"Please," I pleaded as he came closer to me, his erection bobbing as he moved. I couldn't take my eyes off of it.
"Already begging, huh?" he said with humor in his voice. "I haven't even done anything yet."
"You don't have to do anything," I told him in a needy voice. "I'll always want you, always beg for you."
His only response was a guttural growl of pure male lust as he moved up behind me onto the bed. He ran his hand up my thighs and grabbed my ass in his warm hands, squeezing and kneading firmly. His right hand lifted away, and I jumped as his palm smacked down hard on my right cheek. The sting was sharp and immediate, but he soothed it away with his hand as he rubbed gentle circles into my flesh. I whimpered as the sting became warm delicious pleasure.
"Did you like that, baby?" he asked. "Do you want me to do that again?"
My only response was a long needy whine.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said with a low sexy laugh that made my pussy clench.
This time his hand came down on my left cheek, the smacking sound loud and sharp. I gasped then moaned again as he rubbed the pain away. He gave me two more slaps on each cheek before delving a finger into my molten core. I was so wet that it slid in without any resistance.
"Fuck," he groaned. "You are so goddamn wet. I don't know if I can wait to put my dick inside you."
"Please, oh please," I begged again. He abruptly pulled his finger out of me, and his hand came down even harder on my ass this time.
"No more begging," he growled out harshly. "I'll fuck you when I'm damn well ready." His hand glided gently across the burning skin of my ass, easing the pain away again. "I'm going to finger fuck you now, but you can't come. You'll have to wait until my cock is inside you for that."
I clamped my mouth shut to keep myself from begging for his cock again. I felt him press his finger back into my pussy. It didn't feel like enough. I needed more.
"That's only one," he said. "I don't think that's enough. Do you?"
"No," I blurted out. "More." His laugh seemed to caress every inch of my skin. Then he gave me what I needed. A second finger joined the first, and it was just right.
"Is that better, baby?" he asked softly.
"Yes," I moaned. He began thrusting them in and out in a slow torturous pace, and I didn't think it was enough until he started going faster. An orgasm threatened to overwhelm me almost immediately. I almost let myself go before I remembered what he had said and somehow managed to stop my release before it slammed into me. I'd be damned if I missed out on coming with his cock inside me.
His fingers moved faster, his thumb on my clit now, and it took a Herculean effort to keep from falling apart. I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. I was panting and writhing. I wanted to beg for him to stop, but I didn't want to risk not coming at all tonight. Just when I was a hair's breath away from losing control completely, he finally took mercy on me and slowed down enough so that I could hold it together and catch my breath.
"That was a close one, wasn't it Sydney?" he asked in a ragged tone. "I think I'm ready to fuck you now. Would you like that? Do you want to come?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" I answered all three questions with a scream. His fingers left my body, and I was only left feeling bereft for a second when he slammed his cock into me, hard and deep. I was so soaked that there was no resistance whatsoever.
"Come!" he shouted and my body came undone around him, convulsing and shaking as I wailed out my pleasure in a long guttural cry. I heard him swearing as my insides clamped down hard on his cock. His hands gripped my hips so tight that it was almost painful as he fought for control of himself, his pelvis flush against my ass and perfectly still. He stayed like that for several long moments, his breathing turning harsh and heavy. I could almost feel the battle waging inside his body as he fought his release. When he finally succeeded he leaned down close to my ear.
"Look what you almost did to me," he said with a hum of pleasure. "You're such a bad girl. I think you need to be fucked hard for that, don't you?"
"Oh God, yes," I groaned my reply.
"I'd tell you to hold on to something, but you can't move can you?" he murmured. "You'll just have to fucking take it won't you?" I was incapable of speech now. All I could do was whimper and moan as I waited for him to fuck me.
He pulled back until he was almost all the way out then jerked his pelvis hard against me. Stars appeared in my vision as he hit bottom, and I came again, this time my breath caught, and I couldn't utter a sound as pleasure blasted through me. When I came back to earth he was thrusting in and out of me hard and fast, his fingers still locked in a bruising grip on my hips. I came again and again, each one becoming more indistinguishable from the next, until there was no break in between them. It morphed into one long mind shattering orgasm that made me feel like I was coming apart at the seams, and I wouldn't survive it. It was fucking amazing.
His rhythm finally faltered, and I knew he was close to his own release. His cock swelled and started jerking inside me as he came, and I could feel his cum surging into me as he shouted incoherently. His hips and thighs shook violently as he pulled my pelvis back hard against himself, trying to push as far as he could into me. I came one more time as he hit bottom, my insides milking the rest of his pleasure from his body until he finally slumped down onto my back, his chest slick with sweat. He snorted out a quiet laugh next to my ear that made his softening cock twitch inside me as he wrapped his arms around my waist. An aftershock sent a final tremor through my body.
"How's that bad day looking now, baby?" he asked me in a breathless self-satisfied voice.
"What bad day?" I mumbled as I fought to stay conscious.
I was pretty sure his answering laughter was going to star in my wet dreams for a very long time to come.
Chapter Twelve
Jensen
Sydney was a mess when I picked her up after work Thursday. I don't know how she made it through the whole day. I had driven her to work since she was already tired and strung tight with stress when we got up this morning. I had lost track of how many nightmares she had last night, and I was fucking exhausted too. I suggested we both call in sick, but she had shot that idea down vehemently, saying she needed the distraction of work today. I decided to follow her example and do the same, but I had insisted on taking her to lunch, so I could check on her. It had been a long quiet meal as I watched her pick at her food, not having the heart to remind her that she needed to eat. Hell, I hadn't even tasted mine as I forced it down. It had nearly broken my heart to drop her back off at work after lunch, and leave her there without me.
I stole a glance at her as I stopped the truck at a light. She was wringing her hands in her lap as she stared blankly out the passenger window, her entire body practically vibrating with tension. I reached over and rested my hand on her leg, needing to do something to try to help her. I felt helpless and useless. I couldn't make this nightmare go away, couldn't sooth this pain, and it was killing me. She glanced over at me and forced a smile on her face that looked more like a grimace to me, before turning to stare out the window again. She gripped my hand in hers tightly though, and didn't let go the rest of the way home.
When I pulled into the driveway of our condo, she sat unmoving in her seat as I walked around the truck and opened her door. She met my eyes, and I could tell she was close to losing it. I needed to get her inside. I knew she didn't want to cry out here in the driveway where someone could see her. I managed to coax her out of the vehicle with a few quiet words of encouragement.
She went straight to the couch when I got her in the house, curling up in a ball on one end with her legs tucked up under her. She grabbed the remote, turning on the television and staring blankly at the screen as a few tears managed to fall down her cheeks. I stood in the middle of the room watching her helplessly.
"Are you hungry?" I asked her finally. I needed to do something.
"Sure," she answered in a monotone without even looking at me.
I sighed and went to the kitchen to find something for her to eat. I went to the fridge and found the leftovers from last night. I pulled out the containers and started heating them up. I set two plates on the table, then poured her a glass of iced tea and grabbed a can of soda for myself. I stood sipping on it as I waited on the microwave, and stared out the window.
I was at a loss. I didn't know what the fuck to do to snap her out of this funk she had fallen into. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and did the only thing that might help her. I texted David, but he responded immediately, letting me know he was stuck working late tonight. He did, however, suggest that I call Lauren to come talk to Sydney. I stared at his suggestion with a scowl. I didn't want to call Lauren. I knew she didn't approve of me or of us living together, and to be honest she intimidated the hell out of me. It always felt like she could see right through me, and see every fucked-up thing I carried around in my head. I'd be damned if I called her until I tried everything else first.
The microwave beeped as the last container of food was done warming up. I put all of it on the plates then went out to the living room to get Sydney. I jerked to a halt as I walked in to find that she wasn't even in here anymore. "Fuck," I mumbled under my breath in frustration as I went upstairs, figuring she had gone to our room to change out of her scrubs.
What I found instead, when I entered the bedroom, was Sydney lying in the bed, curled up on her side with her back to the door. It was all I could do not to growl in frustration.
"Sydney," I whispered as I approached her. I stopped next to the bed. "Dinner is ready."
"I'll eat it later," she answered without even looking at me.
"You need to eat something, baby." I tried to sound reasonable. "You've barely eaten all day."
"I just want to be alone," she said in annoyance. Her words cut into me as I realized she was pushing me away.
"Baby," I pleaded, the hurt in my voice unmistakable.
"I'm sorry," she said, the irritation in her tone clear. "But I don't have it in me to take care of your hurt feelings right now."
The deep pain her words caused me, and the anger I suddenly felt toward her callousness and my own weakness, made me want to lash out, so I did the only thing I could. I walked out, shut the door, and went back downstairs before I said something I'd regret. I walked into the kitchen and stood there staring at the plates of food, realizing I no longer wanted to eat it either.
"Fuck this," I snarled as I yanked them off the table and took them over to the sink. I opened the cupboard underneath and dumped all the food into the trash, swearing under my breath the whole time. I dropped the plates in the sink with a clatter, stalked into the living room, and began pacing back and forth. I was so far out of my depth right now.
I knew what I had to do, no matter how much I didn't like it. I was going to have to call Lauren. She already thought I was a fucked-up burden to her sister. I was pretty sure calling her for help right now wasn't going to improve her opinion of me. Of all the nights for David to be stuck at work, it had to be the night before that goddamn parole hearing.
"Fuck it," I growled and stopped pacing to grab Sydney's purse off the coffee table. I pulled out her phone and found Lauren's phone number. I considered texting her to avoid having to talk to her, but I didn't want to look like a coward. So I hit the call button and held my breath as I held the phone up to my ear. She answered on the first ring.
"Hi, Syd." She sounded stressed herself. I could only imagine what either sister was feeling right now.
"It's Jensen," I said in a small voice.
"What's wrong?" she blurted out in a panicked voice. "Is Sydney alright?"
"She's curled up in a ball in our bed, and she won't eat or talk to me," I said wearily. "I don't know what to do. I need your help. Can you come over?"
"I can leave right now," she answered immediately, and I let out a relieved breath. I gave her directions, and she told me she could be here in twenty minutes. We ended the call, and I spent the next twenty minutes pacing again, running my hands through my hair, and swearing repeatedly with impatience. I wanted to be everything for Sydney, but I guess that was an unrealistic notion. I was such a dumb-ass.
I jumped at the sound of the doorbell, and I glanced upstairs wondering if Sydney had even noticed it. I hurried down to the front door, flung it open, and found Lauren standing there with worried eyes. I ushered her in and led her up to the living room, then upstairs to the bedroom, explaining what I could about what was going on. She nodded in understanding as I stopped at the top of the steps next to my closed bedroom door.
"Thank you for calling me," she told me, her eyes filled with gratitude. This was not what I had expected at all. I thought she would be angry at me. I had expected to see judgment in her eyes and for her to make me feel like I hadn't taken care of Sydney like I should have, but I suddenly realized those were all the things that I felt toward myself right now.
"Thank you for coming over," I told her sincerely, then I shocked myself and her when I pulled her into a quick hug. She took it in stride and hugged me back, her eyes looking pleasantly surprised as I stepped away from her.
"I'll take care of her," she assured me. "Don't worry."
I nodded, and watched her open the door and slip in quietly. It pained me to let someone else take care of her, even if it was her own sister, but I needed to let this go and hope everything would be alright. I forced myself to go back downstairs and not hover by the door. I sat on the couch and started flipping through channels until I found a movie I'd already seen. If my mind started wandering, it wouldn't matter if I missed any of the plot. I stared at the TV for what felt like hours before Lauren finally came downstairs with Sydney in tow. I jumped to my feet as they entered the room, my eyes on Sydney. She wouldn't look at me, and I recognized the shame on her features and in the way her shoulders slumped forward. She was probably beating herself up for how she had treated me, but I didn't care about that anymore. I just wanted her to talk to me and take care of herself.
She cringed away a little as I approached her, but I ignored her hesitation and pulled her into my arms. I wondered if this bitter pain of rejection was how she'd felt all those times I pulled away from her. It made me feel like I'd been a complete asshole, and I realized that Sydney was a better person than me for putting up with my bullshit all this time.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered in a broken voice as she started to cry. "I treated you like shit.
"I don't give a fuck about that," I told her vehemently. "I just want you to be okay."
"I shouldn't have shut you out like that," she sobbed. "I know how fragile you are, and I shouldn't have done that to you."
"I've already forgiven you, baby," I said with a slight quaver in my voice. "So you can just let it go. I'm a big boy, and I'm okay." A small smile spread across my lips as I leaned back to look down at her face. I actually managed to get a smile out of her. It was a wan one, but better then nothing. I leaned down and pressed my lips softly against her forehead, then hugged her tight again.
I ended up facing Lauren and meeting her eyes over Sydney's head. She had a pensive expression as she looked back at me, and I wondered what the hell was going through her head. She suddenly smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back. I mouthed the words "thank you" to Lauren, and she acknowledged it with a single nod.
"I have to go," Lauren said with regret. "Adam's parents were visiting, and I need to get back home before they decide to hate me."
"That's not possible," Sydney said as she stepped out of my arms to look at her sister. "They love you."
"Yes, but why risk it." She grinned as she opened her arms, and Sydney moved into her sister's embrace. "I'll see you guys in the morning." Her smile faltered as she mentioned tomorrow without any specifics. Sydney nodded soberly and went to walk Lauren out. I stayed behind to give them some more time together. It was kind of weird being involved in a problem that really had nothing to do with me for a
change. I had been caught up in my own mess for so long that I had forgotten what it was like. It was bizarre and fucking liberating.
**********
We went to bed not long after Lauren left, both of us exhausted, after eating cereal for dinner because I had insisted that we had to eat something, and I had dumped all the leftovers in the trash. We were asleep before nine o'clock, but Sydney woke me around midnight, thrashing and mumbling in her sleep. I pulled her close and soothed her until she settled down without waking. I felt like I had only been asleep for mere moments when it happened again around one thirty. Then when I was finally in a deep sound sleep, she sat up screaming around four. I jerked awake to find her climbing on top of me in mindless fear.
"Sydney baby, wake up." I sat up and grabbed her arms, giving her a gentle shake that was enough to snap her out of it. When recognition finally filled her eyes, she wrapped her arms around me and started to cry. I pulled her into my lap and rocked her until she relaxed, then laid her down and spooned myself around her, hoping she'd go back to sleep again. She needed to rest for tomorrow. She was still and quiet for quite a while and I had just started to think she might be asleep again when she spoke in a low fragile tone.
"I don't think I can sleep anymore tonight."
"Me either," I agreed with a sigh as I hugged her closer. "Do you wanna just get up?"
"Can we stay in bed and talk?" she asked as she turned in my arms to face me.
"Okay." I nodded as I caressed her soft cheek in the darkness.
"I'm really sorry about last night." She started in with her guilt again.
"Shh." I pressed my finger to her lips. "No more apologies about that."
Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 23