by Tricia Barr
The lanterns here were unshattered and working perfectly, casting their cozy glow on the sidewalk path ahead. I didn’t sense anything amiss, but then Killian’s presence was so overpowering that I doubted I’d be able to sense the underworld if it opened right in front of me. And maybe I didn’t sense anything else because it was Killian all along, toying with me.
I looked over my shoulder, and Killian was keeping a slow pace several yards behind me, looking around casually with his hands in the pockets of his light blue sweater.
I didn’t know why, but the more I heard his footsteps behind me, the more it irked me. It pissed me off that he was so handsome and so alluring, and at the same time so shifty and puzzling. One minute, he made me feel completely enamored, and the next made me want to get as far away from him as I could. He was just utterly baffling, and that was infuriating. I didn’t want to play this game. And yet, the way his questionable motives kept me on my toes was a little exhilarating.
I made it to my car with no further incidents. No more bursting lamps or flying pans or eerie whispers. Just a still, almost peaceful night.
As I unlocked my driver’s side door, I looked in Killian’s direction. He hadn’t come any closer. He was standing at the same distance he had kept on our walk.
“See, was that so horrible?” he asked, one corner of his lips curling in a handsomely teasing smirk.
“Yea, thanks for following me to my car,” I said sarcastically. “You have all the makings of a great stalker.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind for my Plan B if this whole college thing doesn’t pan out,” he joked.
I ignored him and got in my car.
“See you tomorrow,” I heard him call out before the door closed. I pulled out of the spot and drove forward toward the exit of the garage, watching Killian’s tiny reflection in my rearview mirror waving at me, innocently, promisingly.
“A party? You got us invited to an actual frat party!”
I was so excited, I was practically squealing.
“Yea, the girl who sits next to me in Trig is dating a guy from Omega Kai, and she invited us. Well, she invited me, but she said I could bring a friend. This is their first party of the semester,” Trixie said from the passenger’s seat as we drove home Wednesday, her bubbly voice fizzling like champagne with her own excitement.
“That is so cool!” I said, almost bouncing in the driver’s seat. “Is there a theme?”
“I don’t think so,” Trixie said. “But even if there was, college guys don’t care. They would never turn away hot girls from a party. And let’s be honest, we’re hot.” She shrugged with self-assuredness. I laughed as we pulled up into my driveway.
“Okay, I’m gonna get ready and I’ll be back here at eight,” Trixie said, getting out of the car. “The party starts at seven, and we definitely don’t want to be early. Oh, and wear something cute. The more skin the better,” she added before heading to her house.
I shook my head as I watched her skip away. That was one piece of advice I wasn’t going to follow. Not only was I still super sensitive to the cooler temps of this northern region, but I wasn’t as keen on attracting the opposite sex like Trixie was. She really wanted to land a boyfriend. She had gone to an all girl’s Catholic high school, and now that she was free to spread her wings, she was going a little boy crazy.
I, on the other hand, was a little put off by the male gender, or at least one of its members in particular. I was tired of trying to figure Killian out, and denying my feelings for him while having to be in close proximity to him two days out of the week was just exhausting. I needed this party. It was my chance to have some real college fun and forget about Killian, if only for a night. Also, I was a bit terrified of being alone after what happened on Monday. Crowds meant safety. Whatever was annoying me—Killian or otherwise—would be less likely to strike at a party.
I scoured my closet for the right outfit, something that was cute while still slightly conservative and, most importantly, warm. I settled on skinny jeans, a clingy beige sweater with intricate black designs and rhinestones on it, and black suede boots. Then I went into the living room to finish up some homework.
“Hola, mijita,” Carmella greeted as she walked in the front door. “Oh, you look beautiful! Why are you so dressed up? Did you meet a boy? Are you going on a date?”
I laughed at the sudden barrage of questions. “No, no boys.” What? It wasn’t really a lie. “Trixie got us invited to a frat party.”
“Ooo, sounds fun,” she said, clapping her hands. “Let me make you a good dinner—you don’t want to drink on an empty stomach. Not that I’m encouraging it, but I know how these things are, so if you choose to indulge in peer pressure, I want you to do it safely. And since it is a school night, I want you to be home no later than eleven.”
I smiled and nodded. Man, Carmella is the coolest mom ever. “Eleven it is.”
She cooked up some homemade chicken enchiladas, and we spent the afternoon chatting about school and the local moms. Carmella was really enjoying her transition from the nanny of a crime boss to upper-middle class suburban mom. I had never seen her this happy when we were under Luca’s thumb. Her skin always had a healthy glow to it before, but now she just shone all the time. I loved that I could give her this life.
Trixie came knocking right at eight, so I bid Carmella goodnight and scampered out the door. We got into the car and Trixie directed me where to go.
I was a bit nervous. Aside from my own birthday—which had ended in my most recent murder—I had never been to a party, so I didn’t know what to expect. The movies made these events look so scandalous, with trashy girls disappearing into frat boys’ bedrooms, and drinking games that always involved the removal of clothing. I prepared myself for the worst and made a mental promise not to accept a drink from anyone unless I saw it come straight from a tap or bottle.
I could tell where the fraternity was as soon as I turned onto its street. Parked cars lined each side of the road, and pedestrians were flocking to a two-story house from which loud music and hollers pulsed outward like ripples in a pond. I parked behind the furthest car and we walked up the sidewalk.
Trixie looked so exposed in her jean skirt and tank top. But as we joined the flow of party-goers, she blended in, her fleshy exterior hardly noticed because everyone else was dressed the same way. I was the one who stood out in my fully-clothed stubbornness. Didn’t these people realize it was cold? I couldn’t be the only one who balked at temperatures below sixty. And yet, apparently, I was.
I hugged my chest, inwardly reveling at how snuggly the sweater felt against my skin, and shrugged, accepting that I was just going to be That Weird Girl after all. At least I was comfortable.
Once we got inside, however, Trixie’s assumption about clothing not mattering proved to be correct. Every guy at the party was happy to see us, regarding us like pieces of meat on a buffet, and I didn’t mind the attention one bit.
One guy in an Omega Kai jacket immediately handed us each a can of cheap beer, and we were quickly drawn into the audience of a game of beer pong.
I wasn’t exactly a stranger to alcohol; Luca had let me have drinks with him for special occasions, and a glass of champagne every New Year at midnight. But I had never drunk socially before, and never to the point of getting drunk. So, sipping a beer in a crowd as music played and people cheered at the beer pong players was a totally new experience for me, and I loved every second of it!
The beer went right to my head instantly, making me feel light and hoppy. It encouraged me to open up. Every time anyone engaged me in conversation, I freely said whatever I wanted, even getting a few laughs. Could it be possible that beer made me charming? Or was everyone else just too drunk to know the difference? Right now, I didn’t care. I was having the time of my life.
Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any more fun, I felt the familiar powerful hum that could only mean one thing. I looked around, my alcohol-impaired vision sl
owly scanning the faces of everyone in the frat house. Sure enough, Killian walked in through the front door, an ostentatious frat boy slapping him on the back in welcome.
Great, he just had to come and ruin this too. This was supposed to be a Killian-free event. I can’t forget about him if he’s here.
He turned his head and spotted me, and I instinctively averted my gaze and pretended not to have seen him. I hoped he wouldn’t come my way. I had hoped he would just take the hint. But I could feel his presence pushing in on me as he came closer.
“Hi stranger,” Killian said, tapping me on the shoulder.
Crap.
Rolling my eyes and gritting my teeth, I turned around. Curse my stupid girlish hormones, for I could not help but be affected by how gorgeous he looked as he smiled at me. My heart hiccupped even as my fists clenched in opposition.
“I didn’t expect to run into you here,” he said. “But I’m glad I did. Can I get you a drink?”
I held up my beer can. “No thanks. Already got one.”
“Oh, but I’ll take one,” Trixie butted in, beaming at Killian’s obvious good looks.
If she liked him, she could have him. Maybe the two of them would hit it off and he’d leave me alone. And yet, my chest broiled with jealousy at the thought of Killian with any other girl, even my best friend. Why! Why must he have this effect on me?
“Alright, I’ll be right back with those,” he said, oblivious as always to the Go Away sign on my forehead. Maybe he wasn’t listening to my forehead. He said he always listened to his heart; maybe he was listening to mine too. Stupid heart!
He pushed through the crowd toward the kitchen. Here was my chance to slip away, and hopefully he wouldn’t find me.
“I think I need some air,” I said to Trixie. “I’m gonna step outside.”
“Okay,” she said without taking her eyes off the beer gong players. “Hey, your lab partner is pretty cute. Do you mind if I get his number?”
Jealousy coiled inside me again, but I managed to say, “He’s all yours,” before taking my leave.
I looked around as I weaved through the party toward the backdoor, making sure that Killian wasn’t watching. If I could just get outside and maybe disappear into group of people, hopefully Killian wouldn’t be able to find me and he would leave. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew he was here for me. I wasn’t just full of myself. I could sense it as surely as I could sense whatever power he had. If only I could sense his motives as well.
I took one more look over my shoulder as I rounded a corner in search of the backdoor, and bumped shoulders with someone else.
“Do you ever look forward when you walk?”
Of course, it was Killian that I ran into. I looked up at him, so angry that I wanted to smack the handsome off his face.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” he added with a heart-fluttering, bone-melting smile.
“I agree,” I said in a flat tone.
He held up a fresh can of beer and offered it to me.
“Didn’t I say I was fine? I’m pretty sure I did,” I told him coldly. “But Trixie is over there waiting for another one. In fact, I think she likes you.”
“Perhaps,” he said, shrugging one shoulder. “But I have my sights set on someone else.”
“I think that someone else is not interested,” I said, pushing past him and going out the door behind him.
For once, the brisk night air felt good. I hadn’t realized how heated Killian made me until the chill clung to the balm on my neck and forehead.
I knew he was going to follow me out, but that didn’t stop it from irking me when he did.
The backyard was just as lively a party as inside, with most of the action surrounding the pool. Unfortunately, there was no clear escape route. Nowhere for me to go. As hot as I was, I didn’t want to get too close to that pool for fear that the drunkards around me might accidentally—or intentionally, judging by this crowd—push me in.
So, I turned around and faced him. Might as well stop beating around the bush.
“Why did you follow me here, Killian?” I asked, planting my feet firmly and putting my hands on my hips.
“What are you talking about?” Killian asked, again looking at me like I was crazy. “This is a college party, at the college we both go to. I’m here for the fun, and the drinks.” He took a swig of one of the cans he was holding.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t buy it. You came here because I did. What do you want from me?”
He looked at me for a moment, something brewing in those gray eyes. “Why do I have to want something from you? Can’t I just like you?”
“No, you can’t,” I said. “I know there’s more to it than that. Ever since you started coming around, strange things have been going on, and don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about, because I know you do. So, what do you want?”
He took a step closer, his friendly expression dissolving to reveal something real, something…vulnerable.
“I…can’t stay away from you anymore,” he said, and it was the first honest thing I had heard come out of his yummy-looking mouth. “Believe me, I’ve tried. But I don’t have the strength to keep my distance any longer.”
The intensity with which he spoke should have scared me, should have sent me running for dear life. But it didn’t. It only captivated me even more.
He took another step closer, and our bodies were almost touching.
“Tell me you don’t feel the connection between us,” he said. “Tell me you feel nothing.”
I was frozen in place under that longing gaze, unable to look away even if a bomb went off right next to me.
“If I did, would you go away?” I asked, my voice soft and without conviction.
He lifted his hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind my ear, and I shivered as his finger tip grazed my cheek. “To the best of my abilities,” he said just as softly.
My brain was shouting to tell him off, to convince him that I felt nothing for him. But my heart was winning this round, hands down. I didn’t want to lie, and despite the fear and confusion his appearance in my life had brought with him, I didn’t really want him to go away. Whatever this was between us, it was real. But did that mean I could trust him?
“Dance with me,” he said, putting his hands on my elbows and then lightly running them down the length of my arm to take my hands. The sensation left trails of heat everywhere he touched, making my skin hunger for more of his contact. “Just one dance, that’s all I ask.”
I looked down at my hands in his, loving the way his large hands completely enveloped mine. I wanted them to touch me everywhere, to wrap around me and press me against him.
It was just one dance. What was the harm in that?
I nodded silently, and the longing I felt for him was mirrored in his blue-swirled eyes.
With one of his hands still gently holding mine, he escorted me to the brick patio where others were dancing to a poppy beat. We danced close together, several of our parts touching as we moved, unable to help themselves. But it wasn’t close enough.
Some part of me felt like I knew him. It wasn’t just that I had been dreaming about him forever. There was something more, and it was overpowering. I needed to learn more about him, even though my soul said it knew enough.
The music transitioned into a slow song, and the dancing crowd obediently coupled off. This was the excuse our bodies were begging for, to get even closer to one another. I draped my arms hungrily around his neck, and I delighted as his hands trailed down my sides to squeeze my hips, lighting me on fire as they moved. My chest was pressed against his, and for the first time since I moved to Seattle, I wished I had on less clothing.
His eyes bored into, mesmerizing me, and I so wanted to give in to the spell. But I needed to figure him out. If I affected him as strongly as he did me, then maybe our closeness might have loosened his pretty lips.
“You’re not human, are you?” I asked in a private tone so
that no one around us could hear.
“That’s not exactly true,” he answered in the same intimate tone, and my eyes were drawn to his lips at this proximity.
I forced my eyes away from his lips to focus on his eyes, which were even more entrancing. This must be what they mean when they say, “pick your poison.”
“But you’re something extra,” I continued. “You’re like me.”
“In more ways than you know,” he said, his voice even softer.
“You said you couldn’t stay away from me anymore,” I said. “How long have you been watching me?”
He quirked his brow, never taking his eyes off me even as he took a considering breath. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
What does that mean? Why can’t he give me any straight answers?
I had to ask him the most important question, even though I wasn’t sure if I could trust his answer.
“Are you the one who’s been haunting me?” I glared into his eyes, watching for any sign of dishonesty, any flicker of trickery.
“No,” he replied. His eyes didn’t dart away. As far as I could tell, he was telling the truth.
“But you do know who or what is?” I asked.
This time, he did look away. He nodded.
My heart thudded against my ribcage. So, I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t paranoid or over-imaginative. Killian was part of this all along. I felt a strange gratitude to him for validating my suspicions, my fears, my hopes.
“Are you going to tell me?” I asked.
Another pause as he looked off into the distance. Then he turned back to me, locking his eyes onto mine once more. “For now, all you need to know is that I’m here to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever done.”
Protect me? Me, of all people? If anything, other people needed to be protected from me. I wasn’t some damsel in distress in need of saving; I was the danger here.
And what did he mean, that’s all he’s ever done? Was he my guardian angel or something? He certainly didn’t give off an angelic vibe to me. Quite the opposite, in fact.