"It sure seemed like you wanted to get to know her."
"Well, I guess I can't sleep with every woman I meet." I forced a smile that I didn't feel at all. It's not for my lack of trying most of the time.
"That's not what I meant."
"I don't know what you're talking about," I denied, wishing we weren't having this conversation anymore.
"What the fuck ever," he grumbled and lapsed into silence. I was grateful for the reprieve, because I seriously didn't know what the hell had just happened with that girl. All I knew for sure was that I didn't want any part of what I had felt back there.
The last few miles ended up being over quickly, as my body kept going on autopilot while my mind twisted and turned. I kept seeing her face in my mind, and I banished it away every single time, but it insidiously wormed its way back in time and again. The end of the race was a blur. The next thing I knew I had a medal around my neck, and I was following Jensen through the crowd to where we were meeting Sydney. I didn't even know what my finish time had been, and I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of here to avoid the chance that I might run into Natalie again. Natalie. There was something about the way her name sounded inside my head, and I suddenly had an urge to look for her in the crowd. I caught myself before I started gawking around like a love sick puppy. Thankfully, Jensen found Sydney before I lost my mind again and actually went looking for her.
I watched Sydney run up to her new husband, her gray eyes lighting up with happiness as she jumped into his arms, her long dark wavy hair flying around her face. He wrapped her up in his arms, and they kissed each other with a passion that I knew I'd never have again. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for them, but sometimes watching them made me think about everything I had lost last year and it just plain hurt. I was relieved when they finally broke apart. It really sucked when your two closest friends constantly and inadvertently reminded you of all the painful things you'd like to forget.
"I'm so proud of you," she told him as she placed her hands on his cheeks. His eyes softened as he looked down at her, the adoration in his face so pure and raw that I had to look away for a second.
"Thank you, baby," he told her, my eyes coming back to them to see him pull her into another embrace and burying his face in her hair. I looked away again, this time scanning the crowd for a glimpse of those green eyes that had called to me without realizing what I was doing, until Sydney addressed me.
"You're awfully quiet. Are you okay, David?" she asked with a worried expression as the two of them came up to me, their hands clutched together. She looked adorable today, in skinny jeans, a fitted gray sweater, and calf high black boots. I loved her, but like the little sister I never had. She was family and so was Jensen now.
"I'm good, sweetheart," I told her with a genuine smile. "Just tired." I noticed Jensen's knowing smirk and the amusement in his eyes. I'm sure she'd hear all about what happened when they got home. I was just happy he didn't bring it up now.
"I'm taking Jensen out for breakfast to celebrate," she said. "Do you want to join us?"
"No," I answered her, "I'm going to my mom's house in a few hours." I was thankful that I actually had plans, so I didn't have to be the third wheel. Normally, it didn't bother me, but today I just wasn't in the mood. If I had my choice, I'd go home and sit around in a melancholy stupor all day.
"Are you still coming out to see Jensen play tonight?" she asked me. Damn, I had been so lost in my head that I had almost forgotten about that. Jensen had formed a band with some friends about a month ago and tonight was there first gig, but more importantly it was his first gig without his brother. It was a huge milestone for him.
"Of course, I am." I nodded. "I wouldn't miss it." I met Jensen's green eyes and saw fear ghost across them. "You'll be fine," I reassured him with a nod. "You've got this."
"I hope so," he said doubtfully. "I've never played a gig without Jordan before. What if I lose it on stage?" Tension tightened the skin around his eyes as he looked at the ground. His fear of having a panic attack in public was a valid one, and I couldn't blame him. Especially since he was a man who hated looking weak in front of people he didn't trust. It meant a lot to me that I was one of the few people he did trust enough to share his insecurities with.
"When was the last time you had a panic attack?" I asked him, feeling calmer as I shifted my brain into work mode.
"I guess it's been over a month and half since the last one," he said as he ran his free hand through his short dark hair. It was a nervous habit of his.
"And you handled that one okay, right?" I said as I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah," he admitted, some of the tension bleeding away from his eyes. "It was the first time I visited Jordan's grave, and I handled it all by myself. It wasn't even a very bad one."
"See?" I told him with certainty. "You can handle it, if it even happens at all."
"Listen to David. He's smarter than you, and he knows what he's talking about." Sydney added with a smile as she gave our conversation some much-needed levity.
He scowled at her, but I could see his eyes dance with amusement as she looked back at him unapologetically.
"Well, Andy does call you an idiot most of the time, and he's known you longer than we have," I added with a huge grin, unable to help myself as I referenced his best friend's nickname for him. I earned myself a scowl from him as well.
"I must be an idiot for putting up with all this abuse," he growled out, but he ended up smiling despite his effort to seem offended.
"But you're our idiot and we love you," Sydney said in a patronizing tone that made Jensen and me laugh.
"Well," I said once we were done laughing at Jensen's expense, "I've got to get going if I want to get cleaned up and still make it to my mom's house on time for lunch."
"Alright," Jensen said as I hugged his wife good-bye. "We go on at nine." I released Sydney and turned to shake his hand, but he surprised me by pulling me into a brief hug. "Thanks, brother."
"Your welcome," I said with an easy smile as I pulled away. "See you guys tonight."
I walked away to go to my car thinking that maybe I wasn't as alone as I thought I was, but by the time I was halfway to my vehicle the name Natalie, and her gorgeous green eyes popped into my head again. A deep longing came over me, the same as when I had been touching her, and I realized just how lonely I really was as I went to drive home, alone.
About the Author
Samantha is a self-professed nerd from the Midwest, who loves anything with a good plot. She'll watch anything with werewolves, vampires, or zombies in it. She is a voracious reader and loves smutty romance novels and contemporary fantasy. Samantha started writing her first erotic romance in February of 2015, and now she can't stop. It's a passion that she can't shut off, nor would she want to. She loves animals, especially dogs, and if her husband let her, she'd have a dozen, but 2 are his limit. She's looking forward to sharing more of her books with the world.
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http://samanthawolfe1021.wix.com/samanthawolfe
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Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3 Page 28