by Ryan Michele
I brush her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, baby, it sounds like he does, but I’m not ready to go yet. I need you to come back with me.”
Her face looks stricken as she says, “I’m really hurt and confused. I know I am, but I can’t feel it, and it’s weird.”
Diamond’s face falls. “Shaina, as much as I want to be with you, you’re young and have an entire life ahead of you. I want you to live it, breathe it, grab it by its horns, and don’t let go of it.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Shaina says, turning back to me. “I don’t want to leave you, but he’s my dad.”
“He’ll always be your dad, but you only get one true love. Come and explore it with me. I need you to come with me.”
She pulls her lip between her teeth and closes her eyes.
“I love you,” I tell her before kissing her hard then stepping back. I’ve made my decision that I’m lucky enough to get. “I hope you’ll come to me.”
It kills me to move from her, but I do. I take a step back … then another … then another. Then I fall from the floating state and dissipate, losing my woman.
The pain comes back full-fledged, but it’s nothing compared to the pain in my heart.
“Wake the fuck up!” Buzz yells.
“Stop yellin’ at him. He isn’t gonna wake up like that,” Doc snaps from somewhere above me.
I groan at all the noise. It’s so damn loud now.
“Wait,” Buzz says. “He groaned.”
I move my arms just a bit and try to get my throat some moisture. “Stop screamin’,” I say, but it comes out really croaky and more like sounds than words.
“Thank fucking Christ,” Buzz says.
I look over to the woman beside me. Is she coming? Is she coming back for me? Please, God, have her come back to me.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell my dad as he stands there, looking at me then down at Breaker’s body. “I was a bitch, and I’m sorry. I should have tried harder. I should have taken the calls, but I was so mad you left us. So damn mad.”
“Shaina, it takes a strong woman to apologize. Do I wish we had more time together? Yeah. But that time isn’t right now. As much as I want you, I want you there more. You have a choice here, and I’m not sure why, because I sure as shit didn’t have one. But you and Breaker were givin’ some kind of escape choice. I’d choose really wisely here, girl. You won’t get this again.”
“It hurts,” I tell him. I feel it in my gut that it does, but the pain part of it doesn’t come.
“Yeah, and down there, you’re hurt pretty bad.”
I look down at my body and see Breaker turn to me, worry carved all over his face. He grips my hand and squeezes, and I feel the pressure.
“Shaina, come back to me,” he says in a broken voice.
I look back at my dad, the man I missed out on my entire life. The man I always wanted to be with me. My family.
“I love you, Dad. I’m sorry I screwed up, but I’m not leaving Breaker right now.”
My dad smiles, steps forward, and wraps me in his arms. “Proud of you, girl,” he says, and those words fill me with so much joy. “So damn proud of you. Now get your ass down there. Tell everyone I said hi.” He releases me and steps back. Then he vanishes.
The little girl inside of me wants to run and find him, hug him, love him like I should have when he walked the earth. But the woman inside of me looks down at Breaker. I love him, too, and I need to tell him that.
I close my eyes, float down, and disintegrate.
“Shaina, dammit!” Breaker growls.
“Brother, calm your shit. You’ve got stitches and other shit holding you together. Don’t be making any sudden moves,” Buzz says.
“She has to come back,” Breaker says, squeezing my hand hard. I feel it, but something is strange in the movement. I don’t know what.
“Breaker, you have to calm down,” I hear Bella’s soft, concerned voice, and I agree with her. If what Buzz said about people stitching him together is right, I don’t want him breaking anything.
“Br …” I try to say, but my throat is dry, and I cough a bit.
“Baby.”
I squeeze his hand as best I can.
“She squeezed my hand,” Breaker says.
“Okay, let me check her out,” I hear from a man’s deep voice.
“Doc, help her,” Breaker pleads.
“I will. Let me check her.” Doc begins to touch me. I feel his hands on my arms, hands, and shoulders.
“Shaina? Can you hear me?” he asks, and ever so slowly, I open my eyes. They feel like someone rubbed them with sandpaper, and everything is blurry.
“Yeah,” I croak. I want to move my head to see Breaker, but I can’t. I have some contraption on my neck.
“Don’t move your neck. You’re in a brace until I can evaluate the damage to your spine,” Doc says.
Panic hits. Damage to my spine? Like, I may never walk again or something?
I try to move my legs, but I can’t.
A hard prick comes to my thigh.
“Did you feel that?”
“Yeah,” I get out.
Doc continues to move up and down my legs, poking me with something sharp. I swear, once I get up, I’m going to strangle him.
“How about this?”
I feel nothing.
“No.”
I feel a hard prick on the bottom of my foot and cringe.
“I felt that.”
“This is good, Shaina. It only seems to be on the bottom of your right foot. This is really good, better than I first thought. I want to keep you in the brace for a while, though. I’m going to need to bring in some of my x-ray equipment.” He pauses, turning to my side, but I can’t look. “Pops, unless I can take her to the hospital?”
“Talk to me,” Pops says.
“Difference between walking and being paralyzed for the rest of her life,” Doc says.
Fear hits me again. Please don’t let this be my future.
“Hospital,” Breaker says. “Buzz, you go with her until I can get there.” I feel a squeeze of my hand. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”
“I love you,” I whisper to Breaker, and he squeezes my hand again.
“Love you, too.”
“What the fuck?” Princess growls from the other end of the table, and I level a look at her. She, like every other time, doesn’t back down.
“Gotta agree, Pops. Why keep this shit a secret?” GT says, sitting next to his woman, Angel.
I gathered Princess, Cruz, GT, and Angel to hash out this ordeal of Richard and Helen. Princess started in on me once at the clubhouse, and I shut her down quick, not ready to discuss it. Too much had happened, and I needed to sort everything out. I’m just now beginning to breathe.
Ma reaches for my hand, and I take it, giving her a soft squeeze.
“Very soon after your mother and I got together, Richard got into some deep shit with some bad people. I’m not sayin’ what that was or with whom.” I level my eyes on my kids, daring them to say something. They refrain, and inwardly, I smile. We raised some damn smart kids. “Anyway, I already knew your mother was mine. Richard and Helen had to take care of their shit and ended up going underground. Ma and I knew they were alive, and they kept us in the know about once a year.”
Ma sniffles. “It’s been hard knowing my mother and father are out there and not having any contact with them. When you kids were born, I wanted nothing more than to call them or see them. It wasn’t safe, and I’d never risk my family on either end.”
“So they were in so deep you couldn’t have contact with them?” Princess asks, ever the thinker.
I nod.
“Why did you think it was okay this time?” she continues.
“Didn’t. But my club—my family—needed me to take the risk. Luckily, your grandparents had their shit sorted,” I answer honestly.
“So you knew where they lived?” GT questions.
“Yep.”
; “And …?” he drawls out, waiting for more. When I say nothing, he continues. “So, you knew where they lived, that they were alive, and you didn’t think that would be a problem with whoever was after them?”
While I understand his point because it would have brought shit to the club, I don’t like his tone.
“Son, do not question what I did or my reasons for it. That is all over with and done. No more discussion about it. Bottom line, they want to see you.” I look at Princess and Cruz. “And Coop.”
“So you want me to take my kid into all of this? How do we know he’s out of whatever shit he’s in?” Princess questions.
My daughter. I swear, some days, I love her, and other days, I want to strangle her.
“I’m telling you it’s safe. I’m telling you there is no danger. You trust in those words,” I tell both my children, and they sit back in their seats and collectively blow out a breath. They haven’t done the unison thing since they were young kids. It makes Ma chuckles. I give her slight squeeze, remembering.
Long seconds pass, and then Princess turns to Cruz. “You cool with this?”
His eyes stay focused on his woman. “Yep.”
She lifts her chin then faces me. “When’s this happy little family reunion going to happen?”
I turn to GT. “You in?”
He reaches his arm over and pulls Angel close to him, kissing her temple. “Yeah.”
“Great. Tomorrow at three.”
“Nothing like some advanced notice,” Princess grumbles, and I smile.
We pull up to my parents’ home, and I instantly see my mother on the porch, a wide smile and tears running down her face. The car barely stops before I jump out and rush to my mother, wrapping her in my arms. It’s almost like she died and now came back to me. The feeling is so monumental I sob.
“Give me some of that,” my father says, but I don’t release my mother. All those times during my marriage, pregnancies, and troubles that I wanted her advice and strength but never could get it come crashing around me. For once in my life, I let it all out, allowing the tears to consume me.
My knees feel weak. Heat arrives at my back as my man’s strong arm goes around my waist. He doesn’t pull me away from my mother, just gives me the stability to stand there and cry everything out. He has known my struggles and hurt. He knows how much this means to me. And since he knows, I love him all the more.
“I hear you’re GT,” my father says, and only then do I pull away from my mother and wipe my face. I draw in what has made me strong all these years and put a cap on all the pain.
“Yep,” my son says. My father holds out his hand, and GT takes it.
“Man of few words?” he asks.
“Don’t know you. Don’t got much to say,” GT retorts, releasing my father. “This is my ol’ lady, Angel.”
Angel steps forward with a smile on her lips and takes my father’s outstretched hand. “Hi,” she says quietly.
“Well, aren’t you a pretty thing?” my father remarks, which makes GT growl.
My father smiles at the reaction.
My mother isn’t quite as curious. No, she goes full bore at GT and wraps him in her arms.
GT’s eyes come to mine, and I lift my chin. Slowly, he puts his arms around her, but he doesn’t fully commit to it. My mother doesn’t care in the least as she lets go of him and looks all the way up at him.
“You are so handsome. That comes from our side of the family.”
GT actually cracks a smirk.
“The hell it does,” Pops announces.
“Youz my gate-pawpaw?” Cooper asks, running up with Princess and Cruz on his heels.
My mother’s eyes fill with tears again as she releases GT and kneels down to the ground right in front of Cooper. “You must be Cooper.”
“Yeps. Dats me,” he says, grinning.
“Well, I’m Nana Helen and that”—she points to my father—“is Pawpaw Richard.”
“Hi,” Cooper says happily. “Dis is my mom.” He looks up at Princess. “And dis is my dad.” He looks over at Cruz.
My mother doesn’t look at either of them. Instead, she pulls Cooper in her arms and gives him a big hug. It doesn’t take long before he does the same.
When she releases him, she says, “I made cookies just for you.”
“Yay!” he screams. “I wants ’em.”
“In a minute,” Cruz’s baritone hits us, and all gazes sweep to Princess and my mother.
It’s funny how my daughter is the spitting image of my mother when she was younger. I hope Mom still has the pictures so I can show my daughter.
“Hey,” Princess says. “Guess you’re my grandma.”
My mother waves her hand. “Helen is fine. I’m not old enough to be a grandma.”
I chuckle. She so is.
“So, you’ve been hiding out all these years? From whom?” Princess asks boldly as my father steps up behind my mother.
“Can’t tell you that. Just know it’s over. Everyone’s dead. That’s all you need to know.”
Princess studies him for a long moment as her brain works. My girl and her thinking.
“Where’s the cookies?” she asks, making my mother chuckle.
“Come, let’s go in,” my mother says, and we pile into the house.
I have the ones I didn’t think I would have again back. It’s the best feeling in the world.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about your brother!” my mother, Kathy, shrieks as I drive her into the clubhouse lot.
I waited on calling her. I shouldn’t have, but in the moment, I thought I was doing the right thing. Guess I misjudged that since my mom is pissed.
“I wanted to give him time to heal,” I tell her.
“Heal? That right there is the word that means call your mother!” she yells, getting out of the truck and slamming the door.
I move fast to catch up to her as she stomps toward the clubhouse then stops, her furious eyes coming to me. “And look at you. Are you putting stuff on that burn?”
“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine.”
She turns to move again then stops again. “Where am I going?”
I move up in front of her, grab her shoulders, and wait until her eyes connect with mine.
“Mom, listen. He’s doing better. I get that you’re pissed at me, but you can’t go in there all half-cocked. Breaker doesn’t need that shit. His woman, who’s lying in the same bed with him, recouping, doesn’t need that shit. So check it.”
Her eyes narrow. “Trey Daniel …” she warns, using my real name, and I want to laugh, but I know it will only stir her up more.
“Just chill, alright?”
“There you are,” I hear Bella say as she comes through the clubhouse door. The sun shines off her midnight hair, and her wide smile welcomes my mother. She holds out her hand. “Hi, I’m Bella.”
My mother takes it and then wraps her other hand over Bella’s. “Oh, sweet girl, you make my boy happy. He’s told me.” She looks over at me, and I wink. “You have no fear; Momma Kathy is here.”
I told my mother about Bella’s non-existent mother and her dead father. It broke her heart, but just like I knew she would, she steps right up to the plate, taking on the mom role. That’s the type of woman my mother is.
Bella’s eyes tear up, but she breaths out and sucks it up.
“How are those eyes of yours?” my mother asks.
“Back to normal. Thanks.”
“Breaker’s waiting for you,” I cut in, receiving glares from both the women. It’s a strange thing to see when your mother and your woman give you the look of death.
Bella doesn’t let go of my mother’s hand the entire way to Breaker’s room, and I thank Christ that my family—all my family—is safe.
“Any feeling?” I ask Shaina as I sit in the chair next to the bed, touching her foot.
Tears form in her eyes. “Nothing.”
“But you can move everything else except this foot?”
“Smartass.”
She turns her face to me, and a small smile plays on her lips. I love that damn smile.
“I’ll work my ass off to get myself moving,” she tells me just as the door to the room opens.
“You decent?” my brother calls in.
“Nope,” I respond, and Shaina gasps.
“Good. I brought Mom,” Buzz says, coming through the door, and my mother darts around him like her ass is on fire.
“Timmy, my boy,” she calls out, coming toward me.
It takes me a moment, but I get myself upright, and she wraps me in her arms. I breathe in the vanilla scent my mother always has on and finally feel complete.
My mother, brother, woman, and our club, all in the same place.
“Trey tells me that you’re healing well, but you need more rest.”
I glare at my brother, who chuckles.
“Look at your face. Are you putting stuff on that?”
“Yes, Mom.” The burn on my face isn’t pretty, but I’m hoping, in time, it’ll heal.
“Now, how are you supposed to …” My mother’s words die off as she looks over at Shaina. “Well, aren’t you a tiny, little thing. Man, my boys sure have great taste in women.” She turns back to me, kisses me on the cheek, and then moves over to the bed where she sits down next to Shaina. “Momma Kathy is here now. I’ll make sure you both get better.”
Shaina begins to cry.
“Buzz told me on the car ride over that your momma is out of the country,” my mom says.
“Yeah. I’ve called her, and we’ve talked. She’s trying to rearrange her plans to come home, but it’s taking longer than she thought.”
My mother turns to me. “See? She calls her mom when she’s almost killed. You should have, too.”
Shaina chuckles. “Technically, I called her a couple days later if that’s any consolation.”
Mom turns back to her. “Not really, but we roll with things around here. I’ll tan their hides later.”
Both Shaina and Bella burst out laughing.
I have to admit, after all the shit that’s gone down, it’s one of the best sounds I have heard.