Nancy looked at Angela, then back at Steve. She’d imagined he’d have a million questions for her, but that wasn’t one of them. Why on earth was he talking like an estate agent?
‘Are you an estate agent?’ Nancy asked.
He threw back his head and laughed. ‘God, no. I’m a plumber. Love doing that. I’d never make an estate agent. No good with numbers. Sorry, I’m . . . I’m just really nervous and I talk utter gibberish when I’m nervous.’
Nancy laughed. ‘I know exactly what you mean. My head’s gone blank. It’s all very strange, isn’t it?’
He nodded. ‘I’m making an eejit of myself here, but it’s because I’ve waited for this moment and now that it’s here, I barely know what to say.’
Nancy’s heart went out to him. Here she was, worrying about her own feelings and he was in turmoil.
‘It’s only natural that you’re feeling a bit stressed. I am too. It’s the kind of thing you can’t really prepare for, isn’t it? But is there . . . anything you want to ask me?’ she said, although she dreaded his answer.
‘Em . . .’ he looked over at Angela. ‘Well, I don’t have much information on my life pre-adoption. You were in a Magdalene Laundry, weren’t you?’
‘Yes, we were,’ Nancy said. ‘I was only sixteen when I discovered I was pregnant.’ She hesitated, she didn’t want him to know the circumstances of his conception. It was long ago now, and it would only hurt him unnecessarily to know the truth. ‘Those were very different times, so being pregnant out of wedlock was a terrible sin.’
‘I understand,’ he said. ‘And I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But thank you for getting me through it.’
Nancy swallowed back tears. ‘I named you David. I adored you. I was allowed to keep you for a month, and I minded you and planned to bring you up myself. But then the nuns found a couple who wanted to adopt and they forced me to give you up. I did want you Da—, Steve. You weren’t unwanted. But I had no way at all to prevent them taking you away from me.’
‘That must have been so hard,’ he said.
He looked at her so kindly and with such empathy that Nancy felt a stab of grief that she wasn’t bowled over by love. Was she so utterly non-maternal that she couldn’t even feel a connection to her own flesh and blood? What kind of woman was she?
‘They were wrong to do that, but they were very different times, as you say. But it means the world to me to know that I was wanted. I did wonder over the years. And in case you were worried about me, my adoptive parents were good to me. I had a happy childhood and I’m doing well and they have always treated me as their own.’
‘I’m really glad to know that,’ Nancy said. ‘I’m so sorry you had such a start in life.’
‘You know,’ Steve said, looking towards the window, ‘I love gardens. Would you like to show me around the garden? It’s easier to walk and talk.’
‘You’re absolutely right,’ Nancy said, standing up. ‘Good idea.’
She led him out to the garden, leaving Angela to enjoy the cake. She told him about the kingfishers and what she’d learned about them. He talked easily, telling her about his childhood and his job, the fact that he was single but okay with it. The whole time, Nancy was watching him, hoping she’d feel something, some pull that would let her know this was her David, some connection. But she felt nothing. It was all too long ago, she supposed.
‘You know, I used to write you letters,’ he said, as they stood looking at the river. ‘Once I found out I was adopted.’
‘Really?’ Nancy said. ‘That’s kind of heartbreaking.’
‘My parents told me I was adopted when I was fifteen. They were scared to tell me, I think, that’s why they left it so late. It was hard to hear, to be honest. I hadn’t a clue, so I felt like I’d been sort of tricked, you know. I pulled away from them for a while, and the only person I could confide in was you, my mother. So I’d write letters telling you all about myself and asking you to come for me. I had nowhere to send them, of course, but it made me feel better to write them.’
‘That’s so lovely,’ Nancy said. ‘And I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. If there was any way, I would have made it work. But I was only sixteen then, powerless, and I was up against the Church. Talk about David and Goliath.’
He smiled. ‘Exactly. And I really do get that, Nancy. I don’t blame you or think that you gave me away or anything, just so you know. I believe you that you tried and the system broke you. I’ve read up on the Laundries, and the stuff that went on was incredible. There was no way a young girl could have changed anything.’
Nancy nodded. ‘It’s a dark part of our history alright,’ she said. ‘It scarred my life for a long time, and I made some terrible decisions, but I’ve made peace with myself over the years. And to hear that you had good parents, that really helps as well.’
‘I was just born at the wrong time,’ he said.
‘Yep,’ Nancy said. ‘The odds were against us.’
They smiled at each other.
‘Are your parents upset that we’re meeting?’ she asked.
He sighed. ‘I think they are a bit, yes. I’ve been very honest with them all the way along, to try to make sure they’re okay with it, but I think they do feel a bit mixed up about it. But then, they love me, and they know it’s important to me to meet my real mother.’
Real mother. Nancy was beginning to feel upset that she didn’t feel anything maternal towards him. He was a lovely guy, easy-going and chatty, but he was just a stranger. There was no big ‘oh’ moment, no falling in love, no sense of her son coming home . . . nothing. He chattered on, but Nancy was feeling overwhelmed. She reckoned this proved what she’d said all along – she was not cut out to be a mother. It just wasn’t in her. And now this poor man was looking for his mother, and all he’d found was her. This was meant to be special, and she was failing him – again.
‘Well this has gone really well,’ Angela said when they came back into the kitchen. ‘We always recommend no more than half-an-hour for the first meeting, as it can be a bit difficult to process. So I’d like to suggest that we leave now, Steve, if that’s okay by you, Nancy?’
Nancy nodded. She felt like crying, so the sooner they left, the better.
‘Okey-dokey, we’ll say our goodbyes then. And maybe you two could indicate if you’d like to meet up again?’
‘I’d like to, if that’s okay by you, Nancy,’ Steve said. ‘Could I maybe drop by next week?’
‘Sure,’ Nancy heard herself say. She wasn’t at all sure, but how the hell could you say ‘No thank you’ to the son you’d abandoned. It wasn’t really an option.
‘I’ll send you each other’s numbers then,’ said Angela, ‘and you can take it from here. Thank you for your hospitality, Nancy.’
When the front door closed behind them, it was all Nancy could do not to slither to the floor, curl up in a ball and wail. What the hell had just happened? She was a stone, an unfeeling stone – why hadn’t she felt a sense of homecoming? She had to be there for him now. He was a wonderful man, easy company and not pushy, and he deserved a good mother, an open-armed mother who made him feel loved and special. He didn’t deserve Nancy, she was useless at this. The poor man!
She ordered herself to calm down. This was silly. He was only one month old when she’d last seen him, and he was a middle-aged man now, so of course he felt like a stranger. Why wouldn’t he, for crying out loud? She just had to be sensible and let time take its course. They’d get used to one another and no doubt forge a connection. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t happened immediately. She resolved to be the best mother she could be to Steve. It might not come naturally to her, but she had to put him first now, think of his needs and strive to fulfil them. She wanted to give him back whatever she could, especially as he had been so brave to come looking for her. She’d have to park those feelings of not being maternal towards him and work on their friendship. She wanted to do that for him.
She was just walking awa
y from the front door, trying to steady her breathing, when the doorbell rang. They must have left something behind, she thought, looking around as she walked to the dor.
She opened the door, but it wasn’t Angela and Steve, it was a man in leather motorcycle gear with a helmet under his arm.
‘Hiya missus,’ he said. ‘Just delivering this to you.’ He pushed a padded envelope into her hands, then turned and walked away without another word.
She looked down at the envelope he’d given her. It had a Vayhill and District Local Authority stamp on it.
‘Oh God, what the hell now?’ she said to Nelly. ‘Given the way this day is going, it could be anything.’
She went back to the kitchen and sat down at the table and opened up the envelope and took out a sheaf of papers. She sat there staring at them in utter shock. The letter told her that she had two months before her home was demolished. She stared at the words Compulsory Purchase Order. Dear sweet Jesus, they couldn’t! They were giving her four hundred grand to get out and buy a new place somewhere else. And she had to be out by Christmas. She looked around her cosy kitchen. There was no way she could give up Kingfisher Road.
Shaking, she picked up her mobile and called her solicitor.
‘Read that again,’ said Sean, who’d taken her call immediately, bless him. ‘It says . . . Due to the volume of traffic coming in and out of Vayhill town centre we have decided to widen the road. In order to carry out these works we will need to remove numbers five and six Kingfisher Road. Then they give the amount I’m being offered and how they would like me to vacate the premises as soon as possible. Oh dear Lord, Sean. It’s a CPO and it seems there’s damn all that I can do about it. Please tell me I’m wrong about that.’
‘Don’t panic,’ Sean said briskly. ‘I’ll get straight on to it. Can you pop by sometime today with the letter and I’ll take a copy of it? Then I’ll start proceedings immediately to stop this.’
‘Can I take a picture of it and email it over?’ she said.
‘Yes, do that,’ Sean said. ‘It’s quicker. I forget I’m living in the technological age sometimes.’
‘Do you think I’ve any chance of saving my home?’
‘It’ll be a tough one to overturn, I can’t lie to you,’ said Sean. ‘But if you could get your neighbours together and ask them to back you up and perhaps send letters of complaint to the Authority, that wouldn’t go astray.’
‘Oh yes, they’ll help,’ she said. ‘Damn right, they will. We’re a very tight community here. I can definitely count on my neighbours for support.’
As soon as she had finished the call, she smoothed out the hated letter on the table and took a photo and emailed it straight to Sean’s office. Then she sat there, just staring until the words swam on the page. It all looked so official and final. Vacate the premises . . . compulsory . . . please accept the current market value . . .
Nancy was in a state of shock. She knew she should get up and go over to one of her friends, to Maia or Betsy or Pearl, but she couldn’t move. She felt like her body was paralysed. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t make a sound. This was all too much. First Steve, now this. She had a horrible feeling that Steve turning up had somehow heralded the end of her life as she knew it. If she had to leave Kingfisher Road, she couldn’t cope. Her best friends in the world were here, and she adored her life with them. She wanted to grow old and die here and have her ashes scattered in her flowerbeds. This just couldn’t be happening.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the gaudy wine bag. Her hands started to shake. She jumped up and rushed over and grabbed it, yanking the bottle out. She didn’t even look at the label, just twisted the cap and brought the bottle close to her lips. She smelled the alcohol curling up out of it, twisting around her, so seductive. She put the bottle a little closer, touching her lips now. One small lift of her arm, and it would be done. Her troubles would float away. She could chase her fear down the neck of that bottle and drown it.
With a cry, she suddenly turned the bottle upside-down and let all the wine flow out and down the plughole. She collapsed against the counter, sobbing. She let it all out, let herself cry it out. Her breath came in gasps, shuddering through her, then slowly it began to subside. Eventually, she stood up straight, rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.
‘Right, Nancy old girl, it’s time for one hell of a fight.’
Chapter 14
LILY-ROSE ARRIVED AND IT WAS AS IF THE HOUSE had been lit up. She was larger than life and always full of stories. In fact, most of her visits began with, ‘wait until I tell you Auntie Pearl’ and ended with ‘see you again soon, oh, oh I almost forgot . . .’ as she ran back in again for just one more story that had popped into her head. Pearl loved her so and was always thrilled to see her coming in the door.
‘Come in, come in,’ she said to Lily-Rose and her new husband, Leo. She hugged them both tightly. ‘I’m so delighted to see you.’
‘We just flew in this afternoon, so we thought we’d hop in and say hello to you on our way home. We won’t stay long, but we’re hoping we can take you out for dinner next week and bore you with honeymoon photos?’
‘Any time,’ Pearl said, thrilled at the idea. ‘I’d love a nice meal out, that would be lovely. But do stop for ten minutes anyway. Would you like a coffee?’
‘After being on that plane for twelve hours, I’d murder one,’ Leo said.
Pearl ushered them into the kitchen, where Drew and Tommy were playing Snap.
‘Lily-Rose!’ Drew squealed. ‘I love you.’
He enveloped his cousin in a bear hug, and she laughed. ‘Still the best welcomes, Drew. No one will ever beat you!’
‘My God, I’ll have to up my game,’ Leo said, going over to shake hands with Tommy.
‘He adores her,’ Tommy said. ‘No wedding ring is going to change that.’
‘It’s lovely,’ Leo said, smiling over as Drew held Lily-Rose’s hand and led her to the sofa. ‘You must get such joy out of minding him.’
Tommy smiled and nodded. ‘Yep, that’s for sure. I’d be lost without Drew. I learn more from him than he does from me.’
Pearl’s heart soared – she loved to hear Tommy speak of his affection and love for Drew. It was the opposite end of the spectrum from how Seth looked at Drew, and it made her so happy that Drew had that constant love from a male figure in his life. It made her love Tommy, too, and she smiled a private smile for him. He winked at her.
‘So how was the honeymoon?’ Pearl asked, bringing a tray of coffees and biscuits over to the table.
‘New Zealand is so amazing,’ Lily-Rose said. ‘It was so hard to tear ourselves away and come home. We had just the most incredible holiday.’ She smiled adoringly at her new husband.
‘Going back to work will be a real culture shock,’ Leo said. ‘But at least we have another few days before we have to face into that.’
‘Enjoy every second of it,’ Pearl said. ‘It’s such an important time.’
‘And I brought a present for my favourite cousin,’ Lily-Rose said, reaching into her bag.
Drew clapped his hands, his eyes shining. Lily-Rose drew out a brightly coloured gift bag and put it into his hands. Drew yanked it open and pulled out a soft, cuddly penguin.
‘I love it,’ he announced, cuddling it tight. ‘I’ll take it to bed. What’s its name?’
‘That’s for you to decide, Drew,’ Lily-Rose said. ‘It’s a blue penguin, one of the native animals. They are so adorable.’
‘Em . . . its name is . . .’ Drew held up the cuddly toy and peered at it, ‘I know . . . Bluebob.’
Pearl laughed. ‘You know what, Drew, that suits him perfectly. Hello, Bluebob!’
‘Hello Mummy,’ Drew said, waving the penguin at her. ‘He likes you. And he likes Tommy, too. I think you and Tommy are his favourite people.’
‘Ah, that’s so cute,’ Lily-Rose said, giving Drew a kiss on the cheek. ‘I hope you and Bluebob will be very happy togethe
r.’
‘Can I show him your house, Tommy?’ Drew said, jumping up.
‘Sure thing,’ Tommy said. ‘I’ll take him down with me,’ he said to Pearl, ‘so you can have a chat and get ready for tonight.’ He and Drew walked off hand in hand.
‘What’s tonight?’ Lily-Rose said.
‘Oh, just supper club,’ Pearl said. ‘In other words, me and my neighbours get together to eat, gossip and drink wine. We do it about once a month, and the new neighbour is coming along for the first time tonight.’
‘So is the emphasis on the gourmet cooking?’ Leo asked with a grin.
‘I’d love to say yes,’ Pearl said, laughing, ‘but with my cooking skills, I tend to try to blind them with wine and then bleed them for gossip!’
‘That’s my kind of night out,’ Lily-Rose said. ‘Sounds like great fun.’
‘You’re both welcome to stay,’ Pearl said.
‘Oh no.’ Lily-Rose shook her head. ‘We’re pooped, and there’s no way you’d have good-quality gossip with us in your midst. No, we’ll head on home and enjoy a night’s sleep in our own bed.’
‘No problem,’ Pearl said. ‘Seth’s away on duty, so I’m free any night you want next week.’
‘I’ll be in touch,’ Lily-Rose said. ‘Although, before we go, we got a little something for you too.’ She pulled out a small gift bag, wrapped beautifully with a pink satin bow. ‘This is for you, from both of us.’
‘Oh you shouldn’t have,’ Pearl said. ‘Wasting time shopping for me while on your honeymoon.’
‘We wanted to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the wedding day you gave us,’ Leo said. ‘It was even better than we’d dared hope, and that was down to the care and attention you lavished on it. We appreciate it so much.’
Pearl felt like crying. It wasn’t often anyone noticed her efforts, let alone commended them. She carefully untied the bow and slipped a square jewellery box out of the bag. She opened it, and on a bed of pink velvet lay an exquisite gold necklace. It had a thin, elegant chain, with a gold heart shape adorning it, complete with tiny pink stones.
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