by Judy Nickles
“Do you want me to call anyone for you? Your brother, maybe?”
“I’ll call him tomorrow.” Kent held out his hand, the movement causing him to wince. “Velvet, I’m sorry.”
She curled her fingers inside of his. “It’s not your fault.”
“I just keep hurting you.”
“I’m sorry for Claudia. I didn’t have a good situation, but maybe hers was worse.”
“She ran wild from the time she was twelve years old. Mrs. Peters couldn’t do anything with her. I’m not sure she even tried.”
“You tried.”
He looked away. “Yeah, and look what it got me.”
Perry put his head in the room. “I’ve got to get back to base, so I’ll need to run you home, Celeste.”
“Thanks for everything, Perry,” Kent said.
“Sure. Ready, Celeste?”
Kent tried to pull her closer, but she freed her fingers and stepped back. “Call and let me know how you are,” she said.
****
“Kent’s a good guy,” Perry said as they drove on streets that were beginning to thaw a little. “He’s crazy about you.”
“I like him, too.”
“Is that all? I thought you two were pretty serious.”
“I don’t want to rush into anything.”
“Well, that’s understandable. My wife was the girl next door, so we’d known each other all our lives.”
“I haven’t known Kent very long.” She hesitated. “Do you think anything will come of this?”
“I don’t think so. Slick streets, bad brakes. It was an accident. You don’t think he did it on purpose, do you?”
“No, of course not!”
“It’s a wonder he’s not dead, too. You should see the car—or what’s left of it.”
Celeste shivered.
“But he’s going to have to live with it. I mean, he didn’t ask Claudia to come out to the field and make trouble, and he was doing what Major Beeman told him to do, but Kent’s a responsible guy. This is going to eat on him some.”
“It’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not.” He eased to the curb in front of the boarding house and stopped. “Will you be okay?”
“I’m fine. Listen, let me know how Kent’s doing.”
“He said he’d call you, didn’t he?”
“Yes, but that won’t tell me how he really is, will it?”
“Maybe not. Sure, I’ll keep in touch.”
“Thank you for what you’ve done today.”
“Anytime.”
Celeste slid out of the car and picked her way past the remaining icy spots on the sidewalk.
Chapter Sixteen
Celeste almost hoped for more ice the next morning so the buses wouldn’t run, but when they did, she dragged herself in to work and hoped no one would notice her somber mood. She thought she noticed Mr. Thomas watching her from time to time, but he didn’t ask any questions.
That night, she was on her way upstairs to her room with a bowl of soup when Kent called. “I’m back at the field.”
“How are you?”
“Okay, I guess. How about you?”
“Okay.”
“Major Beeman talked to the police. They’re calling it an accident.”
“You didn’t expect anything else, did you?”
“I didn’t roll the damn car on purpose!” he exploded. “Sorry, about the language.”
“It’s all right.”
“I talked to Neil and Mother. Neil’s beating himself up for telling Claudia I was coming back to San Angelo.”
“You said she’d have found out one way or the other.”
“I guess so. Mother’s going to see Mrs. Peters and offer to help with the arrangements.”
“That’s nice of her.”
“She’s not doing it to be nice, but never mind. Listen, I can’t get into town all week. Maybe Saturday. You’ll be at the Canteen, I guess.”
“I’ll be there.”
“I love you, Velvet.”
“I know.”
“You just don’t know if you love me.”
She searched for the right words and didn’t find them.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I promised I wouldn’t put any pressure on you.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ve got to go, Velvet. I’ll call again in a couple of days and try to get into town on Saturday.”
“Be careful, Kent.”
“Sure. Goodnight.”
She reheated the cooled soup and took it upstairs. It cooled again as she sat by the window and tried to sort out her feelings. Did I love him, or was I just looking for a way out? What’s wrong with me that I can’t forget he’s not perfect? Nobody is. I’m not. If it had just been Claudia talking about them together... But when she showed me the picture of the little boy, that changed things. Kent keeps saying he’s not the father. The problem is, he never came right out and said he couldn’t be.
Celeste made herself swallow a few spoonfuls of vegetable soup, then pushed the bowl away. How far would he have gone that night in the employee lounge if I hadn’t stopped him? How far did he go with Claudia? I know he said she let everybody, but I thought…I want to believe he’s better than that. A picture of the innocent little boy in the sailor suit flashed across her mind. What will happen to him? None of this is his fault. His father, whoever that is, doesn’t want him, and now his mother’s dead. Poor little boy.
She glanced toward the framed photograph of Anne Riley. Who was my real father? Did Daddy ask you that? Did you know? Did he want you back so much that he was willing to love me? I know he really did love me once. I remember how it used to be. Can love stop, just like that? She pressed her fingers against her eyes. Maybe it can. I really thought I loved Kent, and now I’m not sure. Either I didn’t love him, or I’ve stopped loving him. Either way, it’s a mess. A terrible, tangled, awful mess.
****
Kent showed up at the Canteen on Saturday night. Mrs. Lowe and the other chaperones, seeing his sling, fussed over him, but Celeste could tell he didn’t like it. She was thankful war news had crowded the accident out of the paper, so they didn’t know about Claudia.
When Celeste wasn’t dancing with the other soldiers or serving coffee and doughnuts, she sat with Kent at the back table. “At least it was the left side,” she said.
“Yeah, but I need two arms for most things. I have to have help getting into my uniform.”
She smiled. “Somebody tied your tie very nicely.”
“Perry.”
“I like him.”
“He’s been a good friend.”
“Have you heard anything from your family?”
He grimaced.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“Mrs. Peters brought Claudia back to Brownwood. There wasn’t a funeral.”
“Why?”
“Everybody knew what she was.” He shook his head. “No, that’s not all of it. I think my mother had something to do with the decision. She doesn’t want anyone to know I was involved.”
“I guess she’s protecting you.”
“She protected me into ending up back here. If she hadn’t, Claudia wouldn’t have gone out to the field, and she’d still be alive.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
“I’ve already talked to Major Beeman about going overseas as soon as this class graduates.”
“That’s really what you want to do?”
“I didn’t want to come back here, that’s for sure. I don’t mean because of you, Velvet.”
“I know what you meant.”
“Do you ever see your father?”
“No.”
“Does he know where you are?”
“He might. I had my mail forwarded, not that I get much, and changed the address on my bank account.”
“It’s better if he doesn’t know.”
“He was drunk, Kent. He wouldn’t have hi
t me if he hadn’t been drinking.”
“That doesn’t excuse it.”
“Besides, I…” She stopped. Maybe I should tell him about myself. Maybe he should know I’m not exactly who he thinks I am, that I’m like Claudia’s little boy. How would he feel if he knew my mother was like Claudia?
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“I wish we could dance. I need to hold you. I can’t even hold your hand while we’re in here.”
She looked at him in the dim light, trying to remember what she’d felt the first time she saw him. “Kent, if we’d never met that afternoon in front of Cox-Rushing-Greer…or at the Roof Garden…if the war hadn’t happened…do you think we’d have been attracted to each other?”
He grinned. “Not if we’d never met.”
“It was a silly question.”
“I think meeting each other was meant to be. You thought so, too, at least you used to.”
“I think you were right, that night when you said I’m still a little girl. My head’s still too full of dreams.”
“Dreams are all right.”
“Nobody’s perfect, Kent, not you, not me, not anybody.”
“At least you know that.”
“If I was really mature, what Claudia said wouldn’t have made any difference.”
“I wish it hadn’t.”
“I wish it, too. I’m trying, Kent. I want to grow up and look at things the right way.”
“I don’t mind waiting.” He stretched his hand across the table.
She touched it quickly, then pulled back. “Will you wait for me on the corner?”
“I’ll wait for you forever, Velvet.”
Chapter Seventeen
As soon as she came out of the Canteen, Celeste saw Kent standing at the corner under the streetlight and started toward him, then stopped dead in her tracks when Coralee and Ben emerged from the shadows. Not something else, Celeste thought, fighting the urge to turn and run. Oh, please, no more.
Coralee came toward her, arms outstretched. “It’s Daddy, baby girl.”
“Daddy?”
Ben put his arms around both of them. “Let’s go where we can talk.” He nodded at Kent. “You can come, too.”
In the parlor at the boarding house, Coralee sat with her arm around Celeste. “When he didn’t show up at work on Friday, they sent someone to the house to look for him.”
“But this is Saturday night.”
“He wasn’t at the house,” Ben said, “so they didn’t know where else to look.” He moved to sit on Celeste’s other side. “Someone saw the car near the Bell Street crossing this afternoon.”
“What happened?”
“The temperature at night has been below freezing all week. He wasn’t wearing his overcoat,” Ben said.
“But they don’t know.”
“They know he didn’t…do anything to himself,” Coralee said with difficulty.
“Kill himself, you mean.”
Coralee nodded. “But there was an empty bottle on the front seat.”
“He got an early start, I guess,” Celeste said, glancing at Kent.
“We hadn’t heard from him since you moved out,” Ben said. “Coralee called a couple of times, but he wouldn’t talk to her.”
“He knew what he’d done,” Coralee said. “I’d like to think he was ashamed of himself.”
“He wouldn’t have done it again, Sister.”
“Sure he would,” Kent blurted. “It’s like an animal tasting blood.”
Ben shook his head. “That’s pretty extreme.”
“I’m still glad she moved out,” Kent said.
Coralee smoothed Celeste’s hair. “She had to.”
Kent stood up. “I think I hear Perry’s car outside, so I’ve got to go.”
Celeste broke away from her sister. “I’ll be back,” she said.
In the foyer, Kent took her in his good arm. “I’m sorry, Velvet. Maybe it’s for the best.”
“I don’t know.” I don’t know about anything. About you and Claudia and that poor little boy. About Daddy. Even about myself.
“I’ll get Perry to drop me here instead of at the church tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” His wool topcoat scratched her face as she leaned against him.
He kissed her head and rubbed her cheek. “It’ll be okay, Velvet. Everything’ll be okay.”
****
“We’re going to stay at the house,” Coralee said. “Do you want to come with us?”
“No.”
“Are you okay, baby girl?”
“I’m okay. I guess I lost Daddy a long time ago, didn’t I?”
“Are you and Kent all right?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
“He said he was in a car accident,” Ben said.
“Last weekend when it was icy.”
“Well, I’m glad he wasn’t hurt worse and that you weren’t with him,” Coralee said. She hugged Celeste. “I don’t know what we’ll do about a funeral, but Daddy was pretty well-known around here, so we’ll have to do something.”
“Not just because of that,” Ben said. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“The right thing to do,” Celeste echoed.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Coralee asked.
“Kent’s coming over here tomorrow.”
“All right. We’ll be back sometime, too.”
****
Celeste watched them drive away before she went upstairs to her room, where she undressed in the dark and slid into bed. Do I even care he’s dead? What’s wrong with me? Maybe he wasn’t my real father, but he was all I had, and I should at least care that he’s gone. Coralee was right. I could’ve stayed around forever, and he wouldn’t have loved me. But I should still care. He did a lot of things he shouldn’t have done…maybe Kent did, too…or maybe he didn’t. Maybe I wanted Kent to be perfect because Daddy wasn’t.
She turned over and hugged the extra pillow, and her eyes closed. The blue velvet curtain billowed in an icy wind. Beyond it, Kent, Claudia, and her father stood together laughing. Laughing at her.
****
On Monday, even though August Riley hadn’t darkened the door of the church since his wife’s funeral, the minister preached a short service at the funeral home and prayed briefly at the open grave beside Anne Riley’s. All the bank officers and their wives came and said how sorry they were. Afterward, the Christian Women’s Fellowship had lunch for the family in the second-floor church parlor.
Celeste felt relief when Kent called to say he couldn’t get to town. The more she thought about it, the more humiliated she felt. She wished he didn’t know everything about her. Almost everything, that is. He didn’t know about her mother.
Mr. Thomas insisted she take Tuesday off, too. Coralee and Ben came by the boarding house to say goodbye before they drove home. “We’ll be back to see about the house,” Coralee said. “I talked to Daddy’s lawyer. He had a will, so we’ll get everything straightened out eventually.”
Ben took an envelope from his pocket and put it into Celeste’s hands. “He had a paycheck coming from the bank. They gave it to us in cash.”
Celeste shrank back. “I don’t want it.”
“Lord knows you’ve got it coming, baby girl,” Coralee said. “The bills for the house are paid through January. You take the money.”
When they’d gone, Celeste took the envelope to her room and emptied the money onto the bed. Seventy-eight dollars. A fortune. She sat smoothing the bills in her lap. Is this what they call blood money? It’s not mine, and no matter what Coralee says, I don’t have it coming. Daddy didn’t owe me anything, not really. He kept a roof over my head, even if he only did it so I’d cook and clean for him. I’ve never done without anything I really needed. Her fingers tapped the bills into a neat pile. Any other time, I’d enjoy spending some extra money, but not this money. Not now, anyway. After a while she put the cash in a shoebox on the top shelf of the clos
et and closed the door.
****
Kent called and said he’d see her at the Canteen on Saturday if she was going. “Why wouldn’t I? Daddy’s dead and buried, but the soldiers still need cheering up.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.”
“I’m going back to work tomorrow. I didn’t need an extra day off, but Mr. Thomas insisted.”
“Things will catch up to you. I remember when my father died.”
“That was different.”
“Maybe it was. Anyway, I’ll see you on Saturday. Sunday we’ll go out to eat and spend the whole afternoon together.”
“That’ll be nice, Kent.”
“Things have to get better for both of us now.”
“I guess they do.”
“I love you, Velvet.”
She was thinking of saying that she loved him, too, but he hung up before she could get the words out.
Chapter Eighteen
“It was nice of you to come to Daddy’s service,” Celeste said to Mr. Thomas as she hung her coat in the office closet on Wednesday morning.
“Mary and I came for you.” He shuffled some papers on his desk. “I also know what happened to Miss Peters.”
“How?”
“I have a friend at the police department. He thought she still worked here, so he called me.”
“She went to the field to make trouble for Kent, and his CO told him to take her back to town.”
“It’s too bad.”
“Did you know she had a little boy?”
He looked up, a frown creasing his forehead. “No, I didn’t.”
“She says…said...he’s...Kent’s.” Her voice broke.
The wooden swivel chair creaked as he sat down. “I see.”
“Kent says he’s not, that she…that Claudia…”
“You needn’t explain.” He put his hands over his eyes. “I might not have let her go if I’d known about the child, but my policy has always been to discourage gossip and backbiting among my employees.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Yes, well, I might have given her a second chance if I’d known she had a child to support. Where is he?”
“With her mother in Brownwood, I think.” Celeste stooped to take the daybook from the safe. “I’ll stay late to catch up. I didn’t really need time off.”