by Amber Garza
After parking, I walk with clipped strides up to the main building. Glancing up at the many windows overlooking the parking lot, I count them until I figure out which one is Dad’s office. Even though it’s been years since I’ve been here, I still remember which one it is. The automatic doors open, and I step through them. I’ve never liked the way the hospital smells. Too sterile or something. I’d asked Dad about it before, and he said that he didn’t even notice it anymore since he’d been working here for so many years. I suppose that makes sense. We become desensitized to things if we’re used to them.
At first I head toward the reception area with the intention of finding out what room Henry Parker is in. But I stop before reaching it. Parker can’t be his last name. I think he’s Hayes’ maternal grandpa. After Hayes’ parents got divorced, his mom kept her married name. Probably to have the same last name as her son. She seemed like the type of woman who would do that. My mom, on the other hand, would’ve changed her name right away without giving me a second thought.
The woman behind the desk glances up at me, a question in her eyes. I’m sure I look suspicious standing here staring off into space.
“Can I help you?” She asks.
“Um…” Even if she can figure out which Henry I’m talking about, she probably won’t tell me which room he’s in. I’m not family. “I’m Ashley McIntosh.” Smiling politely I march right up to the desk. “Dr. McIntosh’s daughter.”
“Oh, yes. Nice to meet you, my dear,” the woman responds cheerily the way I knew she would. My dad is nothing if not charming. I’m sure every woman in this hospital is smitten with him.
“I…umm…have something for him.” Realizing I’m not holding anything, I pat the purse that’s strung over my shoulder as if what I brought him is nestled inside. “I’m just gonna go upstairs and leave it in his office.”
“I can get it to him if you’d like,” she offers, wearing a wicked smile. Coral lipstick stains the bottoms of her top teeth. If I was nice, I’d tell her so she could wipe it off. Too bad I’m my father’s daughter.
“It’s okay. It’s personal.” I throw her an apologetic look before scurrying away from her desk and down the hallway. As I walk swiftly forward, I know I have to be fast. If Dad gets wind of me being here, he’ll know I didn’t come to bring him something. And if any of the other hospital staff sees me snooping around, I’ll be escorted out. So I walk with purpose, my head held high as if I know exactly where I’m going.
Nurses and doctors slip past me, focused on their tasks, not noticing me at all. And I’ve never been so happy to be invisible before. Every time I pass a room, I discreetly peer inside. I think about what Hayes said about Henry falling, and I remember my grandma falling and breaking her hip a few years before passing away. She’d had to have surgery. The longer I look for Henry, I start to wonder if he’s somewhere in this hospital having surgery as we speak.
I round a corner, and my breath hitches in my throat. Pulse quickening, I duck back into the hallway I came out of. Pressing my back against the wall, I breathe deeply. Out of the corner of my eye, Hayes and his mom round the corner, deep in conversation. I can’t make out what they’re saying since it’s so noisy in here, but their lips move in rapid succession as they hurry down the hallway. A part of me wants to step forward, tap one of them on the shoulder and ask what’s going on. I honestly don’t know why I hid. It was a knee-jerk reaction.
But as they continue away from me, I stay still. My conversation with Talia flies through my mind. I’d endured enough accusations for one day. If Hayes sees me here he might question my motives as well, and I don’t want to deal with that. I came to see if Henry is okay, and that’s what I’m going to do.
Turning the corner, I walk in the direction that Hayes and his mom came from. A few doors down I finally see him. He’s lying in a bed, looking frail and lost. My heart pinches, and I imagine my own grandpa in one of these beds. Guilt chokes me, and I can’t breathe. Closing my eyes, I will away the thoughts, the memories, the shame. Once it subsides, I open my eyes and inhale deeply. Then I step into the room.
At the sound of my heels on the linoleum, Henry slowly lifts his head. A weary smile stretches across his face. “Ashley? Is that you?”
“Yes.” I move further into the room, pleased that he remembered me.
“This is a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?”
“I ran into Hayes today when he was on his way to the hospital, so I thought I’d stop by and see how you were.”
“You came all the way here just to see this old man?”
I giggle. “Yep. I guess I did.”
“I wish I could make your visit more exciting then, but I’m afraid I’m a mess.”
Making my way over to his bed, I ask, “What happened?”
“I fell. Broke my hip.”
I cringe. “My grandma did that once. Are you in pain?”
He nods. “But they’ve given me medicine. I’m scheduled for surgery in the morning.”
“I’m sorry.” It seems inadequate, but I can’t think of anything else to say.
“It’s not your fault.” He looks at me. “In fact, if you hadn’t caught me the other day, this might have happened sooner.”
My lips twitch at the corners. “Well, I wish I had been there today then.”
He pauses, studying my face. “It’s okay. You’re here now.”
His words are like a knife in my stomach. Doubling over, I feel ill. I was stupid for coming here. For thinking this would change anything. There’s no way I can erase a mistake I’d made years ago. Talia was right. My motives aren’t pure. Sure, I like Henry, but he’s not the only reason I’m here.
I’ve spent the last few years trying to make up for what I’d done, and deep down I had mistakenly thought Henry was the way I was finally going to do that. As if he’d been handed to me on a silver platter. But I should’ve known better.
HAYES
After talking with the doctor, I head back to Grandpa’s room. It was hard to leave him even for a few minutes. I still feel guilty for not being home with him when he fell. Images of him lying on the floor in the family room, crying out for help, keep filling my mind. As I near Grandpa’s room, my chest expands a little.
Voices float from inside his room, spilling out into the hallway. A nurse must be checking on him. Not wanting to interrupt, I peek inside. But it’s not a nurse. It’s Ashley.
At the sight of her standing over his bed, I’m stunned. What is she doing here? Shocked, I watch them talk for a minute. I can barely make out their words, but I pick up a slight giggle from her, a chuckle from Grandpa. Her hand falls to the bed, covering his, surprising me further. This is not a side of Ashley I’ve ever seen before.
My phone vibrates from inside my pocket, and I step away from the door. After yanking my cell out, I look at the name on my screen.
“Hey,” I answer in a whisper, not wanting to alert Grandpa and his visitor to my presence.
“Hayes?” My brother shouts into the phone. “Can you hear me?”
I almost laugh out loud. Just because he can’t hear me doesn’t mean I can’t hear him. I race forward, pushing open the door at the end of the hallway. Once I’m outside, I answer, “Yeah. Sorry. I was in the hospital, but now I’m outside.” To my right a group of nurses sit at a round table, talking and eating. I move away from them, resting my back against the side of the building.
“Is Mom with Gramps?” Jameson is the first one who started using the word “Gramps” and it stuck.
I scratch the back of my neck, my fingers catching on the bottom of my baseball cap. “No.”
“Oh, do you need to get back to him?”
“He actually has a visitor right now, so I can talk.”
A pause. I can hear Jameson breathing through the line. “A visitor? Like a female?”
“Yeah.”
“No way. Does Gramps have a girlfriend?”
“Not exactly.” I think about the rumors
at school and how absurd they are. It seems unfathomable that Ashley would show up here after what everyone’s been saying about her. She’s not one to throw caution to the wind. Her reputation is the most important thing to her. This new Ashley is baffling to me.
“You’re being really quiet. What’s going on, little brother?” There is wariness in Jameson’s tone, and I know he’s worried about Grandpa. It’s not like our dad was nonexistent growing up. He still lives in Prairie Creek, and we spent at least one weekend a month with him, sometimes more. Even so, Grandpa was more of a father figure to us than our dad ever was. He’s always been our constant, the man we run to when we need help…or anything for that matter.
“Nothing. I mean, you talked to Mom so you know about Grandpa’s hip and his surgery tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Man, that’s rough,” he says, and I pray that I don’t have to tell him about Ashley. “But that still doesn’t explain what a woman is doing in his room.”
“She’s not really a woman. More like a teenage girl.”
“What? Please don’t tell me Gramps is robbing the cradle. That’s not why he fell, is it? Was he…?”
“Eww. No,” I interrupt, fighting the urge to cover my ears with my palms. Not that it would matter. The thought has already taken root in my mind.
Jameson blows out a breath. “Thank god.”
“You didn’t really think he was fooling around with an underage girl, did you?” I’m incredulous. A couple of the nurses glance over, and my face flames. I turn away from them, cupping my hand over the phone.
“Well, no, I didn’t think so, but you’re acting strange,” he explains.
“It’s Ashley McIntosh.”
“What? Who?”
“The girl that’s visiting with Gramps.”
“No shit.” Jameson whistles. “How did that happen?” I open my mouth to explain when Jameson speaks again. “Are you and Ashley together?”
“Hell no,” I answer forcefully.
“Whoa. Someone’s defensive.”
I bristle. “It’s just that you know Ashley. There’s no way I’d be interested in someone like that.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to do more than just convince me.”
I hate how Jameson can see right through me. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Ashley’s not interested in me. She never has been.”
“No. She’s only interested in our grandpa,” he jokes.
“Yeah. Exactly.”
“You don’t find that odd?” Jameson’s voice softens a little. “I mean, Ashley isn’t exactly the kind of girl who visits sick guys in the hospital.”
“She’s...changed.”
“Clearly.”
***
After hanging up with Jameson, I head back to Grandpa’s room. I’m grateful to find that Ashley’s already left. A nurse is checking Grandpa’s vitals when I step inside. She greets me, finishes up with Grandpa, and then glides out into the hall. I step forward, sitting in a chair near the bed.
“I just got off the phone with Jameson,” I tell him, and his face lights up. “He says to break a leg tomorrow, but I don’t think that’s probably a good idea.”
Grandpa chuckles, then stops and winces. I hate seeing him in pain.
“Um…I came here earlier and saw that you had a visitor,” I hedge.
“Yeah. That sweet girl from your school.”
There he goes throwing around the word “sweet” in regards to Ashley. No matter how many times he says it, I’ll never think it fits. “Ashley,” I clarify. “What was she doing here?”
“You know what she was doing here. She said that you’re the one who told her I was in the hospital.”
“Not on purpose,” I mumble. “I just happened to run into her when I was leaving for the hospital. She saw me because she was eating in her car again.”
Grandpa hoists himself up a little bit, adjusting the pillow behind his back. I leap up to help him, but he swats my hand away. “I got it. I’m not an invalid yet.” A pensive look crosses his face. “She eats alone in her car? That’s sad.”
I snort. “What goes around comes around, right?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Gramps, I know you think Ashley’s this really sweet, innocent girl, but she’s not. You know how many girls have had to hide in their cars to eat because of how badly she bullied them? She’s seriously the meanest girl at our school. The way I see it, she’s finally getting a taste of her own medicine.”
It’s silent for a moment. The clock on the wall ticks. In the hallway people chat, a cart with a squeaky wheel rolls past.
“Do you remember how much you disliked Christian when you first met him?” Grandpa asks, brows raised.
I nod. When Christian Alcott first moved to town he was the biggest bully. Eventually, he and Cal became friends, and he softened a little. Still, he wasn’t someone you wanted on your bad side. Ask Josh. “But that was different,” I explain. “He’d moved to a new place, and everyone in town was horrible to his mom. He was just acting out. It was his way of coping.”
Grandpa gives me a death stare, and I swallow hard. Before I can say anything else, footsteps sound behind me. When I crane my neck, a doctor walks in, white coat on, clipboard in hand. He glances at me briefly and then walks up to Grandpa’s bed.
“Hi. I’m Dr. McIntosh. Dr. Jones went home for the day and has asked me to check on you.”
My breath catches in my throat. So this is Ashley’s dad. It’s funny that I’ve known Ashley for years and I’ve never met her dad. Although I can definitely see the resemblance.
“McIntosh, huh?” Grandpa says as if putting the pieces together. “Are you Ashley’s dad?”
Dr. McIntosh nods. “You know Ashley?”
Grandpa points to where I sit in the chair. “My grandson, Hayes, goes to school with her.”
Dr. McIntosh peers over at me looking less than enthusiastic. “Nice to meet you,” he mutters. “Are you and Ashley friends?”
I don’t want to say no, so I simply nod.
“I don’t really know any of Ashley’s friends,” he explains. “She kind of does her own thing.” He lets out a little chuckle, but I can tell the conversation is making him uncomfortable.
My mom has always known all of my friends. Then again, my dad doesn’t know much about my life. Mostly because he’s not interested in it. Staring up at Dr. McIntosh, I realize that Ashley and I are more alike than I originally thought.
ASHLEY
When I was ten I had my tonsils removed. It’s the only surgery I’ve had, and it was terrible. I hated being stuck in bed. I hated being in pain. But the worst was the night I spent in the hospital. It was lonely and loud all at the same time. The only good thing about the entire experience was that I got to eat all the ice cream I wanted when I got home. Sweets aren’t something Mom buys often, because she’s always on a diet and prefers getting her calories through wine.
A couple of days after visiting Henry, I overhear Hayes tell one of his friends that his grandpa is still in the hospital recovering. And all I can think about is the night I spent in the hospital. I had wrongfully assumed that since my dad was a doctor that I wouldn’t be alone. But Dad had to attend to other patients, and he only came to my room a few times. I begged Mom to stay, but she said that she couldn’t get her beauty rest sleeping on a cot in a hospital room.
It’s that memory that compels me to head to the hospital after school. I had left so abruptly the last time that I’m sure Henry isn’t expecting me again. I’m a little surprised myself when I make my way inside the hospital. He’s not in the same room, and it takes me awhile to find him.
When I do, he’s asleep. His face is upturned, a steady stream of air pushing through his lips. His chest rises and falls deeply with each breath. As I stand over him, I imagine that he’s my grandpa. I think of all the things I would say if I had another chance. If I could rewind time and do things differently. At the mere thought, tears well in my eyes and slip
down my cheeks. I swiftly reach up and wipe them away. But it’s no use. They’re flowing freely now. The minute I wipe one away, another one comes. Pretty soon it’s like my eyes have turned into faucets.
I’m not a crier. Especially not in public. I’m a private person. Good at holding things in. But lately it’s like I’ve lost all self-control. My emotions are right at the surface, and they keep spilling out all the time before I can rein them in.
“Ashley?” A voice to my right startles me.
Sniffing, I wipe at my face.
“Are you okay?”
When I turn, Hayes is staring at me wide-eyed. Great. He’s going to think I’m insane. “I’m fine.” I lift my head, forcing a smile I don’t feel.
But Hayes doesn’t look convinced. His gaze flickers down to his grandpa. “He’s going to be all right. The surgery went well.”
Swallowing hard, I nod.
“I didn’t realize you were…” his words trail off as if he’s unsure of what to say. “I mean, you only met a couple of times…”
His confusion is understandable. He walked in on me crying over a man I hardly know. But I have no idea how to explain what’s really going on. So instead, I back away from the bed. “Can you just tell him I came by when he wakes up?” I hurry to the door. Once I’m out in the hallway, I blow out a breath.
“Ashley, wait,” Hayes follows me.
I freeze.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” His eyes search mine.
“Yeah,” I lie.
He continues studying my face, and it makes me uncomfortable. “I met your dad last night. He was filling in for Dr. Jones.”
“Yeah. My dad’s always picking up extra shifts,” I say bitterly. When I catch the look of pity that splashes across Hayes’ face, I wish I hadn’t said anything.
“Grandpa told your dad that we went to school together, but he’d never heard about me.”
“Don’t take it personally. He wouldn’t know Talia either. Or Emmy or anyone that I’ve been friends with.” The statement drives home how sad my life is currently. My dad has never known any of my friends, but right now it doesn’t even matter, because I literally have no friends. How lame is that?