It was past five in the morning when I finally woke up. I'd been asleep for almost eleven hours, and now I was wide awake. Sydney was curled up against my side, her body warm and soft and smelling like coconut. My heart swelled with affection for her. She'd saved me so many times in the short time we'd been together. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. I owed her everything, and I'd give her everything. I never knew what love was before her.
I lied there for a while, just listening to her breathe and feeling her warm skin on mine. However, I was hungry and thirsty, and my back was starting to hurt from lying in bed for so long. I sighed in resignation as I finally eased myself out from under the arm Sydney had draped over my chest, and climbed out of our bed. The house was kind of chilly from the air conditioning, so I slipped on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt before I made my way downstairs.
Imagine my surprise when I found David sitting on my couch with a mug of coffee, watching my television with the volume turned down low. I jolted to a sudden halt at the foot of the stairs, and stared blankly at him. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. I noted the folded blanket and pillow sitting on the floor next to the couch. He obviously spent the night down here.
"Good morning," he said as he raised his mug toward me. "I hope I didn't wake you up."
"Uh, no," I mumbled in surprise. "I...I was just coming down to get something to eat."
"There's some left-over pizza in the fridge if you want it."
"Thanks," I said with a stiff nod, and I hurried into the kitchen to get away from David's scrutiny. I didn't think I'd have to face him so soon, and my mind was reeling. What did you say to the person that was trying to help you, and you ended up lying and hiding things from them? I stopped in the middle of the kitchen, and rubbed at my face anxiously. I was half tempted to sneak out and hide in the garage for a while, but that would just hold off the inevitable. Sydney told me I had to stop lying and keeping secrets. I supposed facing the aftermath of my actions would go a long way to redeeming myself in her eyes. More than anything though, I owed David an apology.
I sighed, my decision made, and went to the refrigerator to pull the pizza box out. I carried it back into the living room, and plopped down on the couch next to David wordlessly. I didn't even know where to start this conversation. I put the pizza down on the coffee table and opened it, then pulled a piece out before pushing the box toward David, in case he wanted any.
"No, thanks." He waved a hand at the box. "I'm going to head home and go for a run. I'd hate to barf on the side of the road."
We sat in silence for a while, watching some sports news show since there was almost nothing but shit to watch this early in the morning. I had no idea what they were talking about on TV, as I sat there trying to figure out how to start talking to David about what happened yesterday. I had just come to the conclusion that I was at a complete loss, when David broke the silence first.
"I feel like I failed you," he said, still staring at the TV screen. That was the last thing I expected him to say, and I was stunned into silence for a moment.
"What?" I managed to force out of my mouth as I looked over at him incredulously.
"I should have known something wasn't right yesterday," he continued quietly. "You seemed off and I should have found out why. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard."
"And I shouldn't have lied and kept things from you, so I guess we both fucked up."
"Does that make us even, you think?" David asked as he met my eyes with a small smile.
"Why not?" I answered with a shrug. "I don't know about you, but I'm fucking sick of feeling guilty. Let's not add anymore."
"Then it's agreed." David nodded. "We're even and we can let it go." He stuck his hand out, and I shook it gratefully. This was easier than I thought it would be. I reached for another piece of pizza. "I don't know if I can work with you anymore though," David said and my hand paused above the pizza box.
"Why the fuck not?" I blurted out in shock as I glared at him, forgetting all about the damn pizza.
"You're my friend now, and I can't be objective," he said with a sympathetic expression. "I think that's part of the reason I didn't see that you were struggling yesterday."
"That's fucking bullshit," I replied in annoyance. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"
"Uh...from Sydney," he answered me. He looked taken aback by my reaction.
I paused for only a second before speaking again. "Well, she's full of shit then. You've helped me a lot already, and I refuse to agree to this dumb-ass idea."
"But I..." David began.
"You're wasting your fucking breath," I interrupted him, getting angry now. "And don't bother suggesting I find someone else to help me, because I won't talk to anybody else."
"Jensen, don't be stubborn," David said reasonably, which pissed me off even more. "You need someone who can help you better than I can."
"I don't want anyone else." I growled. "I only trust you, and I'm not fucking agreeing to this shit, no matter what Sydney said."
David stared at me in shocked silence as I continued glaring at him. It was my turn to be shocked when, suddenly, he started laughing quietly, his eyes filled with mirth as he shook his head.
"Why are you laughing?" I asked angrily. "This isn't fucking funny."
"Do you realize this is the first time I've seen you fight for something for yourself?" he said as he chuckled. "Not for Sydney, or your family, or anyone else, but for you."
"Huh," I grunted as my anger evaporated instantly.
"Huh, indeed," David agreed with a grin. I sat there speechless for a few minutes until David stood and picked his phone up off the coffee table. "I need to get going so I can get my run in before it gets hot out."
"Okay," I answered slowly, thrown off by his sudden departure. I didn't think we had resolved anything.
"Should I meet you here after work tomorrow?" he asked as he stuck his phone in his back pocket. "We can run before our session again if you want."
"Uh...alright," I said in confusion, not really sure how I had won our argument, but I wasn't going to question it. I watched him walk toward the hallway to leave, then pause in the doorway and look back at me.
"No more lies and no more secrets," he said in a low serious voice. His humor from earlier was gone, and was replaced by a scary intensity in his eyes that I had never seen from him before. It made me realize that he wasn't a man you wanted to cross.
"No more, I promise," I told him with all the sincerity I could muster. I didn't want to let him down again. He nodded brusquely then left without another word, and I was left sitting in stunned silence wondering what the fuck had just happened.
**********
I was in the garage checking the Camaro over for any damage, when the doorbell rang late Sunday afternoon. I ignored it, knowing Sydney would answer it. I wanted to milk out my solitude for as long as I could. I checked the car over twice now, and everything seemed okay. It was a miracle that I hadn't wrecked her. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had lost several hours of my life yesterday. I couldn't remember anything from the moment David had led me into my father's garage, not until the moment Sydney had brought me back on the side of that fucking road where my life fell apart last March. I'd probably never know what the hell made me go there or where I went before that. Thank God, I didn't hurt anybody. I wouldn't have been able to live with that.
I heard Sydney's squeal of delight through the open door into the foyer, and Andy's laughter followed. A moment later, I looked up to watch Sydney and Lydia hurry past the door and up the steps to the house chattering excitedly. Andy appeared in the doorway, grinning like an idiot at me as he entered the garage.
"You asked her didn't you?" I asked him, returning his idiotic smile as I stepped away from the open hood and walked toward him.
"She said yes." He stated the obvious, his eyes gleaming with happiness.
"Congratulations, brother." I pulled him into a hug. "I'm so happy for you." He
stiffened in surprise for a moment, then hugged me back.
"Thanks," Andy said as we stepped apart.
"So, when is the big day?" I asked him.
"We're thinking October."
"This October?" I asked in surprise. It took them a year just to move in together. I didn't expected them to get married so soon.
"I know it seems fast," he said sheepishly. "But a bunch of shit a friend of mine has gone through lately, made me realize how precious life is, and I don't want to waste anymore time taking things slow." I stared at him as he gave me a small smile and a nod.
"Well, I hope this friend of yours has his shit together by then."
"He'd better because he is going to be my best man, and I expect one hell of a bachelor party." His smile widened into a huge grin as he looked meaningfully at me.
"I..." I was speechless. "I don't know what to say."
"How about 'thank you' or 'I'd be honored'?" Andy suggested as he continued smiling at me, his eyes filled with amusement.
"How about both?" I answered him with a laugh as I gripped his shoulder. "Thank you, brother. I'd be honored to be your best man." It was getting a little too emotional, and I was happy when Andy changed the subject after a few uncomfortable moments.
"How is she?" he asked as he nodded toward the Camaro.
"Not a scratch on her," I said with relief.
"Do you remember anything from when you were missing?" Andy asked quietly as if he was afraid to bring it up.
"Not a damn thing," I answered quietly. "Not until you guys found me, or should I say not until you found me." Sydney had filled me in on how Andy had tracked me down.
"Apparently, I should make a career out of saving your ass," he said in amusement as he ran a hand along the front right fender. "I've done it so many times now."
"Yeah, well I'd like to return the favor, but you're too smart to get into any trouble you can't get yourself out of."
"True," he admitted unashamedly. "I am pretty smart."
"And humble," I added with a smirk as I eased the hood back down, then let it drop the last few inches. "Let's go upstairs. I want to see if you cheaped out on the ring or not."
"Ha, ha," he said with a glare as I walked past him to the door. He followed me upstairs. We entered the living room to find the girls sitting on the couch smiling broadly at us as we walked in. They rose as we came closer.
"Jensen, look," Sydney announced as she grabbed Lydia's left hand and held it up toward me. "Isn't it gorgeous?" I suddenly had a suspicion this was a big fat hint for the future, and shockingly it didn't freak me out in the least.
"It is, baby," I answered as I took Lydia's hand in mine and admired the white gold band with a fairly large square cut diamond with a row of smaller diamonds down the band on each side. I looked up and met Lydia's eyes to find her beaming with joy. "Congratulations, Lydia," I said warmly as I pulled her into an embrace. I glanced over her shoulder to see Andy's surprised face. I realized I had never hugged her before, and I was pleased to show Andy that I really did care. I didn't ever want him to think I didn't care again.
"Alright, that's enough," Andy announced sternly with a smile still on his face. "Get your paws off my fiancee." I stepped back from Lydia with my hands raised in surrender, noting the stunned smile on Lydia's face from my display of affection.
"Sorry, brother," I said with a smirk. "Just trying to cop a feel before she's off the market."
Suddenly, Sydney hauled her fist back and punched me in the upper arm. Andy and Lydia burst into sudden laughter.
"Ow!" I said as I rubbed my arm and looked down at her smiling unapologetic face. "What the hell?"
"I'm very violent," she said as her eyes danced with amusement. "And jealous. You'd do well to remember that." I stepped into Sydney's personal space and glowered down at her. She glared right back unimpressed. "You're intimidation technique doesn't work on me, remember?"
I leaned in close until my lips brushed her ear. "I'm going to torture you with orgasms for that later," I whispered threateningly. I straightened and smiled as that perfect shade of pink that I adored colored her cheeks. We stared at each other for a long moment, lost in our mutual desire for each other. Andy interrupted us by clearing his throat.
"Do you two still want to go to dinner or should we leave?" I turned my glower on Andy, who was apparently also immune to it. He had a self-satisfied smile painted across his face. I growled at him, but that didn't do anything either. His eyes shifted to Sydney, and his smile actually faltered for a second, and he looked a little afraid. I glanced over at Sydney to see her staring at Andy with a glower that was a lot scarier than mine. I crossed my arms and looked at Andy with a smug expression. He turned back to me with a snort. "Your woman is terrifying. I like her."
"So do I." I put my arm around Sydney and looked down at her. "Are you ready to go, baby?"
"Let's go." She looked adoringly back at me.
The girls walked ahead of us out of the living room; their heads bent together as they talked. Andy and I followed at a slower pace.
"Are you alright?" he asked me quietly with concern in his eyes.
"I'm not sure," I answered him. "To be honest, I think I've forgotten what it feels like to be alright."
"You'll figure it out," Andy replied.
"I don't know about that," I said with a sigh. "I can't go a week without fucking something up."
"What's with you and Dave?" Andy asked in exasperation. "Both of you seem to think you can only succeed when everything goes perfectly."
"What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion.
"I thought you were bad about beating yourself up, but Dave? He takes it to a whole other level," Andy explained with a shake of his head. "The man was beside himself when he found out you were missing. He blamed himself for the whole damn thing. I've never seen anyone direct so much anger at themselves before. And when that man is angry, it is downright terrifying."
"I got a little taste of that last night when he made me promise not to lie to him again."
"I'm glad that when you get angry, you get loud, break shit, and curse like a fucking sailor," he added. "That feels safe and predictable by comparison. That quiet intense shit of his scares the hell out of me."
"Me too," I agreed wholeheartedly. "I'm glad he's a friend and not an enemy."
We made it to the front door, and I was locking up as the girls climbed into the backseat of Andy's hideous yellow and black Mitsubishi Evo, when Andy spoke again.
"You're going to be alright, you know," Andy said with conviction. I turned to face him and was stunned by the sheer certainty in his eyes.
"Why are you so sure of that?" I asked in disbelief.
"You can't see it, can you?" Andy asked with a perplexed expression.
"Can't see what?"
"How much you've improved since you met Sydney," he explained. "You share more stuff with me now then you ever did before in your life. You've let new people like David into your life, and you let him help you. Before Syd, you were just an empty shell waiting to fade away. Now I can see you fighting for your life, for your future. Isn't that what getting better is?"
"I..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say to that. Had I been so focused on the negative that I missed all the positive things I'd accomplished? "I...I'm a fucking idiot," I whispered when I finally admitted the truth to myself.
"I've been trying to tell you that for years," he said in a smug tone as I followed him over to his car. "It's about time you fucking listened to me. I am an evil genius after all. Could you imagine how awesome the world would be if everyone listened to me?"
"Shut the fuck up." I rolled my eyes at him over the roof of the car. He just winked and climbed into the driver's seat without saying another word. I opened the passenger door and got into the car with a shake of my head. He was my best friend in the whole fucking world, and I was glad I had him in my life. Even if his ego was completely out of control, and he drove the most obnoxiou
s car I had ever seen.
**********
I had just walked Andy and Lydia out, and I was locking up for the night. They stayed for a few hours after we came back from dinner, and I enjoyed the company, but my body was craving Sydney and had been for hours. I was relieved that they were finally gone so we could be alone. She had slept in late today, and she had seemed tired most of the day, so I didn't want to bother her with my physical needs, but I was aching for her now. We hadn't had sex since early Saturday morning, and I don't think we had ever gone this long without it while we had been together, except for when I was in the hospital. I needed the physical connection to feel close to her, and to show her how I felt about her. I needed her body like air or water or food.
I hurried back upstairs, my heart rate already rising as I thought about touching her, tasting her, and being inside her. I walked into the living room to find her on one end of the couch with her legs curled up under her. She had the remote in her hand as she flipped through the channels. I strode across the room to her. She looked up at my approach, and opened her mouth to speak until she saw my face.
I'm not sure what my face looked like, but whatever my expression was it made her gasp, and her eyes darken with instant arousal. I lowered myself to my knees on the couch and crawled across the cushions to her, feeling a need so deep it hurt inside. She leaned back into the arm of the couch as I hovered over her. Her tongue darted out, and she licked her lips. My eyes were riveted on her mouth as a deep growl bubbled up out of my throat. I leaned down and pushed my lips into hers, the kiss deep and feral as I fed on her. I couldn't get enough of her taste, and the feel of her lips and tongue on mine.
She moaned low in her throat, and spread her legs instinctively as I kissed her. I lowered my pelvis until I was cradled between her thighs, and I ground my denim covered cock against her core, needing the friction and the pressure against my dick. She moaned again at the feel of me thrusting against her, and wrapped her arms and legs around me, clutching on to me desperately. I stood with her still clinging to me and moved to the stairs, flicking the light off as I left the living room, and carried her up to our room.
Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 19