I cover my eyes as he makes sure his blanket is wrapped around him. “Do you really have to sleep in your underwear?”
“Yes.” He rubs his hand over his face and looks up at me. “What are you doing in here? Haven’t you met your quota for waking me up early this month?” His voice is annoyed, but then he gets a good look at me and frowns. “You okay?”
I take a deep breath. “Not really.”
“What’s wrong?”
I shrug. “Just worried about Mom.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “Me too. Did you talk to her or something?”
“No. I don’t even know what to say to her. I’m not meaning to avoid her, it’s just …”
“Hard. I know. I’ve been avoiding her, too.”
“I looked up Alzheimer’s on the Internet. It’s … awful. What’s going to happen to her is not going to be good. I can’t … I can’t even think about it. It makes my heart hurt. It makes me want to cry.”
“Don’t cry.”
I want to, but I hold it in for his sake. “I won’t. I’m just … scared.”
“Don’t be scared, Em.”
Emotion builds under the surface, and I fight to keep myself under control. “What do we do?”
He shrugs. “We stick together. Act like everything’s fine, I guess. At least until we get used to it. I’m not sure what else we’re supposed to do. Everything’s not fine, obviously, but … I don’t want to be all depressed all the time. You know? And Mom’s still Mom. We need to be there for her. We need to make her feel like we’re with her, not against her. Make her feel she’s not alone. And Dad, too.”
“Yeah. I know.” I stare at the floor, wondering how he can even pretend everything’s normal and fine.
“Hey.” He reaches out and grabs my hand. “It’s gonna be okay.”
“How do you know?”
“I’m your big brother. I know everything.”
Instead of rolling my eyes, I wrap my arm around his neck and give him a hug. “Thanks for being my big brother.”
“Didn’t really have a choice …”
I smack him in the shoulder and jump away as he tries to retaliate. “Nice try.”
“You’re pretty spry in the morning.”
“I just have cooler moves than you.” I touch the doorknob. “You can go back to sleep now.”
He pauses. “Hey. Do you want to watch a movie or something later? I don’t have to work.”
“Sure. That sounds great.”
“I’m picking.”
“Of course.” I smile and turn to leave.
“Em.” The softness of his voice makes me turn to face him again. “If you need to talk, vent, whatever. I’m here.”
I smile back at him. “I know.”
CHAPTER 17
A few hours later, I’m getting ready for my race. The race. Me against my sponsored nemesis. I wonder if she knows I know.
She’s so going down.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I slide my hair back in an elastic, put a bit of mascara on so Kelsie doesn’t kill me, and head down the hallway.
“Where are you off to this morning?”
Mom sits on the couch, a book in her hand. I’m taken aback for a second; I don’t remember the last time I saw her read a book.
“Oh. Uh … I’m going riding.”
“Why?”
I sigh. “Because it’s fun? And I have nothing better to do today.”
“You could stay home and chat with me. We could go to lunch or a movie or—”
“No, no, that’s okay. Maybe another day.” I give her half a smile and she looks back at me as disappointment flickers across her features. It takes her a second to recover. She sets her book on the couch next to her and her hands rest in her lap. “Where are you riding today?”
I debate on telling her the truth, and that I’m going to Park City, but I have a feeling she won’t let me go. So … I improvise. “Ogden.” Okay, improvise isn’t really the right word. I lie. Enough to make her not question anything and to stop the conversation from delving into stuff I don’t want to talk about. And maybe also because she lied to me for so long.
She sits up straighter. “It’s not one of your races, is it? I’d really like to come to one.”
“No.” Technically it’s not that kind of race.
“You’re not going alone, are you?”
“No. Kelsie’s going with me. And she’s driving, if that makes you feel any better.” My eyes flit to the door. I can’t look at her. Lying to her feels … wrong. But I know she won’t let me drive all the way to Park City just to spend money on the ski lift and ride down a hill on a bike.
“Don’t be gone long. Please.”
“Okay.” Relieved the questions ended, I head toward the door.
“Emmy.”
I stop and look over my shoulder. “Yeah?”
“I want to talk to you when you get home.”
“About what?”
She gives me a pointed look. “You know what I’m talking about, Emmy. I’ve tried to talk to you several times and you just make excuses or leave the house. You’ve avoided me for two weeks now. I want to talk to you about my … condition. I want you to know that I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. I know you’re worried and you’re dealing with it the best you can right now, but you can’t ignore it. Or me. I want to do our girls’ nights again. We can’t stop doing those. Okay?”
I close my eyes, trying to fight the headache coming on. “I’ll … talk to you about it when I get home.”
“Okay. Be careful.”
“I will.”
Kelsie’s already in the driveway when I open the door. “Hey,” she says, getting out of her car.
I hand her my bag of gear. “I’m ready, I just have to grab my bike.”
“Okay.”
After locking up my bike on her rack, we head toward Park City.
The drive is kind of different for us. We don’t really talk. I don’t bring up Cole. Or the date. Or the sponsorship. The weird feelings I get when I’m around him. I don’t say anything about how nervous I am to see him today. Nothing.
Until, of course, Kelsie brings it up.
“So, have you talked to Cole since the infamous date?” Kelsie turns the radio down even though she’s humming along with the song.
“That would be a no.”
Instead of slamming on the brakes or something, she speeds up, almost plowing us into a mailbox.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t know. I’ve just been busy, I guess.”
The corner of her mouth twitches. “And?”
“And what?”
“You haven’t tried to call him?”
“Nope.”
“He hasn’t called you?”
“He tried a few times.”
“And you didn’t answer because …?”
“I really don’t like where this is going …”
“You like him. That’s why.” She glances at me and giggles.
I can’t help it. I smile back at her, and pretty soon we’re laughing our heads off.
“I knew this would happen. I was hoping it would. You two are meant for each other. Seriously.”
“I don’t know about that. We argue a lot.”
“The best couples do. As long as they make up quick.”
“Right.” I stare out the window. “I’m just … scared.”
“Because of Lucas, right?”
I shrug. “Part of it.”
“It’s okay to move on, Em. I know you loved him, but … he’s gone. I mean, there will always be a part of him with you, of course, but it’s good to move on. And seeing how interested Cole is? You should give him a chance.”
I sigh. “I know. He probably thinks I hate him, though, since I haven’t called him back. It’s been a week.” I twist my ring, thinking of what life would be like if Lucas were still here.
“It’s only been a week. He’s fine. He’s a guy.”
“What does that
even mean?”
“I don’t know.”
I chuckle, still twisting my ring. “Do you remember when we went skiing with Lucas and Oakley sophomore year?”
She chuckles. “Yeah. You were horrible.” She grins at me and I smile.
“I really was, wasn’t I?”
“Obviously, since you’ve never gone again. Bright side, though? You got a lot of ‘tips’ from Lucas. He didn’t leave your side the entire time we were on the mountain.”
“I wonder if Oakley knew how much I …” I trail off and shake my head.
“She knew. We talked about you two once.”
“What?”
She shrugs. “She hated his girlfriend, so we talked about it. She would have been fine if you two would have hooked up. One of her friends dating her brother? It might have been a little awkward sometimes, but she said she would have been cool. Because she liked you. She knew you’d treat him well.”
“I never said anything because of her. I didn’t want things to get weird.”
“Things would have been fine.” She sits there a moment, her eyes focused on the road. “I’m sorry he’s gone, Em. Really.”
“I miss him. I miss Oakley, too. She was never the same after he died. I hope she’s doing okay in California. She’s been gone almost six months now.”
“I hope she’d doing okay, too. So, about Cole … you really ought to give him a chance, you know. He might help you. Move on, I mean.”
I doubt that. “After our date … he told me he was sponsored. Whitney, too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I turn back toward her. “You didn’t know, did you?”
“No.”
That makes me feel a little better. But I’m still mad he didn’t tell me earlier. “I don’t know what he’s trying to do, Kels. I don’t know how I feel about … everything.”
I think of Lucas again. I don’t know if I can ever love someone the way I loved him. And the funny thing is, we weren’t ever together. We were just friends. He admitted he loved me a week before he died, which felt like it changed my life forever, but now he’s gone. And Cole. Cole’s a great guy. I never saw that before now. “I’m confused, Kels. I don’t date. I can’t do relationships. Even relationships that aren’t real.” I stare out the window again.
“You don’t have to know right now. All you need to do is let it flow. Things happen naturally. If you like him, go with it. Don’t just jump into it, though. Play a little hard to get for a bit. If you don’t, I haven’t taught you anything.”
I chuckle as I think of all the hearts she’s broken. “I will. I still don’t know if I like him for sure.”
She rolls her eyes. “Sure.”
I’m quiet for a while, thinking of Cole, how I feel about him. Why I feel that way. What I’m going to do about it.
I have no idea.
“So. All boy talk aside. Are you ready to race today?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You sure you don’t want to skip the race and go shopping or something?”
I laugh. “Only you know how to ruin a girl’s day.”
“Totally not ruining material. Shopping is awesome.” She sinks down in her seat. “Seriously.”
“We can do it if you want. I’ll call a forfeit with Whitney and we can hang out all day.”
She laughs, knowing I’d never give up a chance at a race. “No. I want to see you kick Whitney’s skinny butt. That’s why we’re going to Park City, right? But maybe we can go shopping at the outlets on the way back. Shopping makes any day better.”
“I can’t say I agree with the whole shopping thing, but I’ll come with you for moral support. And I owe you a shopping day anyway.”
“Best day ever.”
I frown at the prospect of her lugging me around the outlets and making me try stuff on, especially after this race. Shopping is the absolute worst thing she could make me do today. Or any day really. “How are we even friends?” I ask.
She chuckles. “I have no idea.”
CHAPTER 18
The breeze whispers against my skin, and I close my eyes, breathing in the fresh air. I haven’t been to Deer Valley Ski Resort in forever. It’s so … beautiful. So green with tons of trees. Even if it’s a pain in the butt to drive here, it’s worth it. It’s such a cozy city. Cute houses and shops everywhere. People out walking dogs or jogging along the little streets.
I especially love it in the winter when the skiers are out and about. Holed up in hotels and hanging out in the lobby, or walking the streets with their trendy coats and scarves, holding mugs of hot cocoa on cold nights. It’s like one of those Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel with the quaint inns and fireplaces and love stories unfolding in front of our eyes.
Sigh. Call me a romantic. I don’t care. I love it here.
“You ready for this?”
I look at Kelsie on the ski lift next to me. “Yes.” I’m happy she’s here with me. She makes me less nervous and gives me good vibes. And I need all the good vibes I can get today. After not talking to Cole since our date, and knowing that I’m going to see him soon, I’m all hot and bothered.
And I don’t like it. At all.
“It looks pretty steep down there.”
I glance over the rail. “I’ll be fine.”
“Promise me you won’t go all crazy and hurt yourself trying to win.”
I roll my eyes. “Kels. Don’t worry. I got this.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
We get to the top of the mountain and get off the lift. I wait for my bike to come around on the next bench. The person working the lift stops it, and I unhook my bike and roll it off to the side toward the trail.
“Nice of you to join us, ladies. You look nice and ready, Marty. How are you feeling this fine morning?”
I cringe at Cole’s voice and the way it makes my heart flutter, but turn around with a cocky smile. “I’m feeling fine, actually. Where’s—”
“Emmy! You made it!” Whitney walks her bike over to us with a huge grin on her face. A few people from the high school biking team stand behind her, bikes and helmets at the ready. I wave at them, but on the inside I’m not super thrilled they’re here. This was supposed to be between Whitney and me. I didn’t want a huge audience.
Whitney stops when she reaches my side. “I wasn’t sure you’d actually show, but now that you’re here, let’s get this over with.”
“Bring it on, then.”
She just smiles and shakes her head as she walks past me. Cole laughs, and I wait for him to say something sarcastic to go along with my attempt at sounding cool, but he doesn’t. All he does is rub his hands together. “Let’s get started.” He walks over to his bike and puts on his helmet.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“I’m coming down after you guys finish the race. You think I just came up here to watch?” He shakes his head. “Not a chance. This is one of my favorite trails.”
“Oh. Uh … I’ll see you at the bottom then.” I try to look away, but I’m sort of distracted by the way the muscles in his arms flex as he puts his gloves on.
Kelsie grabs my arm. “I never thought I’d say this …”
“If you’re about to compliment his spandex, I’ll never go riding with you again.”
“He has a nice butt. That’s all I was going to say.”
I shake my head and put my gloves on. “No one looks good in spandex, so stop checking out my … friend.”
“Friend?” She looks like she’s going to laugh, but she winks at me instead. “Also, FYI, I can check out whoever I want.” She grins and hands me my helmet.
“True.”
“And just so you know, he does look good in spandex. He has a nice butt. And I totally saw you checking him out earlier.”
I roll my eyes, but deep down I have to agree.
She hands me my CamelBak, and I strap it on. “I was also going to tell you to be careful.”
<
br /> “I’ll be fine. See you in a bit.” I walk my bike over to where Whitney’s waiting at the top of the trail.
“Ready?” she asks, adjusting her sunglasses.
“Yep.”
Cole’s on his phone but closes it when I look at him. I wonder if it’s the sponsor he invited. And if he came, where is he? I’m suddenly a little more nervous than before. “You sure you’re up to this, Marty? You’ve been on this trail before?”
I raise an eyebrow, wondering why he’s making me look weak in front of Whitney. “Does it matter?” Actually, I hadn’t been on this particular trail before. Which kind of makes me nervous, but I try my hardest not to show it.
He shakes his head. “No. But be careful. It’s rockier than the trails you’re used to. And slick in some places.”
I brush him off. “Thanks for the warning.” I turn back and look at the trees again. I can do this. I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about.
He grabs my arm. “Hey. Are you okay?”
“I’m good. Why?” I touch my face, suddenly self-conscious.
“I want to make sure you’re not mad still. You haven’t been answering my texts, so I figured you were. I’m sorry. I should have told you about the sponsor stuff earlier”
I sigh. “It’s fine. Not gonna lie, I was a little surprised you threw it on me right before the race, but it’s okay. I’m good now. I’ve been training every day so I can beat her. Which I can do, you know.”
“I know. And just so you know, I had a really nice time with you on our date.”
I turn to look at him, surprised at the sincerity on his face. “I did too.” And I did.
“Then we’re cool, right?”
Whitney steps between us. “Can you guys do whatever you’re doing after the race? I’ve got a hair appointment in an hour, so let’s do this.”
He stares at me for a second and finally grins. “Okay. You ready?” He glances toward his friends, who look as anxious as I feel. Though, they’re just anxious to get riding; I can tell they’re sick of waiting for us to start. “Mark, you timing this?”
Mark nods and touches his watch. Cole glances at me. “Ready?”
I nod.
“I’ll see you at the bottom, Emmy!” Kelsie yells. “Kick her butt!”
“I can’t wait to see her try,” Whitney says.
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