by Lucia Franco
"I can take it from here, Kova. Thank you, though."
"I do not trust you to get in and stay for the correct amount of time. Come on." He reached out to take my hand, but I didn't move. I just stared at his hand. "What is wrong with you?"
"I… I can… I can do it on my own. I appreciate that you're here, I really do, but I got it." I didn’t want him to see my hard nipples when I got out, or for him to wrap me with warmth. I knew myself, and I knew I would sink into him and beg him to hold me.
Kova's Adam's apple bobbed as he frowned down at me. "Do not make me pick you up and drop you in there."
"I will fucking kill you if you do that."
He challenged me. "Do not tempt me, Ria. I will do it."
"Can you just go? This… This is too much." He tilted his head to the side and propped his hands on his hips. "It just feels too intimate to me."
His jaw dropped, and his eyes widened in shock. This was the first time I had ever made him do that. "I know," I said, giving him a halfhearted laugh, "but we should really try to not put ourselves in such situations anymore, Kova."
"You have got to be kidding me. After everything that has happened between us, sitting in an ice bath is too intimate for you? Are you serious right now?"
A faint heat crept into my cheeks. I was embarrassed.
I looked down. "I know it sounds stupid—"
"It is stupid."
"It's just you are being nice and helping me like this… I don't know, Kova, it's too much for me, too much for us. It shows you care, and honestly, I don't want that."
His brows furrowed. "Why do you not want it?
"Because it's not something I'm ever given."
"Ria." His voice rose. "Of course I care about you. I care about all of my gymnasts. I would not be here if I did not."
"Right, but you're not supposed to care this much," I stated.
"Why is it wrong that I do?"
I pulled back. "You don’t see the real issue, do you?"
"No, please enlighten me."
"Because then you have officially crossed the line. It's one thing to have sex with someone when you're not supposed to, sex doesn't have to come with strings attached. It's another thing entirely to care for them emotionally. Whether you want to admit it or not, we're crossing that line. You care for me far more than you’re obligated to; you would not do the same for the other girls. You know I'm right."
Kova flattened his lips and looked away. If I was being honest, I’d admit I cared far more than I should too. I knew in my heart I did. That’s why I was trying to create some distance between us.
When we were together—intimate or just having a conversation—it was explosive, the chemistry combustible. Only we mattered. I got him, he got me. We complimented each other in the most unusual way, and it just worked…when it shouldn’t have.
Kova glanced back at me. The onyx that flickered against the brilliant emerald of his eyes captured my attention. I stared back at him for a moment before he nodded, but just barely.
I knew him well enough to know that would be all the acknowledgment I would get, but now he knew too.
Thirty-One
Kova squatted down in front of me and put his hands on my knees.
"I am trying here, Ria, I really am. Let me be here for you as your coach right now, and nothing more."
"You don't see that this is more than what a coach does, Kova," I whispered. "I'm trying to keep more from happening. We were almost caught by Katja for Christ’s sake. I think we should take that as a warning, don't you?"
"I see your point, but with coaching you in the nature that I am, it brings more responsibility on both our parts. For you not to properly take care of yourself afterward physically hurts me. You will cause more damage to your body in the end. Let me help."
When I didn’t immediately answer, he dropped his head and rubbed the scruff on his jaw.
I released a sigh of frustration, then tapped the underside of his bicep. I put my hand out when he looked up. He didn’t hesitate, he took my hand and stood, helping me up in the process.
"Would you like for me to turn around as you get in?"
I stared at the ice cubes sloshing back and forth. "I’m not taking my clothes off, so no, you don't have to."
I sat on the side of the tub and dipped my toes into the frigid water. A chill zipped up my spine. I pulled them out and huffed out a breath. I couldn't go slow, so I took a deep breath and braced myself. Squeezing Kova's hands, I counted to three, then I placed both feet in and sank down. I yelled out, gasping as the water came up to my neck and slipped over the ledge. A shiver tore through me and my teeth began chattering instantly. The urge to pee hit hard.
"Christ on a stick! I hate this!"
Kova sat on the toilet lid and placed his elbows on his knees. He swiveled my way. "It is a little price we have to pay that will go a long way. Trust me."
I scowled at him. "Easy for you to say. You're not sitting in negative temperatures right now."
"Do not exaggerate. That is roughly ten degrees."
"Same shit, Kova," I spat. "How long do I need to be in here for?"
He glanced down at his watch. "I would say fifteen minutes will do just fine."
My eyes popped wide. I made it to eight minutes with Hayden. There was no way I would last that long. Fuck my life.
"While you are in there," he said, clasping his hands together, "I think now is a good time to talk to you about your future in gymnastics outside of the Olympics."
My eyebrows bunched together. "My future outside the Olympics?"
"Have you considered college yet?"
I pursed my lips together and pulled up my knees. My nipples were aching. I felt like they were going to fall off.
"Well, no. I mean, I have, but I just really only ever had one goal."
"Not necessarily. It is important you know your options. Have your parents not discussed this with you? You can continue your education as well as gymnastics."
"No." My lips were turning numb. "My mom thinks this is just a hobby to pass time. And my dad is wrapped up in his business. Neither of them have brought up college."
He observed me quietly for a moment. "Your brother is in college, yes? How did that happen?"
"Yes, but no one talked to him about it, not that I can remember anyway. In my family, we don't even discuss college. It's just a given that you go. He's at the University of Florida. It's only like a three-hour drive from here. He basically went where his friends went."
Kova's forehead puckered and his mouth set in a hard line. "This is important for your career and something you should be aware of. Say you make a splash in the gym world and people start to recognize you. You make it to the World Championships or another international event and you place on the podium. From time to time, you will have the option to accept award money or endorsements. It is not a whole lot, but if you accept either one, you forfeit your eligibility to compete in college." He angled his body toward me. "It means you are going pro. But what happens if you go pro, and then, God forbid, you are injured before or after the Olympics? Your career as an Olympian is pretty much over. If you do not go pro, your career as a collegiate gymnast is not. I want you to be aware of that."
"But I want to go pro, Kova. I want to reach the highest level of this sport. I thought you understood that."
He shook his head. "You are misunderstanding me. I know what you want completely. I know it is to go to the Olympics, I just want you to think about college gymnastics too. You can still compete in college and go to the Olympics at the same time. It is accepting the prizes and endorsements that will change everything. Taking money means no collegiate gymnastics. Ever."
"So you are saying not to take prize money," I confirmed.
"I would never tell you what to do or what direction to take. I just want you to be informed. Some have regrets going pro while others say it changed their lives."
Kova's cell phone rang and he slipped it out of
his pocket. A slight sneer pulled at his mouth before he declined the call and put it back. It had to be Katja.
I looked at the chunks of ice in front of me and mused over what Kova said, thankful he was taking the time to explain this. I'd forgotten I was in the tub while having this discussion, and the moment I looked down at the water a shiver ripped through me. I squeezed my toes. I wasn't aware of this caveat in the sport. My head was as misty as the frosty air elevating around me. If I accepted a prize, I couldn't compete in college…
But the real question was, did I want to compete in college?
I'd never given it a thought until now.
"Well, I clearly don't need the money, so I feel like it's an obvious choice."
He raised his index finger, indicating he wasn’t finished. "You would think that, but what if an agent comes along and wants to sign you? Says she will put you in commercials and billboard ads with other top gymnasts around the country?" he challenged. "What if she promises she can make you an abundant amount of money, where you will be able to support yourself within a year and even pay for college should you not be awarded a scholarship? Because surely you will want to support yourself eventually, yes?"
I chewed my lip. Okay. He had a point. And I was upset with myself for being so in the dark about it.
"Of course I want to support myself one day."
I stared at him, not knowing what I should do. Not relying on my parents would be a dream come true, and if I could build that from doing what I loved, the choice was obvious.
Kova threaded his fingers together. "You have a small period until the awards start coming in. I want you to use this time wisely to look past the Olympics. Think about universities. Now is when you want to get noticed by a Division One school. Where do you see yourself in ten years? Surely not competing in your late twenties. Give it some thought."
I chuckled. "Well, no. I don't think my body will make it that far. I thought maybe I'd coach. I don't know…obviously something in gymnastics."
I frowned and studied the sea glass tiled wall in front of me. Beautiful shades of pale greens and ocean blue swooped in between hues of creamy whites. I had been so focused on going all the way that I lost sight of my future. Panic simmered under my skin for being so obtuse. I was mature, I had a stable head on my shoulders, but when it came to the real world, I was as blank as a sheet of paper. I suddenly felt like a two-inch-tall fool. Of course I'd want to compete in school if I could. Why wouldn't I?
"Did you plan to compete in college? Or no?"
"I… I never gave it any thought." My voice quieted. The corners of my mouth tugged further down, embarrassed it never crossed my mind. I glanced at him, my eyes squinting. "I was so fixated on making it to the Olympics that I never considered anything else."
"That happens more than you think. It is not uncommon. If for some reason you do not make it within the year, come the next Games, you will be over twenty."
"Yeah…" I mumbled. I already knew that.
"Did you plan to skip school altogether?" he asked gently, no hint or rise in his voice to make me feel any less.
“No," I said, my voice low, dejected.
I looked away and shifted my legs to a more comfortable position. Cubes of ice nudged my shoulders and neck and I drew in a gasp. The conversation with Kova made me completely forget I was sitting in ice. My sole focus had been on something else entirely to help pass the minutes in the bathtub. Yet it brought an overwhelming burden to my shoulders and a moment of reality slamming into me at the same time.
"My two cents?" he offered.
"Go ahead."
"Forget about the endorsements and prize money. Do not turn pro. You can go all the way without it. You do not need it. Instead, look into colleges, mainly schools with a Division One top-ranking gymnastics team. You are that good and it’s where you should be. Just be in the know. It cannot hurt you. If you play your cards right, you can have the best of both worlds. The coaches will be attending competitions soon to start scouting. They make inquiries if they feel you would benefit their school."
I nodded, feeling an abundance of emotions for Kova, but more grateful than anything for this talk. I sat staring into his eyes and wondered if this topic would've ever crossed my mind. I think it would have, just not as soon, and probably too late.
I had no idea schools made inquiries. That was just another reason to give my all when I competed.
Kova studied me, then rolled his broad shoulders and dropped his head. He rubbed the back of his neck and kept his gaze engrossed on my tile floor. Hopefully there weren't a million strands of hair everywhere.
Against my better judgment, I reached out and placed my hand over his and squeezed. He jumped and his head popped up. My frozen fingers shocked him.
I smiled softly, appreciative. It was all I could manage between the shivers that wracked my body. Just when I thought he was going to pull away or say something for showing affection, he stunned me and gave me a squeeze back. My stomach twisted. I didn't want to feel anything for him, but I couldn't help it when he pierced me with those emerald eyes of his. I'd let my guard down…and so had he.
Kova turned his wrist over and glanced at his watch. He hadn't let go of my hand in the process.
He cleared his throat. "Look at that… Time is up."
I pulled the stopper on the drain while Kova went to find a towel. I shivered violently as I stood there listening to the water slurp down. Stepping out of the tub, I hugged myself, certain I would develop hypothermia if Kova didn’t hurry up. Every muscle in my body squeezed and my teeth chattered nonstop. Talk about tightening up. Kova walked in with a towel and shook it out, then halted when he looked up. His jaw locked, his eyes slowly roamed my wet body.
I glanced down and gaped.
Shit.
My white sports bra was practically transparent. I might as well have been naked. My breasts were firm and round, plump from the artic temperature. My nipples were embarrassing hard little mauve pebbles enclosed by rings the color of raspberries.
I was throwing all my white undergarments out after this.
"Ah, Kova?" I reached out for the towel. When he didn't respond, I yelled his name. "Kova!" His eyes snapped up to meet mine. "I'm going to die of hypothermia. Give me the goddamn towel!"
Kova grumbled in Russian. "I apologize." He held the towel open and looked away. Without a second thought, I gripped the hem of my sports bra and ripped it up and over my head, then yanked down my shorts and stepped out, leaving them in a messy wet ball on the floor. Goose bumps trailed across my frigid flesh. I hugged myself and stepped into Kova's outstretched arms.
"Hold me tight, please," I whispered into the warmth of his neck.
Kova wrapped his strong arms around my back and pressed me to the length of his body as I rested my head on his chest. He moaned under his breath and I felt the vibration in his chest. I reveled in the warmth of his body. "I like when you need me like this," he whispered, low and warm, and I felt it. His arms tightened, fingers pressing into me as he stepped closer to close the distance. My teeth continued to chatter, my entire body wouldn’t stop shaking, and I nearly groaned in misery when the air conditioner flicked on above my head. Chilly air floated across my shoulders and I winced, hunching closer to him.
"Shhh…" he said against my head. "It will pass."
"The…air…" My voice was muffled. Kova glanced up and spotted the air vent.
"Let me get you out of here," he said, then scooped me up and cradled me to his chest. He was so broad and wide that if I curled my body tight enough I could fit from shoulder to shoulder. I eyed the pulsing vein in his neck that was glazed in a sheen of perspiration as he carried me out of the bathroom. I snuggled closer to his warmth and sighed in content.
Kova kept his focus straight ahead while he carried me to my room. He flipped the light switch, and in two steps, he was at the side of my bed. With one hand, he pulled back the comforter and carefully deposited me. He brought the comfor
ter to my neck, all while looking at my headboard. Not me.
"Turn off the fan, please," I begged, already missing his body heat. Kova did as I asked then left the room without making any sort of eye contact with me. I frowned as I listened to the water trickling in the next room and realized he was wringing out my sopping wet clothes. I heard some more shuffling that sounded like he was in my living room. I wasn't sure what he was doing. All I knew was that I felt like he was avoiding me.
Note to self: Strip naked in front of Kova if you want him to ignore you.
I shook my head and curled up in a ball on my side. My only concern now was to get warm, not Kova's precious cracking resolve.
Thirty-Two
Popping my chin up on my hand, I listened for Kova, but it was oddly quiet.
I shuddered under the covers and pulled them tighter to me. Maybe he left without telling me, which would be a blessing in disguise, but at the same time I hoped not. God, I was so indecisive. The way we were with each other, both too drawn to each other, it made us equally awkward and stupid.
Expelling a heavy breath, I climbed out of bed and gripped the towel to me. I tiptoed to the living room, questioning how people lived in places cooler than eighty-five degrees. I'd give anything to sit in a sauna right now.
I hated this.
Crouching down with my knees pressed to my chest, I shivered as I tried to unzip my duffle bag with shaking fingers. The towel loosened around me and draped low down my back. Cool air struck my bare skin.
"What the hell are you doing?" Kova’s raucous voice stopped me in my tracks. I didn't need to look over my shoulder to know he was on my couch. He must've been lying down because I hadn't seen him when I walked in. I clutched my cell phone in my shaky hand.
"I got it from here. Th-Thanks for everything, but I-I think you should leave now."
"Get back in bed."
I scowled. Of course he ignored my request.
"Kova, I appreciate everything you-you’ve done, I-I do, but please leave."
"I will not say it again… Get back in bed." The inflection in his tone caused my heart to skip. His deep, rough lilt sent a new wave of goose bumps over my arms. Releasing a quiet sigh of agitation, I told him my plans.