Hold on, before you roll your eyes, I’m not suggesting all of life’s disappointments can be cured by switching your hair part. But love it or hate it, when we see ourselves look different, we tend to see ourselves differently. In addition, there is nothing wrong with leaning into your looks to unlock your full seductive potential and given how accessible the beauty community now is, I believe it to be unwise not to. I also think this strategy is most effective when you use cosmetic tools to enhance your strongest features, rather than cosmetic surgery to create new ones. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for plastic surgery as a last resort, but I do think we owe it to ourselves to tease out our undiscovered beauty before engaging in drastic alterations.
I had been sharing my own enhancement secrets with the group throughout our process so I suppose it’s only fair I reveal them here too: I have water bras in every conceivable color, I’m no stranger to Spanx, if my hair goes past my shoulders, please believe at least half of it goes back on the shelf at night and if my eyes look especially green, don’t blame it on my mood—give credit to my tinted contacts by Alden Optical. Boom. I’ve actually never said that publicly before and I can name four dudes who probably have their jaws on the floor reading it. But sadly, no, boo, I’m not mixed with dragon like you thought, I just know how to expertly weave in the real with the fake to create magic.
To help with this process, I made a short list of beauty professionals I’ve worked with and loved like Laura Jane Schierhorn, the manager for global professional artistry relations at Smashbox Beauty Cosmetics. I emailed Laura Jane and asked if she could hop on a call to give the group some insiders on makeup that would enhance, not mask. Within minutes she replied and said that not only could she do that, but she was willing to host all of us at a Smashbox store for a full tutorial.
One short week later, I walked into the bright store filled with more colors than I could name and spotted Laura Jane looking like a queen and sitting in a director’s chair. Immediately we got wrapped up in a fascinating chat about the origins of the art she had dedicated her life to.
“Makeup began as a form of communication,” she shared. “It told people who you were and what your social status was. For example, people used excessive powder to seem fairer because that was the mark of someone who did not have to go outside and work.”
I found that perspective incredibly fascinating especially since through my studies, I had also come to view makeup as a form of communication. Except in my books, it was a tool that started a whole other kind of conversation. While completing my sexology certification, we learned that the basic principles of makeup were based on making people look both pretty and pretty horny. Eyeliner and mascara give the impression of dilated pupils, which is a telltale sign of attraction. Blush mimics the look of a youthful and flushed face, which makes one appear in heat. Foundation tells suitors that someone is in good health by giving them an even complexion. Bronzer and highlighter create a glow that catches the sun and eyes of onlookers, plus signifies fertility. Slightly darker, glossed lips look larger, which is a sign that blood is rushing and throbbing everywhere. Like, all over someone’s hot-and-bothered everywhere.
“No kidding!” exclaimed Laura Jane. “Funny enough that’s exactly how I’d describe the perfect date-night makeup: even out your complexion, fill in your brow, dust your cheeks, give yourself a light smoky eye then moisturize your nude lips—done! It has to be a slightly exaggerated, slightly more sultry version of you but you also don’t want someone to be scared to touch, hug or kiss you. People need to see you under the makeup—that’s where that beautiful glow comes in and no highlighter can replace that.”
The entire group arrived on time for once, which I suppose shouldn’t have been a surprise since I promised to treat them all. Within minutes after our introductions, Laura Jane pulled Deshawn up into the spotlight and onto her chair.
“We all have some kind of shield, I suppose,” she said as she worked moisturizer over Deshawn’s bare face. “If someone is using makeup as a shield, I believe it’s because they started applying it to hide rather than accentuate themselves. So, I always work on people’s faces by starting with self-love. Think about who touches your skin: your lover, your family, or the people who want to heal you, like a doctor. When you touch your own face, approach it with the same loving energy. That being said, Deshawn, tell me what feature you absolutely love.”
Deshawn giggled and looked down. “My lips. My lips are full and beautiful.”
“I agree.” Laura Jane smiled. “We’ll make sure to highlight them today.”
She then applied full-face makeup to Deshawn using principles that could work for practically anyone. Here are my favorite tips that Laura Jane shared:
SKIN CARE
The more hydrating products you can use on the skin the better! The plumper the skin, the easier the makeup will set. So tone, moisturize and prime—every time.
Under the eye you want a BLT skin-care product: something that brightens, lightens and tightens. This allows you to use less concealer and powder in later steps. A lot of people invest more in makeup than skin care; I recommend the reverse.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Before Makeup
Mario Badescu Vitamin C serum
Mario Badescu Vitamin C serum
GlamGlow Glowstarter Mega Illuminating Moisturizer
Smashbox Photo Finish Radiance Primer
After Makeup
Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair Body Bonus!
Body Bonus!
Kayo body-firming serum
Mario Badescu Summer Shine Body Lotion
Jergens in-shower gradual self-tanner
FOUNDATION
Choose your coverage: light, medium or full. Then use one of these application methods for best results:
For light coverage, use a crosshatch motion to get the product in the pores. This will give the skin a natural look.
For medium, use a sweeping motion to apply so it blends but also distributes evenly.
For heavy coverage, use a dabbing motion so the product builds.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations:
NARS Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer (sheer-to-light coverage)
Smashbox Studio Skin Foundation (medium-to-full coverage)
Mario Badescu facial spray with aloe, herbs and rosewater (can be used as prep or a setting spray)
CONCEALER
If you need it, start with a color under your eyes to get the skin back to neutral.
If your under eye is purple/blue, peach or orange will neutralize.
If it’s red, use a green corrector.
If it’s dark brown, use red (some even use red lipstick).
When applying concealer, remember you always want the focus to be on the triangle of the face: top of the brows to the point of your chin. So use your concealer as a guiding light to accomplish that.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Smashbox BB eye cream
NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer
EYES AND BROWS
Most people have a hard time drawing a clean line above the eye. Practice makes perfect, yes, but there’s also another option: a tight line. A tight line is a beautiful and easy way to give the eye some oomph. Lift your lid a touch then shade underneath your eyelashes with a black or brown liner. For eye shadow, use three colors: lid (medium shade), eye crease (darker shade) and inner eye/top of brow (a highlighter). Brows are very personal, but the basic rule of thumb is to keep them groomed right above the tear duct and slightly diagonal of the outer eye.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Shadow: Natasha Denona, NARS or Melt
Eyeliner: Smashbox Always On waterproof gel liner
Brows: Glossier Boy Brow or Smashbox Brow Tech To Go
MASCARA
You’re going to want to do the top and bottom (think of it like bra and panties).
Also, don’t be shy: the average woman does
forty-five strokes of mascara, so this is a place you can go BIG.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Smashbox Photo Finish Lash Primer *Shan’s absolute most fave makeup product EVER
Grande Cosmetics Lash Boosting Mascara
L’Oréal Voluminous (curved brush)
BLUSH
Contouring is the thing professionals see most applied incorrectly. Yes, some faces can benefit from contouring, but most don’t. So instead of focusing on creating a dramatic face shape, try your best to highlight the one you have. Take your right pointer finger and move it along your cheekbone until you find the crease underneath. Below that line is your no-man’s-land: never drop your blush below there.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Bronzer: Becca or Guerlain
Blush: NARS
Highlighter: Becca or NARS
BRUSHES
Brushes are your best tool to create a truly natural, blended look. Buy the best you can afford! Brushes are an investment that will pay for themselves eventually since you’ll need less product to achieve better results.
Laura Jane’s Product Recommendations
Silver kit = Morphe
Gold kit = Smashbox
Platinum kit = Hakuhodo
The group left the store with their faces and shopping bags full. As I walked to my car, my phone had a mini gratitude seizure:
Thank you, Shan, for the makeup and the fun day! Appreciate you! sent Stephanie.
Every time Stephanie talks I feel like she’s speaking for us both lol. But Yes!!! Thank you Shan!! sent Pricilla.
Yeeeeessss!!! Thank you soooo much! added Courtney.
Ditto! sent Maya.
I really had a great time tonight!!! Thanks! sent Deshawn.
Notably, Cherise said nothing. Not a single word or emoji. Even though she and I had a rough time connecting like I had with the others, I was still very surprised by this given that her Self-Summary Workbook revealed gifts were her love language. This reminded me of what Dr. Barry had proposed: perhaps she was so consumed with protecting herself from people’s bad intentions, that she overlooked opportunities to embrace good ones.
Next, I scheduled a meetup on Google Hangout with Talya Macedo, a brand strategist and image consultant from Toronto who was essentially responsible for my signature sex-on-the-beach/in-the-city style. Not everyone needed this extra help. Cherise, for example, had impeccable taste that she was often praised for. Pricilla and Courtney also opted out because they’d both spent ample time finding a look that worked for them.
I sent the invitation for the meeting, then Deshawn, Stephanie and Maya logged on. Our guest, Talya, was the last to join. “This is a really special group, Shan, I can see that now.”
After we got the introductions out of the way Stephanie jumped in by laying her enthusiasm out on the table. “I just wanna say that I’m just so excited to be talking to a stylist. This weekend I hung out with my family and they were nonstop roasting me about how I don’t know how to dress and how I’m twenty-eight and I need to learn how to dress better. I kept telling them, well, guess what—I’m talking to a stylist this week!”
“Family is the best but also the worst.” Talya laughed. “I just wanna preface by saying Shan sent me a few pictures of you guys in different outfits and no one here is a bad dresser, you don’t have bad style. Really, all I’m here to do is amplify what you already know about your look and to figure out how the words desirability, smart and confident can be related to your clothing.”
“I’m happy to hear that because my concern was that this was going to be an attempt to get us all to dress a certain way,” said Maya. “Whenever I see clothes or tops for women I just don’t see them fitting or looking good on me. Also, I never wear a bra. Sure, like, I have two for when I go see family and stuff but it’s not my daily wardrobe.”
Talya clapped excitedly. “I’m glad you said that. There is really no way to do personal style wrong and if there was, fashion would be stagnant. You go out into the world to be challenged, inspired, sexy, blend in, stand out and make your mark. For all of this, your clothing is your armor, here to protect and enhance you in every encounter.”
For the remainder of our discussion Talya took us all through the four separate, but coordinated, ways she wanted everyone to think about their wardrobe:
1. YOUR STYLE HAS TO FIT YOUR LIFESTYLE
Take a moment each morning before you get ready to think about what you want to exude and where you might end up. Whatever you wear should reflect your personality, your mood and your environments. In regard to choosing clothes that reflect who you are, notice that I said to do this daily rather than once every couple of years. As you grow and your lifestyle changes, your wardrobe should be in step with your evolution.
In regard to choosing clothing for your environment, being and appearing comfortable is key because when you’re at ease, you radiate confidence. Nothing translates anxiety like constantly adjusting your clothes or attempting to walk in a pair of shoes that you simply can’t.
2. HAVE A CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR BODY AND YOUR MEASUREMENTS
I’m assuring you that “knowing your body” is NOT about a type or a shape. I never want to hear about a woman being “pear-shaped” or compared to any other fruit/gourd/legume again. So, to me the best way to get to know your body is by learning about its beautiful measurements and ratios. The more you know the better, but there are two measurements in particular that people frequently and unfortunately, get wrong:
Waist: Where does your natural waist TRULY lie? Typically, you should take your measurement two fingers under the bottom of your rib cage, just above your belly button. Knowing your true natural waistline will inform where the top of your most flattering pants, skirt and shorts should snuggly fit.
Bras: If you choose to wear a bra, then it’s quite likely that your bra doesn’t fit. Your cup size can fluctuate throughout the month so having a few different styles and sizes on hand is key. The wrong bra can actually pull down your shoulders or create unnatural rolls. This is why it is imperative to get measured by a professional ASAP. Most department stores staff someone who can help with this. Trust me, you owe it to yourself (and your back) to see how a well-fitting bra can both flatter and enhance you, in and out of your clothing.
Fill in the chart below
Height:
....................................................................................................
Bust:
....................................................................................................
Bra:
....................................................................................................
Waist:
....................................................................................................
Hips:
....................................................................................................
Inseam:
....................................................................................................
3. KNOW YOUR COLOR STORY
A painter doesn’t just throw random colors onto a canvas and call it art. They thoughtfully consider theory and how tones will enhance each other. Get dressed with a guide or color wheel until you can effortlessly throw together a monochromatic or analogous outfit. When you get really good at this, you can even pull off color blocking with complementary tones.
If color overwhelms you, then start simple. Build off a neutral item (black, gray, cream or even denim) and add colored items slowly. Once you’ve spent some time with a color wheel (see Talya’s printable version on TheGameofDesire.com), you’ll learn how to see color in relation to other colors. That random but beautiful green top you bought on sale will become even more brand-new with a yellow or fuchsia bottom.
4. CHOOSE YOUR MUSE
In order to take the math out of dressing,
choose a person whose style you admire and construct one capsule outfit inspired by them. It’s not so much about wanting to embody someone else’s style but drawing inspiration from someone who probably has a professional helping them. But remember, you must know your measurements; that will help you determine what trends to hop on and which ones are best to sit out.
“I really love Angelina Jolie,” shared Stephanie. “She has this, like, subdued coolness. I think she has an awesome style that isn’t trendy but she’s not super-boring either.”
Talya Says Angelina is known for classical contemporary style and the equation here is approachable: white button-up shirt + well-fitting pants + simple, small jewelry = Angelina’s staple look.
“Tracee Ellis Ross,” said Deshawn. “She has a very quirky personality and a very outgoing, risky style that complements that. She always looks different; she’s never dressed in the typical way that the event she’s at calls for, but it always works. I want to take risks and pull them off like that too.”
Talya Says Tracee is one in a million and her style is so coveted because it spells out the kind of person she is through color (bold), cuts (even bolder) and accessorizing. An understanding of color and measurements is important here, as is embracing your sensuality. I get the feeling that Tracee practices a lot of self-love in the mirror so make that your foundation.
“I like FKA Twigs,” said Maya, “but I can’t necessarily be a floating angel all the time.”
Talya Says I think it can be helpful to embrace the qualities and energy she embodies and run with it. Have you ever seen her when she’s not performing? She dresses for comfort and daily movement and mixes in bold pieces for flair. What you see onstage or in her videos are amped-up versions of this. Invest in a pair of killer boots and some comfy, stretchy pieces and see how you feel.
The Game of Desire Page 10