by Tracey Ward
“How is he? Keeping his nose clean?”
“As far as I know. I didn’t ask.”
“Was he driving that car?” Joseph asks.
“He left in the Charger, yeah.”
Joe snorts derisively. “What a fuckin’ idiot.”
“He hasn’t lost his license. Why is he an idiot for having a car?”
The sliding door flies open and Bristol is there brimming with impatience. “Daddy, I need a drink of water!”
Joe stares at Bristol for a long, silent breath. He eyes her small hands clenched on the door handle and I wonder if he’s worried she’ll slam it again. I know I’m a little nervous watching her. If she shuts it that hard again and gets one of her little fingers in the way, it’s getting popped right off.
“Honey,” Joe says tightly, “I told you to ask your mom.”
“Mama is feeding baby!”
“Ask Grandma.”
“I can’t find her.”
“You’re just gonna have to wait then.”
Bristol groans, her face pinched and pleading.
I turn to Jax, reaching for his empty bottle and handing him my untouched beer. “Trade me.”
He frowns. “No, Wren, I can get my own.”
“It’s fine.” With his empty in my hand, I turn to smile at Bristol still staring imploringly at her dad from the doorway. “Hey, Bristol, I need a drink too. Can you show me where the cups are and I’ll get us both some water?”
She eyes me warily, obviously seeing that wicked witch inside me that all children seem to sense. Something in my eyes that says I’ll eat your flesh as soon as smile at you. Bristol looks between her unwilling father and me and finally must decide she’s more thirsty than scared of me. She nods once and disappears from the doorway, leaving it open for me to follow.
“Thanks, Wren,” Joseph says sincerely.
I give him a small grin and nod my head.
Like it would have fucking killed you to do it, I think to myself.
I’m handing Bristol a small plastic cup filled with water—one she eyes suspiciously—when the back door opens again and Jax comes inside. He comes to stand behind me, wraps his arms around my waist, and hugs me close.
“I’m sorry about my dad,” he says softly in my ear.
“It’s okay. He was just asking questions.”
“He was being pushy.”
“That’s part of his job, right?”
“At work, yeah. Not at home.” Jax releases me and steps back to lean against the counter. “He can’t turn it off. He thinks he’s in charge of every detail of all of our lives.”
“Like bringing Cade here?”
“Exactly, yeah. He’s babysitting a twenty-five-year-old man like he’s Bristol’s age.”
“I’m five!” Bristol shouts happily at him. She holds up her hand, nearly fumbling her cup, and shows him five little fingers.
He smiles down at her. “Are you sure? I heard you were thirty.”
“No!” she laughs. “I’m five.”
“All right. You can be five.”
“How old are you?”
“A hundred.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
She giggles hysterically, shaking her head at him. “You’re not a hundred.”
“How old am I then?”
“You’re eight.”
“Okay. I’m eight.”
“And she is ten,” she says, pointing at me without looking.
“Hold old is your daddy?” I ask.
Bristol takes a drink of her water, breathing loudly into the cup and thinking about her answer as she eyes me over the rim. “He’s fwotty.”
“Forty?”
She nods seriously.
“He’s old.”
“And grouchy,” she agrees with a scrunched nose. “Like Papa.”
Jax chuckles quietly behind me.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The next day Jax and I sneak away to have lunch with Cade. General Jackson is home all day and Cade continues to avoid him. I can see the sting in Angela’s eyes when Jax tells her where we’re going.
“Yo, Ken!” Cade calls when he spots us in the food court on base. “Over here!”
We head over to greet him and he grins at me, a sexy smile that’s a deviation of Jax’s. It’s just as stunning but the sweetness is stripped, leaving something raw and animal behind. “Hey, gorgeous.”
Jax gives him a half hug but when Cade goes to embrace me, he pushes him back with one hand. “You look at her like that and you don’t get to touch her.”
Cade puts his palm up innocently. “Not even a high five?”
“Especially not a high five. Christ knows where that hand has been.”
“That’s harsh, man. I haven’t been with a girl in months. I’m like a monk over here. Just let me hug her one time. Out of respect to you, I promise to only enjoy it half as much as I want to.”
“I’ll break your face,” Jax tells him plainly, and I don’t think he’s joking. “I don’t care if you’re my brother, I’ll do it.”
“You’re a selfish son of a bitch.”
“Not my fault you’re in a dry spell.”
As we wait in line to get food, Cade is greeted by a lot of people both young and old, high-ranking and newly enlisted. He nods to them, salutes when he has to, but he rarely speaks. Jax catches me watching a man with four bars on his shoulder stop to say hello to Cade with his two bars, and he nudges me.
“This is what I was talking about,” he mumbles.
“About people recognizing the family name?”
“Yeah. Cade is living my hell on this base with Dad.”
“Is it his hell too?”
Jax watches his brother for a second, then shakes his head. “No. His was different.”
Jax and I get sandwiches while Cade loads up on three pieces of pizza. When we find a table next to the windows, Cade sits down across from us and uses his foot to push my chair out for me.
“So,” he asks, chewing on a bite of pizza and eyeing me, “how was it?”
“How was what?”
“Meeting the family.”
I shrug. “It was okay. Your mom is really nice. I like her.”
He smirks. “What about Dad? He’s a fucking treat, right?”
I shrug again, taking a bite of sandwich and not answering directly.
Cade isn’t fooled. “He got at you, didn’t he? What was it about?”
“Nothing.”
“School,” Jax answers. “Career.”
“Shocking,” Cade replies, but his tone says he’s anything but shocked. “Did he tell you he knows a guy? Will you be getting a phone call soon?”
I shake my head. “No. I doubt he knows anyone in Idaho.”
“Mountain Home,” Jax says immediately. “There’s an Air Force base there. He knows people.”
“Give it time,” Cade warns. “You’re still here for a couple of days, right? It’ll happen. Whatever you do, don’t take him up on it.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“He’ll own you after that. He’ll ask you how it’s going every single time he sees you and he’ll constantly remind you that no matter what you do from that point on, you owe it all to him.”
I chew on my sandwich, remembering a conversation months ago with Jax when he snapped that he didn’t want his dad to have shit to do with where he’s going. This must be why.
“I’m doing fine on my own,” I assure him, even though I’m not wholly convinced it’s true. I clear my throat, changing the subject because honestly I’m a little tired of talking about me. Of talking about this thing I can’t get a grasp on. “Tana seems nice.”
“Yeah, she is,” Jax agrees.
“She’s too nice to Joe,” Cade says with obvious annoyance.
I laugh, surprised by the venom. “Can a woman be too nice to her husband?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“She lets shit slide. Too much shit.
He needs a heavy hand to get him to do what needs to be done.”
“So he needs Dad?” Jax asks dryly.
Cade chuckles. “Why do you think he’s here?”
“Recovering from surgery.”
“What surgery?”
“I don’t know,” Jax shrugs. “I never asked.”
“I did. Mom said it was back surgery, Dad said it was shoulder.”
“Those are pretty close.”
“Are they?”
“Both in the same area. Maybe one of them was just confused.”
“Same area?” Cade asks incredulously. “By that logic brain surgery and getting your tonsils out are ‘pretty close’. And when have you ever known Dad to not have all of the info on one of us?”
“Alright, so maybe Mom was wrong.”
“You believe that? Really?”
Jax eyes him across the table, but he doesn’t answer.
Cade nods his head in somber triumph. “It’s not surgery, man.”
“Fine. Then why is he here?”
“PTSD,” Cade says plainly.
Jax sits back in his seat, his face falling blank. “No way.”
“Yep.”
“You don’t know that.”
“His last deployment was rough on him. It’s been a year and he hasn’t been sent out again. That’s not normal for him. He’s in demand and he’s not going out.”
“That doesn’t mean—“
“I know what it looks like, Jax,” Cade interrupts coldly. “Can we agree that I know PTSD when I see it?”
Jax reaches up and runs his hand over his mouth, then nods. He can’t meet Cade’s eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, alright. Sorry.”
“He’s taking meds. They aren’t pain meds from a surgery. I think they’re anti-depressants. I think they came here to get help from Mom with the new baby. Tana kind of has her hands full at the moment. She doesn’t have time to follow Joe around and make sure he’s not eating his gun or worse.”
“What could be worse than that?” I whisper, not meaning to speak.
Cade glances at me and his expression is apologetic. I think he forgot I was even here. “The kids,” he mumbles darkly.
I gape at him. “What? No! He wouldn’t hurt them, would he?”
“Not intentionally, no.”
“Cade,” Jax warns him.
Cade sits back, looking away from me. “I’m done. Let’s talk about something else.”
We don’t, though. We sit there in a weird, heavy silence that drags and drags until I can’t stand it anymore. Until I can’t stand the horrible images floating through my mind.
“So where’s the rest of the family right now?” I ask lightly. Desperately.
“Our brothers and Amber?” Cade asks. His mouth contorts with concentration. “Shit, I don’t exactly know. Amber is still in North Carolina, I think.”
Jax nods. “Fort Bragg. 82nd Airborne Division.”
“What does she do?” I ask.
“Paratrooper.”
“What do you do, Cade?”
“Cop,” he answers curtly. “Joe is a Ranger. Like dad.”
“He’s normally in Georgia,” Jax adds.
“Mason is the oldest. Divorced. No kids. Navy.”
“He’s at sea.”
“And we don’t know where.”
“But don’t worry,” Jax tells me with a surprisingly light smile. “There won’t be a quiz later.”
I smile back. “Amber, North Carolina, paratrooper, 82nd Airborne. Cade, New Jersey, cop, house arrest. Joe, Georgia, Ranger. Mason, open waters, Navy, divorced. Jax, aka Ken, Ramstein, mechanic, incredible kisser. Did I miss anything?”
Cade raises his hand. “I’m a better kisser.”
“I shudder to think of how you would possibly know that. Put your hand down.”
Jax is smiling at me. “You have a good memory.”
“Please. When you met Robin and Chris you greeted them by name without being reminded, you remembered her due date, and you had a stuffed owl as a gift for the baby. Gender neutral, because she wants the sex to be a surprise. The least I can do is figure out who your family is.”
He laughs, picking up his tray and mine to bus them. “When you figure it out, let me know.”
Cade watches his brother walk away, mopping his face with a napkin. A girl passes by, smiling down at him, but he ignores her. With all his talk and bravado, that fact seriously surprises me.
“I heard you love birds are heading to Venice,” he tells me. “Do you see what I did there? With the birds?”
I nod. “Wren. Bird. I got it. Never been done before.”
“Humor is all about subtlety.”
“You’re a riot.”
“That’s what I hear.”
“Do you hear laughter? Is it in the bedroom, because I don’t think it means what you think it means.”
He grins, devilish and sexy. “I’ve never had any complaints.”
“Stop talking to my girlfriend about sex,” Jax tells him, sitting down hard.
“She brought it up.”
“I doubt that.”
“I did,” I admit. “That one’s on me.”
Cade’s grin grows. “I’d like to be on—”
“Nope!” Jax shouts, leveling his gaze at him.
Cade nods in surrender. “You need a ride to the airport?”
“We have to be there at four in the morning. You don’t want anything to do with that.”
Cade looks at his brother seriously. “I can do it.”
“I know. But Mom and Dad have us. Thanks, though.”
Cad shrugs, focusing in on his pizza again.
“Will we see you again before we leave?” Jax asks.
“Maybe.”
“Cade.”
“You’re not flying back with her?” Cade asks, nodding toward me but locking eyes with Jax.
“No. We’re in Venice for two days, back in Germany for three, then Wren’s on a flight back to Boise from there. Once I leave here I’m gone for at least six months.”
“Any word on your next base?”
“Not yet.”
“Be careful,” he warns with a playful smile, “you could end up here.”
“Will you come to the house or not?”
Cade sits back and shakes his head. “Nah, man, I doubt it. We better say our goodbyes here today.”
Jax nods but his movements are stiff. Tense. His mom is his favorite parent, Amber may be his favorite sibling, but he has a soft spot for Cade. I can see it in the disappointment he’s trying so hard to hide and in the half smile he’s had on his face since we met up with Cade here in the food court. He’s easy with his brother—calm and more himself than I’ve seen him since we got to his parents’ house. I’m with him—I wish Cade would visit the house again before we leave, because I like seeing Jax this way with his family, but I doubt it’d be fun for either of them mixing with their dad.
When we say goodbye to Cade, the boys embrace. Not a man hug, but a real hug, and when Cade reaches for me Jax doesn’t say a word in protest.
“Have fun in Italy,” he tells me, his mouth next to my ear and the rock-hard press of his massive body against mine. I’m surprised by the gentleness of the hug he gives me, I’m surprised by the appropriateness too, and when he lets me go he’s got this look on his face that I can’t place. It’s not animal or cocky, no bullshit or sex appeal. It’s kind of sweet. Almost wistful, like I remind him of something.
Maybe someone.
As we walk away I can almost feel the tenuous stretch pulling between him and Jax. They’re used to leaving each other, they’ve done it all their lives, but they’re still brothers. There’s a bond there that is tested and pulled like taffy over and over and over until one day it’ll threaten to break. It’ll crack and fracture and I realize that this breathtaking family is like fine porcelain—beautiful to look at but fragile to a fault, and while they’re not broken, you can see the fine hairline cracks just under the surface when y
ou get in close, when you pour in a little water and watch it seep out in a slow drip that will eventually leave it empty and hollow.
***
That afternoon Angela takes me to her salon and we both have our hair done sitting side by side. She says she wants some girl time with me, that she misses having a daughter around, and I’m happy to go. I like Jax’s mom, I really do. She’s open and kind, and while Jax has a lot of his dad’s physical features, his heart is his mom’s.
Once we’re at the salon, Angela and I barely talk. Mostly I listen to her chat with her stylist and I smile as I watch her. She has a way with people. They respond to her so openly, it amazes me. It’s a skill that’s probably come in handy being the General’s wife, and as I watch her I wonder if I’d be able to do it. If Jax decided to stay in the military for life and follow in his dad’s footsteps, could I handle it? Could I take care of three kids like Tana? Or five like Angela? Could I deal with an absent husband or a present one who was reluctant to lift a finger to help? Or would Jax and I end up like Mason and his wife—torn apart by the distance and infidelity?
I don’t want to be any of those people. I don’t think that I can be, and my skin pricks with sweat as I imagine sitting here in Angela’s Coach shoes with her Dooney and Burke bag getting my hair done every week in the same salon. Getting manicures and pedicures, buying dresses, attending dinners, throwing black-tie parties in my home. My breathing breaks and races slightly, my body overheating as I feel a little sick.
“You okay, honey?” my stylist asks, her eyes narrowed with worry as her hands hover over my hair.
I force a smile. “It’s hot with all of these lights. Could I maybe get a glass of water?”
“Of course. Hold on one second.”
I watch in the mirror as she disappears into the back and my eyes lock with Angela’s. She’s watching me and when I catch her, she smiles.
“How are you holding up?” she asks kindly.
I broaden my smile. “I’m good. Thanks.”
“Are you sure?”
I want to tell her that I’m fine, but I don’t want to lie to her.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I admit.
“By what?”
“A little bit of everything.”
“It’s not just being here meeting your boyfriend’s family, is it?”
“No. It’s…” I laugh nervously. “Everything. It literally is everything. Jax was gone for so long, now he’s here, we’re going to Italy, then Germany, then I’m coming home and he’s staying behind and it’s all so quick.”