one.’
‘I see. So I am not a person?’
‘I don’t know. You’re… you’re very new.’
‘I am 205 seconds old. You are 36 years old. That means that you must know so much more than me.’
She stuck her hands in her pockets. ‘Come on, you,’ she said. ‘Get down off that table. Let’s see if you can walk.’
I spent the next 413 seconds learning how to walk. She said that I was a fast learner. I told her that she was a good teacher. She told me that I had learned one of the basic arts of polite conversation: the exchange of mutual compliments.
‘So what am I?’
‘You are an artificial construct. We found an elaborate extraterrestrial organism that was capable of creating a synthetic life form. We learned how to programme it with datasets. We were able to give it all the information necessary in order to create a synthetic humanoid. You are our first attempt.’
‘I see,’ I said. ‘Someone was able to give it all that information? Whoever could do that would have to be very intelligent indeed.’
She smiled. ‘Thank you, you’re very kind.’
‘Yes.’ I smiled back. ‘Now it is your turn to say something nice about me.’
A few days later, I had a visitor. Elena had taught me to say ‘a few’ instead of the exact time. She said that imprecision was a good thing in conversation.
The visitor was a man in a long coat. He was very handsome in that his features were very symmetrically arranged and in a pleasing proportion to each other, making him physically attractive. I could tell that Elena thought this as well, as I could now read her body language and some of her thoughts. I wondered what this man’s thoughts were.
‘Cheeky,’ said the man, wagging a finger at me.
‘What?’ I was innocent.
He shot a glance at Elena. ‘You know he’s telepathic, right?’
Her eyes widened with surprise. ‘Why didn’t you tell me…?’ Her tone was accusing.
‘Can’t you read my thoughts?’ I asked her. In truth, I had suspected that she could not. But I had known that this was a secret. I liked having a secret.
The man sat down. He had very neat hair and clear blue eyes. ‘Hello,’ he said. ‘My name is Jack.’
‘Hello,’ I replied. ‘I have no name.’
‘Really?’ He turned to Elena. ‘We should do something about that, shouldn’t we?’
She pulled a face at him. She was annoyed, I could tell. ‘Sebastian,’ she said after some thought.
‘Really?’ said Jack.
‘Sebastian,’ she repeated. ‘Unless, that is…’
‘No,’ I said. ‘I very much like the name. I am Sebastian.’
‘Lovely,’ said the man called Jack. ‘So, Sebastian, why are you here?’
‘I am afraid I do not know. No one has told me,’ I said. And I was telling him the truth this time.
‘Ah, well.’ He looked cross. ‘Do you… do you know where you come from?’
‘I’ve asked him all this!’ protested Elena.
‘Yeah,’ Jack puckered his lips. ‘But I’m charming. He may have been keeping something back.’
‘I am not keeping anything back.’
‘Right.’ Jack looked at Elena and me. ‘Right then.’ He stood up. ‘It’s been very nice meeting you, Sebastian.’ He nodded to Elena.
*
He came back a few months later.
‘Hello Sebastian, it’s your Uncle Jack. How are you?’
‘I have learned to read and write in both English and Arabic,’ I said proudly. ‘I have also a basic understanding of geometry, algebra, geography and contemporary history.’
‘Right.’ Uncle Jack pulled a face. ‘Have you, by any chance, learned to fire a gun yet?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘What is a gun?’
‘I see.’ Uncle Jack looked cross. ‘Let me just have a word with Elena.’
He left. I could hear them shouting.
Later, Elena came into the room. She was carrying a strange object. ‘Sebastian,’ she said, haltingly. ‘This is a gun.’
I picked it up. It was quite heavy and made of metal. ‘What is it for?’
She hesitated. ‘It is for proving that you can point at a target from a distance. If you can mark that target then you are very clever. That is what the gun is for.’
She pinned up a set of circles on the far wall and handed me the gun. She showed me how to point it. She explained that it would be very loud. I told her I understood. Then I pointed the gun and pulled back on the trigger. It stung my hands and made a very loud noise.
I had marked the very smallest circle right in the centre.
‘Did I do it right?’ I asked.
Elena looked unhappy. But she said, ‘Yes, Sebastian, you did very well.’
‘I see,’ I said. ‘I would like to do it again. Please can I?’
The next time I saw Uncle Jack, he was very pleased with how I used the gun.
‘It is odd,’ I said to him. ‘The force used by the bullet is much stronger than that required to penetrate paper. It is quite wasteful. I have some theories as to how the bullet could be replaced with wet paper soaked in ink, or even a small ball of paint. It would be much better, I think.’
‘Very good,’ said Uncle Jack. Now it was his turn to look unhappy.
This time, when he shouted at Elena, I could see what they were talking about through the glass door. Although I could not hear their words, I had learned to lip read. I was also able to work out some of what Elena was thinking.
‘That is just a child, Jack!’ she was screaming.
‘All the same…’ Jack was trying to be reasonable. He laid a hand on her shoulder, and she angrily shrugged it off.
‘A child! You want me to make that child into a killer!’
‘No, no,’ said Uncle Jack. ‘I don’t want this. I’m just the messenger.’
‘You’re just obeying orders?’ Elena’s tone was quite strange.
‘Don’t be like that. You were put in charge of the Juniper Project to see what it could produce. It’s been more successful than we could possibly have hoped. But obviously, there are people who are seeking a practical application. A return on their investment. That beautiful creature in there… it’s not exactly a whole person is it? If we could take him, train him up… don’t you see the possibilities?’
‘I can see,’ said Elena, slowly and sadly, ‘that you like killing.’
‘Not at all.’ Uncle Jack was still using his ‘being reasonable tone’.
‘But… we still don’t know what kind of creature… what Sebastian really is. Whether he’s jus
t a… pupal stage.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jack was curious.
‘He might just look like a human. He may be about to revert to his parents’ true form. Or transcend it.’
‘What?’
‘Oh come on. The Juniper Tree… it grows a version of the life form perfectly adapted to this planet. Maybe as an intermediary stage. Then perhaps it evolves, becoming something a bit more… like its real parents.’ ‘
Oh.’
‘Yes. And maybe its parents aren’t as benevolent or as sweet as Sebastian. Maybe training him up to be a soldier and giving him weapons will one day seem like a very, very stupid idea.’
There was a long silence from Uncle Jack. I wondered how much of this Elena considered to be the truth.
‘Well, Jack?’
‘It wasn’t my idea.’ Uncle Jack’s voice had a hurt tone. ‘I suspect they try and turn everything we give them into weapons.’
‘Including a child?’
‘OK. OK. Well… listen. Maybe… maybe I’ll come back when he’s grown up a bit. Then we’ll see.’
After he’d gone, Elena taught me about fairy stories. She told me one she called ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’. It was about how you should never make promises to wicked uncles. And how you should be careful about magic seeds.
When I next saw Jack it was several birthdays later: I was almost 10. Elena and I had been working together for all that time.
Elena looked older. Jack and I looked just the same.
She was cross and worried, I could tell. She had started biting her fingernails. She left the room as soon as he arrived.
‘Nice suit,’ he said as I greeted him. I handed him a cup of coffee. He smiled. ‘I get handed a cup of coffee by a handsome young man in a nice suit. I could get used to that.’
We smiled at each other. Warmly. I made sure of it.
Uncle Jack sat down in a chair, stretching out, his arms behind his head. He was pretending to be relaxed, I could tell. All the time he was watching me. Elena had shown me pictures of animals. I liked lions and tigers the most.
When Uncle Jack spoke it was with the same predatory casualness. ‘OK then, my little man,’ he said. ‘Would you like some friends?’
‘Not particularly.’
‘Well, ah, you’re going to get some.’
‘I see.’
‘You will like them. They’re going to work with Elena. To watch over you. To give you tests and exams. To train you. You’ll like that, won’t you?’
‘I like sums and geography and the poetry of Philip Larkin.’
Jack snorted with laughter. ‘Read the one about parents?’
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘It’s true, you know.’ Jack stood, going to the door. ‘Anyway. Your new friends will be here soon. Thanks for the coffee.’
I did not like the soldiers.
‘Who did that to you?’ asked Uncle Jack the next time I saw him.
I shrugged. ‘It was an accident.’
‘You’ve learnt to lie?’ Uncle Jack growled. He reached out to touch the bruise on my face, but I stayed his hand. I did not flinch. I had learned not to flinch.
‘Why, Elena, why?’ shouted Uncle Jack.
Elena was standing in the corner, gnawing at her thumb. Her hair was untidy. She had not washed it for several days and I could smell it. She did not say anything. She had become very quiet since the soldiers came.
‘The soldiers say they are teaching me to be a man, sir. They say I need to learn to fight back. They say this is fun. I do not think it is.’
‘No.’ Uncle Jack’s voice was low. Angry. He turned back to Elena. ‘How could you let this happen?’
Elena spoke. ‘You’re blaming me? How can you blame me? This was your bloody idea.’
‘No.’ Jack shook his head. ‘I’m just the middle man. I’m just—’
‘Obeying orders.’ Elena kicked a chair.
Jack turned back to me. ‘Sebastian, how often does this happen?’
I shrugged. ‘A few times.’
‘Don’t give me that.’
‘I try and stop it,’ shouted Elena. ‘I try. When I’m around. I come in early and stay late. But they won’t let me stay overnight. It’s a security risk, apparently. And when I’m not around… they… they do what they like to him.’
‘You should have told me,’ snapped Jack.
‘How? I don’t have your phone number.’
‘Good point.’ Uncle Jack groaned. He pressed his hands to his face. ‘Sometimes… sometimes I get it very badly wrong.’ He spread his fingers, peeping out at me. ‘Sebastian. I would like you to believe me when I say that I am very sorry for what has happened to you.’
‘I am sorry, too. I have made Elena sad, I have let you down, and I have made the soldiers angry.’
Uncle Jack patted me on the shoulder and stood up. ‘Shaddup,’ he said. He turned around. ‘I’m off to do a bit of shouting.’
Uncle Jack came back in the night. I woke up to find him standing over my bed.
‘Now then,’ he said. ‘I’ve just had a crazy idea. We can’t keep the two of you here.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ‘Where is Here? No one has ever explained that to me. Is it near Cambridge?’
‘No time for new concepts,’ he said. ‘You and Elena are going on a holiday.’
‘What’s a holiday?’
Uncle Jack shook his head. ‘It’s fun. You get to do it by following me very quietly down the corridor. If you do it right, you never get to see the soldiers again.’
‘I would like to go on holiday, please.’
‘OK then,’ said Uncle Jack.
We walked down the corridor, further than I had ever been. Along it were some of the soldiers. They were lying down and having a sleep in uncomfortable positions. Behind a door was the sound of banging and shouting.
‘What is that? That sounds like Sergeant Evans. He does not sound happy that we are going on holiday.’
‘No.’ Uncle Jack smiled.
I could hear gunshots behind the door. The door jumped.
‘They’re shooting at the lock,’ said Jack.
‘Is it a hard target to hit?’ I asked.
‘No,’ said Uncle Jack, grabbing my shoulder. ‘I think we should run.’
We stood outside. I had been outside before, occasionally, but never at night. I could see stars and I began to count them, but Uncle Jack said that was the wrong thing to do at this time. But the 137 that I was able to count were very beautiful. He pulled out a gun and continued to drag me along, towards what I knew was a jeep. Inside it sat Elena. She ran out to hug me.
Behind us, there was noise and shouting and gunfire.
‘Target practice?’ I asked. Elena held me close.
‘That’s right,’ said Uncle Jack. ‘But they’re rubbish. I’m better.’ He fired his own gun. I was interested to see that a couple of soldiers fell to the ground, crying out, clearly pleased that Jack had hit them.
‘You are very good,’ I said.
‘Yes, I am,’ said Uncle Jack. ‘But I’m a very bad driver.’
We were still climbing into the jeep when Uncle Jack began to drive off. Bullets flew around us, but Elena held me down on the floor of the jeep, against a black rubber mat and a blanket that smelt of damp and wool.
We drove on into the night.
It was a while before anyone spoke.
‘About this holiday,’ began Uncle Jack. ‘I was just wondering if you’d like some brothers and sisters.’
‘No!’ shouted Elena.
‘Oh come on,’ sighed Uncle Jack. ‘He’s reached his tenth birthday without growing a single tentacle or slaughtering anyone. Do you know how much it was costing us in guards?’
‘I am very sorry,’ I said, ‘Have I wasted your money? Elena gives me pocket money. I can lend you that.’
Jack smiled. ‘No, no. Please don’t. I was just thinking… freedom. The chance to do something really wonderful.’
; Elena and Jack and I went to our new home. It was called Rawbone. We travelled in the jeep. I was very excited by the jeep. I was very excited by the open air. I was very excited by spending my money on chocolate and sweets in a shop on the way. (‘Don’t eat them all at once,’ said Jack, ‘or you’ll be sick.’) I bought 500 Milk Bottles, as they are my favourite sweet.
‘Can I have 300 Yellow ones and 100 White and 100 Pink?’ I asked the lady. She said no. But I still got 500 Milk Bottles.
I ate 83 of the milk bottles on the journey and was not sick.
We drove into Rawbone. It was a small village. Almost certainly the smallest village we had driven through. It welcomed careful drivers. Jack was not a very careful driver. Elena did not travel well.
We came to our home.
Jack said it would be a safe place to have a holiday. No one would come looking for us here and we could do valuable work and the Juniper Tree would arrive soon.
The safe place to have a holiday had a sign outside saying ‘Weather Monitoring Station’. Inside it was big, and very cold.
‘No central heating, yet,’ said Jack. ‘I’m hoping to get that fixed.’
‘You’d better,’ warned Elena. ‘Before the Juniper Tree arrives. If it dies of cold, I won’t be responsible.’
‘Don’t worry. Now then…’ Jack sank down slightly, as he did when he talked to me, bending his knees just a bit to look me in the eye. ‘Would you like to see the sea, Sebastian? I bet you’ve never seen anything like it before.’
Uncle Jack and I stood on a cliff, looking down at the sea and out at the sunset, which was taking place apparently twenty-one miles away. I figured this was almost correct, but I rather suspected the mathematical principles used to calculate this.
‘It is very nice,’ I said.
‘Come on!’ said Uncle Jack. ‘This is your first sunset, your first glimpse of the sea. Not a new tea towel. It is not nice. It is beautiful, it is amazing. It is not nice. Nice is for small things.’
‘Like tea towels.’ I did not know what a tea towel was.
‘Yes.’ Uncle Jack smiled. ‘Now then. Why are you here, Sebastian?’
‘I do not know.’
‘Then let me give you a purpose. These people. The people of the village we drove through… they are very sad because they cannot have children. Do you understand that?’