Or at least, how poorly Steve and I got along. No, that wasn’t fair. There was also Maks, the lone human in the group. Nobody liked him, but that was because he was human. He served Ish faithfully, I supposed, so that was enough for me to leave him alone.
I’d give the human one thing, he was nice to look at. If he’d been a supe, he’d have had all the women fighting over who would have been in his bed with his electric blue eyes and messy sand-colored hair, big arms, and bigger . . . well, you get the picture.
Steve picked on him, but Steve picked on anyone he thought was lesser than him. Including me. Including Bryce. Including Batman. My jaw ticked with the anger that grew and burned out other thoughts.
The main door that led into the hall was open a crack and Steve’s voice flowed out to me even though I was thirty feet away.
“Ish, I’m so, so sorry. I couldn’t save her. I tried. I fought through the giant’s legs, and I reached out to her but she wouldn’t take my hand. Her hatred of me for something I didn’t do . . . it killed her in the end. As I always said it would.”
I pushed the door open slowly, knowing it wouldn’t creak and give me away—I’d oiled the hinges myself. Steve knelt in front of Ish, his blond head bowed in submission. Ish stared down at him, her face twisted with what could only be called anger.
She was an older woman, but still beautiful, tall, slim and with thick dark hair streaked with silver strands. But in that moment, I saw only a woman who didn’t know how to react to the lies—goddess of the desert help me, she had to know Steve was lying again. This was not the first time he’d tried to lose me on a run, or the first time he’d tried to let an accident take my life. But the thing was, Ish always gave him the benefit of the doubt, something I just didn’t understand. How could she not see what a fucking tool he was? Out for his own best interests.
Which made me wary of Ish, no matter that I wanted to trust her. That she held him above me made me doubt her ability to understand fully who and what he was.
“Maks,” she called out, and her human servant stepped from the shadows. Even though I didn’t like Maks, it wasn’t the same way I didn’t like Steve. There was nothing really wrong with the servant except he was weak in a place where weakness equaled death. I should know. I was about as weak a supe as there was out there, much as it galled me. But that was why I worked so hard to fight on two legs, to improve my chances.
That was why I did all I could to be strong enough to come home every time, not in a body bag.
Ish put her hand out to him, as if to set it on Maks’s broad shoulder, but he moved so her hand missed him. He didn’t like being touched much more than I did. She didn’t break her words, as though there was no slight toward her in his movement.
“Take a horse and ride out. Follow Steve’s path backward and bring her home. Alive or dead, she does not deserve to be left behind. She has been a faithful ward of mine, and I promised her I would never leave her in the cold. Ever.” That last word came out as sharp as the crack of a whip and Steve flinched as a ripple of power swelled out around her. As well he should.
Ish was a strong mage, and with each jewel we brought her, her strength grew, and her ability to help others and keep us safe increased. A swell of love grew in me. Ish was looking out for me when she could have turned her back. She was going to send Maks to find me. I felt bad for doubting her in that moment, wanting nothing more than to give her the belief that she deserved.
“I swear to you, there was no saving her. Perhaps her horse escaped, but there is no way that Zamira made it out alive. I saw her go under the giant queen’s hand. I saw the fingers close around her.”
Ish leaned over him. “Did you see her body, though?”
He drew a slow breath. “I . . . could not watch her die. For all that she hates me, I still have feelings for her, Ish. I could not bear to see her beauty crushed, snuffed out like a candle in the wind.”
Another time not so long ago, I would have melted with his words, but now . . . not so much.
It was about time to make my entrance into this theatrical play he had going on. Oh, I wished I could see his face when he realized I was very much alive, and about to kick him right in those cheating, shriveled balls of his.
Chapter Four
Steve stayed where he was, on his knees, but his head was raised now as he looked Ish in the face. “I do not mean to distress you, my lady, but there will be nothing left of her. Do not waste Maks on a trip that will end with bits and pieces of her body, nothing to even call a body really. You can trust me, I swear to you she did not survive. The giant queen crushed her body.”
What a fucking dumb-ass. Then again, he was trying to make sure I didn’t survive. So, if I was injured out there, but still alive, the last thing he would want was me being brought home to convalesce. With me out of the picture, he would have no challenge for leadership of the rest of the supes here. As it was, I was the only person with enough attitude to face him down. He might be stronger than me, but leading a group of supes was about more than just strength. They had to believe you were there to look after them, that you would fight for them. Everyone—except Ish—had seen how fickle Steve was, which made him at best, a dangerous choice to lead our group.
I might not trust anyone else, but I made damn sure the people around here could depend on me.
I shook my head. Where I stood in the shadows of the room kept me from being seen unless someone was looking. Someone who knew me better than Steve did.
Behind and to the right of Ish, my brother sat at his work table, his hands unmoving on the flare gun he’d been tinkering with before we’d left three weeks ago. His eyes found me in the shadows of the doorway. Those golden orbs narrowed, flashing with anger.
“You sure that’s the story you want to stick with, Steve? I mean, now is the time to change it if you’re going to, if perhaps you were confused about what really happened,” my brother said, his voice carrying through the room like the alpha he should have been.
“It’s not a story, Bryce. Cripple.” Steve’s head snapped up, and he followed his words with a low snarl that my brother met with a snarl of his own—two alpha males was not a good idea in a small space when neither was truly stable. Bryce gripped the edge of the table but stayed where he was, chest heaving with the snarls and the desire, yet inability, to shift.
Foolish, foolish brother. He might not want the shame I brought to our family, but he’d still try to stand with me against everyone else. Figuratively speaking anyway. But there was no way he could stand against Steve in a challenge, not with the way his body was broken.
I took a step, bringing me into the light and drawing Ish’s eyes to me. They lit up and she put a hand to her chest as her shoulders sagged a little. Relief, she was relieved I was okay. “Zamira, you are home.”
She swept around Steve and came to me, put her hands on my face, and then gave me a hug. I leaned into the embrace, closing my eyes and breathing in the only smell of home I truly knew anymore. She was the closest thing I had to a mother and her relief that I was alive was a balm to my battered soul. Too many people had walked away from me in my life, too many people had broken my trust. I wasn’t sure what I would do if Ish joined their ranks. If suddenly she wished I were not here. Like Bryce and Steve.
“I am,” I said. “Did he give you the jewel?”
She smiled and touched a pouch tied to her waist over her long gray dress. “He did. It is beauty and full of power that I can use to help us all.”
My eyes shot to hers and she shook her head at my unspoken question. She was stronger, but not strong enough to help Bryce.
“Zam, you . . . how did you escape?” Steve was on his feet and headed our way, his disbelief plain, but under that, his anger bubbling upward. He was pissed that I was still alive and struggled not to show it. Ish stepped back. She rarely put herself between those she took care of, leaving us to figure out our own battles.
“Do not kill one another,” was all she
said.
I flicked the flail once, spinning the dual spiked balls and slowing Steve’s approach, that same strange tingle moving its way up from my hand to my shoulder. His eyes followed the weapon’s trajectory and he moved so he stood outside its range. “I fought for my life, Steve. That’s how I escaped. You aren’t going to get rid of me that easily, you know. You’ll have to cut my throat yourself if you want to take over here.” There was no point in trying to explain that I’d saved him, drawn the giants away and then watched as he’d fucked off and left me to die. No, that was not how things were done here. We all had to pretend that we really cared for one another when the truth was, that wasn’t the case at all.
“Don’t you dare challenge me,” he growled. “Because I’ll choose four legs and I’ll snap you in half with one bite.”
I smiled at him even though a heavy dose of fear and shame slid through me. I chose to answer as if none of that curdled my blood. “I’d still kick your ass on four legs. You’re too fucking slow and stupid to realize when you’re outmatched. It takes more than size to run things in a pride.” I kept the flail spinning, wanting nothing more than to crush his skull with a few well-placed blows. He deserved that and more to be honest.
His eyes slid to the weapon again and his throat bobbed. The tension between us crackled and grew as I picked up speed with the flail, feeling it as if it were an extension of my own body. A humming began to ripple through the air and I realized it was the flail. Confidence flooded me and I opened my mouth to do exactly what he’d told me not to—nothing new there. A challenge would bring this all to a head and perhaps I’d finally be able to drive him out. We didn’t need him. And I could be done with this one way or another.
I was stopped short by a soft cry from the side of the room. A young girl ran forward. She was as blond as Steve, and at first glance, everyone thought she was his daughter because of the age difference. She was built nearly polar opposite to me in our body types, with her big bust, wide hips and tiny waist—a perfect hourglass if ever there was one. I had none of that going for me, as I was slim from top to bottom like my mother, from what I knew of her.
Her arms swept around his middle and she raised herself on her toes to kiss him, forcing him to face her. But his eyes kept on me, anger simmering in them.
My stomach rolled and I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t throw up on them both. Her hands cupped his face, trying to draw his eyes to her. Finally, he looked at her and she smiled up at him. “You’re alive, Steve! I saw the horses in the stable but I wasn’t sure you’d make it back to me.”
I grimaced and turned away from the vile sight. “Just because I’m his ex-wife doesn’t mean I’d let him die, Kiara.” I wanted him gone, not his death. Notwithstanding today.
“I never said that,” she whispered, her eyes wide with horror. I almost felt bad, almost. She was a nice kid, and I liked her, but the reality was he’d used her, groomed her to fall for him as her mentor, and in the end, he’d fooled us both. I’d been the one to get away from him, and she’d chosen to stay, even after she found out he’d been . . . flouncing us both along with a few others, as my new friend Marcel the satyr would have said.
“What, no challenge?” Steve threw at my back, snapping something inside me. There was no thought as I spun, drawing a kukri blade and throwing it in a single motion that didn’t leave me any time to consider if it was a good idea or not. To be fair, I aimed to his right, to miss him and drive the blade into the wall behind him. A good scare was what I’d been going for.
The idiot dodged the wrong way. The kukri blade buried deep into his shoulder, driving through with both the force of the throw and the wicked edge of the blade that was designed to cause as much damage as possible.
He threw his head back and roared, the sound echoing through the big room as he grabbed the knife’s handle and tossed the blade to the floor. Kiara cried out—again—and put her hands over the wound as she stared back at me with horrified wide amber eyes. “Why would you do that? Why would you do that when you just said you didn’t want to kill him?”
Fuck, I’d made a mess of this. I touched the ring around my neck to make sure it was still there before I answered. “Because he’s a fucking set of saggy camel balls who’s lucky I don’t kill him for leaving me to die! Any other alpha would challenge and kill him, Kiara. Remember that.” I took a few steps forward and picked up the blade. Hard to believe I used to love him, that he was my world, and I thought we would see each other through anything. But there was that old saying in the desert that I knew now was a truth.
The surest way to hate someone to the core of your soul is to love and trust them with all your heart first.
I’d given him everything I was, and he’d thrown me away like I was worthless, like my life and heart were nothing to him.
I wiped the blade off and put it back in its sheath on my thigh. Behind me, Steve snarled curses at me, Kiara sobbed and Ish did her best to calm them both. I looked for my brother but he was gone, leaving the scene of the crime yet again.
Leaving me to face the music alone. Classic.
I sighed and lifted my nose, catching the smell of grease, desert, and lion that was uniquely Bryce. I followed my nose away from the bellows of Steve as Kiara tried to soothe him, and deeper into the Stockyards. I knew where Bryce would be without my nose, but still, he’d surprised me here and there. Older than me by almost ten years, he’d been my protector my whole childhood, teaching me alongside Father how to fight, how to hunt and protect others, and now that the roles were reversed . . . well, let’s just say he didn’t handle it in a very polite fashion.
I knocked on the door to his room and workshop on the south side of the complex. “Bryce?”
“Yeah.” He sounded none too pleased that I’d followed him.
I drew a breath and pushed the door open even as my worries over how he’d receive the news that I’d died and then showed up alive made me want to hesitate.
“Hesitation will get you killed,” I said as I stepped into the room. His head snapped up and his deep amber eyes narrowed.
“Why would you say that?”
It had been something our father had taught us when we were training to fight. Hesitation killed. Someone would die if you hesitated. Leap in and fight for what you need to fight for, don’t hold back, don’t let uncertainty rule your thoughts. It was something I still struggled with, the uncertainty of who I was holding me back from making the snap decisions that were needed. Sure, throwing the knife had been a snap decision but even as I’d thrown it, I’d known it wasn’t the best decision, and therein lay the rub.
I smiled but the smile fled as I walked closer to him and the table he sat at. “I wasn’t sure you’d want me to come back alive, so coming in here to talk was . . . hard.”
“Harder than sticking the pig?” He lifted an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair. He folded his arms over his chest, and I was struck as I was so often at the near-perfect reflection he was of our father.
“Nah, that’s easy. No hesitation there. Talking is harder.” I ran a hand over the edge of the work bench that hid his legs.
“Then don’t talk. Go rest.” He leaned forward and picked up his tools, his eyes avoiding mine.
“Is Darcy back yet?” I asked, hopeful that perhaps I’d just missed her somehow. Now that Steve wasn’t in front of me, that feeling of fear for my best friend grew once more. No matter that we’d left on perhaps not the best of terms, she was still my friend. One of few.
And Bryce had a soft spot for Darcy, though he would never tell her. He would never want her saddled to someone like him. In our world, weakness was death, remember? Bryce was about as low as you could go—weaker than me, weaker even than the human Maks. Because it hadn’t always been that way, he was . . . unpleasant most days.
He shook his head. “No.” There was more, I knew there was and I didn’t like it when he got like this. Moody, to say the least. That was what happened with a trapped lion forced int
o a cage there was no escaping. It made them mean and dangerous in their words.
My shoulders tightened, bracing for what was coming. “Say what you want to say, Bryce. I can take it.”
“You came in here, you say what you want to say first,” he snapped and tossed the tools on the bench. I opened my mouth but he beat me to it.
“I don’t like you going on these hunts for the jewels with Steve. We both know he doesn’t give even a single shit about your life. We both know he’ll leave you behind and one day you aren’t going to come back. We both know he wants full leadership here and only your life is stopping him. You need to stay here and take on more of that role, you need to lead.”
I swallowed the emotions that rioted inside my body. “Would it matter to you if I came back?”
He frowned. “You’re my sister. What the hell kind of question is that?”
This had been coming a long time, and I’d held back because of his situation, but I didn’t have it in me to pretend right then. I was tired, and my mouth had no one to hold it back.
“You hate that I don’t follow what Father taught us. You think I’m breaking some kind of code of honor by being a thief, for killing for more than just survival or protection, and I wonder if maybe sometimes you might wish I’d just not come back. I wonder if you wish you could just bury me, too, and be done with our family.”
Bryce stared at me, his eyes sparking with fury, and I stared back with no emotion because he didn’t deny the words that I’d said, and I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
“Okay, I got it.” I turned my back on him, leaving him there to rot in his workshop for all I cared. I tried not to think about being cast aside by one of the last people I’d thought I could always turn to. Stupid, so stupid of me to think my brother would actually stand with me when he couldn’t fucking stand at all.
I found my way to my quarters which were closest to the stable. I flipped open the window above my bed and Balder stuck his head in, a mouthful of hay sticking out on either side of his face. I ran a hand over his nose but I couldn’t find any words in my too-tight throat. I flopped myself down on my bed and closed my eyes. Maybe a few tears leaked out, I can’t be certain because I fell asleep, exhaustion finally taking me, my hand wrapped around the ring that hung from my neck. You’d think I’d taken it off for all the problems happening. You’d think my curse was in full effect and not held back at all, not even by the talisman Ish had given me to keep myself clear of the Jinn’s curse.
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